Sunday, January 31, 2016

The irony of having spent time being known as Monica Foster

Last night I had a dream about a Collie.  Upon awakening I felt the dream was odd because I've never had a Collie as a pet and was never a fan of the TV show Lassie, so being that I do believe to a degree in dream symbolism, I decided to take a look at what a Collie represents

Considering the dream that I had (which I'm electing not to go into detail about), I feel great about what I've planned to do with my life in the near future.

The irony of having spent the past several years being known as adult entertainer Monica Foster, is that though I created the persona initially as an effort to draw enjoyment into my life and become someone far more care free and exciting than who I felt Alexandra was, the outcome has been the exact opposite of what I'd intended.

God has a sense of humor.  Monica Foster
was intended to be care free & exciting.
She wound up becoming far more serious
& intense of an individual than Alexandra
ever was.
God truly has a sense of a humor when it comes to selecting people to do what needs to be done...

The person known as ex-pornstar Monica Foster is quite the serious individual who carries a lot of responsibility.  She's become an independent investigative blogger, a commentator, a webcast host, an interviewer and has a highly sought after opinion in regards to several political issues that pertain to both adult entertainment and mainstream issues. The person known as Monica Foster has gone as far as to represent and defend herself against a $167,871 civil lawsuit, and has documented on court record key individuals within the porn industry attached to organized crime & violence against women.

Ex-pornstar Monica Foster has accomplished quite a bit and I'm sure there are many current and  ex-adult entertainers who'd love to be in her position, have her reputation and embody the credibility of which she does (especially considering the current economic climate of the adult entertainment industry as a whole), however I as who I truly am, as Alexandra, am not content with actively living my life alongside the result of who Monica Foster has become - so I'm putting Monica Foster away on the shelf in a display case indefinitely.

Who I, Alexandra, truly AM is an artist and it's time for ME to COMPLETELY BE an artist - which means allowing the world to hear the music that's within ME.

Part of the reason I went into adult entertainment, was due to having extremely low self esteem. I always wanted to go into mainstream entertainment (specifically the music industry) but never felt that I was "good enough" of an artist to get anywhere, so I never tried (honestly, I felt that the porn industry was all I deserved).

Today, thanks to God, I no longer have low self esteem.  Regardless of whether I'm "good enough" for the "music industry establishment" (or make a damn dime) doesn't matter, because I've already found success in the music industry by simply finding the courage to not just TRY, but to take the journey in as MYSELF - as Alexandra.

As a side note, I think my timing is perfect.  Over the past few weeks I've been AMAZED at how far "do it yourself" music production has come.  Really it's only at this particular time in our technological evolution (as a society) that I can produce the music that's been in my soul for quite a few years (totally independently).

I've made the decision to take serious efforts to make what I look like on the outside, match who I've always been on the inside.  I tweeted earlier today that I believe part of the reason that I've never done anything extreme with my appearance such as getting tattoos is due to the fact that till now, I haven't been sure as to what I really want to do with my life. Though our appearance is said to be superficial, in some cases it's not. What I see in the mirror does not reflect who I am inside AT ALL.  It never has.

I'm not saying I'm going to be unrecognizable in the future... I'm just saying I'm shifting.

It's amazing how often the skills and talents we may embody, which we are led to BELIEVE will lead to our material success, often mask the PASSIONS & DREAMS we have which in the end, lead to our ULTIMATE PERSONAL SUCCESS.

The next webcast I post (which is in collaboration with my longtime friend Diana aka Desi Foxx), will be my last appearance as the woman you knew as Alexandra aka Monica Foster and/or Alexandra Mayers aka Monica Foster.

As time goes on, I'm sure various individuals and entities will continue to equate who I AM with my past as adult entertainer Monica Foster... and that's fine because that's something I have no control over. All I AM concerned about now, is what I DO have control over - which is MY ability to truly BE who I AM.

I suggest that those of you who want to continue to learn the truth about the porn industry and adult entertainment follow my friend Diana on twitter via @DesiFoxx and her multitude of blogs and websites all linked up on Diana truly has a passion to improve many of the issues and concerns I've addressed over the years.  She's someone I'm very fortunate to know.

From today forth, I'm dedicating the majority of my time, indefinitely, to my art. My art is how I can best serve the world, and how I can best show my gratitude to God. My art is the only way I can convey the reality that the Kingdom of God is within you. -Luke 17:21