Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Holidays - (namely Christmas) and the "post holidays" (4 to 5 days after Christmas) are always weird when it comes to the level of communication you have (or at least that I have) with my social circle. I understand that a lot of people go home for the holidays to reconnect with their family or loved ones, but why does that mean that they have to virtually drop off the face of the planet in order to do so. I'm going to have to expand my social circle in 2010.

Someone told me recently who just returned to Los Angeles from the holidays, that they're glad to get back to their "real life" here. It made me wonder how their "holiday family life" isn't a part of their "real life". I personally think that type of compartmentalization isn't that healthy - but then again who am I to judge.

I suppose I think as I do, because in the past - years ago - I compartmentalized my life to such a degree, that it left my personality and overall being pretty fragmented. I felt as if the parts of my life that I didn't share with others that I felt close to resulted in me essentially lying to them about who I am as a person. Once I decided to stop living in multiple "worlds" and blended all of my worlds together I felt much more whole, complete and truthful.

Some people didn't like parts of my world that they found out about, and decided not to be a part of my world anymore, but those who stuck around I realized would always be there for me.

Tomorrow I'm finally going to go and see that movie Avatar. I'm VERY excited as I LOVE sci fi movies loaded with special effects. This particular showing will be in 3D. YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a rainy day here in Los Angeles this afternoon, but I'm glad because that means that it's probably snowing in the mountains. I'm determined to get up to the mountains this year to see snow for the first time. I want to build a snowman or maybe a snowavatar.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Only a few days till the New Year peeps, and I'm very glad.

2009 was quite a year - both personally and on a world scale. Many ups and downs, but in the end, the year has wrapped up nicely. A lot of truths came out this year, which is great, because I think that is gives 2010 a nice fresh and clean slate to start from.

I've decided I'm going to actively keep as much negativity out of my life as possible. That goes for people, situations, places and thoughts. The only way I'll reach the positive level of success I desire is by making my entire world "sunshine, rainbows and unicorns" so that is what I will do :)

One of my goals for 2010 (and I have MANY) is to release my first adult VOD and DVD project under my upcoming studio/label. Last night I really assessed where I am in achieving that goal, and I'm much closer than I initially thought.

I have a few "paperwork" details I need to ensure are in proper order - but I'm almost to the casting phase now, which will be fun - yet challenging. I'm torn between working with complete unknowns vs. hiring talent through an agency. Considering there are VERY few agents in "porn world" that I'd even consider working with, this will be a task I have to thoroughly think through.

Apparently there's a new adult talent agency opening in January that I read about on called Bella Dolce models. Everything that the owner states about the agnecy sounds good, but like most adult talent agencies - what's stated may not be what the reality is. We'll see, I wish them the best regardless.

There's a couple black women who didn't seem to have stayed in porn for very long that I'd really like to cast in my 2010 release, so if anyone knows how to reach the following ladies please let me know.

1) Tiffany Carter (she was with La direct models for what looked like a month and then dissappeared).
2) Eunique Styles (another La direct models runaway)

I think the main problem I'm going to have with casting my project - is the boyfriend/pimp/manager factor which is present in many porn talent's lives. We'll see what happens.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Usually this blog is about me, but today it's not.

Mahlia Milian, a promising and beautiful young African-American porn starlet, who I had the pleasure of knowing, has recently left the porn industry due to personal issues - namely a pregnancy, which she's had to go through all by herself.

She could really use your help in the form of donations since giving birth to a beautiful baby girl in November.

Click here to read Mahlia Milian (Nyesha's) story and to make a donation to her and her child via

***Side note: It's amazing to me how so many porn industry professionals who know of and/or who have worked with this young woman (and who have probably made quite a bit of money off of her efforts) - and who love to bitch and moan about how the porn industry needs to be "saved", have not come to her aid.

I really hope that Mahlia's past agents have enough of a soul and conscience to donate to help this young woman and her child. Plenty of industry professionals have enough connections and means to hold a fund raiser in support of Mahlia so that she can start a new life, so I hope that someone steps up to the plate and does the right thing.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!

This year I'm solo on Christmas, but in the grand scheme of everything, not really. I've had some great holiday phone time with my family and close friends which I'm very grateful for. Plus I have my little dog Panda and my everlasting (15 year old) bird Peaches who are the best holiday and everyday companions anyone could ask for.

As I write this, I'm toasty and warm in my apartment, I have the holiday pop/rock station via blasting and I'm enjoying a morning mimosa. The weather is cold out here in LA, but it's a beautiful crystal clear day.

I think I may go for a little walk later on and I'll be online this afternoon and evening on webcam for all of you out there who want some sexy holiday company.

2010 will be a fantastic year, but 2009 ain't over yet so make the most of it everyone - I sure will be :)

Monday, December 21, 2009

Happy Monday everyone! I'm in a very motivated and upbeat mood today and I hope all of you are as well.

As 2009 comes to a close, so many things in my life are tying up and wrapping up as nicely as the Christmas gifts under the tree of a Hallmark Christmas card.

A few blogs ago, I wrote about feeling frustrated about not going to AVNs this year. At the moment I no longer feel that frustration because it's just not that important. I have so many projects on my plate that I want to kick into high gear that they far overshadow much of anything else.

As "Monica Foster" retracts from "pornstar" back to "webcam girl and internet personality", I've been wondering whether or not to merge "Monica Foster" into some of my new interests.

A part of me has thought that maybe I shouldn't being that some people have certain "ideas and stigmas" about adult entertainers - but then after really evaluating this delima from all angles, I thought to myself "since when does the woman who created Monica Foster really give a damn about what anyone thinks?" - so I'm taking a big leap (of faith) and making the merge.

I invite you all to start following (bookmark these sites) my new blogs:


Now you may say to yourself, "How in the hell does getting out of porn have ANYTHING to do with hiking?" Well, you'll have to read and keep up with the blogs to find out now won't you.

The woman who created Monica Foster IS a little crazy (by our society's rigid standards), but creative as hell. She does have many "personalities" which will be manifesting themselves as "characters" in one of my ventures which will be launching very very soon so buckle up.

I do hope that all of my fans and friends out there find this venture entertaining, insightful and inspiring.

Once again, I really want to thank all of you out there, especially my blog readers, for all of your support and feedback in relation to Monica Foster over the years. Without you, the woman who created Monica Foster would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. Your support helped me realize that I'm not a quitter and that I'm much more capable at finding success in life than I ever knew.

I thought I came out to Los Angeles to become a pornstar. Instead I became a life star.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Is it possible to be spiritually healthy and work in the adult entertainment/sex industry simultaneously? Yes, but I feel only if you're only working in it in a way that you're not allowing anyone to control you, in a way that you're not controlling others, in a way that is honest, and in a way that you honestly don't feel you're hurting others or yourself.

Someone once told me:

You belong to no one but yourself and your higher spiritual power. Anyone who tries to possess you is possessed themselves by something evil.

I believe this. Out here in Los Angeles even though it's an "entertainment capital" there's a serious lack of people with real talent and real ideas. Many of the most monetarily successful people out here have neither. What they DO have is a slick tongue and scam to try to convince you (especially if you have talent and/or ideas) that you can't make it without them, so you need to sign the dotted line.

I bought into this bullshit, for a little while, but then I realized that I've always done well solo and did just fine before coming across any of these modern day slavers. So I've decided to stop allowing others to attempt to own me and use me, and I'm back to owning myself. As of current, as long as I only work for myself and make moves to push myself into areas of work that make me feel even better about myself, I believe that God and the powers that be are in agreement with how I'm living my life. When I work I listen to my conscience and I believe that's "key".

A person's relationship with their higher power and a person's religion is a very personal thing that can't be (at least I don't believe can be) uniformly defined. I don't think there's a real set of rules for any faith. How each person relates to their universal maker I think greatly varies and primarily depends on how the person feels about themselves, how HONEST they are with themselves and how they're living their life as a whole.

In our core, we all know certain basic things when it comes to right and wrong on a grand scale and what's right or wrong for us personally.

I think as we age, sometimes our tolerance levels and acceptance levels change when it comes to allowing things, people and situations into our lives that are wrong for us. I don't know why it happens, but sometimes it just does. If I could illustrate this point I'd take a rubber band in my hands and start stretching it. The rubber band would be a metaphor for the BS we allow in our lives.

My rubber band became really stretchy at certain point - it most certainly did quite recently. My band stretched so far that it almost broke. Luckily it didn't. Out here in California especially I've seen many broken rubber band people walking around.

I think I know why my rubber band didn't break. I think my higher power, God (and whatever other positive energies I have around me) stepped in stopped the negative energies who were pulling on my rubber band from pulling it anymore. My band has retracted and I feel a lot better and I'm more driven than before to make some serious strides and changes for the better in my life. I want to say I found the strength to retract all by myself but I know I had some spiritual help. I'm not traditionally religious (obviously...overall I'm not traditional in nearly ANY way), but I know for a fact that I've always had a very close connection to God and the spirit world.

If you go to my blog and click on 2007 and find the December 25th entry you'll find the following video:

I decided to post it again because even if you're not a "Christian", it's a good metaphor for what happens to us all in life, but how if you have faith in yourself and want to live your life in a healthy, successful and productive way all you have to do is make a firm decision to try and make that change. Once you do ,things around you that your 5 senses don't perceive will help you out.

I'm going to pray and meditate today for 2 people I know.

The first person, a man who's going home soon for the holidays, to also find their way "home" back to their core being spiritually as well. I think if he returned to his core, he'd find the strength and confidence to do some things that are far more amazing than what he's doing with his life right now.

The second person, a young woman I know who has verbally stated on many occasions that what she's been doing for work has been causing her to have psychological problems to such a high degree that she's seeing a therapist. She just got married and finally has a "support system" but has been asked recently to do some in person sexual favors lately for a very low amount of money. Rather than her getting her shit together and either working on webcam (a non-in person route for those in the adult industry) or finding a regular job she's choosing to take the "easy" but much more damaging path.

This was a bit of a "heavy" blog today, but it's Sunday and this is what flowed from my thoughts this morning.

This is a cool photo of a cross in the Hollywood Hills (it lights up at night) that I pass by sometimes on the 101 freeway. It's a nice sight to see in this city.

***Due to the responses from yesterday's blog I feel the need to reiterate the following:

Keep in mind, I'm not against the porn industry by far. If I was I wouldn't be moving into a position in porn behind the camera. I'm simply done with performing hardcore sexual scenes for other studios because it's not right for me any longer. I will continue to model, act, write, explore and develop many other ventures and of course will still be on webcam nearly daily :)

In other words to those who don't like me because you can't own a piece of me, and who WANT me to go away, I'm not going ANYWHERE. Though I'm retracting, I'm also growing.

My newest blog:

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Today's been a very good Saturday so far. I woke up early and hit the hiking trail for some fresh air and exercise. I walked out of the park feeling energized and inspired. After making some breakfast and walking my dog I decided that it's time for me to start a new blog (I know, I have a billion blogs).

This blog will chronicle my transition away from performing in porn to behind the scenes in porn (and other areas of my life that I want to develop). It will also provide tips to others who may be in a similar place in life or state of mind.

Keep in mind, I'm not against the porn industry by far. If I was I wouldn't be moving into a position in porn behind the camera. I'm simply done with performing hardcore sexual scenes for other studios because it's not right for me any longer. I will continue to model, act, write, explore and develop many other ventures and of course will still be on webcam nearly daily :)

Friday, December 18, 2009

I've been having very unusual, but inspiring dreams lately. Since I was a child I've generally had very active dreams (so vivid in fact, sometimes I wake up feeling like I never went to slept), most likely because I have a very active mind, but I kind of like it, because often my dreams are the root of some of my best ideas.

This was the case the night before last. I had a dream about going on a hike in a really beautiful nature preserve/park. When I woke up I felt compelled to get out into nature. Not just compelled - more like something was calling me and not giving me much of an option to refuse. I'd heard that close to where I live is a state park called Runyon Canyon. I hadn't been there before but I looked it up online, and learned that the park is not even 5 mins from where I live. PERFECT!

It was about 8am, so I threw on some shorts, a shirt, sneakers, a cap and shades - jumped in the car and drove on over. Going on a hike yesterday morning was probably one of the best things I have done for myself in quite some time. It was an absolutely beautiful morning.

I took the intermediate trail - I actually wish I had brought my camera - next time I go I will and I'll take some shots and/or some video to share with you readers out there. For those of you who aren't aware, Runyon Canyon is a very hilly/mountainous park in LA. The scenery the park offers is pretty much what convinced me to move to to California. There are awesome scenic views of downtown LA, the Hollywood Sign, the million dollar homes in the area, the bay, etc.

Hiking trails like this one really help you get out of your head, and away from your ego. Hiking up a mountain and looking at the world from an elevated perspective really does allow you to look at the world and your immediate life a bit differently. Everyone in Los Angeles should be required to do this from time to time. I think it would cut down on the aggressive attitudes, superficiality and the crime.

I wound up picking up a hiking buddy for the morning along the way which was cool and made the walk down the mountain all the more interesting and enjoyable. He was an older tall man with white hair who you could tell got out into nature as much as possible. He turned out to be an airline pilot and a father who said he had a couple kids in their early 20's "around my age" (I did not correct him on that, I needed the ego boost - lol) and he gave me a lot of advice as to how even though people out in Los Angeles can be a bit "off kilter", you just have to forge your own path and keep moving forward and up. Usually I'm not overly social or friendly with strangers, but yesterday was a different kind of day. Plus I think this man just needed to get some stuff off his chest and it was fun to listen. It was nice to be back in the "natural world" and to have a conversation with someone about life - a convo that has nothing to do with money, sex, or anything else manipulative that in the end isn't that important.

Right now I'm actively working on changing my life for the better. I'm building my Monica Foster brand, taking strides towards opening my media studio, entering the field of health and wellness, getting my body healthy and strong and rebuilding my personal self view and self worth. Achieving all of these goals will be difficult but I welcome and really enjoy the challenge.

You know, last week I really was knocked down hard and wasn't sure that I was going to be able to get up. I almost didn't. I fell into a very deep depression. I was lied to, betrayed and hurt by someone that had no reason to do so and that I totally trusted. I suppose I'll never know the person's true motivations behind the lies and deceit. I probably don't need to know.

Last week's events I believe actually were a necessary part of my personal spiritual growth path when I really think about it. The events kicked my ass into full throttle, and shed light onto the reality of my interaction with that particular person. I now know what a truly selfish and self serving personality is, I and will be able to more easily identify such traits in others in the future.

Even though I was down in a dark pit of hurt, anger, loneliness and bewilderment that I wasn't sure I could get out of, I got my ass up and climbed out. I decided to myself that I had to learn from this BS, survive and go on, so I did.

Now I'm a much stronger, wiser and even more driven person. I'm still working my way through some negative residual emotions, but I'm just a few steps away from the light at the end of the tunnel (or maybe the top of the runyon canyon mountain - lol). I seriously dare anyone to even attempt to try to knock me down again, because by the time I'm only halfway done getting my life where I want it to be, which will be soon - I'll be able to knock the living hell out of just about anyone who attempts to cross my path with negative intentions again.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

"You're a pornstar, you must be rich."

LOL! That's been said a couple of times recently during my past few live weekly one hour shows in Club Monica lately. I think the perception that people have of my financial status is both funny and flattering. I'm FAR from "rich". I'm not even well off, or OK. I'm broke, but I'm working to turn that around.

It's good to know that I at least appear to be successful. Maybe my appearance is an indicator of where I will be one day. What I don't think many people (out side of Los Angeles that is ) realize, is that real entertainers, whether you're adult or mainstream are masters of the art of illusion. It's all smoke and mirrors baby. Just because I make you believe something, doesn't mean that it's real.

Most women who work in porn are not rich, or even well off. Most live in group homes (model houses) with their "managers", or small apartments, or with a shit load of roommates. Most live paycheck to paycheck. Some have sugardaddies or do a lot of "private" shoots to live a more lavish lifestyle. Part of the reason I created was to show people that just because you work in the adult industry, your life may not turn out to be the equivalent of what the E! channel shows you of Jenna Jameson's life.

Come to think of it maybe I am doing ok. I live alone in a 1 bedroom and I don't rely on or have anyone to pay my bills.

Speaking of "sugardaddies" or rich boyfriends - recently in a forum that I enjoy participating (and battling) in, a fellow poster mentioned a recent post of mine relating to how I once wondered how women in Los Angeles do meet these illusive rich and generous men, because I sure as hell haven't (at least not any that I'd consider dating). In fact the men I've met who have CLAIMED to be rich, in reality were much more cheap than the "regular" guys (maybe that's how they became what they want to consider "rich" to begin with - heh). The poster said that now, being that my mindset is DEFINITELY not about living off of some guy, that I might have a case of the "Fox and the Grapes".

Well, maybe I do. Maybe there's no way in the world any man of means would EVER be interested in me. Being that I can't even manage to date a regular guy successfully I'm not surprised. I probably am the LAST type of woman that any man with means would want to date because I'm not a perfect 10, I have a quirky attitude, I don't pander or kiss ass, I'm very head strong and I'm not a "be seen and not heard" type of girl. I'm definitely not of a "slave girl"/submissive mentality, and I'm far from being a girl who "does as she's told".

Furthermore, if a rich man stepped up to me and offered to foot the bill, I'd ask him to funnel his generosity into helping me build my studio and brand, rather than requesting designer clothes or bags. Most rich guys don't want a girl who has sense like that (that is unless they can own a piece of the girl's business, which is something else I'm not willing to do), because they'd know that if I became successful in my own right, and they fucked up the relationship, I'd leave them and be just fine. Rich guys for the most part want women who will be dependent on them forever (slaves).

No, I've never dated a millionaire, but from what I can see from afar, I wouldn't want to unless he was exceptionally different from the normal "rich man" stock. In time I'll make my own money and retain my freedom.

In other news I wanted to go to AVN's this year, but I don't foresee myself being able to afford the trip. Most women I know who are going, are "accompanying" someone. Fuck that. Yes, I'm disappointed, but I'll live. I'm grateful for what I do have as of current, and the fact that I'm strong enough to continue pushing forward even though there are many obstacles that I still need to work my way around, over and through.

I can't wait for 2010 to get here. This year needs to wrap up, at least for me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I've been taking a lot more self portraits lately with my interval timer, and this morning I decided to attempt a sexy holiday inspired set.

I'm not sure what this holiday season holds for me, probably just a lot of webcam and website work along with a bit of alcohol. Anyways enjoy :)

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Having trouble sleeping once again. I hate this sleepless (or odd sleep hours) pattern I find myself falling into from time to time, because when I allow myself to get overly tired, I start to over analyze things, events and people in my life - which can lead to a bit of paranoia...not fun.

The up side to not getting much sleep however, is that I get a TON of work done, and truthfully, throwing myself into my work might just be the right thing for me at this point.

Today I did a special "weekend edition" of Monica Foster Live on the network for members of Club Monica (the member's section of my website: ). I wore a cute and sexy Christmas inspired outfit, and played Christmas music throughout the show. I might post a small clip of it here later. Fun show - a big "THANKS!" to everyone who watched :)

I may go ahead and add a 2nd free 1 hour show for my Club Monica members permanently on Sunday's being that I know many are working during my current Wednesday's show. I want to be fair to all my Club Members as you've all been great towards me over the years.


I've put together a new blog of all my online scenes and videos:

This way it'll be easy for all of you to find and watch everything I've ever done that's online! I just started the blog last night but it should be done by Tuesday.

New content will FINALLY be added to Club Monica THIS week - lots of solos and solos with toys, so get ready!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Tonight when I stopped by CVS to pick up a bottle of Arbor Mist I had an interesting conversation with one of the checkout girls who I see and speak with on many occasions when I stop in that particular store.

She was on a "new love" high tonight - very sweet. She was really excited because she finally met someone out here in Hollywood who treats her "like a princess". She went on to tell me how all of her friends thought her new man looked just like "Lestat" from "Queen of the Damned". This made me cringe - not because I don't like that particular movie or the concept of vampires. Just because it brought forth a flood of memories...I've had my share of Lestats, Wolverines, etc.

I asked her if the guy was aware of how similar he looked to this particular character, and the more she spoke, the more it became apparent that he put some effort into cultivating this particular look. Then I asked his age, and what I anticipated to hear, she verbalized. The dude was about 15 years older than she was (this girl is in her early 20's).

In that instance I wished I had a flip top head and could scoop out my knowledge and experience of my past dealing with such individuals and serve it to her on a silver platter - but of course I couldn't so I just smiled and said "well I'm glad you're happy and I hope it continues".

And it just might never know.

There are a lot of vampires and immortal (or at least very slow aging) superhero types like the Xmen out here in Los Angeles. I think they're drawn to this city because of the consistent influx of young women who travel out here (primarily to Hollywood) everyday with the hopes of becoming actresses or models or dancers or artists.

Vampires and other people who have decided not to, or who can't, age need to always be able to start a new relationship every few years with someone who's still in the age range that they're frozen in. It's kind of sad I suppose, because after a few years when the girl/women starts to age - not just physically but emotionally, she realizes that she can't be with someone who's not changing or growing along with her - or anyone else for that matter.

The vampire or other type of immortal of course realizes this too, and usually grows uncomfortable with being seen by others as the "oddity" in the relationship around the time the girl starts to realize that the guy she's with isn't quite "normal", and usually doesn't stop the girl from leaving. Hell, he might even kick her to the curb before she (and/or others) catches on to what she's really been dating.

In Los Angeles vampires and other immortals (probably because they're in such huge numbers) seem like normal everyday people (after all Los Angeles IS the entertainment mecca of the USA and the freakshow atmosphere is the norm) - but if you take one and transplant him or her to say, the midwest for example, they stick out like a sore thumb and do not appear normal at all, neither in appearance or in how they behave. They're just straight up weirdos and typically the towns people in those area will not let them near their young adult children (which again is why vampires and other immortals stick to Los Angeles or other major metro areas when attempting to mate with mortals - these are areas where young adults are typically detached from their families who'd otherwise drive a stake through the hearts of these unnatural beings).

Though I'm not an example of someone who's good at finding and maintaining healthy romantic relationships - if anything I'm one of the the worst examples - I still believe that one of the keys is to find someone you can grow and develop at a parallel pace with.

Even though vampires (and others similar to them) might have lived a long time, it doesn't mean that their emotions have matured. Hell, look at that last movie "Twilight New Moon" - is it just me or is that movie promoting the idea of being a near pedophile as being ok? Yea, Jack's character looks young, but if in reality he's over 80 years old. What's he doing going after a highschool girl? And why is this movie being targeted towards highschool girls? Is someone trying to encourage more Hugh Hefner / Girls Next Door relationships to the masses or what? (I'm only kinda kidding here).

Anyways to conclude this blog, no I don't think vampires (in a literal sense) are real, but I do think that Los Angeles (Hollywood specifically) attracts people who aren't comfortable with developing into well rounded psychologically healthy adults (and who are often out right not willing to) .

I see people everyday living here in Hollywood, men and women, on an impossible quest to remain "young". From how they dress, to how the present themselves, to their activities, to how they mutilate their bodies with plastic surgery, botox, steroids, etc.

I've made a firm decision not become one of these people. Makeup and hair extensions I can do, but anything else - nah. I feel it's OK to age and it's not the end of the world. If your breasts and ass start to droop - oh well - it's a badge of courage and a sign that you've managed to SURVIVE this world for as long as you have. If you get a wrinkle - whatever - you're changing as you should. If your hair falls out, so be it.

If we were all meant to stay the same and not age, we would. We'd also probably not live in as great of a world as we do, because many of the things we know, we'd have never learned and many of the inventions that we take for granted wouldn't have been produced - because I have a feeling that if we didn't age physically we wouldn't age mentally either.

With age, comes life insight and a chance for you to produce and/or teach a new generation. I hope I get to take part in that at some point, so I hope I'm lucky enough to one day meet someone who's OK with not trying to be 20 something forever and someone who's ok with me being an adult 30, almost 31.

I've decided not to deal with these Los Angeles vampires and have the life sucked out of me or be turned into the walking dead (by their surgery or "youth serums). I just want to live my life naturally, and age with someone normally and in a healthy way.

Vampires / immortals are stuck in a cycle of having to start over again from the beginning with a new person for eternity. That's not just sad, it's pointless and not a real way of living. It's just faking life rather than participating in a real one.

2010 is going to be about me cleaning up my life. I think the universe is actually assisting me in doing so quite a bit by brushing away the garbage whether I am ready to let it go or not.

I have no regrets when it comes to my past, but yea, there are some things I'm not overly proud of. It's time to move forward and I've come to realize that if I want to keep dirty disfunctional vampire types from entering my life in the future, I need to create a future that doesn't attract them or allow them in.

I know this blog is a bit weird today, and you might wonder what exactly it's about - well it's simply my thoughts as to what I'm working through at this point in my life and about a relationship that wasn't right for me and wasn't what I thought it was. It's been one hell of a week.

Out here in Los Angeles, and well, I suppose any where in the world (and not just at this time, but any time in history), people (especially women), are often traded in for newer and more "exciting" individuals pretty quickly. It's hurtful because it makes you feel as easily traded and disposable as a car.

Speaking of cars, my favorite car is the DeLorean. Why? Because I'm a lot like a DeLorean. At one time is was the "hot new thing", but now it's an older car. Not quite a "classic", but it's far from being a hot late model Miata or Porche.

DeLoreans are unusual cars and they're pretty rare (you just don't see them everywhere, and are currently out of production unless you want an updated model which began being produced in 2008) but are still very exciting to look at & very easily recognizable. They've been showcased in one of the most well known movie trilogies of all time - "Back to the Future". It's hard to damage the DeLorean's exterior - they have a stainless steel shell, but it makes them challenging to repair and restore.

Yep, a DeLorean is a rare, cool bitch of a car that will always be remembered. It's not for everyone, some people outright HATE them and think they're horrible, but for the people who are into DeLoreans, they're worth plating in 24K gold.

Even though I'm relating myself to a car, keep in mind, I'm not looking to a be a part of anyone's damn "collection". Collections are for objects, not people.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Not much to blog about today, but rather than staying bunked up in my apartment depressed, I got out to a nice dinner with a new girlfriend lil miss Cherry Ferretti - a cool girl who's an adult industry talent who I met through my publicist.

We went to the Cheesecake factory - had a drink and a few appetizers. It was nice to get out and about with someone in a similar station in life who has a brain to go along with her beauty - thanks for being there Cherry!

Now I'm going to get to work on my website and do some shows on my webcam.

It'll take some time for me to "bounce back" from the recent events, but I will. The sun comes up, and the sun goes down regardless and life goes on.

A few friends of mine told me that my last post was a bit too personal and empowered the guy in actuality by my presenting myself as a "crazy porn chick". Well I don't know about being a true "porn chick" (though I suppose officially I am one), but yea, I am a little crazy (mainly very emotional) - many of the most artistic people are - and I think it's my "crazy gene" that's allowed me to take "crazy" and creative risks in life to get me where I want to be and where I want to go against many odds which would have caused others to have thrown in the towel quite some time ago.

I've decided to take my friend's advice however and delete yesterday's blog. The guy isn't worth my mentioning, thinking about or expelling anymore energy or time on. If I'd taken my friend's advice when it was given, and gone with my own intuition, I wouldn't have found myself in the painful and betraying situation to begin with - so...lesson learned. No more loser douchebags.

One thing I've tried to do over the years (and that I feel obligated to do at this point being that I know my readers, fans and friends appreciate it) is allow others to come along on my life journey with me. Through the ups and downs, triumphs and pain.

I don't talk about EVERYTHING in my blogs, but I do talk about a lot because I also want other young women who dare to take the unbeaten path - regardless of what industry it is - to know that the "successful end result" didn't just magically happen. Women like Diana Ross and Halle Berry didn't just wake up "superstars". It takes sacrifice, hard work and disappointment - both in your professional and personal life which out here in Los Angeles is extremely intertwined. Following and attaining your dreams really can almost kill you - physically, psychologically, emotionally and mentally.

Sometimes those you trust and those you think are in your corner in actuality may secretly want to destroy you - and they just might. Sometimes out of fear, other times out of jealousy and sometimes just because they're losers and hate the idea of someone else working towards being a winner. However that's where being strong and having true faith in God, the universe and yourself play in. If you can retain that faith then you will make it - maybe not how you thought you would or even in the capacity of which you initially wanted to "make it", but you'll wind up somewhere positive , bright and beautiful.

Below are a couple cool photos from Angelina Valentine's Website Launch Party

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Goals - I have a nearly infinite list of things that I want to achieve in life. Some of the goals are short terms, others long term, and still others - I might need to wait till my next life time before I can get to them.

I make lists - LOTS of lists (I'm very methodical in my thought processes) and they're all over my the place in my world and on many different mediums - some are on my computer, others on paper, others written on the palm of my hand in pen (those are spur of the moment ideas and thoughts), some on my dry erase board, etc.

My system of lists and goals works well though - how do I know? Well I've achieved quite a bit in life considering where I come from, and all those achievements came to fruition via my lists leading to the materialization of my goals.

I've never cared too much about money and it's never been in the forefront of my mind - hell, often times it hasn't even occupied ANY portion of my mind. I've always been able to make enough for what I need, when I need it, and I'm very very very grateful for that. I suppose the reason for my never having to need for much, is because by nature I'm not someone who takes more than they need - even when it's been offered. Some people think I'm crazy for being this way, but I consider it being simply...sensible.

My current immediate goals however - 3 in particular of which I have for 2010 will require a bit more financial means than I currently have, so my mind, body and soul is in high gear to materialize those means, and so far things are working out well.

For those of you who regularly read my blog, you probably know what these goals are, but if you don't, I suppose you'll have to go back to prior posts to figure it out. I'll write vaguely about 1 that's on my mind right now though - by the end of 2010 I plan to release my very first XXX compilation DVD and submit it in time for 2011's AVNs.

Initially wanted to produce and release one of the features I've written first, but I've decided against that - baby steps (yes - that's from my favorite movie - "Contact" - which is so worth watching if you haven't seen it).

The theme and idea, which is something that has not been done (at least not that I'm aware of), came to me tonight while I was having a cigarette on my patio. It's such a good concept that I will not be discussing it on any of my websites, on any of my cam shows, or to anyone at all. Hell, I don't think I'll even talk aloud to myself about it. No, I'm not being cocky about this idea, it's just one of those ideas that you know is something that someone who might not even normally think of being an "idea stealer" just might steal.

Anyways this compilation concept will most likely become a series, but I will be the "star" of the first one - mainly because it's essentially an experiment and I'd rather use myself as a guinea pig than anyone else.

OK, well back to work now - and by the way - thank you very much to EVERYONE who showed their support towards me over the past couple of days - it's cool to know that those of you who read my blogs, myspace, twitter, etc... can really tell my moods and specifically when something's wrong. It's good to know that some of you out there realize that I am a real person, who's living a real life (even though it's unusual) and it's even better to know that some of you actually care.

Oh, by the way, I redesigned some elements of my Myspace page: while I was doing cam show this morning and editing photos so check it out or add me to your friends if you haven't already.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Yesterday my publicist James of Galaxy Publicity totally hooked up myself and many of his other clients to do a promotional and interview spot for the G4 network - that's right G4 the cable channel! The spot will air around late January, and it features myself, Angelina Valentine, Hunter Bryce, Thomas Ward, Cherry Feretti and Lauri Vargas hanging out at a backyard pool party discussing our takes on working in the porn world.

The host and crew were all really cool people, the atmosphere was relaxed and fun, and the icing on the cake of the day was that I had an opportunity to meet the beautiful & legendary Jeanne Pepper - the first black woman to break the color barrier in mainstream/high end adult films along with John Dragon - a photographer and adult content developer who produces beautiful content of past and present adult stars.

I didn't get much sleep the night prior due to the current personal life drama, so when I got home, I crashed and actually got in a solid 8 hours. It was nice and I feel refreshed.

Yesterday morning in my state of anger and confusion (personal drama), I felt the need to do something creative to channel all that psychotic energy into something productive - so I took a new simple photo set. A few of the raw images are on my myspace page, but I'll be posting the edited photos on my website and a few here later on.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

"I see your true colors - shining through....." - I always liked that song, but tonight I experienced the literal meaning of that particular phrase.

People who work in the adult entertainment industry generally come from just about every walk of life - ex-attorneys, ex-athletes, ex-computer techs, ex-musicians, people who've never had a job before, college students....I've even met an ex-cowboy (yep a real life cattle rancher) who's life somehow led him into the world of adult entertainment.

Sometimes these people realize that this business isn't for them, and they leave, other times they stay in, but pursue other interests as well (such as myself), and then there are others who find that the adult business is their "calling" and they're in 'till they day they die in at least some capacity.

Generally I've found those, that are in till the end, are amazing people - not always - but quite often they are. They're people who have risen above acknowledging others who judge them, and who refrain from judging others in turn.

They're people who are OK with "taking a walk on the wild side", and who realize that though porn encompasses a lot of "party time", in order to survive, they have to find a balance and develop a level of professionalism within the party/circus atmosphere in order to make a living and survive financially.

Most of all, "porn lifers" tend to have respect for ALL aspects of the business, because typically these are the people who got into porn from the ground up. It's cool how this "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" trend which usually is the backstory of MANY successful people in industries all across the board (from software company owners, to clothing label owners, to oil company owners) translates into porn as well - but I suppose it's because porn IS a business and if you're going to be a successful business owner you need to have worked nearly EVERY position of that business in order to have a complete mental picture and understanding of what you're truly heading/leading.

One thing that you shouldn't do when working in a business or leading a business, is feel that somehow and in some way you're above or "better" than any other position which is vital for that business to continue. In other words don't be a snot nosed hypocrite who's making money off someone else's labor that you wouldn't do yourself.

I wrote a blog a few days ago about how some men in porn have a deep hatred of women (and how it's often reflected in the content that produce), but here's another element/angle that I've recently become much more aware and attuned to.

Today I learned that someone I know who works behind the scenes in the adult world and who's livelihood is primarily dependent upon the continuation of male and females to perform in the adult business, would never themselves be an adult industry talent because they think it's wrong to pay or be paid to have sex.

I was blown away.

I've witnessed a lot of hypocrisy in my life, I've even found myself being a hypocrite at times - but upon realizing it, have corrected my thought pattern OR stopped participating in whatever activity it was that deemed me a hypocrite (usually within a very short period of time). However this individual has worked in the adult industry for over a decade and feels this way. Not only was I amazed, I quickly found myself pitying this person.

Now I know I have stated in the past that I won't work as an prostitute, but I don't think escorting is wrong. If I did live where prostitution was LEGAL, I just might do it (if I wasn't in a healthy, committed, happy, healthy, monogamous relationship that is - which still is a life goal), who knows.

I now really wonder how many people in the porn business and adult industry as a whole are willing to profit off the talent, but are not willing to do the "dirty work" themselves and who actually think BADLY of the talent. In the past I thought it was a few people, but now I think it may be a higher percentage. It's kinda like "rich kid syndrome" (for example: someone who's dad started out in a company as a janitor and in time after nearly killing themselves rose to own the company and then who has a kid who's never worked a day in their life and then inherits the company, but who has no respect for the company's current janitors which is essentially where he or she's current position stems from).

Could THIS mentality be what has initiated this transitional period of the porn industry? Quite possibly, because I do believe that any flip or change in anything is rooted in karma.

Moral of the blog? Don't expect for your tree to stay healthy and consistently give you fruit, if you don't acknowledge the importance of and take care of it's roots.

Currently in porn, the roots (the talent) are gaining more and more power without needing many of the individuals who were initially a vital part of the "behind the scenes" production process due to the awesome power of computers and the Internet.

Everyone from video editors, distributors, to cameramen, to directors, to lighting people to studio owners are being cut out of the picture due to a talent being able to reach their fans directly minus the middle man through their websites.

Yes, there will always be a few of the behind the scenes people still in the game, but not in the capacity (or in the numbers) as they were in the past. Certain people who work behind the scenes in porn need to realize this if they want to continue in the adult business in a profitable capacity (and maintain their lifestyle), and may want to rethink exactly what they would and wouldn't do...and get off their high horse.

If you're not willing to be the janitor and sweep the floors of your business, then you have no place in heading or leading that business.

I suppose all I'm saying here is how can you lead and army, if you've never been a soldier?

Thursday, December 03, 2009

It's already Thursday and around 5:20am (I'm writing this on a break from my live webcam shows). I'm very pleased to announce that my profile is finally active in the "Celebrity Pornstars" category of - make sure to check me out as there will be lots of fresh exclusive videos, archived shows and photos from me to you on their network:

I think later this evening or tomorrow I'm going to shoot some new Monica Foster promo photos and some more material for the upcoming I'll be launching very very very very very soon. In fact Mighty Afrodite subbed in for Monica Foster today during the weekly members show for Club Monica on through the network - thank you to all of you out there who gave her a warm welcome back :)

Lately the issue on my mind has to do with whether I should put some money I've been saving into my car trade in (the next car I buy to replace my current nearly broken down ride - a 99 Ford Explorer - I will be paying cash for ) OR the massage therapy certification classes I need to take.

I'm leaning more towards the classes. I think my car will survive for another few months, and if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that attaining a skill and/or education is more valuable than anything material , as it'll only help you in the long run.

I guess after writing this blog, I have found my answer - I'll get the certification first as it's my ticket to entering the next chapter of my life in a healthy, happy, secure and productive way.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Well, it's December 1st - the first day of the last month of the year and WOW, I'm so glad. It's been one hell of a year - quite the rollercoaster ride, and fortunately it looks as though I'll be coasting into 2010 pretty smoothly - I feel great about that :)

Los Angeles is jam packed full of people that will try to use you, manipulate you and fool you. I know, because I've encountered quite of a few of such types since moving here...however I've learned how to avoid them, and the situations such people try to get you into. It's a good lesson to have learned.

I'll start this blog with a few Monica Foster updates:

I have a couple new clips/scenes on of which I'm working my MiZtressMonica side - anyone who's into sexy fetish domination will enjoy those scenes and the site as a whole.

I was cast to introduce quite a few websites on the new site: - not sure when the videos will be added to the site, but they will be eventually so that's something in "Monica's World" to check out sometime soon.

Tomorrow is my 1 hour show on the CamZ network (for all of you who are members of and/or Club Monica) and I'm considering letting Mighty Afrodite take over for tomorrow's broadcast. Some of you may not be familiar with her, so you'll have to tune in to meet her - but to those of you who know miss. Dite - you know that it'll be a fun show if she makes an appearance.

Currently my account on is inactive because I'm waiting to be approved for their "celebrity pornstar" area of their site - hopefully that will be within the next 48 hours as I was initially promised by their support team - so to those of you who get webcam shows from me through - either hang tight or check me on the other webcam networks such as (you can find links to my shows on of course).

I'll end this blog today with a bit of an observation:

I've been saying for a while that porn is not a dying industry as many people continually tout it to be - it's simply going through a transitional period, and I'm not just talking about the mediums of which it's distributed by (VOD vs. DVD for example) - the themes and content of SUCCESSFUL porn is making a huge transition and I am SOOOOOOOOO glad. The porn that's continuing to really sell is porn with story lines and generally porn written by and produced by people who DON'T HATE WOMEN.

Recently I did an interview with Alexander Devoe who if I'm not mistaken holds the current record for AVN nominations within a single year. He touched on in the interview about how he feels the difference between his porn, and many of his peers, is that he cares about what the female talent in the scenes he shoots feels and enjoys. The man is a romantic and obviously adores women. How refreshing.

I've come to find as a female talent that many porn studio owners and directors truly DO have a lot of negative feelings and animosity towards women which essentially stems from their own personal insecurities. It's a very sad thing to observe...adults who were (often obviously) the runts, outcasts or nerds in highschool, who never could get the women they craved, feeling so inadequate that they go as far as to become adults and use the adult entertainment industry (which SHOULD be a community of erotic ARTISTS) as their playground to attempt to get some (often violent) "pay back".

Well guess what porn industry males who hate women - you are about to lose everything and right now you have about a thread left to hang by, that is unless you straighten up your acts. Let me be more clear, it doesn't matter how cool of a car you drive, it doesn't matter how many steroids you take to try to make up for your lack of height, it doesn't matter how big of a penial implant you get, and it doesn't matter how many women 20+ years your junior you pay to fuck - NO BODY IS GOING TO PAY FOR YOUR SUB PAR PRODUCT ANYMORE because they DON'T WANT TO WATCH IT (not because of the tube sites, but because it just sux), so your wannabe pimp train ride is just about over.

The world is changing economically AND spiritually. People are becoming better, more sensitive and more enlightened people (especially young people - teens - who essentially are your future audience) in general and they really don't find watching a girl get spit on and choked out in an amatuer setting "hot" anymore. They find it sad, disturbing and the studios who make it pathetic.

Yea yea, there are the few sickos who might get off on such material, but most likely they're people who are not reproducing (because most likely they can't find a woman to maintain a relationship with which is why they watch your sicko material) and are rapidly dying off.

Since creating I've received many emails from what I forsee as the "new era" of female and male talent entering the adult industry. These individuals are more driven, more informed, a bit more mature, more independent and a bit stronger than those that essentially the "women haters" of porn consistently attempt to recruit (yep, I mean girls from seriously disfunctional backgrounds who can barely work a computer).

As economic times become more difficult, more people from the "regular world" WILL enter the adult world, but they won't do so as naively as their predecessors, which is a comforting feeling. They will do their research, they will read the industry forums, and they will read the industry blogs and piece together what's REALLY going on in the adult industry and how they REALLY are viewed and where they REALLY fit in.

I strongly suggest to those who work behind the scenes in the XXX world (especially males around 42 who look a bit like a fair complexioned Gary Coleman and who think it's OK to grab my ass or tits without my permission on a NON-SEX video shoot, and who entered the adult industry most likely, because outside of it, you would NEVER get a piece of ass no matter how much your lame beta-male ass attempts to work out and suck in your gut and stick out your chest - yes I'm describing a scum bag I encountered recently) to get your shit together and stop thinking women are somehow inferior to you, before you are seen as a scumbag loser to mainstream society, but to the adult industry world as well as someone who just couldn't cut it.

The End - for now.

Oh and one more thing Gary Coleman look alike: don't count on me ever doing a "content exchange POV" with you - I'm not out to make the "Monica Foster" brand depreciate in value.

Side note: I am not against short men (though I tend to date men my height or taller being that I'm a relatively tall woman at a mere 5'6" out here in Los Angeles), just men in general who have allowed their shortcomings dictate how they treat others later on life once they've gained a bit of success and/or power.