Monday, June 30, 2008

Well sometime later tonight I say goodbye to Florida for good. As long as some of my family resides here, I'm sure I'll visit from time to time - however I will never come back to Florida to live. I've had some good times here and have made some good friends, aquaintances and contacts - however unfortunately my negative experiences in Florida outweigh the positive (and it's not just my perspective), so sticking around here would be a HUGE mistake and wouldn't help me progress in life.
The timing of my move to California I think is good in some ways (better work/employment opportunities, a more positive and creative enviroment, etc), but the move itself is breaking me financially. I didn't factor out how much it would cost gasoline wise until the last minute which was my main mistake - hopefully I will be ok. I've never been good with money - I don't blame myself for my lack of funds for gas though - I blame the idiots who currently are running our government.
Sometimes in life you just KNOW that you need to do a certain task or follow a certain path. This move to California for me is something that I simply KNOW I have to do - WHY I don't entirely know - however I know deep in my core that at this point in my life, it's where I need to be.
It's interesting how when you start to take steps in life to really better yourself, assholes from your past feel the need to resurface in your life (ex's, past friends or even extended family who hasn't really spoken to you in years). I think it's funny. I suppose it's just human nature for the weak to try to latch on to the strong - fortunately I'm strong enough to shake the weaklings off before they get a hold of me :)
The great thing about moving to Cali, is that it's a fresh start. I'm excited to start re-building my photography and graphics business and to explore other opportunities available to me in both mainstream and adult entertainment - both in front of and behind the camera.
The drive and move will be hard and weird but well worth it. I've had to downsize quite a bit. I don't really have that many belongings to begin with, but considering that I'm only moving with what will fit in my car I have had to give away and throw away many items - some items of which I actually had attachment to. It's a little depressing for me, but I guess you can't welcome new things without letting go of old things.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Haven't written in my blog for a while - mainly because I've been solidifying things for my move to Los Angeles. I found an AWSOME apartment and I'm very excited about moving in. I'll probably IKEA it to death.
Figuring out what to bring and what not t bring on my drive to CA from FL is going to be hard. I think I'm going to wind up putting my bed and sofa on craigslist to sell, and everything else can go in storage aside from my clothes, computer stuff and a few other necessities.
What pisses me off about this drive across country is the cost of gas. I hate the gas companies and suppliers right now. they're making it hard on everyone and it's needless. I'd like for these gas company assholes and middle eastern oil well owners to live my life for a month, then maybe they'd come to their senses and stop this rise in gasoline prices.
Anyways the new neighborhood I'll be living in ROCKS! I really lucked out with the location of the apartment that I found.
The great thing about LA is that even though it's a really cool city, there's a ton of nature to get out and about in.
Well I'll post some updates durring my drive across country. I think as long as my GPS works and I can buy gas, the drive will be a lot of fun.

Friday, June 20, 2008

I think I've managed to nearly give away, or throw away everything in my apartment that I don't plan to take with me on my move across country. Still not totally done, but almost there. It's amazing how much "stuff" a person accumulates yet rarely if ever uses.
The past few weeks since I've been back in Florida have been interesting. When you announce that you're going to move, you definitely learn very quickly who your real friends are opposed to who isn't. You also see the true nature as to why certain people may have tried or will continue to try to stay in your life. Sometimes it's for a good and healthy reason, other times it's not. That's life though...
I'm still not sure exactly what area of Cali I want to settle in. I'm sure God will guide me in the right direction.
I'm about done with adult video for now as a performer. I achieved what I wanted to in that world as a performer, and the content that I have "out there" will only feed into increasing the traffic to my website and camshows which is great. Doing adult video/porn opened my eyes to what else is out there for me - in life as a whole.
As soon as I'm settled in Cali, I'm going to enroll in a beauty/makeup artistry program. I feel like that skill will go well with my photography.
I'm looking forward to working with other performers who want to gain more of an internet presence. That will be fun.
Today I bought a GPS for my upcoming travel, move, and who knows what else. I bought an earlier Garmin model. From what I could see it's pretty comparable to the later models - maybe the maps are a little out of date - who knows.
Looking around my apartment right now I'm starting to realize I have WAY too many electronics, computers and gadgets. Guess I'll always be a nerd.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

A part of me will really miss Fort Lauderdale after I move to Los Angeles. What I'll miss the most is the night life - you just can't beat the social scene here. Last night me and my friend Amanda went to have some drinks downtown in the Los Olas area, I swear everytime I hang out down there and people watch, I always wind up having a great laugh.

Today I realized that I know more about the adult video biz than I initially thought (even though I still don't really know that much at all). A new friend I made while out in LA gave me a call to ask about the porn video scene down here in FL. I told her what I know and gave her the names of a few contacts I have, but told her that ultimately the real money comes from having your own site and taking control of your own image and creating your own content. This particular girl has been in the biz for approx. 2 years, so she probably has a huge and solid fan base but doesn't even know it. Hopefully she'll let me help her build a website.

That's the thing about this industry - women are the ones who hold the real power, but few realize it. I hope that in this phase of my life, I can open some women's eyes to this fact and help to shift the balance of power of the adult biz from being controlled primarily by men to it being controlled equally by women.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Thanks to a good friend of mine Avi G. - I learned today that I accomplished ALL my goals within my "adult video exploration endeavor" after all. My corny, nerdy, dorky - yet cute ass made it onto the BOXCOVER of one of the first DVD series that I ever shot for. Check it out and BUY IT (I'll set up a way you can buy it from me via my website later this week if you're a loyal Monica Foster fan).

Click here to buy the DVD - I'm the 3rd girl on the right on the cover :)

I guess due to my canceled boxcover shoots with another studio which I initially liked but now can't stand due to their "let me make false promises and string you along as long as possible just because we're idiots on power trips" tactics, I didn't think that I'd ever have a boxcover credit but it LOOKS LIKE I DID AFTER ALL! LOL.
I will be posting this up on my myspace too - yea it's just porn, but hell - I'm feeling really great about this :)
As far as I'm concerned this is another step in the right direction towards a prosperous and solid future - initially I wanted to explore adult video to learn the "behind the scenes process" - of which I have. I'm so looking forward to directing and distributing my own content.
I think this warrants a posting on xxxporntalk come to think of it.
Actually upon finishing this blog and looking at the box cover again I just realized that the boxcover labels all the women in this flick as "cougars" - how the hell am I a "cougar" being only 29 years old?!?!?! Oh well - I'll growl, roar and purr with the best of 'em.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Well it's good to be back in FL and to have a chance to rest and relax, but I'm very excited to be moving out to California towards the end of the month. I've wanted to live in California since I was a little girl and after these past few trips to LA I know that California is definitely the right place for me to be. I'm not planning on doing much more adult video out there though, if any at all - unless it's content I create, direct, edit and distribute myself (and hell, I probably won't even be in it - at least not that much). I had a blast doing a good majority of the few scenes that I was contracted for, and don't regret any of my choices, however the mentality of many individuals in the business towards performers is sickening to me, and I try not to spend time or energy with people or in situations that bring me down.
I think I want my new place in California to be a loft - that would be really cool. I also think I want to live in downtown LA, but I'm still not ruling out the valley. Unfortunately my credit sucks right now - hopefully I won't have a difficult time getting approved - ARG! - there's always an element of stress to EVERYTHING.
The great thing about this move to LA will be the opportunity to get into a lot of outdoorsy activities like hiking and biking. Also there are a lot of paranormal/spiritual locations out west that I'd like to explore.
Once I'm settled I plan on taking a drive up to WA too, to check out Kirkland which is where I was born.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Well I made it back to FL from CA. What a trip - I was in CA for a total of 20 days. The trip started out a little rough but wound up being one of the best work/pleasure trips I've EVER taken.
The end of my CA trip was the best part, but being that the reason is personal in nature (yep, even I have to keep SOME parts of my life to myself), I won't go into it.
I've decided that living in CA at this point in my life is the right thing for me to do - in fact I'll go as far as to say it's what I'm meant to do, so I'm going to work hard over the next few weeks to tie up all of my "lose ends" here in FL and make my journey out to CA permanently by the last week of June. I can't wait.
It's good to be back in FL though, the weather is beautiful today. I realy missed my pets a lot.
The cool thing about traveling and living out of a suticase (or in my case suitcases) is that you learn very quickly EXACTLY what you need and don't need in order to survive, look good and hold it together.
The great thing about CA is the abundance of nature and outdoor activities readily available to participate in. In FL we have the beach, which is great, but I'm coming to find that I'm more of a land sport person, and in CA the topography is AMAZING - hills and mountains everywhere. I took the most beautiful hike while I was in CA into the hills and I feel like that's something I should be doing a few times a week - both for excercise and to recenter my spirit.
Over the next few weeks I need to get my SUV in check, and try to sell off or give away things I can't take with me on my move. It'll be a hassel but I'm up for challenge.
I'm not moving out to California for adult video...I'm moving out to California for what's in store for my life after my adult video performance phase. This last trip out to CA gave me such a clear vision as to exactly where my life is headed - it's just great.
The funny thing about this trip though, is that just how my future options and paths were revealed to me, so were many other things...I saw many people and situations for exactly who and what they are. It didn't make me angry though, I just felt pity.

Monday, June 02, 2008

I had a really cool weekend. I managed to work, meet some really interesting people, make some money and gain a clearer picture as to where I'm going in life.
On Saturday I had the opportunity to work with Vanessa Blue of and countless adult videos. I was very excited to meet and work with her - she's a successful black woman of the adult entertainment industry who's seen and been through it all. She's managed to make the transition from in front of the camera to behind the camera as a director and content developer. Though this woman is definitely one of the most professional and business oriented women - if not people - that I've ever met in the biz, she also harbors a solid sense of compassion and the will to help others succeed in the adult industry which is a very harsh and cut-throat world. I received some very good advice and guidance from her that I can implement into my personal perspective and work ethic. I'm a fortunate person to have met someone like her at this point in my life.
On Sunday I had my first all girl shoot. I think it will also be my last unless Carmen Electra calls me to do a scene. The location, director, cast and crew were all fantastic and very professional. Overall it was an easy going day but I couldn't really get into the scene. Why? Well I need the male equipment for the most part in the picture in order to get off. Apparently I'm more straight than I'd ever imagined.

I will be heading back to Florida this week and I'm happy to be going home. I'm ready but will most likely be back out in California in July. When I return, I will find a month to month lease somewhere in the L.A. area and commit to at least 2 months out here and go from there. I don't plan on only focusing on being an adult vid performer though - if anything that will be in the rear of my focus rather than the forefront. I plan on pushing my photography / photo editing business and maybe getting into being an assistant on video shoots - adult and mainstream. We'll see what happens.