worth it

Just a quick blog this morning to share a thought:

It doesn't matter whether or not your actions are viewed as being "worth the time and effort" to anyone else but YOU.  Don't feel guilty about taking into account YOUR OWN feelings just as much as you do the feelings of others.

Have a great week :)

JEWACRE – EPISODE 01 : a cartoon about the porn industry featuring parody of Britney Spears

Jewacre concocts a plan to trick Britney into sleeping with pornstar Zander in effort to attain a celebrity sextape to release exclusively on  the website The Fake Pornwikileaks.  Throughout his efforts Jewacre has multiple flashbacks about the woman he's been obsessed with for over 20 years...anti-porn activist Sherry Rubin (formerly known as Roxy).

Episode 01 features parody of Britney Spears, David Lucado, Shelley Lubben, Callie Lee, Xander Corvus and many more public figures that you'll have to identify on your own...

Jewacre - a new series that tells the truth of the adult film industry - from Porn Worth Watching

Welcome to the launch "Jewacre" - a new animated parody series from the mind of Alexandra Mayers (formerly known as Monica Foster).

Jewacre will relate much of the truth of the Los Angeles porn industry in an insightful, educational & comedic way. This series may get a bit vulgar at times, however the character it is built on was inspired by a man who has harassed, terrorized, stalked and bullied Alexandra for over 3 years...if you were to encounter this man, you would quickly realize that there is no amount of vulgarity an animated series can illustrate that compares to his actuality.

If you have followed the blogs of Alexandra Mayers fka Monica Foster over the years, then you know that much of what she's lived has taken her to the edge of sanity. In effort to continue her healing process, Alexandra has elected to utilize her artistic skills and uniquely dark sense of humor to relate in an easy to understand way exactly how the organized crime elements of the adult film industry nearly destroyed her and several others she's met on her journey into, and then later out of, porn.

Breaking bonds and moving on..

Well, it seems (at least today) that my progress in regards to "Re-examining the darkness from the light" has reached the finish line far sooner than I'd anticipated.  Today I felt very clear and free of quite a few issues that have been weighing me down for years.

The other night I had an emotional episode that concluded with a realization in regards to the element of "trauma bonding" that I probably wasn't ready to face in the past.  Read my commentary here to get an idea as to what I'm referring to.

When people talk about "love", they really should be more specific, because there's "healthy love" vs. "dysfunctional love".  Unless you've experienced "healthy love" apart from the "dysfunctional" version, it's hard to know the difference.

My time in the porn industry was the final catalyst for a cycle that I needed to break - a cycle that I'd been trapped within for much of my life.  The porn industry enabled me to learn a lot about relationships, friendships, business, the seedy "underbelly" of society, and life in general.  I stand by my research and commentary in regards to the pornographic industry and would never suggest anyone enter that world.

However, the pornographic industry is not the ONLY "world" out there that can be a catalyst for someone stuck in a dysfunctional way of living and being.

I'm sure many will disagree with me on this, but I think one of the most selfish things a person can do, is to have children.  It's actually quite the narcissistic act.  Being that I feel this way, I think that it's a parent's obligation to be completely selfless in regards to their children once they're born and throughout their life. In other words, parents need to make responsible choices and live their life right the moment they have a baby.  They shouldn't enter dangerous situations or circumstances (or do stupid things in general). Parents are their children's LIFE LINE and from my perspective their life should be 100% about their children. No child makes the DECISION to be born - that's the parent's CHOICE (whether or not certain choices are really meant to be is debatable - I don't think anyone on Earth really knows the answer).

If you can't find it within yourself to be completely selfless when it comes to any children you're considering bringing into this world - DO NOT BREED.

I was thinking today about whether or not people I've had contact with in life would be better off had they never met me...if I'd never been born.   Don't get me wrong - I am NOT in a suicidal state of mind or anything...it's just something I was thinking about - and not just in regards to people that I love or like, but in regards to people I dislike, who are my enemies or who I've never even met as well.

I guess I was contemplating "the ripple effect".

Today in a brief conversation with Jesus Christ, I prayed for everyone I've ever come into contact with to simply to be happy if God see's that it should be that way.  I prayed that certain individuals completely forget that they ever met me.  I also asked Jesus Christ to approach God about removing me from any of life's equations which I wasn't designed to be a part of so that in time, I can slide into place where ever it is that I belong.

A part of the reason that I remain single and don't like to interact with many people personally nowadays is not so much due to my fear of getting hurt, but because I don't want to inadvertently hurt others anymore than I may have in the past.

I was created through what I believe to have been a very selfish energy.  I'm not the only one who has been, but I think acknowledging the reality of "selfish energy" is the first step. Today I broke my bond with a large portion of that energy, and I'm very happy about it.

Free will - God's greatest gift IMO.

Constructing an outlet for my anger regarding my realization that I was with a very bad man

As I stated in my previous blog, I'm allowing myself to re-evaluate in detail a relationship I was in while I was active in the porn industry.  I've received feedback from people who read my blogs about my decision to do this...some of it positive, some of it negative...

Regardless, I feel that in order for me to be able to fully heal and properly love (and respect) myself, I'm making the right decision to do what I'm doing.  So far, it's been painful but I feel I'm making progress.

One of the elements that really makes me angry in regards to the man I'm referring to, is that HE KNEW the realities of the pornographic industry and DID NOT TELL ME (and he had ample opportunity to do so, as I asked him questions about many issues in regards to the porn industry while I was with him).  This particular man had worked in the business for around 20 years - so he knew the truth VERY well, but he apparently was OK in regards to the abuse that occurs regularly in that world, which the public only recently has become aware of.

KNOWING NOW what I know, and KNOWING NOW what he knew - it disgusts me that I was with him.  I wasn't blind, I was naive - and he was predatory.  I'm completely incapable of understanding how any individual with a heart and soul could remain in that environment as long as he has without taking a stand in regards to the mistreatment of human beings.  That's the thing though - I suppose God didn't create me to be capable of understanding such a mindset (thankfully).

As of today I'm very ANGRY that people such as him exist.  I WISH HE DID NOT EXIST.

The man I'm referring to, from my perspective, is extraordinarily dangerous because he is able to keep up the appearance of being a "nice guy" and "harmless", but has no issue with turning a blind eye to the physical and spiritual abuse of human beings.  I'm starting to wonder exactly how involved (personally and directly) he has been in the destruction of other women who have crossed his path over the years.  It makes me literally shudder to think about.

In order to cope with the anger I've been feeling, I decided to construct a sort of distraction and outlet for my emotions.  I built www.MMAoutline.com - visit the site to learn what it's about.  At the end of the week I'm treating myself to my first UFC fight pass and I'm excited about it.

A part of me wishes I could beat the living hell out of the man I'm referring to in this blog, but it's really not my style to do such a thing (I've never been a physically violent person) - so watching MMA matches really helps me...I find it incredibly therapeutic.

Do I fantasize that the man I'm referring to in this blog posting is one of the contenders getting the crap beat out of him as I watch MMA? Absolutely...perhaps MMA is a sort of "porn" for women who are rather upset with certain men.  If you're a woman out there who's walked a path similar to mine - take a look at the world of MMA - you might find it INCREDIBLY appealing :)

Re-examining the darkness from the light

I've made it known on my twitter that over the next few days, I will be re-examining and working through (in part publicly) my thoughts and feelings in regards to a man I knew while I was active in the pornographic industry. I've had several other relationships with men throughout my life that I have been able to properly move forward from, however, this particular man is someone I've never been able to completely get out of my system (and I'm hoping to completely figure out why).

In the past, when I've mentioned this man, certain people (who I label as my stalkers) have bullied me into silence about him.  I'm not allowing that to happen anymore, because there's something about that man and that time of my life that I know in my core needs to be addressed and resolved.

As of tonight, I attribute my lack of ability to clear this man from my thoughts being due to some issues and events surrounding the relationship that were extraordinarily abnormal on a multitude of levels.  As I've stated in my blog several times in the past, one of the most difficult things one must do in life, is to look at THEMSELVES and at their PAST honestly.  I've reached a point in my self imposed healing process to where I feel brave enough to really THINK about and EVALUATE some of the memories in regards to the man I'm referring to.  I'm hoping God will provide me with some answers as well.

I will share a lot about whatever I realize, but I doubt I will share everything.  Research "trauma-bonding" - here's a link to get your started: http://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/what-abusers-hope-we-never-learn-about-trauma-bonding/

Abuse isn't always physical or "in your face" psychological.  I've come to understand that my "scars" from abuse have manifested in my actions and choices.  I don't believe abusers always realize that they abuse.  Other times people who are on the receiving end of abuse don't realize that they're being abused.  I feel that there are instances to where people have been in unhealthy and/or dysfunctional relationships (or maybe just ways of living) for so long that they have no concept of what "normal" or "healthy" really is - so they become desensitized.  I think it's even possible for people to habitually and KNOWINGLY REJECT a healthy or normal relationship for a dysfunctional one, because the dysfunction FEELS more FAMILIAR than anything else (I believe, in part, what's happened to me).

I hate already being 35 years old and just now identifying some of these issues, but I subscribe to the philosophy of "better late than never".  I'm glad I don't have any children at this time, and I hope I get through this process relatively quickly.  I believe I've reached my final step in closing the book on a phase of my life I began in early 2008.

I know my sharing my thoughts as I do is strange to certain people in my life (or who I may never have met).  I do it because I don't believe that I have been (or will be) the only woman in the world to have dealt with some of the situations, people and events which I have.  I find it comforting to think that my blogs just might give someone else out there a reference point as to where they are on the map of life.

Yes, my blogs are selfless - yet selfish. Funny how that is...isn't it.

I am angry.

In this blog, I will admit that I am VERY ANGRY.  I'm angry because on many levels I've been victimized, but I'm more angry that I haven't fought back as hard as I should have for many years to regain my personal power.  Tonight I went on a "twitter rant" and I believe it was my first solid step in releasing the anger I've been carrying due to many things I've noticed within the world that I've felt the need to restrain myself from sharing.

My views and observations are simply that of what I've experienced in my 35 years on this planet.  I don't expect everyone (or anyone for that matter) to agree with me.  I don't need anyone to.  I don't expect a shred of support. I understand completely how I will be labeled as prejudice, intolerant, unforgiving, hateful, etc... and I'M FINE WITH IT.

I see how in many instances it's better to keep your opinions to yourself - especially if you want to be monetarily "successful" and "fit in" in this world.  I just wasn't created to be that way and I will not apologize for it.

I don't have an issue with taking responsibility for or being punished for anything I've genuinely done that's been wrong and without just cause because I'm not the type of person to do anything wrong without just cause.  It's not in my nature.  HOWEVER I HAVE A MAJOR PROBLEM WITH BEING TOLD THAT I AM WRONG ABOUT ISSUES, EVENTS & INDIVIDUALS THAT I KNOW I AM CORRECT ABOUT.

When I don't understand something, I look for an answer and I ASK for an answer.  I have ALWAYS questioned things that I don't understand which is what's led me to become an independent researcher on a variety of issues.  It's the pursuit of the truth that turns me on more so than anything in this world. I LOVE learning systems and how things work - that's how I was created to be.

Within the United States of America (and maybe the world as a whole), people are being encouraged at an ever increasing rate NOT to question how things work.  I feel that people in general are being told to just sit down, shut up and be accepting of whatever is given to us by whoever is in power.

I'm not OK with that.  I don't feel God designed me and sent Jesus Christ to die for me to tolerate such an attitude.

I don't expect many people to relate to how I think, or be as I am - it's far easier not to. When it comes down to it, I'd rather be cast out from much of society and viewed as "a problem", than to not have shared my perspective or opinion.  

Maybe rather than saying to yourself "oh, she's just a typical ANGRY BLACK WOMAN" - maybe you should question, "How did the stereotype of ANGRY BLACK WOMEN ever come to be?  What and who exactly prompted certain Black women to BECOME so angry?"  

I'd say that this blog which goes back to 2007 will tell you the answer...at least in part.

Alexandra Mayers fka Monica Foster interviews Olympic silver medalist Josh Mance

Alexandra Mayers interviews Olympic Athlete Josh Mance about TMZ, Skin Diamond, Racism & more!
Alexandra Mayers fka Monica Foster interviews Olympic silver medalist Josh Mance about his recent encounter with media gossip outlet TMZ, pornstar Skin Diamond, a situation involving racism he experienced on his 21st birthday that was heavily covered by mainstream news, his life as an Olympic athlete and his "fetish" for older women.

Sex Trafficking News - www.SexTraffickingNews.com

Please take a look at my newest awareness project:

www.SexTraffickingNews.com

The pornographic industry currently promotes, is directly connected to & is built on organized crime and sextrafficking.  http://www.SexTraffickingNews.com addresses the truths of the matter.

I believe that for ANY elements of the United States pornographic industry to successfully proceed into the future, their ties to organized crime and sex (human) trafficking must be severed completely.

Where Monica Foster ends... Alexandra Mayers begins.

Buckle up and prepare for the real ride.

Make sure you follow @AlexandraMayers on twitter if you don't already.

.

Monica Foster at Home 2014 - Thursday 04-17-2014

On this webcast I discuss the truth of what I feel Michael Weinstein of the Aids Healthcare Foundation is really up against, why I feel his safety and life is in danger of an anti-Semitic hate crime and why every pornstar's life is currently in danger of a major corporation who's willing to put profits above the health and safety of human lives.

As of current a gay male model and pornstar by the name of Eric Paul Leue has created a petition on Change.org in effort to force Michael Weinstein to resign. The petition is "officially" backed by the Free Speech Coalition and Xbiz magazine, but I'm also under the impression that Eric Paul Leue is backed by the multi-million dollar pharmaceutical Gilead Sciences - the manufacturers of Truvada (a medication being marketed as "the new condom" though it doesn't protect against STDs other than HIV - further more the clinical definitive findings will not be published about Truvada until 2017).

At this stage, I feel that Gilead Sciences has targeted the Aids Healthcare Foundation and the Free Speech Coalition as a means of not only marketing Truvada, but a way to gain access to female pornstars to use as a "test subject" pool for Truvada clinical studies. As of current though Truvada has been found to be very effective in males, it hasn't been equally effective in clinical trials for females.

As of current Michael Weinstein in my view is the only person standing between female pornstars being used essentially as "lab rats" and Gilead Sciences.

Condom legislation must be adhered to and mandatory condom usage must be present in adult filming.

Monica Foster at Home 2014 - Tuesday 04-15-2014

Monica Foster at Home - LIVE - a daily webcast commentary hosted by Alexandra aka Monica Foster on the topics of News, Gossip & Life pertaining to the Mainstream & Porn / Adult Entertainment Industry.

Today I give my closing statements for the week in regards to Tiffany Fox, organized crime, the Los Angeles porn industry and why a scholarship fund needs to be created for young women who speak out in regards to sex trafficking in the pornographic industry (which has essentially become a modern day slave system due to illegal escort and prostitution rings such as The Luxury Companion).

Monica Foster at Home 2014 - Monday 04-14-2014

Exclusive interview with Tiffany Fox (@RealTiffanyFox) - a young pornstar who has spoken out against sex trafficking in the porn industry (most notably LA Direct Models and The Luxury Companion) -a feature article on Tiffany Fox and this situation can be found on www.PornNewsToday.com by clicking here.

Monica Foster At Home 2014 - Thursday 04-10-2014

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Monica Foster At Home 2014 - Tuesday 04-08-2014

Today's LIVE webcast of Monica At Home will start at 5pm PST via a live streaming YOUTUBE event. Remember you can SKYPE in with questions via my ID MonicaAtHome01

Alexandra aka Monica Foster presents the latest pornographic industry news, first amendment issues, current events, legal sphere topics and drama.

At the start of the webcast I question why Mo Reese (a free speech coalition mouth piece) is irresponsibly telling the porn talent misleading information and propaganda in regards to AB 1576 and their self produced content for their websites and clips4sale stores.

I state the Mo Reese needs to clarify to the talent the AB 1576 will not affect SOLO pornstars who are SOLO in their websites, webcam show and clips4sale content.

 I also question why Dr. Chauntelle Tibbals is attempting to spread the message to mainstream media that the condom legislation (existing and proposed) in regards to the porn industry, isn't to ultimately protect the health and safety of pornstars and sexworkers.

 Dr. Chauntelle has never actually been a porn talent (as far as I know), so how exactly does she know what the pornographic industry system is actually like? Why doesn't she approach other porn studios to take up Wicked Picture's business model? Does she not realize that if most pornstars want to work, they are currently pressured NOT to use condoms (which is why condom legislation must be enforced to criminalize porn producers who don't follow the legislation).

Next I express why I think attorney general Eric Holder's gun control potential legislation is a good idea and I state that the Adult Entertainment Exo [correction - Adultcon] being moved to the same week as the Gun Expo in Las Vegas is a bad idea considering the sex and violence typically don't mix well.

Next I delve into the history and events surrounding Pornwikileaks and I explain about the lies and mistruths the Free Speech Coalition has told the public (even via wikipedia) in regards to the event of which released over 15,000 performers personal information to the public. I question whether or not the information on pornwikileaks really was from AIM (it could have been from a 2257 record keeping database such as the now closed 2257safe.com).

I also explain that the Free Speech Coalition's recent rise to power and influence is directly tied to and dependent upon their alleged involvement in closing Pornwikileaks (which is currently back online).

Last I explain how pornwikileaks may be used as an event or case in the Free Speech Coalitions fight to overturn 2257 record keeping laws - laws of which protect minors and children from being exploited in adult content. Being that the Free Speech Coalition has a history of defending child abuse and pedophilia, the 2257 laws must remain firmly intact.

The LIVE daily webcast of Monica At Home - 5pm PST streaming LIVE through Youtube

Today's LIVE webcast of Monica At Home will start at 5pm PST via a live streaming YOUTUBE event.
Remember you can SKYPE in with questions via my ID MonicaAtHome01

Teleka Patrick case - closing thoughts Sunday April 6, 2014

Independent investigative blogger Alexandra Mayers shares that as of today, mainstream media has reported that a body has been found which may be that of Teleka Patrick.

An autopsy to confirm this development in the Teleka Patrick case has been scheduled for Tuesday (April 8, 2014).

Please send your prayers and positive thoughts to the Patrick family. Further information in regards to the Teleka Patrick case along with links to contact the family can be found on TelekaPatrick.com

Alexandra Mayers explains, that at this point in time, there may be a need to introduce legislation in regards to "web sleuthing" and the registering of missing person's names as domain names by the United States government (the Federal Bureau of Investigations specifically) in effort to collect statistics and tips from the public in regards to cases (and also to control and/or prevent false information about missing person's cases from being unjustly inflated by mainstream news which can easily skew public opinion).

If such a piece of legislation is proposed, it should be called the Teleka Patrick Act.

Monica At Home 2014 on the Rob Black network Friday 04-04-2014

Alexandra aka Monica Foster presents the latest pornographic industry news, first amendment issues, current events, legal sphere topics and drama.

At the start of the webcast I give a health alert to the Los Angeles porn industry talent in regards to a meningitis outbreak which has hit Los Angeles, that has a high probability of affecting the Los Angeles talent pool.

Next I discuss gay pornstar Michael Lucas and his decision to put profits above porn talent health and safety by opting to shoot bareback HIV positive pornographic content.

I discuss whether or not pornstars represented by Mark Spiegler of the SpieglerGirls talent agency are having sex in their personal and/or professional lives with HIV positive talent considering that much of the pornstars Mark Spiegler represents have worked with HIV positive John Stagliano of the porn studio Evil Angel.

Being that Katie Summers currently has a lawsuit against John Stagliano for not disclosing his HIV positive status to her prior to having physical contact with her, I feel it's possible that John Stagliano (and many other porn professionals who may be HIV positive as well) has had sexual contact with the majority (if not all) of the SpieglerGirls considering that they are consistently featured in John Stagliano and Evil Angel porn movies.

At the end of the webcast I question why so many influential porn industry professionals who are immigrants from other countries (namely England, Germany and Canada), feel that they have the right to dictate American legislation and laws.

In the conclusion of the webcast I suggest that the foreign born porn professionals who don't respect or follow the United States laws, simply leave the country and return to their nations of origin rather than opposing the Aids Healthcare Foundation and California Assemblyman Isadore Hall the III who are only trying to help the porn industry and bring it into the future (not hurt it).

Porn professionals, in my view, who oppose the laws (and break the laws) are simply ANTI PORN.

Monica At Home 2014 on the Rob Black network Thursday 04-03-2014

Alexandra aka Monica Foster presents the latest pornographic industry news, first amendment issues, current events, legal sphere topics and drama. In the beginning of the webcast, I address the rumors that I'm an active escort - oh which I'm not. The only adult work I currently do (and have done for the past few years) is that of a solo independent webcam model. Next I discuss a recent article by Jennifer Ketcham, formerly known as Penny Flame which was about the label of "sex-worker". I also discuss Farrah Abraham's upcoming book trilogy about her porn video "Celebrity Sex Tape" which she claims will be better than "50 shades of Grey". After the cartoon break, I discuss Natasha Starr and Natalia Starr, better known as the Starr sisters. I outline a plan which could bring them into the mainstream entertainment industry, and could deliver them out of prostitution and porn. Later in the webcast I discuss AB 1576 (a piece of legislation designed to protect sex-workers in the pornographic industry from STDs - presented by California Assemblyman Isadore Hall and backed by the Aids Healthcare Foundation). At the end of the webcast I relate a few of my experiences from the start of my time in the Los Angeles porn industry.