Sunday, March 29, 2009
On a recent broadcast of Coast to Coast AM Glynes the "numbers lady" - a numerologist - was a guest on the show - I always enjoy listening to this woman not so much because of her world predictions based on her numerology system, but because she is very optimistic and full of good ideals to live by.
The last time she was a guest on Coast to Coast, she summed up 2009 as being a year of clarification and truths - in other words if you've been pulling the wool over people's eyes for a while, you're going to get called out whether you like it or not.
So far, interestingly enough, that has been a very prevalent theme in my life so far this year - and hell, we're just beginning...
What I've come to realize is that lying never works out. Telling a lie (or living a lie) isn't just defined as falsifying information though (at least in my opinion) - a lie can be the WITH HOLDING of information as well.
We've all been guilty of lying at some point in our lives, but I think part of life's lesson is to learn that it doesn't work, and to correct that behavior.
When I first entered the adult entertainment industry back around 2002 as an exotic dancer I lied to many people in my life about what I did for a living. It made it easy in the short term but in the long term my lies broke or injured friendships, romantic relationships and family ties.
When I took the leap into the world of porn, I decided not to repeat the pattern from back when I was a stripper - I was honest with everyone in my life about my "occupation" - the honesty definitely hurt some of my relationships with friends, family and others for a while - but in the end - everyone in my life who really loves and respects me "got over it" and accepted my choices - so being honest was well worth it and much less stressful in the end.
The really shitty thing about being lied to by a person, is that it's very difficult (and sometimes impossible) to trust them later. The shitty thing about being the liar is that once you tell the person something false (or with hold certain important information), the longer times goes by, the harder it is to tell the truth - yuck what a vicious cycle.
To sum up this blog, DO NOT LIE TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT and/or WHO CARE ABOUT YOU because nothing good can ever come of it.
Recently I was essentially lied to about something MAJOR by someone in my life. I can accept and forgive, but unfortunate short of a lobotomy, I can't forget. I wish I could.
Lately I've found I can trust so few people in my life, but I am very grateful to those few trustworthy people that I do have in my life - I feel fortunate for them.
If there's one thing I've learned about the porn industry, it's that you can trust NO ONE. Being kind to people really doesn't mean much at all to individuals who have allowed themselves to become consumed with hate. Actually speaking of the porn biz, I'm STILL working actively on GettingIntoPorn.com - everytime I think I'm close to it's completion I realize that there's a ton more I need to add. As I'm slowly but surely nearing it's completion, I can't help but wonder why so few women (and men) who have been active in the biz, haven't put together too many resources to aid newcommers...
I'll be doing cam shows tonight/this morning straight through to Monday, so once again - I'll see you guys online!
Here's a cool pic I forgot about - not relevant to this post, but enjoy :)
Saturday, March 28, 2009
In my drunkin state, I found myself:
*ending a friendship that I realized is a bit too one sided
*delving into a pointless rant about the porn biz laced with tales of childhood traumas and issues with my boyfriend over the phone
I came to realize this morning that the only adult video material that I will be "starring" in from now on will be my live MonicaF.com webcam shows and material/content for my own websites and online stores - I'm ready to develop other areas of my life now and create a career for myself that has nothing to do with me being in front of the camera in a sexual way. I had fun for a while, but now it's time to move on.
On a whole I'm very disappointed in the adult industry and in the people who primarily "run it". There are many areas of the industry that need to be fixed and many people who need to be "called out" so once www.gettingintoporn.com is launched, that will be my ongoing "rant" outlet about the porn biz.
Actually I have a good feeling that gettingintoporn.com will wind up helping a lot of young women (and maybe men too) who are in the biz or thinking about getting into the biz. I will probably wind up pissing off a lot of people, but oh well - people should think before they act because no one gets away with being an asshole undercover forever.
The only other thing I'll say in this blog about the porn biz is that it is a "system" - a system that once worked and was nearly unbeatable, but now is flawed and BEATABLE system due to the injection of the internet into the porn equation.
Initially I was going to charge people for the information I've compiled about what to expect in and how to make money in, gain "fame" in and beat this porn system BUT considering how pissed off I am about how I'm seeing girl after girl treated by this biz, I'll be offering the info for FREE - when it comes to wanting to help people I'm a softy and I don't believe in profiting off revealing the truth.
On a happier note, I'm glad it's the weekend. Today my dog gets a bath, my laundry gets a washing, and later tonight I'll be going out :)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I'm working all night tonight though on my webcam. This recession has hit my income pretty hard and though I'm trying my best to remain optimistic, peppy and driven - at times I find myself slipping into depression due to my lack of finances.
One thing about Los Angeles is that 99.9% of the people you meet either lie to you or make promises that they can't keep or don't follow through with - I hate that and I've grown very tired of the pattern.
At this point I'm pretty much being forced to explore other avenues to maintain my cost of living (and I'm talking BASIC needs) so hopefully some of these other avenues will work out.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Later tonight MonicaF.com fans will notice that I have a nice new video intro on the main page of my website! That footage is probably that only time I've looked "natural" without looking fucked up :)
I'm not sure if hell has frozen over yet, but it looks like L.A. Direct models has added a new BLACK GIRL to their roster - maybe she's being primed to be one of the first black contract girls of our generation - only time will tell. A black girl named Coutney Foxx was on their site for a while around a month or so ago but she seems to have disappeared...Why am I fixated on LA Direct's amount of black talent? Well probably because for quite a while now they generally have had 0 to 1.
Tomorrow I was lucky enough to be invited out by Harley Fire's camp to a Dennis Quaid concert. I'm pretty excited about it and will be in attendance with my boyfriend - I'll try to take some nice "going out" photos to post.
See you all on c
Monday, March 23, 2009
Beginning Friday, my fantastic boyfriend made a KILLER new intro video for my website. I can't wait to upload the footage to my editing computer to edit/compile it. I think that some of that footage will be included in the launch of my Clips4sale.com store.
This economy is soooooo horrible and truthfully, being that I'm an adult industry performer who doesn't go beyond "B/G" work, probably doesn't help. Considering that I've done under 40 scenes I see no reason to expand my "menu" of what I'm available for. I don't fault my agency at all - they seem to try and their new asst. agent who's from one of the largest adult agencies really seems to be on the ball.
I'm simply one of those "porn bitches" who thinks their shit doesn't stink (it does but I won't admit it) and who feels she should get the same rate as the white girls. When I see white women who's body's aren't half as good as mine getting more than 3 times the work as myself, I simply don't feel like even bothering, and I'll tell you this, when my test expires 5 days from now, if I haven't had a shoot I will not be re-testing anytime soon because I don't have $120 to just fork over to AIM without a guaranteed return on my "test investment".
Don't get me wrong, I don't just have beef with the white porn bitches - many black, latin and asian porn bitches are fucking over women like me too by doing scenes for $500 and lower. How is ANY woman who halfway values herself in the biz supposed to get work at a decent rate when you have this cut rate shit going on?!?!?!
On another note, tomorrow my dog Panda will be getting a bath and a much needed haircut. Right now she looks like a wookie - which is cute but probably not the healthiest state for her to be in.
Los Angeles is cold - both in attitude and climate. I'm from Florida and am tropical and warm blooded and hearted by nature. I am beginning to feel as dead as the plants and grass around me.
Today I received yet another email from this character in the porn industry named Donnie Long who I haven't met but I've heard more than my fair share about. Apparently this man has created a site called XXXfilmjobs.com - now I'm all about there being online job databases for every industry, BUT here's the problem. This man is obviously trying to undercut the adult agencies and/or cut the adult agencies out of the picture completely. This is not good or right for agencies or people like me who have an agency.
I feel it's fairly important to have an agent/agency in this industry of some sort, at least when you're new because the agency/agent acts as a "filter" to screen out the psychos and fake or unreputable studios that may try to contact a talent. They also ensure that if something isn't right when you arrive at a shoot, it is made right - otherwise they will at least ATTEMPT to get a cancellation fee.
Now if you're someone like Sunny Leone, or Brianna Banks or Tera Patrick, of course you're on a level of which you don't need an agent really, but someone like me does. If porn studios stop using agencies that leaves me and other professionals like me up the creek.
I suppose I'd give this Donnie Long's site a chance if there wasn't so much negativity encircling him, however a few months back he really drug another talent's (who's with my agency) name through the mud, and needlessly so, which really affected her bookability and peace of mind. Anyone who attacks this weak and defenseless just for attention/publicity isn't OK in my book at all. Also I feel he targeted this young woman because she's a woman of color and he knew he could get away with it being that though we're in 2009 the adult industry is indeed very racist.
Oh, "the industry is NOT racist" - you might argue? Well then how come when a white woman does a black guy it's such a big deal and her first "interracial" yet when I do a white, latin, or asian guy (though I've never had an asian guy) it's not? Also why are black women always pressured into doing ANAL (which I decided from the beginning is totally off limits for me) where as white women are not? Also where the fuck are the BLACK CONTRACT STARS?!?!??!?! There hasn't been one since HEATHER HUNTER! Why is my look to ETHNIC for Suze Randall's clients?!??!! Suze.net was a website I DREAMED of shooting for - I'd rather hear that I'm TOO OLD OR TOO UGLY over being TOO ETHNIC. Until I have an answer to these questions I will not shut up about RACISM IN THE PORN WORLD - just take a look at a forum called XXXporntalk.com - these are industry pros and if you read some of the threads and see how racial slurs are thrown you'll see just what I mean.
Interesting how a black woman is good enough to be first lady of our freakin country but not good enough for a major porn label to promote. Oh well, goes to show I've made yet another stupid life decision.
Speaking of the first lady - what the hell is Obama doing wasting his time going on a late night talk show. Considering all the time (and wasted secret service dollars) that went into the trip to the show, the prep for the show, etc - couldn't Obama have been on the Leno show remotely via webcam? Do we NOT HAVE THE FUCKING TECHNOLOGY? Also shouldn't he be spending EVERY WAKING MOMENT on fixing the damn ECONOMY that he ran his mouth about having a plan for rather than trying to be young and hip (and coming off as thoughtless and arrogant) on a damn ENTERTAINMENT TALK SHOW? I'm starting to get pissed beyond belief.
Well my broke and weak and I suppose pathetic overly ethnic black ass better get back to my cam shows before I'm entirely defenseless and homeless as well. See you online peeps.
The video below pretty much outlines how I feel about L.A. at the moment.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Beauty & Sex Appeal. Hmmm - well I think it's possible to have both, but both qualities are so dependent upon the eye of the beholder, how the beholder "interprets" the terms & how the person being "judged" feels the moment that the qualities are" "measured". It's definitely possible and likely for a person to embody a strong "dose" of just one or the other though - rarely both.
In the world of adult entertainment both Beauty and Sex Appeal are important to a degree, but I've come to realize after my mere 30 something scenes, that it's a woman's willingness to completely and freely share her inner understanding of her own sensuality, sexuality and her understanding of a "mass mentality" of a man's desires (as to how most men envision her in a "no hold's barred" sexual situation) that truly makes a "top" performer to both studios and the porn consumers/fans.
Some women have the ability completely & freely share themselves as I just described - just look at a lot of the "top" performers - most have pretty unconventional - hell even questionable physical "beauty" but all definitely have a heavy dose of sex appeal, sensuality, and craziness (mixed with a possible past of major dis function) in their performances. I personally think that it's great, hot and in actuality a true "talent" - but unless you simply have a lot of energy that isn't being directed into other major endeavors - or another significant person in your life, it's got to be pretty draining.
Most likely I will never be a "top" adult performer for the "mass male mentality". Why? Well...it's because I've reached the point now of which I am too selfish when it comes to the energy I'm willing to spend as a performer on a scene with a male or female talent that I have just met. I'm not willing to be free with anyone and everyone any longer. I could BE free for a while, but now I just don't want too. I can ACT free - yes, but acting isn't the same as "BEING".
Overall I am probably more free and adventurous than many women - but God didn't design me along the same lines of the best of the best pornstars (and I'm ok with that). Though I may rank well on the "beauty" end of things (well not to EVERYONE - I've definitely been rejected by enough coke-head jokers in the biz - I will write a blog about some of my experiences with that another day - I might even name names and quote things I heard - hell why not?), when it comes to my "Sex Appeal" or maybe I should say overall sexuality and sensuality - I'm entering a stage in life of which I want to save my physical sexual energy encounters for someone I truly feel close to psychologically and emotionally - yep I guess I'm just a romantic sap now days.
By nature I'm definitely a "people pleaser" as I love to entertain and make those around me (or who watch me and/or what I do/create) smile. However I'm the type of person who only does what she truly feels good doing at any given moment for the most part and I'll always be that way. I'm beginning to feel that though I enjoy my "porn life" it's probably coming to a close as a performer with the exception of content for my own websites, solo performances and a very few select projects.
Yes, what I feel good doing definitely changes as I age and move through life (though I have no regrets), and yea - initially when I entered the adult world I felt driven to be one of "the best", but as of now - I just want to gear my "Monica Foster" life to be something that is fun, entertaining, satisfying and interesting to those who happen to think that the girl & woman behind Monica is cool - and not to those who are out to see the "hottest piece of black pornstar ass out there".
Over the next few weeks I'll be adding a lot of content to my site that is probably more of "the girl behind Monica Foster" than who I initially felt "Monica Foster" would become. I'll also be dedicating a lot more of my energy and time to the endeavors, personal life and goals the girl behind "Monica Foster" - so it'll be interesting and entertaining for some of you out there to watch, but probably not to the general masses of "porn fans" :)
I love porn. I always have and always will and lately I've been watching a ton of it (I love you MovieMonster.com). I'm a "fan" for sure - I'm possibly even a "fan" who decided to just step in front of the cameras for a while but who in the end - has found that being on the other side (behind the cameras) was the better place for me personally all along.
Am I "retiring" from porn - nope - I'll be around here and there. Am I "giving up" - hell no. I'll most likely always work in the adult industry in some capacity - I'm just retracting a bit back into being what I began as - an artist, a cam girl, a writer and a geek.
Well, actually I began as a computer programmer/tech and a stripper - but I don't feel like going that far back at the moment or writing any more on this blog right now :) Starting tomorrow this blog is going to become a bit more "everyday journal" like - I think it's become too over-saturated currently with my self absorption. See you on webcam!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Today will be another cam show day!!!!! It's good to finally be back into a bit of a daily "work routine". Slowly but surely I'm getting all my ducks in a row so that I can launch my 4 (possibly 5) new websites all at once at the end of this month. I'm excited, but I'm trying to put my new project launches as close to the release of my first feature "Not the Cosby Show XXX" as possible.
Speaking of that, I suppose I better get ready for a bit of "backlash" from that project - check out this video someone posted about the upcomming flick:
I might post a video response, not sure I want to take the time though. It's amazing to me how many people just to "get it" when it comes to what is important in life to be concerned about....ugh.
Actually I received a nice myspace email from someone who found another "anti-Not the Cosby Show XXX" blog posting. Here's part of the note:
I happened across a blog regarding your upcoming 'Cosby Show' spoof and it was one of the most idiotic rants I had ever read online. I posted an angry reply only because it was so ignorant; and I noticed afterwards that you had replied as well!
Well, here is my rant at the blogger and those who left comments (apologies for the language and extremely hostile tone, but I got extra-annoyed and I'm a writer, sooooo)
his post is the most hyper-sensitive, ridiculously unfounded piece of race-baiting bullsh*t I have read in a while. Porn parodies things ALL THE TIME!!!!! The Kennedys, TV sitcoms, popular movies, Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky and countless other things have been parodied by the adult film industry. It’s PORN people! We trivialize our own struggle when we bitch and moan about harmless stuff like this. And Alexis, you sound ignorant as hell. It’s a damn sitcom! Are we as a people so LOST that we turn a 30 minute TV show into a sacred cow? It wasn’t even a very GOOD show past the third season! Watch ‘SNL’ or ‘MadTV’ and you pop culture parodies all the time, just like in porn. It will only be seen by people who want to see it, anyway–so why do you care so much? This is what they do! Like Monica Foster said, you’re complete and TOTAL hypocrites. We make our selves look really stupid sometimes.
And I’m sorry–I didn’t realize ‘The Cosby Show’ saved the black community. I must’ve missed that one, because I remember a show that aired during the HEIGHT of crack and the AIDS epidemic, at the HEIGHT of gang violence, at the HEIGHT of un-wed mothers in our community, and at the HEIGHT of high-profile police brutality, yet NEVER addressed any of these social ills. It was pure escapism, so to hear my people talk about that show like it was the March on Washington makes me want to puke. I loved that show as a kid, and it was a very important show–but it was just a SHOW! Stop turning everything into a sacred piece of Black history and recognize entertainment for what it is.
I’m sorry, this is my last post, but I re-read this ‘article’ and got pissed all over again. ‘Defamation of character?’ These ARE FUCKING FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! Are you stupid? I don’t understand this—do you think that Theo Huxtable is going to file suit with the film’s producers? Cockroach is going to go on Larry King? It might sadden you to know that Batman isn’t real, either. God, I can’t stand psuedo-conscious, psuedo-intellectual idiots. And this isn’t MAINSTREAM–that’s the point! If a mass of people get mad about this, it will only affirm my worst fears about where my people are at: That this generation is so lost and so enamored with the pro-activism of the Civil Rights era, that they will manufacture superficial ’causes’ to rally behind; make a big huff, and disappear after a week. Idiots like this are just further discrediting the struggle that we fight everyday. There are FAR more important things to rally about than a damn porno.
It's good to know that some people actually take the time to think and do a bit of research before they pass judgment. Thinking and the ability to research and investigate things in life are probably 2 of our greatest God given tools. I've certainly come to realize that.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Though I enjoy performing in the adult world I'm going to work very hard over the next few months to upgrade my photography lighting equipment and take some makeup artistry classes. I want to be a bit of a "one man band" (or should I say one WOMAN band) when I am able to launch my studio, which I really hope will be by the end of this year. I think if I can wear the hats of photographer, makeup artist, web designer, and whatever else when I first begin, I'll save a lot of money and ultimately feel more fulfilled and in control.
Recently I was contacted by a pretty good photographer who's local to me, and I contemplated doing a sort of "barter" with him (me create his website in exchange for him creating additional content for my site) but though it would have been a cool deal, realistically I just don't have the time and overall I wasn't sure the trade was exactly fair. Also I could tell that this person may have been emotionally draining, needy and had the potential to become annoying- hate to say that but it's my blog, so I might as well be honest. I suppose I just am not interested in getting locked into anything that may not be beneficial to my personal growth or a hassle to get out of professionally anymore.
I think overall March is still shaping up to be a good month. One thing about living in Hollywood though is that your life truly can change in an instant, so I hope I continue of a relatively positive track.
Friday, March 06, 2009
This morning/afternoon I had the opportunity to shoot with Lexington Steele (www.LexSteele.com) of Mercenary Pictures - a multiple AVN award winner, businessman and really cool and chill guy.
In the past, I've said that Eric Everhard has been my favorite male talent to work with - well sorry Eric, but my new favorite is Mr. Steele. He's got the whole package from being totally professional, to having a good and fun attitude, to embodying natural sensuality, to being one AMAZING performer.
I was equally impressed by Lex's director/cameraWOMAN Tina Tyler who is a living legend in her own right - check out her Wikipedia article here. It's so rare to come across other women in the adult industry who "have it together" , so meeting Tina really made today memorable. Tina started as performer/pornstar and has successfully gotten into the behind the scenes aspect of the biz (photography, video, directing etc) AND she still performs every once in a while. I learned a lot from Ms. Tyler today and I hope I get to work with her again soon. She's incredibly nice, had lots of great advice and experiences and insight to share and really made the shoot's vibe very positive.
I'm really looking forward to checking out the photos and footage from today once it's released on Lex's upcoming DVD Milf Magnet #4.
After the shoot wrapped up today I grabbed some Micky D's and picked up my paycheck from BlueBird Films (who I worked with earlier this week). It's sooooo good to finally have some money coming back in, in addition to my website and cam show earnings. Tomorrow will be bill paying day.
February was rough, but as I anticipated, March is shaping up nicely. I'm looking forward to having a fun camshow weekend. Now, time to listen to Coast to Coast AM and take a nap.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
I've resolved not to fall back into the "quitter" pattern that I worked so hard to dig myself out from years ago, and am staying with my agency Type9 after all.
Why? Well this morning I woke up with a fresh perspective on my booking mishap from yesterday. I'd have to say that over 80% of the time I've worked with Type9 it's been a positive and professional experience. I really like the owners Kelly and Kevin, and I feel like they work hard which is great and quite rare in the adult industry. I can't fault them for the mistakes of others that they realistically can't monitor 24/7.
Plus Type9 models has a very well rounded selection of all types of performers and I like that. When an agency's girls all look like clones, it makes me wonder a bit.
In other news, I took out my old weave last night, washed my hair and this morning I really debated putting my new weave in. I love MY hair. Lately it's been getting really healthy and when I wash it and let it air dry and becomes so soft and fluffy. In the entertainment world, I think it's better that I have a consistant and "glam" look which the weave provides, but I think 2010 will be the year of only MY hair.
A good girl friend of mine will be moving from FL to Los Angeles AND into my building in the beginning of April. I'm pretty excited because it'll be great to have a good friend close by.
Well tomorrow morning I have a shoot with the famous Lexington Steele. I'm looking forward to it as he seems to have built a really good reputation and business for himself within the adult entertainment world - it's always exciting to meet others who are driven.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
I have been trying very hard over the past few years not to be a quitter anymore with things I do and to stick out my situations, goals and tasks to completion. However today I reached a breaking point.
What is the job of an "agency" - hell, of ANY sort. To seek out work for their clients, book them, relay the correct and complete info of the job to their (the agency's) client they represent, and then (in the end) collect a commission for their hard earned work from their client that they supposedly WORK FOR and REPRESENT. Right?
Well apparently in the adult entertainment world that is NOT the case, at least not in my situation. My agency has booked me successfully on a few gigs, but allowed too many screw ups - not due to the owner most likely but due to a certain couple employees.
If I were a woman in porn who showed up to gigs late, or on drugs, or not at all, or bitchy, or without wardrobe, or if I didn't pay my agency their commissions even, that would be one thing, but that's not the case.
I'm professional, a decent performer, I drive myself to shoots, am on time, don't show up on drugs or high, promote myself, have the required wardrobe always, keep myself well maintained physically, etc. I suppose that's just not valuable enough to agencies though - at least not to where they'd care to give you the correct info about shoots and the correct amount of pay to expect.
So now, for the first time in my fucking life (thanks to my lack of financial savvy, my stupid move out to Los Angeles, the fucked up economy, and my fucked up ex agency leading me to believe I could expect to make a certain amount of money today when that wasn't the case) I will be late with my rent and some other bills and now have to find an alternate source of income ASAP.
Luckily I have my website and cam shows but I gotta go "hustler gangsta" now not to end up on the street.
Fuck you "J" of Type9 - and not in the good way.
Now that I've written this I feel a little better. I don't want to be a quitter when it comes to the porn industry. It's something I actually enjoy and I don't have much else. I don't know how I'll continue now but I will try.
In the evening I stopped by RudeTV.com and was able to guesthost with the sexy Flexxx on "Ebony Nights" - view the video archive of the show right here : http://www.rude.com/tv/archive/id/77063