Tuesday, December 30, 2008

ATTENTION ALL WOMEN - DO NOT ORDER anything from Golden Mart Beauty Supply (www.GMBShair.com). Why? Well because on December 25th I ordered my regular supply of hair extensions and purchased the 2 to 3 day UPS delivery. Well guess what - they shipped my order GROUND and it won't get here till January 6th. UNACCEPTABLE. I needed to redo my hair by NEW YEARS EVE! If you're a woman, you understand my frustration. Hopefully I will get a refund as I don't even WANT my my order anymore. I will have to call them tomorrow and chew them out.
Fortunately I found an alternative to these assholes very close to where I live: His and Her Hair - www.HisandHer.com - their store is very close to where I live and they have BETTER prices, a better website AND a better selection of hair extensions and other products so I have my weave in time for New Years eve after all.
Tonight I'll be doing cam shows as usual, and tomorrow night I'll be attending the New Years Eve party at a club called ECCO. I'm excited and am sure I'll have a good time. My outfit I'll be wearing is totally Flashdance inspired (yep, I'm a cheesy chick) and I even made some custom legwarmers to complete the look. If I get some pics, I'll post them on the 1st.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Well I didn't anticipate on doing much last night aside from webcam shows through my site www.MonicaF.com, however my friend Nina Devon who played my daughter "Rudy" on the last feature I shot "Not the Cosby Show XXX" called me up for a girls night out. Yea, I was gonna stay in - but considering my mood, and after a little persuasion from Nina I figured going out would be a great thing to do.
Not only is my friend Scott , partial owner of X-play/All Media Play and wardrobe, set design and hair extrodinaire a multi-talented genius - he also has some of the best night venue hookups in town. Since neither Nina or I really know where "the party's at" in Hollywood, being that we both just recently moved to Los Angeles, I hit up Scott for the 411 and he totally delivered. He referred us to a club/lounge called "Green Door" which is actually right down the street from me.
The club had a pretty good crowd - very mixed and trendy. Going out last night really made me realize how cooped up I've been lately. I met the guys from that reality show on VH1 "The Pick Up Artist". The main guy from that show really isn't my type and never would be. I don't care how great his "pick up skills and secrets" are - if a guy isn't my type, he just wouldn't get anywhere - period. HOWEVER, I must say a great big DAMMMMNNNNNNNNN when it comes to his hot friend James Matador. YUM YUM YUM - he's gotta be the best looking guy I've seen in a VERY long time - still I wouldn't ever be able to date a self proclaimed "pick up artist" - I'm a solid relationship type of girl.
Nina and I wound up having a great time of course, and after drinking and dancing till the club's close, we capped off the night at Denny's.
It's been an interesting Holiday weekend - that's for sure.

Friday, December 26, 2008

A person's tolerance level and pain threshold can really vary depending on where they are in their life and what they've gone through in the past. It also varies tremendously from person to person - another thing that varies is how a person responds to pain/discomfort and when and how they express that "enough is enough".
My pain and tolerance level both emotionally and physically is very high - why? Well because in life I've been to hell and back a few times (that may be why I prefer to be a domme (www.MiZtressMonica.com) over being a sub). Sometimes I like to test myself in that department actually to see exactly where I am and where my level is and I'll admit, I'm pretty damn tough and strong - however I'm not made of steel. Sometimes in life I'll give someone a certain amount of "rope" when it comes to what they attempt to get away with or dish out just to see if the person hangs themself. More often than not, they do - as very few people, especially out here in California have a real sense of right, wrong and how to be a real person - basically how to do unto others as you'd want done to yourself.
Recently someone I really took a chance on and let into my life essentially hung them self. It happens and I'm really sad and disappointed, however I'm glad I figured it out over the holiday and before the new year rather than allowing the situation to continue.
This was a bit of a heavy blog I suppose, but hey - I'm heavy sometimes.
Speaking of heavy, I've gained some weight, I think that between now and '09 I want to lose about 5 to 10 pounds of fat and gain about 3 pounds of muscle. I'm hitting the gym tomorrow. I've noticed that when I'm aggravated, anxious or sad I eat - I'm determined to keep myself happy for a while.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas everyone! This is my first California Christmas and though it's technically BARELY Christmas being that I'm writing this at around 2:30am, it still "is what it is".
Upon looking back over the events of 2008, I have to say that I'm broadly smiling to myself. It's been a busy and eventful year - from my migration of Monica Foster from the "webcam girl world" into the "porn world" - to my move from Florida to California - to the currently "in progress" revamping of REDTback.com - to the launch of "GettingIntoPorn.com" - to the continued growth of MiZtressMonica.com and last but not least - to my role as "Claire" in my first adult feature movie by X-Play "Not the Cosby Show XXX" - it's been a wild ride. I'm definitely taking advantage of this holiday season to just reflect and relax a little bit.
2009 should be pretty busy. I'm looking forward to the continued growth of "Monica Foster" - along with Monica continuing in the adult video world, Monica has branched out in the women's wrestling world via DTwrestling.com - Hopefully in Feb, I'll be launching my first POV series site so look for it :)
Of course I'll be continuing my cam shows, and it looks like I'll be developing sites for a few hot friends I've met along the way in "porn world" :)
I'm hoping to do more photography of course but I'm hoping to get into videography as well and possibly directing - we'll see.
Well - I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday season and I'm sure I'll talk to you soon via CamZ.com or elsewhere.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Thursday this week was the final day of shooting for "Not the Cosby Show XXX" - whew! I really enjoyed playing "Claire" and I learned a lot throughout the production both in front of and behind the camera. I'm very excited to see the end results of the project, but the movie's release date isn't until around May of '09 so it will be a while...
2009 should be a pretty busy year for me. Since moving out here to Cali, I've found a new sense of "self" and I'm happy about that. One of my 2009 resolutions (along with quitting smoking) is to enjoy my life more and stop worrying so much.
Today I found out that a friend of mine, actually one of the first women I met when I got into the porn business, has passed away. RIP Nina.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Yesterday was long, busy, tiring, exciting and fun. It was my first full day (from 8am to a little past midnight) on set for "Not the Cosby Show XXX". As I've written in earlier posts, this role as "Claire" has really enabled me to stretch my "acting" wings and essentially exercise a latent part of my mind - it's been nice.
Along with shooting scenes from the script, I had a chance to meet many new people from the media sect of the adult entertainment world. From a world renowned Playboy photographer who shot our promotional photos for the movie to Miss Gia Jordan - a photographer and writer for Xbiz (who is a really cool woman - I've followed her posts for a while now on the adult forums so it was great to meet her in person).
The cast and crew of this movie is really great - overall I feel the project is fated to be a success seeing that there's an undeniably positive and "special" vibe on set which has been present since the first day everyone has worked together.
I'm rarely a "fan" of anyone, but I have to say that now I'll be following the careers of many of the new people I've met who I've been working with - people of note I'd like to mention are Cassidy Clay (this girl should be in WAY more music videos), Misty Stone (2 year porn veteran with a TREMENDOUS acting talent), Tyler Knight (a quietly confident, attractive, talented, and kind performer who always delivers AND who should have either a contract with a major studio OR more popularity independently) and Jenny Hendrix (a young but sweet and very driven performer who I'm sure will go quite far).
Today was my day off from set, so I had a chance to rest and reset. I decided to go to IKEA to pick up a much needed bookshelf for my apartment and have lunch. Below is a pic of my lunch - Swedish meatballs - YUMMMMMM.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

This past Tuesday pretty exciting! It was my first day on set of the upcoming feature from X-Play/All Media Play "Not the Cosby Show XXX". As most of you know by this point (being that I've written so much about it), I'm cast as "Claire". This role, and project in general is the first of it's type that I've had the chance to take part in and though it's a little difficult being that it's a new experience, I enjoy the challenge. I've discovered that I'm primarily a "method actor" - funny...

Monday, December 08, 2008

Well, it's early in the day, but I feel the need to write a blog.

Today I was notified about ANOTHER article in regards to my upcoming feature "Not the Cosby Show XXX" - click here to view.

I was very irritated by this as the writer obviously has assumed multiple negative things about me without 1) having researched me or simply reading my bio or 2) speaking with me, so I wrote a comment as follows:

"hmmm, not reliable… well being that the writer of this article is simply ASSUMING qualities of which I don’t embody I’ll grant my forgiveness (even though all one would have to do is visit my website OR speak with me personally to realize that I’m a very independent , self reliant, ambitious and strong african american woman who happens to be a porn performer as well).
If I had a history of being late or a no show to my past adult video gigs that would be one thing, but that is not the case.
In this day and age (especially in our current economic crisis), feature adult video roles geared towards or written specifically for african-americans are very rare, if at all available. Just a few days prior to my receiving the news about my casting as “Claire” in “Not the Cosby Show XXX” I announced my retirement (though I wasn’t sure as to how long I’d remain in retirement) simply because there were not any roles, feature or gonzo that were available to me, so retiring and concentrating on my other endeavors such as my websites (monicaf.com, redtback.com and gettingintoporn.com) and photography business seemed like an appropriate option.
However since receiving the news that I have been cast as “Claire” for this feature, I have thrown my all into not only the role, but assisting in the wardrobe/costuming of my character and the rest of the cast.
I invite you, the writer, and your readers to visit my official website MonicaF.com to get to knowwho I am, rather than simply “guessing” what type of person I am.
Thank you and I hope that everyone enjoys this upcoming feature as it will be FANTASTIC."

Personal attacks are not cool when the attacker is totally oblivious as to who they're speaking of.

Anyways today was a cool day - I shot my first 2 "Official" matches for dtwrestling.com - I am in LOVE with this company. As a young girl I used to watch GLOW (gorgeous ladies of wrestling) so working with DT is like living out a dream - plus all the physical activity is bound to help keep me in shape :)

I'm psyched about tomorrow as it will be my first day on set for "Not the Cosby Show XXX" - though this production will be very time consuming and a ton of work, it will be well worth it and I couldn't ask for a better studio to work with.

This move out here to California really is an adventure. I have my plate full and though some individuals out there my judge, criticize and "hate on" me, this life adventure has taught me that how I think of myself and my life choices is the only opinion that really matters. Learning to truly love yourself is a rough journey, but well worth it.
I love cameras. I love to be on camera, I love speaking on camera and especially interviewing people. I love shooting both still photos and videos with cameras - however I've found out that there's one "camera angle" that I'm not a natural at: scripted ACTING on camera.
Acting is HARD, however I plan on mastering this skill over time. I've realized how truly difficult acting is since being cast as "Claire" in my first upcoming adult video feature "Not the Cosby's XXX". The script is very well written and totally along the lines of the series which it is parody of, which really helps, so all I have to do is really BECOME the character on set - and I will.
Check out these links - looks like there's even more interest in my first feature, and we haven't even begun shooting yet:



I couple of weeks ago, I visited my friend Desi Foxx (www.PornInTheValley.com and www.DesiFoxx.com) for the day and had the chance to get a quick interview with her I plan on using on my upcoming site: www.gettingintoporn.com - check it out here:

Friday, December 05, 2008

Wow, I've been on a bit of a roller coaster ride since Thanksgiving which has been why my blog, sites and myspace have been lacking a bit, but it's all for the best :)

Check this out! http://www.xfanz.com/news/102444 - yep it's the first official release that I'm aware of in regards to my first upcoming XXX feature "Not the Cosby's XXX" which is set to release most likely around the beginning of 2009 - I'm cast as "Claire" and trust me, you won't be buying this DVD just to watch me, the awesome guys over at X-play Media have filled the cast with TONS of hotties so don't miss it.

This week was busy. Along with assisting with the costuming of "Not the Cosby's XXX" (yes I can be talent and BTS simultaneously) I had a couple friends from Florida come and stay with me out here in Hollyweird, CA - one of them you may know as Amazon Amanda - a very popular BBW model - I'll post a couple photos I took of her during a fetish shoot I hosted for her site.

This week coming up along with shooting "Not the Cosby's XXX" I also have a few matches to shoot for www.DTwrestling.com

Of course, all weekend I'll be hosting live Cam Shows on MonicaF.com and my live free weekly cam show on the CamZ.com network so don't miss out :)

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Though it's Monday, I feel like I'm still on a continuation of last week, being that I've been busy with either a personal or collaborative projects daily starting over a week ago.
I'm glad to be busy because generally being busy leads to productivity which in turn leads to financial gain (hopefully). However lately I've been feeling really drained from being a lot more active mentally than I've been over the past few months.
Mid last week I went to visit a couple of friends of mine, Desi & Elli Foxx and I wound up doing a "spur of the moment" interview with Desi - I'll post a clip of it here later in the week, but I plan on editing the interview for my upcoming site "gettingintoporn.com" - in the interview Desi and I discuss how doing live webcam shows is a vital key in making a living as a "porn star" .
Tomorrow I'm going to tag along/assist with the costuming of one of my co-stars for my final AV role. I'm glad to have a chance to participate in this wardrobe process, I've learned a lot.
I'm looking into buying some new photography equiptment (lighting primarily) to start getting my photography business up to par. Living in Los Angeles is such a bonus when it comes to my photography business/hobby because used equiptment here is abundant and inexpensive. Also there are tons of models to work with who will work on a TFCD basis.
I have been neglecting REDTback.com - not purposefully (of course), but hopefully I'll have all the changes and updates started shortly.
Ok, well this blog is a bit short and cold and bland, but I'll post some pics and video to make up for it later. Oh and thanks for all the cool email's lately in regards to my retirement from AV after this last feature role. I love the porn world but everyone needs to try other avenues.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I recently found a really nice photo online entitled "Gilded Cage" - featuring Holly from the Playboy Mansion show "The Girls Next Door". Being a pretty girl living out here in Los Angeles it is VERY easy to fall into (and then find yourself trapped in) a "Gilded Cage" type situation - mainly because you have many older men out here who have amassed wealth somehow (whether it be via honest means or not)who feel entitled to the consist ant stream of young women who come out here to be models, actresses, etc.

Now if you're interested in a man 15+ years older than you for healthy reasons and it's mutual - GREAT, but if it's just for $$$ I suggest you do some soul searching - because the old men who are after you generally lack a soul.

Older rich men in LA who date young women really throw off the natural balance of nature, because it creates difficulty amongst the population of young men who'd normally date these women. In fact if you go back an an earlier post I wrote on "MenWem", you'll see how it causes behavioral abnormalities in many of the young men out here along with straight up bitterness towards their female counterparts.

Not all young women who live out here fall into the "Gilded Cage" trap, but it can be difficult not to when your tempted by trendy clothes, a nice car, dinners in 5 star restaurants and other things that money can buy. Hell, I almost feel into that trap but fortuntately I tend to remind myself to look at things from alternate perspectives.
Los Angeles women - don't look for old emotionally stunted rich men to make a life for you. Create one yourself - you have the power. Also you might find that dating a man in your age range who understands that a dinner in a nice restaurant is great sometimes but a hike in the mountains or a trip to a lake along with great conversation and understanding is just as fulfilling.

Check out this pic, am I intuitive in regards to choosing sides or what?

Lately I've been looking through my old photos of family, friends, places, etc - I haven't done that in a while, but I'm glad I have recently because it's nice to see how far I've come in life and where I've been - yea, there have been ups and downs but I wouldn't trade any of my experiences at all because I really love who I am now and where I am now (and you better believe many of those experiences were AMAZING - I've been to Stone Henge, the Eifel Tower, the Hollywood sign, and tons more - oh and I'm not even close to being done yet).
Last weekend I attended a "womens gathering" hosted by a good friend of mine - it was GREAT! I haven't hung out with such a diverse group of positive thinking women in a long time - I'll be hosting one sometime soon for sure.
I'm not sure exactly what I'll be doing for the Holidays yet but I'm looking forward to them - I have a feeling that the rest of this year will wrap up nicely.

Oh, enjoy this last pic - especially the nipple flash part :)

Friday, November 14, 2008

Today I had the pleasure of really getting to know the writer of the upcoming porn feature which I'm set to shoot in December along with meeting one of my co-stars. It's great to meet other adult industry professionals who not only have goals and aspirations outside of the business, but who embrace their time spent in the business and who embrace with a sense of reality and class.
Since living in Hollywood I've started to see how closely linked the mainstream entertainment arena truly is with the adult entertainment arena. I give it less than 10 years for their not to be a definable difference between the mainstream and adult worlds.
Since living here, I've ALSO begun to develop a huge preference for swing/big band music. I suppose it has to do with all of the "old time Hollywood" influence I'm surrounded by. Since I haven't really done too much decorating in my apartment since moving here, I've decided that my best route to go in is to take on an "old hollywood" theme in my decor. I'll be sure to post some pics of my place sometime once I've implemented my style choice :)
Well most of the weekend I will be doing cam shows for my "fans" (more like friends) and I'll be working on my online talkshow projects. Hopefully I'll get a chance to get out and socialize a bit, but we'll see.
Below is a photo of the wig which I'll be wearing in the upcoming feature I've been talking about - can you guess the character I've been cast as and what the feature will be?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Though a traditional education is valuable and definitely a bonus in many circumstances and arenas of our world, often times the best forms of education come in via experience, apprenticeship and basically just "tagging along".
Today was part 2 of the costuming process for the role I've been cast to play in my final porn role which is set to be shot in December of this year. I had the opportunity again to run around with the owner/director/set designer/wardrobe consultant of the studio which is producing the movie. I definitely learned a lot about wardrobe and creating and authentic "look" for the film once again - it was GREAT!
Though many people both in and outside of my life might not agree with my personal and career choices over the past few years, I am very pleased with the path that life has set me on. My ultimate goal is to work behind the scenes in some capacity in the world of entertainment (adult and/or mainstream) and as of current, every experience that I've found myself in - especially over the past few months has really been very beneficial to me getting to where I'd like to go.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

There are plenty of things in this world that can lead to temporary "set backs" - recently an event which led to a set back for me was the loss of my main "everyday work" laptop. I've replaced it and most of my data was backed up, but still it is a real pain in the butt to have to reset all of my personal account passwords and such - oh well - you live and learn.
Tonight a very wise man gave me a clue as to how to be successful in this world: make sure you have your PHYSICAL, MENTAL and FINANCIAL life in check.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Over the past few days I had the opportunity to take what many would deem as a "trip of a lifetime". From staying at a top notch hotel in a desirable tropical location to seeing both the prep time and actual event of one of the most pricey, thrilling and popular boating events in the world.
Initially I'd anticipated the trip as being one that would be very smooth and without problems (as well as an opportunity to visit with my best friend), and though I and the individual I took the journey with had a pleasant time - unfortunately there were a few mishapse, misunderstandings and material losses along the way.
What I learned on this excursion however is that often when ou think you're taking a journey for one reason, in actuality the universe may be trying to show you and teach you something completely different than you could have ever imagined due to your mindset before departing on that particular journey.
I'm glad to be back in sunny Hollywood, California and I have a very fresh, optimistic and motivated mindset. I'm beinning to understand that many losses, especially material ones, may be for the reason of a deeper spiritual and psychological gain. I must say that this recent journey re-centered my soul and I feel back on a positive life track.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Well election day is upon us and hopefully my vote counted. Since I'm still registered in FL rather than CA, I had to vote via the "abentee ballott" which OF COURSE I didn't receive in the mail until this past Friday so hopefully my tiny vote truly did make a difference.
It'll be interesting to see what happens politically over the next few years - well hell, it'll be interesting to see what happens in our society as a whole. Hopefully there will be some positive changes.
I read an interesting article today both on adultfyi.com and xbiz.com via the LA Times about pornstars being the new "cross-over" artists - well I've been saying all along that porn is where it's at if you want to draw some attention to yourself as not only an entertainer but as a creative. Check out the link here: http://www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=31078

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween everyone! I think Hollywood should temporarily be called "Halloweenwood" because people here become VERY excited over Halloween - much moreso than people back in Florida.
Tonight I've been invited to 2 parties but I will most likely only make it to 1. Below is the stock photo of the costume I bought - it's supposed to be an "sexy egyptian queen" - I changed the head piece a little and will be wearing different shoes but you get the idea.

I feel as though both my mind and body are totally resetting since making the decision to retire from porn - feels good - however my bank account is not very happy about my choice :)
GettingIntoPorn.com is taking a bit longer to launch than I'd anticipated but the site will be live very soon.
I'm excited about my final adult video project that I will be shooting in December. I'd like to blog about what the project is, but for now I'll keep it under wraps.
Check out my friend's website relaunch: www.desifoxx.com - the angle is controversial but the site looks great.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I love "old hollywood glamour" - I suppose that's why I moved to where I live on the west coast - everywhere you go in the Hollywood area, there are reminders of the cinematic "golden age". Even though I've only worked in the "adult" aspect of entertainment - adult and mainstream are so closely linked that I still feel a close tie to the days of Ava Gardner and Marylin Monroe.

I'm working on a few new pictorial sets for MonicaF.com which will have an "old time Hollywood" theme. Maybe I'll play some big band music while I shoot them - hope that you all will enjoy.

Oh, and one more thing, though I'm officially retired from performing in adult movies, I have one more role coming up which I was cast for prior to my "retirement"
that I simply couldn't pass up. It's a secret for now, but you will know it when you see it :)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Since announcing my retirement from porn / adult video as a performer, I've received more emails than I could have ever anticipated from my fans, my friends on MySpace, readers of my blog & members of my websites. Thank you all for your compliments, words of encouragement, and overall support of my decision.

Though I'm retiring from porn as a performer, I'm not retiring from life :) I plan to move into the "behind the scenes" world of porn/adult video over the next few months. I'm a pretty good photographer (www.id-cdproductions.com) and would like to use my photography skills to get my foot in the door of the "porn production world" - hopefully I can learn more about video production in time too.

I've written a few softcore and hardcore scripts which I'd like develop into several VOD downloadable "mini series" in association with the "Monica Foster" brand.

www.MonicaF.com will remain up and running. I will still be doing cam shows daily just as I did prior to getting into the porn world. I will be relaunching www.RedTback.com before the end of the month and this Friday www.GettingIntoPorn.com will be up and running as well.

Working as a performer in the porn industry has been an exciting adventure. Yes, there have been ups and downs throughout my "porn-star adventure", however I couldn't have asked for a better learning experience.

Ironically, it's just as I made the decision to retire as a performer, that several good porn roles, have been sent my way. Though it's tempting to retract my "retirement", I know deep down that moving on, to other areas of life career wise, is the best thing that I can do for myself right now. I feel that in order to grow, moving out of a zone that you're comfortable in is a necessary step - after all, change is good.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The great thing about new people coming into your life, is that often it's someone with a fresh perspective on the "surface you" (the you that others immediately see) who gives you the best advice.
Sometimes people like this come in the form of friends, acquaintances, potential new romances, etc - but regardless of the type of relationship this person may desire with you, or that you may desire from them - I think you should always listen - especially if they're living their life in a successful way.
So after prefacing this blog with the above statements, I'm going to officially say, that though money is going to be difficult for me yet again - I'm done with porn and all aspects of performing as an adult entertainer with the exceptions of still being a cam girl, and well, if times get too tough I'll strip.
I realized the dangers and repercussions that I could expect from the industry getting in, and I was OK with that because I was curious and it seemed like a good financial opportunity and a cool life experience to take on. However after completing under 30 scenes - I know that this is the absolute right time for me to say "hey, it was fun while it's lasted, but there are other things I have to at least try to do now".
I don't regret having done the porn - the venture brought me out to sunny California, I've seen some cool things, and I've met some interesting people (good, bad and all in between).
I've just always had a pretty good sense of timing, and though I'm not 100% on the mark at all times with my decisions - this is one that feels right.
So, to everyone who reads this and is either a fan of Monica Foster or who just finds me half ways interesting to read about from time to time - you can still enjoy my website MonicaF.com for the time being - probably until the end of the year, but there will be no more XXX scenes coming from me. Thanks for your support though over the years and especially the past few months.
I want to be a regular person again. I know I can't un-do any of my past and most recent choices, but I can at least start making some better ones that are more healthy for my mind, body and spirit.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Yea - made it through another week :) This week was fairly productive in regards to my website and cam shows. I don't have ANY plans for the weekend for the first time in a long time - hmmmm - I need to find SOMETHING to get into ASAP in this case... :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I thought I was over my "home sick" phase, but I'm not - I really miss Florida - from the social scene, to my family, to my friends and just knowing what to generally expect from day to day.
Even though Los Angeles is an overpopulated and congested city, it really can be lonely. I've made a couple friends, but I find that most people here keep even their closest friends at "arms length" - or maybe it's just me.
I haven't been hired for any flicks lately - and though I need the money, I'm actually glad for the break - and this break may simply turn into my "retirement" from XXX flicks - we'll see. I need to figure out where to go from this phase of life...I hate to admit it, but my options are definitely limited.
I was asked today if since moving to California, whether or not I'm "living the dream" - well I think that I am, but like all dreams, they don't go on forever - that's typically when you wake up.

Monday, October 13, 2008

This was a long but interesting weekend - I'm so glad that it's Monday. I'm finally getting a chance to experience a bit of the cooler California sweater weather - it's refreshing - stepping outside in the evening feels a bit like eating a wintergreen tic-tac.
This week is your lucky week private webcam show connoisseurs - I'll be doing shows all week long so send me a Yahoo IM or catch me on the CamZ network - actually today at 5pm PST / 8pm EST is live one hour show for all Club Monica members.
Tonight I got invited to a really cool concert - unfortunately it was last minute and I already have 2 others obligations that I can't cancel today that OF COURSE are in the late afternoon (the concert starts in the early evening - ARG! WHY does everything in California start and end so fucking early! In FL things don't start till much later -10pm 11pm etc - the Cali time table just makes no sense to me) - SO I can't get to the concert. I'm mad. I guess I can't complain too much because there will be other cool events to attend another time.
My first obligation of the afternoon is an audition/reading. It's funny because I used to get all nervous and stuff before going into things like this, but now - it's just another day in LA.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Choices and and reactions.

One of the hardest things about living the lifestyle and career choice that I've chosen is the acceptance of the "reactions" that I receive from acquaintances, friends and/or loved ones. Sometimes the initial reaction of people in my life is "Acceptance" but then later it changes to something along the lines of "ignore the girl till she gets the hint and goes away".

Sometimes I don't know where I stand with people in my life - that hurts the most. Honesty is one of the hardest reactions to give someone in your life - the fact that I require it from people, may mean that I expect way to much...

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

I'm looking forward to turning 30. I feel that when you enter your 30's you are an official "adult". I know I've been an adult for years now, but in all honesty, I moved out to California a "miami girl" and have become a much more mature "woman" since living here.

Living in a new place and not knowing what to expect day to day (mainly due to the industry I've worked in) really keeps you on your toes - and if anything sharpens you up. I realized over the past few days that I needed to ACTIVELY close a few doors that I shouldn't have left open into my life - from people I've chosen to work with, to acquaintances.

Some of the doors being closed, require confrontation - which is something I HATE, but can and will deal with if needed. One of the doors, I wasn't sure if I wanted to close - primarily due to material temptation, but upon realizing that I'd become a virtual slave or pet in order to keep that door open - I slammed it shut - quick.

So all in all, I suppose realization of where I'm comfortable and happy and fulfilled in life, is what has enabled me to mature a bit.

Ironically, I was recently told that I "live in the moment" too much - I suppose everyone is entitled to their own perspective, and that phrase can actually be interpreted both positively and negatively, but overall I feel I live my life fairly broadly. For the moments at hand, the future and the past.

I'm looking forward to seeing what life is going to throw at me next - hopefully some good stuff. Here's a book I'm going to start reading today..

Monday, October 06, 2008

Love, Sex, Money. Maybe I should rephrase that: Love, Sex, Greed. The terms "money", "greed" and "power" are all a bit interchangeable, at least in this world (the world that I personally experience) they are. No matter who you are or where you live, at some point in your life, you experience the effects of love, sex and money/greed/power. Sometimes separately and sometimes all at once. All depends on what stage/phase of life your in.

Lately I've had a ton to deal with emotionally in virtually every area of my life. It's been a bit overwhelming. Luckily I'm a strong girl and have been fortunate enough to have some very special people enter my life who have helped me more than they could ever realize. However I'm not superwoman. I think that people get the impression that I'm stronger and smarter than I actually am. Inside, I'll admit, that I am scared to death, and truthfully I don't know what keeps me going - I guess I feel like I have to always go on because that's why we're here on earth, to make mistakes and learn from them.

I'll tell you one thing about Los Angeles - it's full of unjustifiably large egos. Some of the people with the egos have made more money than they probably deserve, while other giant egos are just dirt poor. It's almost comical.

Since moving out here, I've found myself in some situations that I would not have EVER imagined that I'd ever be in. The only way I'd ever tell the world about these situations would be in a work of fiction - mainly because I don't think anyone would ever believe me anyways. I guess the situations themselves don't even really matter, it's just how you deal with them and learn from them.

All in all, I wouldn't trade any of these experiences I've had throughout my life for anything, mainly because I wouldn't be who I am without them. I'm glad to have the gift of being able to see life from multiple perspectives/angles - because I've found that many people, some very successful, and some not, can not see as I do, and it's sad.

I don't know exactly what will come of this crazy California experience. I don't know what exactly I want, or exactly where I want my life to go, but what I do know is that out of the 3 (love, sex, money), love is the best thing to settle on.

Since moving out here, I've come to learn that some people will do ANYTHING to hinder your success if they've already deemed themselves a failure (or if they lost their dreams). I've had business relationships with people who have essentially steal from me, I've had people with everything material you could ever desire feel the need to tear me down needlessly for their own warped amusement, and I've had people who I've helped, turn around and stab me in the back out of insecurity.

Ugh - the past few months have been exhausting. I still have my personal goals that I'm going to continue to work towards achieving and though life is a bit rough right now, maybe it'll get better soon. I'll just maintain my faith and continue to work hard.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

One lesson that I'm finally getting a grasp on, not just due to age but also to do my move from Florida to California is that not matter how hard you may try, you simply can't please everyone and you definitely can't project your will or views on anyone who's not receptive to them.
Sometimes I feel as though I'm being so rapidly bombarded with new situations that I'm almost desensitized to it, but then again - maybe not because like most people, sometimes I just gotta "break down" and allow my emotions to flow out - just usually by myself or with someone I trust - I'm lucky to have a few people in my life that I can truly trust.
On the positive side of this stage of my life - though it's difficult - I'm really learning to not only know myself, my limits, what I can take and what I can't accept, but I'm also learning how to more quickly asses and deal with the most unusual of circumstances.
Here's a video/song that illustrates a bit what I just wrote.

Friday, October 03, 2008

You never know what to expect day to day in La La land - that's the one certain thing about L.A.
Today I had a chance to meet with www.DTwrestling.com - definitely not what I'd anticipated but a very good work opportunity for sure. The director/camera man was awesome. Hopefully I'll get to work with them a bit in the future.
Thank you to everyone who's been getting cam shows regularly from me and to all my new cam show peeps :) I'll be online most of the weekend so if you've been missing your "Monica fix" now's the time to toke up :)

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Well today was a good day. I woke up early, answered all my email and battled crazy Hollywood, CA traffic to make it to target to pick up some necessities (toothpaste, dishwashing soap, lightbubs, etc) and to treat myself to a new MP3 player for when I go to the gym to work out (I lost my other one at some point during my move from FL to CA).
To break my new MP3 player in, I actually made it into the gym today. It is VERY hard for me to get motivated to make the trip to my gym, but once I get there I always feel great. I just did a cardio based workout today and made an appt. with my trainer for friday to concentrate on my upper body and calves.

Though there's an industry "slowdown" as of current, I've noticed that I'm only working and average of approx 2 to 3 times per AIM testing cycle and that's not good. I'm a patient person and give everyone a chance, but I'm at the end of my rope so I've decided that it's time to seek out other possibilities in regards to working.

Being that I'm a responsible, self sufficient, attractive, and reliable performer I don't think that finding another avenue to work will be too difficult.

By the end of this year I want a different car ( Most likely a 2006 auto transmission Pontiac Solstice convertible ) and a down payment for a condo/townhome. I need money to achieve those goals so I need to work as much as possible.

One thing I've noticed about the adult vid. industry is that unfortunately some people don't WANT to work with hard workers, they instead want to just milk the drug addicts and basket cases because all in all that's what some people are just more comfortable being around. It's sad - but I'm keeping the faith that eventually I'll come across some people who work in the adult world, but actually value a good work ethic.

Off to the cam shows now - see you on MonicaF.com :)
Today was a very productive day. I've taken the first step in developing an idea I have to assist other adult entertainers in taking more control of their career - more about that another day. I also did my weekly webcam show on the CamZ.com network - that is always fun. Lastly I discovered and fixed a problem I've been having with the contact form on my Monica website in relation to the email account it was connected to.

Whew... I'm tired - yet I can't get to sleep.

Lately I've been dealing with insomnia again. I was doing well for about a month in regards to getting enough sleep but once again I'm having trouble. I have so much on my mind at all times - it's great in some ways but a curse in other ways...

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

One thing working in the adult entertainment industry has taught me, is that I'm a very valuable person. Everyone is a valuable person, but sometimes when your worth is shown to you in actual dollars and cents, it's easier to realize.

When I was younger, I went through a phase of low self esteem and self worth, which made me very prone to entering abusive relationships. I went through my fair share of such relationships, but fortunately I realized what was going on before it ever got to be "too late" and I left those relationships. None of my abusive relationships were ever physical (well one was but when the man tried to hit me I knocked the shit out of him - I'm pretty tough), they were psychologically/verbally abusive which can be just as bad.

Currently I know a few women in abusive relationships - 1 a family member, and 2 are friends. My nature is to want to "save" people, so believe me, I've tried my best to show these women what's happening from my perspective, but of course, none of these women want to listen. It's sad, pathetic, but it's their choice - however I've decided not to be a "shoulder to cry on" or a "support system", because what I've found is that some women thrive on the negativity that their abuser creates in their life - it's an attention thing and I want no part of such a disfunctional mindset.

Men who are or try to be psychologically abusive or dominant in an unhealthy way are very weak and insecure in my eyes. I recently realized that someone I thought I could trust out here in Los Angeles is attempting to be a little mentally abusive with me - so I've decided to distance myself from this person. Whether this dude is doing so concously or unconciously, all I have to say is this:

If you're intimate with a woman and by all definitions date her, but can't/won't call her your "girlfriend" to your friends and/or family after several months and don't bring her into your social circle/life, and only want to see her when it's conveiniant to you - then you are a selfish, self serving and just overall bad man. It shows that it's "OK" to you to treat her like she's not "good enough", an activity, a hobby or a toy - and that's a form of abuse. If you want to treat a woman as I've just described, then you should hire an escort - at least that way the woman is compensated monetarily for your shitty behavior and the terms of the relationship are clear.

Regardless of how strong a woman, or man may seem - that individual still has emotions and deserves to have their emotions and feelings respected.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Yesterday was a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGG day. The night before I didn't get much sleep due to some personal/family matters, but I managed to get just enough to function as I had a B/G scene booked. The studio I worked with was Reality Kings - I like this company. They were the 2nd studio I ever worked with (in an adult entertainment capacity) and they're very professional and cool.
The scene I shot was a parody of a scene from the movie "SuperBad" - looks like between this and "Flava of Lust" I'm the parody porn queen :) Though the setup for the scene took a while to shoot, the entire crew was a ton of fun and I had a blast.
I had to drive home like a mad woman though in order to change and make it to the premier of "Pirates 2". I wound up getting there a bit late and didn't get to have my photo taken on the red carpet but that was ok. I walked down it anyways. That event was like a circus - I saw people like I've never seen before. I didn't really know anyone there and after socializing a bit decided I was way too sleepy to sit through an entire movie, so after seeing people and hopefully being seen I made my way back to my car, back into Hollywood, and back into my super soft bed to go to sleep.
Today I hope to just relax and have some fun. I had a great week, but I'm exhausted.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Whew, what a day - I'm sooooo tired, but I figured that since I had such a good day, I should write a blog about it before going to bed.
Today I had an adult vid booking with a studio called Black Ice for an upcoming DVD called Milf Chocolate 3. Once again I gotta say that I LOVE the vibe that's on the majority of the porn sets - chill, laid back, easy going and enjoyable. Everyone from the director, to the camera man to the male talent I worked with today was great. Once again I've fallen in love with another makeup artist - I'd have to say by far that this beautiful and cool young woman, Kristy, is the BEST makeup artist I've EVER worked with! Along with making me look fantastic she turned me on to that new HBO series "true blood". Check out the show's site: http://www.hbo.com/trueblood/
Here's a pic of the me, the makeup job and the super-artist Kristy - weird angle, looks like I have a double chin (normally I don't - lol).

The shoot took a little extra time, but it went very well. After a long day of adult video work nothing hits the spot like a Jack In the Box combo. Today I had a bacon onion burger and curly fries. Yum.
Since I'm going to be hitting the red carpet at that Digital Playground Pirates 2 premiere tomorrow I figured I'd better get a nice dress to wear, so I hit the mall with my good friend Sophie (you probably know her as Sophie Perez from Teen Idol 5). First we tried BCBG - nice clothes but WAY overpriced. Also not quite flashy enough for me.
I wound up finding a really sexy, yet classy cream colored sheeth in a store called BlackJack. I gotta go back and get an Ed Hardy sweater dress from there later next week.
Well I'm beat, so g'nite peeps.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Well, it's Wednesday, this middle of the week. I swear - the time FLIES out here in Los Angeles - I feel as if time moves about 3 times faster out here than it does in back in Florida.

Earlier this week I decided to take a new photo set for my casting photos - below is one of my favorites (so far I've gotten some great props on them):

This Saturday I get to do something fun - the premier of the sequal to Digital Playground's movie "Pirates" is coming up and I get to go - that will be my first official movie premier that I get to attend. I feel like a real Californian now :)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Unfortunately (at least from my perspective) as of current, our society is structured in a way in which the non-creative (people who do everything by the book and who manipulate the "book") methodical thinkers have substantial leverage over the creative thinkers. This leaves the creative thinkers extremely prone to being taken advantage of by their counterparts. Our society will not always be like this (we're actually ending this period of the cycle as we enter the new age), the advantage between the 2 groups constantly cycles back and forth, but right now I'd have to say that the non-creatives are trying desperately to hold on to the little power that they still hold.

An example of my above deduction is very easily witnessed within the porn production industry as means of distribution and focus are rapidly shifting and can be seen in the currently and dramatically in the life of Desi Foxx - I've mentioned this dynamic woman in previous posts, but take some time to read her blog: www.desifoxx.com.
She and her daughter had a pretty good plan as to how to market themselves. However being that they are more creative than technical - some people took advantage of them and essentially pirated their ideas, content, products and essentially their soul.
This was wrong - and I'm sure the powers that be will rectify this situation, however being that though I have full faith in God and the universal balance, I'm going to do what I can to expedite their recovery.

Many of you know I work my ass off and really don't have ANY time for additional projects, BUT I'm going to help Desi and her daughter rebuild their website and instruct them as to how to maintain and continue their venture INDEPENDENT of non-creative thieves who feel that they are ENTITLED to make money off of other people's dreams and efforts due to the fact that they lack their own.

In life, I've been screwed over many times. I've been taken advantage of, beat down, almost killed physically, emotionally and mentally - but at those key points in my life there was always God, someone and/or something to reach out and help me up. I think maybe I need to be that person to reach out and help these 2 ladies get back up.

The longer I'm out here in California, the more I'm able to see how certain industries really work, and how these industries prey on a certain mindset to survive. This activity is simply evil and it's frightening.

It's very scary to think that there are people out there just waiting to steal what someone else has worked so hard to create. For all I know there could be someone looking to steal MonicaF.com - actually I know that there are, considering some of the "offers" I've received as of late. Well guess what - it's not going to happen, and I'm going to ensure that MonicaF.com doesn't just remain, it's going to grow, get even better and spawn a whole chain of other sites that are based on not a "cookie cutter" model - but the beautiful individuality that each person wants their site to be.

So for those of you out there who send me the weird little hate mails, disses, and badly written notes of negativity - it's pointless because the wave of change is already in effect - so u might as well just go with the flow...

I love the age we live in, mainly due to the existence of the internet. The internet is a tool that allows every human mind to essentially create SOMETHING out of NOTHING. It especially puts an artistic person's destiny directly in their own hands. Realizing this simple concept alone gets me high. I think maybe my real purpose in life is to spread that natural high a bit.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Well my past couple of posts have been a bit on the negative side, so to switch it up a bit, I'll write about what a cool time I had yesterday:

There's a reason why women (and men) who get into porn wind up staying a spell...it's because when you actually have bookings (unfortunately mine have been few and far between, but I plan on resolving a root issue as to why this week) you have a BLAST!

Yesterday I got to play a bit of a domme for a scene which was shot for porn.com - from the moment I arrived on set it was nothing but a positive vibe. The makeup artist was fantastic (and an cool conversationalist). I am VERY picky when it comes to my makeup being done because I know exactly what it takes for me to look not just "good" but "balanced". This makeup artist and I were totally on the same wavelength - I can't wait to find some stills of the shoot - below is a webcam photo I snapped real quick in the mirror of this fantastic artist's work.

I and my scene "co-star" were instructed to bring "exotic dancer type attire" for wardrobe and amazingly for once I was asked to select an outfit of MY CHOICE! See, I told you that this was a great day!

To top it all off, the director was pretty awesome as well. I like directors and production crew who actually DIRECT and who don't expect you to be psychic and know what they are expecting just from a vague premise or who want you to totally wing it. I can be creative when necessary, but having some solid ideas to work with is a bit better for me at this phase in my life.

This particular director knew EXACTLY what he wanted out of the scene and how to instruct his actresses to make it happen. I really admire people who have a vision and know how to execute it - that's not just a skill, it's a talent.

This was my first 1 on 1, Girl on Girl shoot - initially I thought I might feel apprehensive about the gig, but I'll tell u - being a dancer is the best training ground to prepare you for the "porn world", because when I think back to my stripper days, I've already got a pretty good amount of girl on girl experience :) [yes, I did many 2 girl VIP room shows with my stripper buddies back in the day].

This week will be fairly busy - as I stated earlier in this post I need to fix some areas in my life which may be preventing me from achieving certain goals I have (career wise) at the speed/pace of which I know I'm capable of. I also have more work to do on monicaf.com, redtback.com, gettingintoporn.com and a new site I'm putting together for a friend/client who's a musical artist. Along with doing my regular cam shows I also need to figure out how to focus more on rebuilding my photography portfolio for 2009.

Ugh, when I think about all the $hit I put up with and all the pressure and high expectations I put on myself it's amazing that I still don't have my dream car or house - it's also amazing that I haven't had a heart attack yet. I think I'm getting close to the car at least:)

Though I get down at times, I don't allow myself extended pity parties - I just continue pushing forward. I feel like anything in life that you hate, don't like or are uncomfortable with you can at least try to fix. I guess that's why my life is in a constant state of repair and renovation.

As many of my friends and family have heard me say, you either get on the train with me, or leave your ass at the station (getting on the train is the better choice - trust me).

Sunday, September 21, 2008

It takes a lot to really push me over the edge, but this morning when checking my "Monica mail" I decided that enough was enough in regards to a certain psychotic "fan" aka "email stalker" who's decided to fixate on me.

This idiot who likes to call himself "Darius Rucker" via his email name (and I'm certain that it's not the dude from Hootie and the blowfish), at least once every few weeks likes to read my blog and then send me insulting emails as to what a loser/screw up/fuck up I am. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I've decided to start posting this idiot's emails to me along with the person's email address so that you, the reader can respond personally to what HE (or possibly SHE) thinks about me.

What is the topic? Fan Mail
What is your email? overheight1@yahoo.com
What is your name?
What is your message? Initially when I came into the business I wanted to be a contract girl for a studio like Vivid, Wicked, Digital Playground or Adam and Eve - well the only reason that didn't happen is because of 1 thing (and it's not my age, or my looks or my fucking and sucking ability): I'm a dark skinned black girl.

"They won't let me in because I'm black"
"I really want Tracy Bingham's role in Baywatch"

Monica,I've been an entrprenuer. So are you. If there is money to be made doing something, it could be having monkey jumping out of your ass, someone will find a way to do it and sell it. It's called simple demand side economics.
you're just fucked up dear. Sadly, you may be talented in other areas. But you are truly a fuck up. but your thoughts are interesting to follow.
I await your latest diatribe.

As an update to this posting, for those of u out there who aren't aware, there's such a thing as an "IP address" lookup - it's a really cool thing to do on the internet when you want to figure out who is sending you junkmail, stalker mail, psychotic cracked out email - etc.

As I initially suspected, the weirdo who sent me the above email, and many others in the past (and who ironically in a previous email stated that they wouldn't contact me anymore even though apparently they still ARE considering that the above posting is from this morning) is someone who I've had verbal contact with.

The IP address lookup pointed me to the Baltimore, MD location which again narrows down my list of suspects (Yes, I'm a good detective - tech savvy baby - BBS days). Now upon checking my email again later tonight, I received yet ANOTHER psychotic email from this fool which I may post if they continue - mainly so that there's a record of this person in case anything weird happens to me.

All in all, this person and people in general who actually take the time to write negatively to someone they don't know are pathetic. Not only am I mis-quoted by this person, but I'm also overly fixated upon. Scary. This person I think may even have problems reading and comprehending things properly (which is even more sad) because points they made about my bio didn't even make sense - in the latest email the person wrote something about me being a psychologist - um, I don't even have a degree and I admit to be a drop out. Ridiculous. Oh well, when u have "haters" at least you know you're doing well. I'll write about my shoot I did today tomorrow. It rocked!

If you'd like to see who I worked with just click here for Mahlia Millian. Very pretty and nice young lady.
Well, tomorrow I have a girl/girl scene for porn.com with the lovely Mahlia Millian - a very pretty african american girl - actually she and I favor quite a bit - she's just about 7 years younger - hmmm, I think this essentially means that tomorrow I'll be having sex with my younger self....trippy.

This will most likely be the last scene I do for a while - mainly because I'm over being a performer for for the "reality website content"/low end studios (aside from content I write, produce and direct myself for MonicaF.com). If a XXX feature/high end role came my way, or a project for one of the upper tier studios or if a DVD series built around me was offered, I'd consider it of course, but right now, I'm not satisfied with my current bookings and my LACK of bookings.

Initially when I came into the business I wanted to be a contract girl for a studio like Vivid, Wicked, Digital Playground or Adam and Eve - well the only reason that didn't happen is because of 1 thing (and it's not my age, or my looks or my fucking and sucking ability): I'm a dark skinned black girl who doesn't kiss enough booty :)

Whether people in and out of the industry want to admit it or not, there's a lot of racism in the porn industry. Look at this girl Mahlia Millian for example: she has a similar look to me but she's even YOUNGER and she doesn't seem to have a contract either - that's sad, especially since according to IAFD.com she's been performing since 2005.

Until I see a black woman marketed along the lines of Jesse Jane, Bree Ohlson or Jenna Haze I will not stop stating and feeling that the people who run these studios that are keeping attractive black women out of high end porn should be ASHAMED of themselves.

The idiots who continue to only cast black women in "ghetto themed" XXX titles are no better either. Considering that we're about to have a black president soon, the "high end" studios had better wise up - hell, it doesn't even have to be ME who ever gets a contract, but it sure needs to be SOMEONE who's DARK BROWN and of AFRICAN ancestry.
The market for women of my type exists, so the only reason it hasn't been tapped is due to the prejudices of the studio heads. If there's another reason - it isn't known to me...

Maybe what it will take is a woman like me opening my own high end porn studio and shut these other undercover KKK alumni studios out of a rapidly growing ethnic market :) Who knows. I feel like there are a few studios who are trying to tap the high-end ethnic market - I've worked for a few - Kick Ass, Vouyer Media, West Coast Productions, and a few others - unfortunately there just aren't that many.

Speaking of people who should be ashamed of themselves, the asshole who's holding Desi and Elli Foxx's domain www.thefoxxs.com hostage needs to GIVE IT BACK. If you go to www.desifoxx.com and read her blog, you'll see how yet another asshole is trying to screw over 2 women trying to make names for themselves in porn.

In conclusion, one thing I'll say is that thanks to the rise in VOD (video on demand) I think that the tables of the porn industry are about to turn. Many of the people who have been living off the porn DVD sales are going to see a huge chunk of their speculated income no longer existing. Many studios will have to shut down. Many agents will be no longer needed as someone looking to book a girl can just go to her website. The real money will be made by the individuals who represent themselves, self produce and sell on the internet. I'm glad.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

As of current, though the extra money would be nice, I'm just not happy with the quality of the last few projects that I've been cast in. Don't get me wrong...I really liked the people that I worked with - I just don't like the "reality show" look to everything that's being put out these days.
I'll continue to maintain MonicaF.com over the next few years of course, along with my website "spinoffs" from the site, but there are other goals in my life I want to concentrate on now. Believe it or not, doing the porn and getting into a few flicks and on a few boxcovers was one of my goals earlier this year - mainly to build up MonicaF.com a bit more - and I accomplished that goal. It sure wasn't too difficult - hell it gives me confidence now to push my other dreams into reality.
Yesterday while doing camshows, I watched the videos "porn 101" and "porn 102" through www.aim-med.org - more women and people in general in the industry really need to take the TIME to watch those videos and to understand where the founder of AIM really comes from (she was a dancer and xxx performer in her youth much like myself). When I launch www.gettingintoporn.com I will be a strong supporter and advocate of AIM. If I ever get rich I'll donate to them.
Speaking of AIM, I'm glad that I'm STD free. I just retested on the 16th and I received my results back today and I'm totally clean. Waiting for those test results can be stressful - you feel fine, no signs of anything but you NEVER KNOW until you get tested.
Not to be wishy washy, but though I've had a lot of fun doing porn, I want to 1) stay disease free and 2) I want sex (with a guy) to just be in my personal life again soon. I'm not ashamed of anything that I've done or anything that's out there for people to view, but I'll ready for a change again in the near future.
I'm looking forward to pushing my photography a bit more in the next few months and I am still happy that I've moved out here to California - what a cool adventure.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Living out here in California, well just living my life in general is close to paralleling the premis of the new movie "Death Race" - hell, maybe it's even more treacherous.
Physically, it's tiring - mentally and psychologically - even more so. What's most difficult is figuring out who to trust and who not to trust. All in all I think that if I can make it through this part of my life, the reward in the end will be beyond worth it - freedom. Not just financial freedom, but the freedom to finally understand and accept exactly who I have been, who I am, and who I will be.
Sometimes I feel like I might get lost in "Monica Foster" - maybe I already have and I'm not entirely sure that is such a bad thing.
This week will be pretty busy, and I'm glad. Well, I've actually been pretty busy since I've arrived out here in California - but with the fall and winter on the approach, for some reason throughout my life this is always the most busy and productive time for me.
This Friday will be the relaunch of the member's section of MonicaF.com - I hope all of you who are a member of Club Monica enjoy what you will see.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Today was a busy, productive and unexpected day. A couple days ago I called Caveman, star of "Flava of Lust" (the last XXX porn title that I'm featured in) to let him know that the title is in the stores - since I hadn't seen him in a while we decided to meet up today to discuss some ideas I have for his self marketing plan (so of course I brought my video camera).

We wound up having a cool afternoon - grabbed some lunch and then hit Caveman's lab aka music studio so that I could check out his tracks, freestylin and to record a quick "Monica Foster eXclusive" interview.

I'm not done editing the entire interview but here's something I threw together for those of you who just can't get enough of my world :)

Friday, September 12, 2008

OK people - the one XXX porn title that I'm featured in that I have been anticipating the release of is finally out! "Flava of Lust" featuring my good friend Cave Man as a "Flavor Flave" type character is out! Get it through my website www.MonicaF.com today!

I'll be doing webcam shows all weekend so talk to you guys soon!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Here's a photo of me @ my mothership - totally unrelated to this post :)

I'm pretty impressed with Elli and Desi Foxx of www.thefoxxes.com. They've managed to get their site up and running, on the Howard Stern show AND have shot their first DVD. Go Girls! I can't wait to get my first self produced DVD out on the shelves. Hopefully that will be in the next month or so.

I'm very happy for the recent flood of website traffic I've been getting, however along with the new fans comes the new stalkers. I really don't understand why people send me fake employment opportunities. It's not just stupid and pointless, it's pathetic.

In other news, looks like Penthouse Magazine tried to follow me on Twitter.com - well that company/organization was promptly deleted from my Twitter list. Why? Well mainly because along with Penthouse and Hustler have deemed me "not what they're looking for" at this time. I actually received a rejection letter from Hustler TWICE - I suppose they needed to really rub it in. Well, I feel like they're the ones who've missed the boat - the SS Monica.

I feel that magazines like those are old school anyways - newschool is the internet, forward thinking organizations who aren't afraid of 29 year old dark skinned black women and self marketing individuals like myself, the Foxxes, Bobbi Billiard, etc.

I decided to link up my fetish DVD release and fetish VOD to MiztressMonica.com today - can't wait to totally revamp that site. I really can't wait to put out more fetish work - most of my fetish content will probably be self produced.

Well I'm off to do my show on CamZ.com now for the members of my website. Enjoy peeps.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Yesterday was an interesting day. In the morning/early afternoon I ran some errands and got everything set up properly with a couple affiliate programs I'm linked to on my website of which I had the coding incorrect. Then I realized that I'd have to cancel my 2pm PST show on CAMZ because I forgot I was schedule to do a XXX porn scene for a site called "AssLikeThat.com" - yep, even though I have a small ass, I managed to get a booking for that site. I can't wait to see the footage.

The filming of the scene itself went well. The male talent was a very nice and ambitious young man who uses the name Julius Ceazher. The director who goes by the name Jimmy Lifestyle was SOOOOOOO cool - I actually had a personal biological mishap at the end of the scene that was pretty embarrassing that he helped me out with - thanx Jimmy! The cool thing about the XXX porn world is that in general, everyone you work with is very down to earth.

I'm going to reschedule my show on CamZ for tomorrow. Today was a day of rest, trips to the bank and now a little more rest before I start working on my websites.

Starting tomorrow I'm gonna start getting back in the gym. Due to work/stress I haven't been going like I should be but hell, I'm paying for the freakin membership so I'd better take advantage.

Today I asked Cassandra Cruz to be my co-host for my upcomming online show "Getting Into Porn" (www.GettingIntoPorn.com), hopefully she'll want to be a part of project, but if not, I have a few backups - stay tuned peeps :)

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Well, I designated this weekend as a "work weekend" and it most certainly has been. I feel like I'm FINALLY starting to reap some of the rewards from working so hard on my website: www.MonicaF.com - today I had over 1000 unique visits to my website. That is fucking AMAZING!
I have to thank Freeones.com and Nick Milo for making this happen. Nick Milo is a photographer/videographer/director out here in Los Angeles. I worked with him back on my 2nd "porn trip" out here to California from Florida when I first got in the biz. He photographed me in a Freeones.com bikini and holding a Freeone's flag (nude of course). The photos made it into one of the site's heavily promoted free galleries today apparently - here's one of the shots:

I feel as though I've pretty much tricked out the free area of MonicaF.com so tomorrow I will start uploading all the new content I've created over the past year or so into the member's section of the site "Club Monica".
Oh, I added a new Video on Demand theater to MonicaF.com - actually you can access it through www.MonicaFosterXXX.com as well. Instead of having to wait for my DVD's to arrive people can just watch them in my Monica Foster XXX Porn Theater - how cool.
I'm excited about turning my attention to GettingIntoPorn.com and RedTback.com this week. Those are 2 online shows I'm pretty passionate about launching properly.

Friday, September 05, 2008

I'm finally reaching the video editing portion of my MonicaF.com website revamp - wooohooo! For those of you who frequent MonicaF.com, you'll notice that the front page has changed a bit and features my xxx porn titles and a bit more user friendly navigational base.

The "shop" section of my site features my current xxx porn releases along with the opportunity to order an autographed copy of each DVD I'm featured in.

I also decided to include links to the websites that offer "online only" xxx porn scenes I'm in since many of my fans have requested the links.

Hopefully later today/tonight I'll have a chance to give a face lift to REDtBack.com as well - I'd like to re-launch the show next week and do a RED T back 2 week marathon just to generate interest as to the subject matter again.

Lastly I'm adding a fan forum to MonicaF.com to discuss all things Monica Foster. Enjoy and stay tuned people :)

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Today I was DETERMINED to get a new intro video up on www.MonicaF.com and I did - after going through hassle after hassle. Apparently the new camera I have records in a file format that's not supported by my old editing software. I was hoping that I could just utilize a free video format converter that I found online to continue using the old software but no such luck - instead I wound up having to shell out a few bucks for an updated video editing package. I can't complain too much - it was worth it because the package I purchased has a very intuitive user interface.

Here's my new video - cheesy yes, but I think it's cool :)

By tomorrow the front page of my site should look a little different. Just trying to really tie the Monica Foster thing together as well as I can.

Here's some exciting news - I spoke with someone today who's started a very cool mobile internet network concept - hopefully I'll be able to take MonicaF.com into the mobile media market a bit more with it. Exciting times - oh yea...

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Well it's Wednesday and my week's gotten off to a great start. All my bills are paid, and my creative juices are flowing overtime. Today I need to edit the photos from the last pictorial of myself that I shot. I'll post a sample pic on this blog entry later - I'm getting damn good with lighting :)
Today I'm planning on re-shooting and editing the intro video for my website. I'm excited to get some feedback as to some of the changes I'm making to my website.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Wow, I thought Miami was a city full of hustlers - wrong. The amount of scammers in Miami is not at all CLOSE to how many low-life , yet surprisingly sophisticated hustlers there are out here in the Hollywood/Los Angeles area - it's absolutely amazing. Here, you have to be VERY careful (of which I am) about who you share ANY ideas with, because a lot of people are DESPERATE to do ANYTHING or step on ANYONE to make it.
I'm really grateful for the fans that I've earned along this "Monica Foster" journey. Why? Well, mainly because they know what I'm really about and the real me. Lately I've had a flood of interest and new fans due to my xxx porn video releases, which is great, but what I find so odd is that many of them really can't believe that it really has been me who's taken some of my own best photos (via my interval timer attached to my camera) and me who's maintained my website.
I guess it's just hard to believe that someone really can be attractive and have a bit of a brain.
Yesterday was very productive. Did some cam shows, cleaned my bathroom, worked on my website, bathed my dog, then did some more cam shows.
Tomorrow here's what's on the "To Do" list: stop by my agency to pick up my pay check, stop by the bank , grocery shop, buy a vacuum cleaner, do cam shows, work on my website more, re-shoot and edit the video intro for my website, re-work the layout for the front page of my site.

Later in the week I will FINALLY be able to upload the new media to Club Monica.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

I can't believe we're already entering September - I'm glad though because I love the fall, and the great thing about California opposed to Florida is that you actually experience some "seasons". I can already feel the weather getting cooler and I'm hoping that by November I can bust out my leather pants :)

I haven't met that many people in the area just yet, but it AMAZES me as to how many people feel the need to over-exagerate how successful they are and just out-right lie about what their intentions are. I'm definitely grateful that I've made the few legit friends that I have, because I'm going to be very selective in creating any additional friendships at this point.

One thing I love about the area of California I live in though, is how many women wear DRESSES in their everyday lives. I've always been more of a pants/shorts type of girl, but as of late - I've been tapping a bit more into my femininity and have been busting out with the dresses :) It's a nice change.

Today I took some time to really reflect on my work as an adult entertainer, adult video star and porn star - some people may say those 3 terms are interchangable but from my perspective, they are not at all.

This September www.GettingIntoPorn.com and www.GettingOutofPorn.com will be launched and I'm very excited about it. I feel capable of launching both sites because well, even though I only have about 22 scenes under my belt I successfully "got into porn" and though I'm not officially "retired" any other porn videos I star in most likely will be videos that I direct, shoot and produce under my own company. I don't feel like making anyone else any more money.

One thing that I want the 2 sites to really do though, is to educate the public about what it really takes to survive in the porn world - psychologically and physically. It amazes me as to how infatuated the world is with the adult and porn biz, but how it's so condemned. Well, I take that back, I'm not "amazed" by this - I just think it's funny to hear a man say how much he LOVES Jenna Jameson or Heather Hunter but then in the same breath how "horrible and dangerous" it is to do porn due to it being "unprotected sex". Oh, and most likely that SAME guy will call up an escort agency and fuck the escort with a condom but require "un-covered" head, because it's not "that un-safe".

Oh how the high and mighty continue to fall.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Well it's the end of yet another lovely Califonia week. This week wasn't overly productive being that I was ill, but it's ok, I'll just work extra hard this weekend on some things I need to get done.
Read in the news this morning that McCains running mate will be the Alaskan governor, that's interesting considering that she's a woman - I suppose he figured he had to add some flavor of some sort to his campaign considering how dry and vanilla McCain already is. This will be a very interesting election.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Thank goodness for antibiotics. Today is the first day since about last Thursday or Friday that I feel back to "normal". I don't know where that cold/flu came from or why it chose me to attack but the antibiotics have (at least from what I can tell) pretty much defeated it. Yea!!!
Today/tonight I'm probably going to a shoot another new pictorial for my website. Maybe oneday I'll actually get these pictorials uploaded.
I've been approached recently with a business proposal which would most likely give me the type of adult industry career that I've been wanting, but would require me to relinquish control of my "image" (as in how I wear my hair, my wardrobe on set, how I'm marketed, etc) - well that's all fine with me because I'm exhausted from doing everything myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of what I've built in regards to "Monica Foster", which isn't that much, but I'm ready to turn Monica over the some "experts".
I may try to do my show on camz tonight as well.
Just as I love the "fan mail" I get through my site, I also find the hate mail equally entertaining. Here's a hatemail I received this afternoon:
wow!! Are you overfull of yourself!!
Geeeezz!! Monica, I've been following you since the spring. I was even a
member of your site for 2 mos or so.
You are attractive. Yes!! Smokin?? Umm, I don't so. Nice body. Smokin????
ummmmmm I don't think so. You are really full of yourself. Too much so!!
You get treated like you are because of the business you are in dear. It
ain't hard to figure out. You say that you aren't whorin around.
You're having sex for money!! What do you call that?? Look, I don't give
a fuck if you're selling pussy in church. Doesn't bother me. I state
this only as an observation.

You've obviously made some mistakes in your life. That's cool. Who
hasn't?? And you're still young. But you should study those and be
moving to make right decisions. You have absolutely no chance of making the
transition to mainstream movies. NONE!! I've seen your movies. Look Good??
yes. Act?? Absolutely fucking terrible. Laughable!! Monica, nobody can
argue that you are a dumb bunny. But you have a pattern of making horrendous
decisions. And as long as you refuse to recognize that, those decisions will
continue. Get off the "attractive or hot" deal and USE YOUR FUCKING
MIND! Leave the other shit for lagniappe.
Good Luck

For someone who is so passionate about what a horrible performer I am and who's so on top of the bad decisions they perceive me as have making, they certainly aren't too confident, because of course, it was sent ANONYMOUSLY.

Look, if you're going to diss me, at least sign the email with your full name. Be proud of your opinions on me if you care to share them - otherwise it just makes you yet another coward. This email doesn't even make sense, because if I'm a girl who's so misguided how in the world do I manage to maintain my website, cam shows, av career, photography biz, website biz and overall life?

It's easy to go off on someone that you THINK you know, anonymously or not, but really a person has NO right to do so unless they're putting themselves out there publicly in the same capacity. I've taken a risk in life and I can accept the criticism that comes along with it, but I'm not made of stone - I deal with it but it DOES hurt on a certain level, so whoever sent me this shit is in the wrong. I'd actually like to take a good long look at the person and life of the person who sent this.

ANyways who cares, maybe I am full of myself - I gotta be - and if I'm not so hot, why else would anyone bother viewing my website :)

I've finally come to terms with the fact that very few if any people will agree with the lifestyle I lead, and that's cool, because the only people the really matter to me are my family a few friends and myself. Afterall, myself is all I really have anyways.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Well since I wasn't feeling too great yesterday, Monday was chore day. I got everything done but vacuuming (because I don't have a vacuum yet) and the dishes (because I hate doing dishes), but I'll at least get the dishes done tonight. Laundry is done, and this mid afternoon I'm re-doing my hair.
I received an email from a "Monica Foster" follower/fan today asking if I'd consider breast implants. Hmmmmm. In the past I've always said, no, but truthfully if they were FREE and I had no obligation of any sort to whoever got them for me and they were done by a top notch surgeon and would be removed for free in 2 to 3 years, I'd definitely go up to a DD. Why not. However nothing in life is free though. I sent my stipulation to the fan and told him/her to throw in a new car. LOL.
Anyways I'm dedicating this week to make lots of new Monica Foster videos. Been saying that for a while but now I'm set to do so psychologically.
I wasn't going to even mention this recent incident which occurred in my life, but I've opted to do so because it's something that's happened to me on more than one occasion since developing MonicaF.com and it's frustrating, depressing, and makes me sick due to the fact that I struggle so much for such little (if any) reward.
I was recently contacted to do a "pre-interview" for a documentary. I went in, did the interview and about halfway through, I realized that the guy (surprisingly a young guy) conducting the interview just wanted to meet a chick in porn and possibly fuck her. The guy was nice enough on the surface though, so I gave him a chance and hung out with him again (he took me to lunch), but surprise surprise (not), I was right about my initial hypothesis of him. He was just another dude trying to fuck me. Oh and to top it off, he had the nerve to tell me in not so direct terms that since Jenna Jameson could never get a mainstream role due to the "powers that be" other than appearing as Jenna Jameson, that I don't have a chance in hell at ever doing anything mainstream. Needless to say, he didn't accomplish his goal of fucking me. Not even close.
Recently when I was cast into a "mainstream" film, it was the same case - but with the director - yep, he just wanted to get with a cute black chick - it didn't happen.
Shit like this happening, in conjunction with me busting my ass just to make my rent and bills really makes me wish some days that I'd never made the the move to California. Many people here are just plain bad. I suppose I'm dwelling on the negative because I'm still not feeling 100% health wise, I HATE CATCHING COLDS, but everyone is entitled to wallow in self pity at times.
I think for shits and giggles I might post a personals ad today - yep I'm lonely and I'm determined to find someone decent soon who actually WANTS to be with me and who I want to be with.

oh and ps: I'm really SICK of assholes both via email and in person inferring that I didn't build and don't maintain my own website. No I did not HIRE anyone! Do I have to make ANOTHER fucking youtube video showing that I did like I how I had to prove I do my own photos? Yea, I might not be the brightest light on the x-mas tree considering my life and financial status, BUT I managed to emit enough brainpower to build a simple HTML based site.

and another ps: If any of you sorry fucks who have conned or tricked me into meeting you in person have the nerve/balls to write and sell a miniseries, book or screenplay script using my blogs/life story as inspiration I will not just sue you, I will hunt you down and CASTRATE you because I'm a chick in life with NOTHING to lose at this point in time.

Yep, I'm a little crazy and it works for me.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Last week was hectic but worth it. I think I ran myself so ragged that I didn't eat enough so unfortunately I suffered healthwise over the weekend - caught the cold from hell. I haven't had a cold like that in YEARS. It's just about over now, but I'll tell you what, when you're sick you REALLY realize who truly cares about your health and well being and who doesn't...
Friday night I was called in to do an interview for the show "Color Blind" on Rude TV (www.rudetv.com). It was a ton of fun, the host and co-host of the show (Powder and Maya Masaon) were really nice. We got into a fairly deep convo about the lack of ethnic "contract girls" in the biz and the racial stigmas which are still very present in the adult biz. The interview was great, when I find it online I'll post it to my blog, unfortunately due to the my seasonal cold settling in I sounded very nasal.
Sunday I just relaxed and started to feel a little better.
Today's monday and I feel even more back to normal but not quite. I might try to get a prescription for some antibiotics just to knock the rest of this sickness out of my system but we'll see. Since I was busy over the weekend, Monday (today) is chore day and I started it off by answering some fan mail. I love my fans and since my adult DVD's have come out, I have even more - however every once in a while I get assholes who try to email me who then act surprised when I tell them to go to hell. Here's an example:
What a knockout you are. We have never met before butfor some reason we might have a mutual friend in the strip club business inMiami. I think their intention was to maybe hook us up to meet. Never seeing apicture of you until today...needless to say opportunity lost !!Back to business. You should contact my dear friend friend ***.com he might be very useful to you in one of your newventures. Besides glamour he shooting a lot of adult content.I will be in LA end of September to visit him.Good luck and if you would like me to call him on your behalf it would be mypleasure.Gary
I get a lot of these emails - either someone from my past or some dude who knew of me but didn't think I was someone they'd want to date will suddenly see my site or dvd's or whatever and figure they'd try to "do me a favor" now or reconnect in some way. Wrong. I replied to this guy that I don't need anyone to call anyone on my behalf and that I'm not interested. Here's what the douche bag wrote back:
Hi Monica...never claimed to know you. My friend Alex was the manager at the club next to Treasure Island in Hialeah..it is now A Booby Trap, don't remember the old name (Mirage ?). He probably wanted me to meet you....that does not mean you ever knew about it !! Not everybody has an angle !! If I wanted to meet you all I would really have to do is hire you.
Um, no. First off I doubt this guy runs a studio so how would he "hire me" unless he's inferring that I escort, which he probably was, and since I don't he's even more of an ass in my eyes.

Though there are many downfalls to having chosen the career and lifestyle which I have, it's also very rewarding. What people don't realize is that by having worked within the adult field and by putting out my "look" and "image" as a "sex symbol" of sorts, I'm changing the standard of beauty for african american women. It used to be that an african american woman, especially one with a dark complexion such as mine, wouldn't EVER be cast in high end adult videos. Well, I feel like I'm opening a few damned doors and changing the face of what and attractive black woman can be.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Well this has been one hell of a week. Financially it was fantastic - no complaints at all - had a couple AV bookings and my camshows through MonicaF.com have rocked. However socially it's been a bit "off".
The one important thing to me in life is honesty. Though my life is unconventional and as "Monica Foster" at times I have to act, I'm always honest as the woman who created monica Foster and probably about 90% of the time as Monica.
Unfortunately I'm coming to quickly find out the people in Los Angeles - ESPECIALLY people in Hollywood who may or may not work in the field of entertainment are all full of shit. Well maybe not all but at least 90% of them are.
Recently I think I was tricked into meeting someone - what's shitty is that I would have probably wanted to be friends/hang out with this person anyways without having to be tricked. Pisses me off that people really think I'm a trickable airhead. Oh well - live and learn.