December 31, 2008 I was raped by Chase Styles. It happened at an afterparty. Shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant and I didn't know whether the pregnancy resulted from the rape or my boyfriend at the time so I opted to abort the pregnancy.
I never told my boyfriend from that time, Matt Holder, about the rape due to shame and guilt for having gone out that night without him (when it happened). If Matt ever sees this video, I want him to know I'm sorry for not having told him that I had that abortion because I didn't know whether the pregnancy was from him or the man who raped me.
The night I was raped Scott David of All Media Play (X-play) tried to fight Chase Styles. I told him not to and that I just wanted to leave the party. I do not believe Scott David supports rapists.
Will Ryder aka Jeff Mullen knew about the rape when I told him later. He told me that he would do something about it. I found out a couple years later from pornstar Jeremy Steele that he saw Chase Styles out having dinner with Will Ryder. I do feel that Will Ryder aka Jeff Mullen thinks raping women is OK and has no problem with what Chase Styles did to me (especially considering how Will Ryder has publicly stated that he wished I would have committed suicide).
Dave Pounder has informed me that Chase Styles is still active in the porn industry in Florida.
Will Ryder aka Jeff Mullen stating that he wished I would have committed suicide.
Will Ryder knows Chase Styles raped me and has been seen socializing with Chase Styles (as I was told by Jeremy Steel).[/caption] Before shooting the Not the Cosbys XXX movie I'd officially retired from porn. If I'd never taken the role in Not the Cosbys XXX, I never would have met Scott David, I never would have gone to the afterparty where I was sexually assaulted and I never would have withheld the truth of what happened from the man I was dating and loved at the time, Matt Holder.
The events in my life that followed my rape wound up effecting my self esteem tremendously. I began to hate myself and I felt worthless. I didn't even feel like a human being anymore - I felt like an animal. I wound up associating with a very negative crowd of people and continued shooting porn scenes for a bit. It took me a very long time to finally love myself again.