Saturday, September 26, 2009

Usually it's when I sit on my patio watching the traffic go by that I really think about where I am in life, and what I need to do, to get where I see myself at around 60 years old.

"Know thy self."

Somewhere in the bible, it's touched on that you need to know yourself and I agree. I think part of knowing yourself is that within, there's always conflicting elements. You can't be all good, or all evil. It's all about the "Yin vs. Yang". Without having certain elements of yourself that are dark, you can't realize what's light. Without having elements deep down that are selfish, you can't figure out how and when to be selfless.

Nowadays I'm not certain as to whether you need a true "balance" after all. I think it's all about figuring out what's really right for you, at whatever point and place in life that you are.

As time goes by, I'm starting to realize that it's OK for me to embrace certain qualities within, which may be viewed as "negative" or "dark" by many, simply because I'm beginning to realize that many of those viewing and judging me, are just as "fucked up" and quite often less evolved and much more naive than I am. As my tolerance level decreases, I'm nearing the point of truly not caring what anyone thinks of my actions or choices, due to realizing that my life is just that - MY LIFE.

I suppose the one thing I'll always make an effort to do in life is to share my knowledge and experiences, because teaching and learning in my view are 2 basic duties you have as a human being. I've reached the conclusion however, that you have to be very selective as to both who you learn from, and who you choose to educate.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

So... we're approaching the end of September, and I'm feeling pretty good and as though I've hit my stride. I have a feeling this will be a good fall and winter. Generally, I reach my energetic peak around this time of the year - maybe it's because I was a winter baby.

I went into a bit of seclusion for a few months earlier this year (well I suppose for more than a few months), but I suppose I had to in order to recenter and reassess my goals and what I really want out of life. It took some time, but I have a lot more clarity about my surroundings and myself than before.

Come October, along with my personal projects, I'll be putting myself out there again to work with the adult studios again (if they'll have me). I'm looking forward to see what projects, if any are tossed my way. I have a substantially different look and will have a different performance style than I did when I began shooting in 2008, so it will be interesting to see what I'm deemed as "right" for - especially in this stage of the adult world's transition and restructuring.

I decided in fact, to write a blog on today in fact about "taking time off after you start performing".

One thing I've realized is that though someone may have been your friend in the past, they might not always be your friend later on as you grow and develop - especially if they've chosen to not grow or develop themselves.

In the past, I always thought that once a friend - always a friend - now I don't feel that way at all.

Monica 2008

Monica 2009

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

So far it's been an interesting week. I had an audition yesterday for a mainstream show. I'm not sure how I did (I was nervous as hell) as I have very little "mainstream acting" experience but regardless, it was cool to see how such an audition works. The experience has prompted me to go ahead and register on a few mainstream entertainment talent websites. Being that I live in Hollywood close to pretty much every major studio I might as well start hitting auditions full force in order to learn how to get comfortable with the audition process.

For the past week or so has been having issues, but it looks like their beta / temp site is up and running so for those of you who get camshows from me via that system just go to the link: - my ID is MF101

I'll be on webcam all day and evening today so see you online!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

It's been a really good weekend so far. Quiet but good. I decided to change the headers for each section of my website: - I think the site looks a bit better now. I revamped my myspace as well. I have over 14,000 friends as of current. It strange to think that so many people in the world have seen my face. Then again I've seen their too though :)

I have a script of which I've been going over for a mainstream entertainment project I have an audition for tomorrow. Even if I don't get the part (though I hope I do), the experience will be a good one I'm sure and I'm really looking forward to meeting the producers being that they're both successful African-American women who have gone very far in the world of entertainment - inspiring!

I want to give a big thanks to Jeff, a very good friend of mine who's been very supportive of my lofty goals, dreams and ventures. I'd also like to send a big thanks to Steven and James.

I've come to many realizations over the past few years (which I blog about at great length - I swear, if God created me just for one purpose, it must have been to be a communicator) but I want to touch on today about how though you have to be independent and strong in this world, and though often you may find yourself standing alone... sometimes when others observe that you are taking steps to better yourself and help others, they will lend a helping hand - especially if they've walked a difficult journey in their past as you may be walking as of current.

Well I'm off to start my day now. See you all on webcam!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Though my parents know what I do for a living, they don't need photos of me in their homes that reflect that side of me, so I took this one just for them.

I love you Mom and Dad.

Here's one for the fans - this is my current myspace profile main photo.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Well, up early and for once, at a normal human being's early hour. Strangely one of the main networks I do my webcam shows on has been offline for the past few days due a system migration (I hope that's all it is). It's not a big deal though, because I've needed to take the time to put together some new promotional photos. I'm in the editing process as I write this so here's a sample as to what's to come and how I look as of September 2009.

See you all online!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I am a romantic. I'm in love with love and all of the concepts, themes and notions that go along with it. If I were from Greek times, I'd be a devout follower of Goddess Aphrodite.

I state this often in my blog, but the past 2 years have been a journey unlike I (and most likely other women) could have ever imagined or expected.

God and the universe I think really enjoy taunting me - most likely not in mean spiritedness, but just for fun - after all I believe that even divine forces have a since of humor - they'd have to in order to pass the infinite time.

Recently I came across a movie on my Netflix "watch instantly" account that I was most definitely fated at this exact point in my life to watch: "The Story of O".

If I'd have watched this movie before moving to LA, I'd have had a much clearer picture as to how I'm viewed in the enviroment and social circle I've been exposed to, and I'd have had a much better understanding of the majority of the people I've encountered and worked with.

Being that it took me coming across this movie by chance (and my current growing interest in reading about BDSM) to fully understand certain events and situations I've found myself within is a shame. When someone isn't aware of the signs to clue them into the fact that they are amongst people who live a certain lifestyle, then how are they to fully process and understand where and how they "fit in"? So disappointing... It's akin to taking a Cuban to Japan and expecting them to work as a taxi driver without teaching them to read or speak the native language.

It's really silly, and in the end defeating to yourself to invite someone to play a game, but not allow someone to see the game board and not fully explain the rules of the game first. When you do that, you're not really playing the game yourself - you're just remaining stagnant - which is most likely out of fear of losing the game or simply not being a good or skilled enough player.

I'm going to seek out the game elsewhere, but most likely I won't have to as it'll probably find me first. Now I know more about myself than I'd ever have could have imagined I would...scares me in some ways, excites me in others.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Today has already begun to shape up to be a very good day even though it's only about 1:30am PST (I live on vampire time currently).

A cool new website called: featured me, my site and one of my "do it yourself" photo pictorial videos - THANK YOU - I am always flattered when people think my weird eccentricities when it comes to things I do with my website are cool.

Next week (hopefully) I will be introducing some new "friends of Monica". It will not be something that you expect - at all. But it will be very entertaining.

I've come to realize that many are unclear as to "where I really stand" when it comes to certain issues within the adult industry. Well, my thoughts as to where I stand are constantly evolving - but the few things that I'm firm on are that:

  • No one deserves to be abused - mentally or physically
  • No one deserves to be ripped off - especially the talent being that it's the talent that keeps the adult industry afloat.
  • People under the age of 18 should not be exposed to adult material.
  • If a talent (or anyone) in the adult industry wants "out" - there should be resources funded by the millions of dollars that the adult entertainment industry generates to assist them into merging back into "mainstream" society.

    I love the adult industry - not just porn though - webcamming, exotic dancing, erotic literature, etc.

    I now know though, that many in the adult industry from the "old wanna-be nuevo riche mere decade old mob" school seriously dislike me for creating I can understand why - especially after receiving several email messages and myspace messages basically telling me that I've "told some secrets". Sorry but in this day and age an industry that generates as much money as the adult industry does, and an industry that is as influential as it is, there shouldn't be any "secrets". Especially when working in such an industry can effect a person's health and future as much as it does once they work within it.

    Initially some of the backlash made me nervous, as some of it was rather threatening (hell I'm a single woman on her own living in Los Angeles), but now - it just tells me that I'm on the correct path and that I need to just continue doing my thing the only way I know how - independently and my way.

    I do need to ask that the individuals who run not contact me any further with messages saying things along the lines of "On this site gettingintoporn you're giving some valuable information away... Wonder what my boys in Cali gonna think of that?". First off being that you're based out of Chicago and your site features some of the worst of the worst content, so I doubt anyone in California really cares what you think, but even if they did, and you or someone else attempted to bother me, keep in mind I save every email and message that I receive. If anything unusual were to happen to me in my life, it would be very easy for those who care about me to figure out that who may have been the initiator.

    So on a side (and happy) note - I'm still working on my XXX DVD review site: - still have more reviews to do before I launch it, but like my other sites, it will be fun and entertaining.
  • Monday, September 14, 2009

    Here's a video interview by Lex Steele with myself and Thomas Ward who I played opposite of in "Not the Cosbys XXX".

    Saturday, September 12, 2009

    The past and current business model of which porn studios have been using for the past few decades is now dead. The industry ITSELF is FAR from being done, however the restructuring has clearly begun and anyone who hasn't switched gears by now who is an adult industry professional is essentially out of a job.

    Since entering the adult industry as a porn "talent" in March of 2008 I've had a front row seat in witnessing the beginning of the industry's collapse and now rebuilding. I came into this industry very naive, but now my eyes are open - WIDE open and considering the details I now see which I didn't notice before, especially when it comes to the treatment and blatant exploitation of women, I'm pissed.

    I will be posting the first part of a blog (well this one is more of an investigative report) on my blog: tomorrow about a company (which now is no longer in business), that I believe MAY HAVE scammed and/or professionally damaged their headline talent and any additional talent which they may have "signed".

    Fortunately in this situation they lost their funding (supposedly) before even getting off the ground, even though their ads were already purchased and printed in various adult industry trade magazines. Essentially this company not only attempted to start a porn company based on a business model which is no longer relevant, but they ALSO have jumped on the "work with us and you'll own your own website" bandwagon - which is turning out to be a falsification that many adult content companies are now utilizing lure in new talent with.

    How have I come to the conclusion that this company has been most likely lying to their most recent (and potential) talent? Well, their recruiting tactics are questionable considering the ad I found that they posted on under the mainstream "tv/film/radio" jobs section looking for "reality tv" talent. Um, if they were a PORN company why wouldn't they openly say so and put the posting under the "adult gigs" section of craigslist? Also why didn't they mention in the ad that they were a porn company? That ad gives the appearance they're trying to lure in unsuspecting girls who normally wouldn't consider doing adult work...NOT GOOD.

    Furthermore, how in the hell does a person "own their own website" and have a ad active and in print in magazines with the website address, yet then when the company tanks, the website suddenly becomes completely inactive and is REMOVED by the company of which was hosting it. I mean COME ON - if this company's talent OWNS their websites, when the company goes out of business, wouldn't they have notified the talents, and wouldn't the talents have called up or a company of the like, signed up for a hosting package and transferred their domains and content to their new hosting company?

    Actually this recent event makes me wonder if the TALENT in the ads was charged with the EXPENSIVE advertising fee that a magazine would charge, and if this company is holding their domains and content hostage until they "work off" the debt. I sure hope not because this tactic is pointless being that THOUSANDS of dollars in potential earnings for their (ex?)talent have been lost already due to the sites being inactive.

    See here's the problem - a few people in porn know what I know, but not many. However I'll put it out there for the less intelligent (or for you readers who aren't hip to the porn biz): One of the few porn business models that will continue to make money is the business model of the "SOLO, DO IT YOURSELF, OWN YOUR OWN SHIT webcam girl". Sorry porn guys, but unless you are a SMART GIRL who is actually willing to put in the hours and WORK HARD this business model will not work for you.

    A COACHED girl is not going to fool any porn connoseur no matter HOW HARD you try to make it LOOK like she's doing it all herself when in reality SHE IS NOT. How do I know this? Well I've been a webcam girl since around 2002 so I basically have a doctorate in "solo girl marketing" and I have the inside scoop from the viewers as to what they like, don't like and notice.

    So, being that the porn ship is sinking and certain "professionals" are drowning and grasping at anyone and anything to get that final gulp of air before they go under, I have a feeling that MANY more people will try their one, last final scam. Not much can be done about it, but I've decided that as I come across these scams, I'm going to write about them on the blog.

    My upcomming site: will be launching soon. It's just a simple and dirt cheap service I've created for adult industry talents who want a website that they truly do OWN. No one deserves to be ripped off, especially in these times - and I'm sick and tired of people who have ENOUGH money continuing to take advantage of and ROB people who have very little, if anything.

    Thursday, September 10, 2009

    I haven't blogged in a while, and truthfully I don't have much to blog about (which is good - I'm hitting a nice & even tone in my life, which is a nice contrast to the steep peaks and valleys I've been dealing with over the past year or so).

    I've basically been working hard to keep my bills paid and hopefully in time sock away enough to cover a massage therapy course I'd like to take. One of my goals is to move into the field of health and wellness along with being a bts (behind the scenes) adult industry professional.

    This summer has been slow, but I'm surviving and that's all that's important. Readers, please get as many webcam shows with me as you can possibly take :)

    Sometimes I feel as though I could be in a such a better financial position if I were willing to compromise certain things about myself, of which I have in the past, but will no longer at present or in the future. When I really contemplate how the money I could be earning, weighs against how I feel about myself however, I can EASILY turn a blind eye to the money. Feeling good about myself, life, situation, and having a high self worth is much more important to me nowadays.

    I invite you to read and watch the videos on my latest blog entry:

    The interview in the video really affected me, and I'm very upset with the fact that there are people in the world, specially in AMERICA who really believe it's OK to treat a human being as Tanner has been treated. These particular men who Tanner had the misfortune to "work with" - are nothing but the gateway to sex slavery in America - that's right - they are basically slave traders. Not all men in porn are like the ones Tanner mentions, but quite a few unfortunately are.

    What people don't often realize when it comes to porn, is that many of the men who work in porn, are not just in the business of selling a product featuring a sex act, they are also in the business of psychologically manipulating the young women that they work with to further their profits (via pimping the talent, robbing the talent, etc).

    If these assholes who worked with Tanner want to play the sex slavery game, then they should go to the 3rd world and stop victimizing women who truly are "barely legal" in this country who are trying their best to survive in the adult industry.

    So to end on a "happy" note, I've pretty much narrowed down where in the country to relocate to from here in about 6 months. Keep reading if you want to find out where I'm off to next :)

    Wednesday, September 02, 2009

    I've dealt with insomnia for most of my life, but I've never caved into taking any medications for it - mainly due to the fact that I know my sleeping issues have a lot to do with having a very active mind. I've found that deep meditation seriously helps (I've learned to go into a "blank zone"). Today I finally got a good solid 8 hours of sleep in - I feel so much better.

    Today I found out that on page 60 of AVN magazine's August 2009's issue, an article for my site: was printed. I feel good about that. Here's a link:

    One of my webcam show viewers informed me that there's a photo of me in Hustler magazine as well, not sure if it's this month, or next month or what, so if anyone has seen it let me know which issue - most likely it's a still shot from the Not the Cosbys XXX flick.

    Today the sky in LA looks as though the end of the world is coming. Due to all the wildfires in the area there's a ton of ash in the air, which causes the sunlight filtering through to take on an orangy hue. Scary - I'm glad I live in the city rather than the outskirts of LA or the suburbs. I'm definitely glad I don't live in the San Fernando Valley.

    Looks like certain weirdos who post on XXXporntalk are still attacking African-American performers via all sorts of negative racial slurs. I posted a rather immature retaliation recently mocking their use of the term "grape drank" (hey, I'm only human). I know such stupidity shouldn't matter to me, but it does because it truly makes me wonder how many people of whom I've worked with in the past in the adult industry world truly have felt that African-Americans are some how inferior to others. It's a frightening and disappointing thought.

    I continue to find it amazing how as of current, there is not even ONE African-American contract performer with any of the "big name" porn companies (the last major one, around a DECADE ago, was Heather Hunter who was a Vivid girl). Ironically there is an article on the head of Vivid, Steve Hirsch in the same issue of AVN that my website is mentioned in, of which the article states:

    "So far 70 young women have been Vivid Girls. They've included not just girl-next-door blondes but also African-Americans (Heather Hunter, Taya)..."

    Maybe historically there have been, but why not right now?
    Also only 2 out of 70 women in total? As I asked before, why is the last fairly known one - Heather Hunter from over a decade ago? Even Taya was from quite a while back.

    We have a black political leader, why not a black contract performer? Are blacks REALLY that disturbing to the heads of the adult entertainment industry for this to happen? The excuse of "black porn doesn't sell well" has already been proven time and time again to be bullshit - hell, as a webcam girl (webcamming is a major and growing sect of the porn industry) I do VERY well and my numbers outrank many of my Caucasion counterparts. If companies like Vivid, Wicked, Adam and Eve and Digital Playground are supposedly the the forerunners of porn shouldn't they have performers that reflect our society as a whole?

    Generally LaDirectModels is the adult industry agency of which contract performers are pulled from - right now on the site there are 2 black faces (Eunique Stylez and Tiffany Carter) so it's quite possible that between now and the end of Obama's term, 1 if not both of these young women will be the next black contract star.

    It's becoming increasingly evident that I'm not the only African-American in porn that is noticing this issue. Marie Luv mentions towards the end of her bio that she's also noticed that there hasn't been an African-American contract performer in a while - considering this young lady's porn track record, she would be a top contender for a contract. Misty Stone has been in the game for a while as well and is currently being cast in quite a few features - maybe she'll get an offer. If not there's always cute little Jezebelle Foxxx (aka Jenna Brooks) - for some reason she really looks like Bree Ohlson's long lost black twin sister to me, so she'd be a good contender as well.

    I suppose the reason that I touch on the "plight of the African-American porn perfomer" is because when you get to the core of it, it has to do with the issue of "Equal Rights". It is a fact that African-American performers are not only almost entirely shut out of the high end porn productions, but in the entire porn industry we DO NOT receive equal pay from many of the studios, and this is wrong.

    Tuesday, September 01, 2009

    Another blog 100% from the woman who created Monica Foster.
    The Reasons Behind the Apology

    I've received some feedback from my blog readers, site members, and myspace friends inquiring as to why I wrote an apology and my current thoughts in regards to the Not the Cosbys XXX adult movie. Well here's your answer:

    Life's a journey - a long journey full of ups and downs - but primarily filled (from the moment we're self aware) by the choices that we make. Usually I try my best to fully think out the majority of the choices I make to the best of my ability - however even though I try my best to fully think things through, sometimes it's not until later that I realize I didn't have enough information, life experience and/or education to have made the right decision.

    This was the case in my decision to play the role I did in the above stated adult movie. Again I'll say I enjoyed the experience of playing the role for the most part - I learned a lot - both in front of and behind the camera. There isn't a better studio that I'm aware of that could have produced the movie - they've produced MANY very good and entertaining adult movies. A lot of care went into many of the details of the production.

    The learning process didn't end with the completion of production though - I've continued to learn about how such a movie (even though it's simply a parody) can and has affected certain individuals (of which to these individuals, the Cosby show was much more than a just a silly sitcom) very negatively. Being the sensitive and emotional woman I am, I feel badly about it.

    I'm not going to state who I was contacted by specifically (though I will say it was individuals of which worked on the Cosby show directly), but these particular people really affected how I view the overall "porn parody" trend & concept. I'm not against XXX parodies (it was a good way for a while to revitalize the porn industry - though now it's time to move along) - only parodies that really can be damaging to a REAL person rather than a FICTITOUS CHARACTER or a movie/series which may be considered distasteful to mock (for lack of a better way to put it) .

    The individuals who contacted me didn't attack me, via written form or verbally. One in particular actually took the time to see what I was all about BEFORE contacting me, which in my eyes showed a lot of consideration. These individuals explained in a very well thought out, passionate and sincere form that they were very saddened, hurt and disappointed as artists and professionals that anyone would have mocked and reproduced in an X rated form something that they put years of hard work and effort into.

    I can understand their perspective. Hell, if something that I took seriously, was passionate about and worked hard on for years was mocked in a way that offended me I'd be upset as well. I truly do feel like an idiot for not having had the insight beforehand.

    No one has or ever will make me apologize for anything I don't want to apologize for. However if I'm wrong, I'll openly say, that I'm wrong, made a poor choice and am sorry. If you go through your entire life without finding that you've been wrong in some of your actions, then most likely something's not quite right in your head. I've been told that I'm being too hard on myself on this one - I don't think I am at all. I'm very glad that I went through this experience as I've grown and learned from it - so that's the end of it.

    My relocation from south Florida in the summer of '08 out to California and many of the events that followed were fantastic experiences which added to my path of self development - however many of these experiences have been some of the most difficult experiences that I've ever dealt with. I've dealt with them alone and to be honest, without much of a support system. Some of my experiences were the result of choices that I made without thinking them through enough - I tried however and continue to try.

    As I've stated in previous blogs, I'm going through a phase of serious self re-evaluation, re-assessment, growth and change - my goal is to become a strong, successful and emotionally "together" woman in every facet possible - I choose to share some of my journey via this blog and websites with whoever comes across them. Maybe I shouldn't - regardless it's my decision to do so for now.

    All I ask of my readers and viewers, is not to overly judge because you can't see through my eyes or walk in my shoes. Only I live my life.

    In other news, I received a nice email yesterday, so I thought I'd share it to add some positivity to today's blog:

    I've never seen you perform but yet I'm a fan! I found a link to your
    insightful and honest "Getting Into Porn" site off of The Pro-Porn Activism
    blog. I've always been interested in "the business" both personally and
    academically (long story: I attempted to use porn and webcam performers in a
    thesis on "identity formation", but the powers that be "suggested" I look
    elsewhere), and your blog, along with the "Getting Into" site, make for
    great reading!

    Thanks Jim, I really needed that positivity and encouragement.