Friday, January 16, 2009

When you go into a situation blind, it's hard to figure out who's advice to take and/or which direction to take - it's even more difficult to figure out who has your best interest at heart - so what I've learned is to look at how each individual who surrounds me lives their life - are they self serving or out for the greater good? In the end you gotta listen to your gut, and not be too insecure to do so.
Insecurity has been my downfall in the past, but starting the end of '08 I put a stop to that and this new-found pattern I've adopted is definitely continuing into '09 and thereafter.
I've recently come to the conclusion that my career could be going much better, unfortunately I've opted to work with people who really don't give a damn about assisting me in building my career (even though they receive a fee per job for "working for me" - which they haven't been doing), so I'm going to fix this situation between this and next week. I'm really fucking pissed because the individuals I've chosen to work with assured me in the beginning that they were in it to win it, but obviously when it comes to me, they are not.
What pisses me off even MORE is that the ONLY reason I gave these "people" (I use the term loosely) a 2nd chance is because someone from the last gig I had suggested I do so and that since he'd "talk" to the head of these people, I could expect a different result. WRONG and honestly I'm not surprised considering...
Why even bother repping me if you're not going to work to get me gigs? So that someone else can't? What's the real fucking agenda here - to ensure that I DON'T succeed? Maybe I sound paranoid but I don't give a shit at this point because sometimes there's truth in a person's paranoia.
This move out to LA has been great, but scary (hell, I left everything I knew to come out here ALONE), and now having to start over with a new team is definitely going to be nerve racking, but hey - change is good - especially when your current situation isn't taking you anywhere.
Some people might call me pushy - I call it being driven.
On a brighter note - I'm almost done revamping the "free" area of my website - - if you're a frequent visitor you'll notice a new splash page, photos, etc - working a new intro video this morning. Man, I save a shit load of money doing my graphics, videos, webdesign, editing, etc myself BUT I pay via the loss of time in my life to do other fun stuff - well wait a minute - this IS fun :)
LOL - I'm such a nerd.
After I finish revamping the members area of my site I'm going to tackle putting together a site advertising my services as a web designer to other women in the XXX biz who'd like a site similar to mine.