Saturday, March 08, 2014

Luke Ford interviewed me

I'm regularly contacted by people requesting that I allow them to interview me.  For the most part (due to my trust issues primarily), I turn interview requests down nowadays, however, someone I greatly admire by the name of Luke Ford (an Orthodox Jewish investigative blogger and journalist, who in the past, extensively covered the Los Angeles porn industry) contacted me in regards to a website I recently created called www.JewishDirt.com

Below is an audio recording of my Luke Ford interview - you can learn more about him on www.LukeFord.net



Luke Ford gave me a very valuable gift by interviewing me.  I feel that watching yourself, but more importantly, LISTENING to yourself is an important practice. It can actually be very difficult to do (which is why some people never do it), but I believe that it's very therapeutic.

At this point in my life, though it's hard (and emotionally taxing), I feel obligated to allow many who have followed my progress over the years (whether they like me or not) know how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking.  Luke, let me know that he didn't interview me due to my porn work (though he was probably one of the BEST porn industry bloggers that's come along), but because he felt that I'm "unique".

I can fully understand why some of the world's best artists decline to do many interviews.  Luke Ford, I knew, would have insight in regards to my being - and I was correct in my thoughts (which was why I decided to speak with him the moment he contacted me).

I don't anticipate on doing many more interviews anytime soon - at least not until I've reached what I consider true success.  I have created and built many things, but I'm not what I would consider "successful" yet.  Oftentimes I feel as though I'm a complete mess. I measure my "success" in monetary terms to a degree, but I also measure my success via what I know I'm actually capable of.

I take accountability for much of my life's circumstance...I have a brain, a soul and a spirit of which has led me down many paths of my own choosing.  I've come to realize the harsh reality that many of my decisions have created barriers between myself and what I'd like to achieve (and attain) in life - but I'm accepting of it.

There are other barriers however, between myself and what I'd like to achieve which are there NOT due to any of my choices or actions.  I am well aware that life's "not fair" - but I do believe that through much of my work, I've earned a "paycheck" at this point.

I will continue to pray to Jesus Christ for help in overcoming certain barriers.  I will particularly pray that Jesus ushers some souls into my life that I can trust, and who will see what I'm able to do, help me and simply give me a chance.  I would like to be much more than I currently am - and more so than anything, I want to continue feeling good about myself, reach a higher level of fulfillment and enjoy the true meaning of PEACE.