Sunday, August 31, 2008
I haven't met that many people in the area just yet, but it AMAZES me as to how many people feel the need to over-exagerate how successful they are and just out-right lie about what their intentions are. I'm definitely grateful that I've made the few legit friends that I have, because I'm going to be very selective in creating any additional friendships at this point.
One thing I love about the area of California I live in though, is how many women wear DRESSES in their everyday lives. I've always been more of a pants/shorts type of girl, but as of late - I've been tapping a bit more into my femininity and have been busting out with the dresses :) It's a nice change.
Today I took some time to really reflect on my work as an adult entertainer, adult video star and porn star - some people may say those 3 terms are interchangable but from my perspective, they are not at all.
This September www.GettingIntoPorn.com and www.GettingOutofPorn.com will be launched and I'm very excited about it. I feel capable of launching both sites because well, even though I only have about 22 scenes under my belt I successfully "got into porn" and though I'm not officially "retired" any other porn videos I star in most likely will be videos that I direct, shoot and produce under my own company. I don't feel like making anyone else any more money.
One thing that I want the 2 sites to really do though, is to educate the public about what it really takes to survive in the porn world - psychologically and physically. It amazes me as to how infatuated the world is with the adult and porn biz, but how it's so condemned. Well, I take that back, I'm not "amazed" by this - I just think it's funny to hear a man say how much he LOVES Jenna Jameson or Heather Hunter but then in the same breath how "horrible and dangerous" it is to do porn due to it being "unprotected sex". Oh, and most likely that SAME guy will call up an escort agency and fuck the escort with a condom but require "un-covered" head, because it's not "that un-safe".
Oh how the high and mighty continue to fall.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Read in the news this morning that McCains running mate will be the Alaskan governor, that's interesting considering that she's a woman - I suppose he figured he had to add some flavor of some sort to his campaign considering how dry and vanilla McCain already is. This will be a very interesting election.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Today/tonight I'm probably going to a shoot another new pictorial for my website. Maybe oneday I'll actually get these pictorials uploaded.
I've been approached recently with a business proposal which would most likely give me the type of adult industry career that I've been wanting, but would require me to relinquish control of my "image" (as in how I wear my hair, my wardrobe on set, how I'm marketed, etc) - well that's all fine with me because I'm exhausted from doing everything myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of what I've built in regards to "Monica Foster", which isn't that much, but I'm ready to turn Monica over the some "experts".
I may try to do my show on camz tonight as well.
Just as I love the "fan mail" I get through my site, I also find the hate mail equally entertaining. Here's a hatemail I received this afternoon:
wow!! Are you overfull of yourself!!
Geeeezz!! Monica, I've been following you since the spring. I was even a
member of your site for 2 mos or so.
You are attractive. Yes!! Smokin?? Umm, I don't so. Nice body. Smokin????
ummmmmm I don't think so. You are really full of yourself. Too much so!!
You get treated like you are because of the business you are in dear. It
ain't hard to figure out. You say that you aren't whorin around.
You're having sex for money!! What do you call that?? Look, I don't give
a fuck if you're selling pussy in church. Doesn't bother me. I state
this only as an observation.
You've obviously made some mistakes in your life. That's cool. Who
hasn't?? And you're still young. But you should study those and be
moving to make right decisions. You have absolutely no chance of making the
transition to mainstream movies. NONE!! I've seen your movies. Look Good??
yes. Act?? Absolutely fucking terrible. Laughable!! Monica, nobody can
argue that you are a dumb bunny. But you have a pattern of making horrendous
decisions. And as long as you refuse to recognize that, those decisions will
continue. Get off the "attractive or hot" deal and USE YOUR FUCKING
MIND! Leave the other shit for lagniappe.
For someone who is so passionate about what a horrible performer I am and who's so on top of the bad decisions they perceive me as have making, they certainly aren't too confident, because of course, it was sent ANONYMOUSLY.
Look, if you're going to diss me, at least sign the email with your full name. Be proud of your opinions on me if you care to share them - otherwise it just makes you yet another coward. This email doesn't even make sense, because if I'm a girl who's so misguided how in the world do I manage to maintain my website, cam shows, av career, photography biz, website biz and overall life?
It's easy to go off on someone that you THINK you know, anonymously or not, but really a person has NO right to do so unless they're putting themselves out there publicly in the same capacity. I've taken a risk in life and I can accept the criticism that comes along with it, but I'm not made of stone - I deal with it but it DOES hurt on a certain level, so whoever sent me this shit is in the wrong. I'd actually like to take a good long look at the person and life of the person who sent this.
ANyways who cares, maybe I am full of myself - I gotta be - and if I'm not so hot, why else would anyone bother viewing my website :)
I've finally come to terms with the fact that very few if any people will agree with the lifestyle I lead, and that's cool, because the only people the really matter to me are my family a few friends and myself. Afterall, myself is all I really have anyways.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I received an email from a "Monica Foster" follower/fan today asking if I'd consider breast implants. Hmmmmm. In the past I've always said, no, but truthfully if they were FREE and I had no obligation of any sort to whoever got them for me and they were done by a top notch surgeon and would be removed for free in 2 to 3 years, I'd definitely go up to a DD. Why not. However nothing in life is free though. I sent my stipulation to the fan and told him/her to throw in a new car. LOL.
Anyways I'm dedicating this week to make lots of new Monica Foster videos. Been saying that for a while but now I'm set to do so psychologically.
I wasn't going to even mention this recent incident which occurred in my life, but I've opted to do so because it's something that's happened to me on more than one occasion since developing MonicaF.com and it's frustrating, depressing, and makes me sick due to the fact that I struggle so much for such little (if any) reward.
I was recently contacted to do a "pre-interview" for a documentary. I went in, did the interview and about halfway through, I realized that the guy (surprisingly a young guy) conducting the interview just wanted to meet a chick in porn and possibly fuck her. The guy was nice enough on the surface though, so I gave him a chance and hung out with him again (he took me to lunch), but surprise surprise (not), I was right about my initial hypothesis of him. He was just another dude trying to fuck me. Oh and to top it off, he had the nerve to tell me in not so direct terms that since Jenna Jameson could never get a mainstream role due to the "powers that be" other than appearing as Jenna Jameson, that I don't have a chance in hell at ever doing anything mainstream. Needless to say, he didn't accomplish his goal of fucking me. Not even close.
Recently when I was cast into a "mainstream" film, it was the same case - but with the director - yep, he just wanted to get with a cute black chick - it didn't happen.
Shit like this happening, in conjunction with me busting my ass just to make my rent and bills really makes me wish some days that I'd never made the the move to California. Many people here are just plain bad. I suppose I'm dwelling on the negative because I'm still not feeling 100% health wise, I HATE CATCHING COLDS, but everyone is entitled to wallow in self pity at times.
I think for shits and giggles I might post a personals ad today - yep I'm lonely and I'm determined to find someone decent soon who actually WANTS to be with me and who I want to be with.
oh and ps: I'm really SICK of assholes both via email and in person inferring that I didn't build and don't maintain my own website. No I did not HIRE anyone! Do I have to make ANOTHER fucking youtube video showing that I did like I how I had to prove I do my own photos? Yea, I might not be the brightest light on the x-mas tree considering my life and financial status, BUT I managed to emit enough brainpower to build a simple HTML based site.
and another ps: If any of you sorry fucks who have conned or tricked me into meeting you in person have the nerve/balls to write and sell a miniseries, book or screenplay script using my blogs/life story as inspiration I will not just sue you, I will hunt you down and CASTRATE you because I'm a chick in life with NOTHING to lose at this point in time.
Yep, I'm a little crazy and it works for me.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Friday night I was called in to do an interview for the show "Color Blind" on Rude TV (www.rudetv.com). It was a ton of fun, the host and co-host of the show (Powder and Maya Masaon) were really nice. We got into a fairly deep convo about the lack of ethnic "contract girls" in the biz and the racial stigmas which are still very present in the adult biz. The interview was great, when I find it online I'll post it to my blog, unfortunately due to the my seasonal cold settling in I sounded very nasal.
Sunday I just relaxed and started to feel a little better.
Today's monday and I feel even more back to normal but not quite. I might try to get a prescription for some antibiotics just to knock the rest of this sickness out of my system but we'll see. Since I was busy over the weekend, Monday (today) is chore day and I started it off by answering some fan mail. I love my fans and since my adult DVD's have come out, I have even more - however every once in a while I get assholes who try to email me who then act surprised when I tell them to go to hell. Here's an example:
What a knockout you are. We have never met before butfor some reason we might have a mutual friend in the strip club business inMiami. I think their intention was to maybe hook us up to meet. Never seeing apicture of you until today...needless to say opportunity lost !!Back to business. You should contact my dear friend friend ***.com he might be very useful to you in one of your newventures. Besides glamour he shooting a lot of adult content.I will be in LA end of September to visit him.Good luck and if you would like me to call him on your behalf it would be mypleasure.Gary
I get a lot of these emails - either someone from my past or some dude who knew of me but didn't think I was someone they'd want to date will suddenly see my site or dvd's or whatever and figure they'd try to "do me a favor" now or reconnect in some way. Wrong. I replied to this guy that I don't need anyone to call anyone on my behalf and that I'm not interested. Here's what the douche bag wrote back:
Hi Monica...never claimed to know you. My friend Alex was the manager at the club next to Treasure Island in Hialeah..it is now A Booby Trap, don't remember the old name (Mirage ?). He probably wanted me to meet you....that does not mean you ever knew about it !! Not everybody has an angle !! If I wanted to meet you all I would really have to do is hire you.
Um, no. First off I doubt this guy runs a studio so how would he "hire me" unless he's inferring that I escort, which he probably was, and since I don't he's even more of an ass in my eyes.
Though there are many downfalls to having chosen the career and lifestyle which I have, it's also very rewarding. What people don't realize is that by having worked within the adult field and by putting out my "look" and "image" as a "sex symbol" of sorts, I'm changing the standard of beauty for african american women. It used to be that an african american woman, especially one with a dark complexion such as mine, wouldn't EVER be cast in high end adult videos. Well, I feel like I'm opening a few damned doors and changing the face of what and attractive black woman can be.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The one important thing to me in life is honesty. Though my life is unconventional and as "Monica Foster" at times I have to act, I'm always honest as the woman who created monica Foster and probably about 90% of the time as Monica.
Unfortunately I'm coming to quickly find out the people in Los Angeles - ESPECIALLY people in Hollywood who may or may not work in the field of entertainment are all full of shit. Well maybe not all but at least 90% of them are.
Recently I think I was tricked into meeting someone - what's shitty is that I would have probably wanted to be friends/hang out with this person anyways without having to be tricked. Pisses me off that people really think I'm a trickable airhead. Oh well - live and learn.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Though I really want to give mainstream acting a shot, I've decided that doing the independent film that I mentioned in previous posts isn't the way to go - mainly because I didn't feel the right "chemistry" with my co-stars and film crew. I know that may sound a bit "out there" but trust me, it's better not to do something when you don't feel right about it.
I had an unexpected visitor this afternoon (a film student who I recently met) who I've decided to start a new project with, which will have the working title "American Madame" -I'll keep you all posted on that project :)
I've decided to take down that post from a couple days ago, which detailed my bad experience with a reality show - mainly because negativity gets you no where.
Hopefully I'll go out this weekend, I really feel the need to socialize. I'm glad I've made a couple really cool friends out here in California, but with 1 "friend" in particular, I'm not sure where I stand, I'm going to have to just be patient, sit back and relax to find out.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The apartment maintanance people repairing the water lines in my bathroom hopefully are about half way done. I want to do my cam shows today so they need to hurry the fuck up and get the fuck out.
I'm thinking about going to AIM to retest today as I've come to the conclusion that all I can really do now and be halfway successful at is adult video - like it or not. I think I need to just embrace that I've made certain choices in life and live up to being the best "Monica Foster" I can be. Gave my agent a shout, hopefully he'll find me some work.
Still doing that independent film, but there's SO much drama in-circling that project that I'm thinking that I might not want to bother.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Today I met a really interesting fairly established actor. It's interesting to really sit and talk to someone who's in such a personally creative field. Gave me another perspective as to what it takes to really make it in entertainment.
I'm finally going to send over my new casting photos to my agency tomorrow. As most of you guys who read my blog know, I'm only going to be taking a very select few AV bookings, so enjoy me while you can. Most likely January of '09 Monica Foster will not be working in AV anymore.
Tonight I had a chance to check out that Sasha Grey interview with Tyra Banks. I feel like that show threw the girl under the bus. Sasha Grey is a much more hardcore and established "porn star" than I am (she's also WAY younger), but I can relate to where she is in her life and I think the Tyra show was just trying to gain ratings as being a "show for moral america". Recently I referred Elli and Desi Foxx to the show, but now I'm thinking that I shouldn't have considering how aggressively against porn Tyra Banks IRONICALLY is.
I'm back to regularly doing my webcam shows. It's been a lot of fun and don't forget to check out my weekly free show for all the CAMZ network members.
I am sooo sore - I've been working out at the gym relatively heavily. I love the results but I hate the muscle strain as the muscle is rebuilding.
Oh and talk about pain, my guitar progress is really coming along but DAMN do my fingers HURT.
Starting next week this blog will be going 80% video and 20% text. Why? Because I feel like doing that. Ta ta for now boys and girlz.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Thanks again to all my fans, friends, and random cam show viewers who continue to get shows from me - you guys keep the dream alive!
I've been getting a lot better on my guitar - playing a musical instrument really alters your perspective of the world.
Today I'm on the quest for double sided adhesive backing to hang up some decorative IKEA mirrors I brought here from FL. Off to Target I go.
Monday, August 04, 2008
In other news, my business cards still haven't arrived - for my freelance photography and web design. Gonna have to call the company I ordered them from tomorrow - it's amazing how the things you need most, always take the most patience.
I had a great weekend - just really relaxed. One thing I'll mention for other's out there who have moved or are moving to Hollywood, CA - MAKE SURE you get to know people in the "Valley" because living in urban Southern California is an incredibly FAST PACED and loud enviroment. Getting out to the valley and the suburbs get's you back to you (slows you down a bit).
Just a tip.