Sunday, April 27, 2008

Since entering the porn world, many things that I expected to happen have happened, but other things that I completely didn't expect to happen, have happened. 4 of my latest "getting into porn" side effects have been:

1) Finding tons of forum posts/discussions about me all over the internet ( I guess thanks to AdultFYI.com - that whole "drama" was unexpected and seemed bad at first , but it was possibly really beneficial - I'm getting way more traffic to my website!).
2) Having nearly every ex-boyfriend and person I've ever dated, try to regain contact with me (which is beyond funny, but also annoying and a little scary being that it's easy for men to develop "stalker" type tendancies - I'll probably have to change my phone number).
3) Having more mainstream modeling inqueries than I'd ever had when I was only a mainstream model (way way way back when) - I'm glad to have a decent agency to refer people to now who want to book me.
4) Having more people contact me to be THEIR photographer and/or webmaster than ever before - I think I'll be re-opening my photography studio sooner than I thought.

Porn valley may think that I'm just a silly little black girl with an over-inflated ego who's only skill is to "play the race card" when things don't go my way (thanks to the "mystery" Adult FYI leak), but who cares! - Doing this porn thing has been possibly the BEST MOVE I COULD HAVE MADE at this point in my life. Not only is the actual "work" of porn a ton of fun, but it's really given my life a serious jumpstart in more areas than I could have imagined.

Between tonight and tomorrow I will post a listing on my website as to what scenes I've done as of current, for who, and where to find them. I don't know the working titles of most of the projects I've shot for, but I do know the studio names at least.

I'm not going to say that I haven't had second thoughts and self doubts though. Of course I have. Making this step has been a tad "life defining" in many ways. I realize that my family thinks badly of me and I understand why my relationships with them have nearly completely fizzled out. I can understand why they think as they do and why I will probably never have the relationship with my nephew as his aunt as I initially wanted. It's a little depressing, but I'll live.

My initial reason to get into porn, was to further the popularity of "Monica Foster" and to get more traffic to my website, so that I could make more money through my Club Monica memberships and my private webcam shows. However now, I see doing porn as more of a personal "challenge". I want to see how far I can go in that world. It's so much more of a game than I'd ever imagined, very complicated, a little scary, but also very interesting. A total adrenaline rush :)

I went into my 1st and 2nd trip to L.A. with expectations, but I'm not going into this 3rd trip to L.A. with any expectations - and I like this newfound mindset - a lot.

Getting into porn hasn't just given a "jumpstart" to events in my life, it's really increased my creativity drive. I'm making a spin-off of my online talk show Real Exotic Dancers Talk Back - www.RedTBack.com which will have more to do with the porn world - I'll discuss it in later blog entries.

I'm looking forward to re-enrolling in school later this year. I want a marketing degree. I also want to get a certificate as a makeup artist - I think that skill will take me much further a a photographer.

I guess doing full blown porn has made me realize more than ever that I've got to build a strong and solid life for myself OUTSIDE of porn. I feel good about having reached that realization. I'm just me, and that's all I can be.


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