Happy Halloween everyone! I think Hollywood should temporarily be called "Halloweenwood" because people here become VERY excited over Halloween - much moreso than people back in Florida.
Tonight I've been invited to 2 parties but I will most likely only make it to 1. Below is the stock photo of the costume I bought - it's supposed to be an "sexy egyptian queen" - I changed the head piece a little and will be wearing different shoes but you get the idea.


I feel as though both my mind and body are totally resetting since making the decision to retire from porn - feels good - however my bank account is not very happy about my choice :)
GettingIntoPorn.com is taking a bit longer to launch than I'd anticipated but the site will be live very soon.
I'm excited about my final adult video project that I will be shooting in December. I'd like to blog about what the project is, but for now I'll keep it under wraps.
Check out my friend's website relaunch: www.desifoxx.com - the angle is controversial but the site looks great.

I love "old hollywood glamour" - I suppose that's why I moved to where I live on the west coast - everywhere you go in the Hollywood area, there are reminders of the cinematic "golden age". Even though I've only worked in the "adult" aspect of entertainment - adult and mainstream are so closely linked that I still feel a close tie to the days of Ava Gardner and Marylin Monroe.

I'm working on a few new pictorial sets for MonicaF.com which will have an "old time Hollywood" theme. Maybe I'll play some big band music while I shoot them - hope that you all will enjoy.



Oh, and one more thing, though I'm officially retired from performing in adult movies, I have one more role coming up which I was cast for prior to my "retirement"
that I simply couldn't pass up. It's a secret for now, but you will know it when you see it :)

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Yea - made it through another week :) This week was fairly productive in regards to my website and cam shows. I don't have ANY plans for the weekend for the first time in a long time - hmmmm - I need to find SOMETHING to get into ASAP in this case... :)

I thought I was over my "home sick" phase, but I'm not - I really miss Florida - from the social scene, to my family, to my friends and just knowing what to generally expect from day to day.
Even though Los Angeles is an overpopulated and congested city, it really can be lonely. I've made a couple friends, but I find that most people here keep even their closest friends at "arms length" - or maybe it's just me.
I haven't been hired for any flicks lately - and though I need the money, I'm actually glad for the break - and this break may simply turn into my "retirement" from XXX flicks - we'll see. I need to figure out where to go from this phase of life...I hate to admit it, but my options are definitely limited.
I was asked today if since moving to California, whether or not I'm "living the dream" - well I think that I am, but like all dreams, they don't go on forever - that's typically when you wake up.

This was a long but interesting weekend - I'm so glad that it's Monday. I'm finally getting a chance to experience a bit of the cooler California sweater weather - it's refreshing - stepping outside in the evening feels a bit like eating a wintergreen tic-tac.
This week is your lucky week private webcam show connoisseurs - I'll be doing shows all week long so send me a Yahoo IM or catch me on the CamZ network - actually today at 5pm PST / 8pm EST is live one hour show for all Club Monica members.
Tonight I got invited to a really cool concert - unfortunately it was last minute and I already have 2 others obligations that I can't cancel today that OF COURSE are in the late afternoon (the concert starts in the early evening - ARG! WHY does everything in California start and end so fucking early! In FL things don't start till much later -10pm 11pm etc - the Cali time table just makes no sense to me) - SO I can't get to the concert. I'm mad. I guess I can't complain too much because there will be other cool events to attend another time.
My first obligation of the afternoon is an audition/reading. It's funny because I used to get all nervous and stuff before going into things like this, but now - it's just another day in LA.

Choices and and reactions.

One of the hardest things about living the lifestyle and career choice that I've chosen is the acceptance of the "reactions" that I receive from acquaintances, friends and/or loved ones. Sometimes the initial reaction of people in my life is "Acceptance" but then later it changes to something along the lines of "ignore the girl till she gets the hint and goes away".

Sometimes I don't know where I stand with people in my life - that hurts the most. Honesty is one of the hardest reactions to give someone in your life - the fact that I require it from people, may mean that I expect way to much...

I'm looking forward to turning 30. I feel that when you enter your 30's you are an official "adult". I know I've been an adult for years now, but in all honesty, I moved out to California a "miami girl" and have become a much more mature "woman" since living here.

Living in a new place and not knowing what to expect day to day (mainly due to the industry I've worked in) really keeps you on your toes - and if anything sharpens you up. I realized over the past few days that I needed to ACTIVELY close a few doors that I shouldn't have left open into my life - from people I've chosen to work with, to acquaintances.

Some of the doors being closed, require confrontation - which is something I HATE, but can and will deal with if needed. One of the doors, I wasn't sure if I wanted to close - primarily due to material temptation, but upon realizing that I'd become a virtual slave or pet in order to keep that door open - I slammed it shut - quick.

So all in all, I suppose realization of where I'm comfortable and happy and fulfilled in life, is what has enabled me to mature a bit.

Ironically, I was recently told that I "live in the moment" too much - I suppose everyone is entitled to their own perspective, and that phrase can actually be interpreted both positively and negatively, but overall I feel I live my life fairly broadly. For the moments at hand, the future and the past.

I'm looking forward to seeing what life is going to throw at me next - hopefully some good stuff. Here's a book I'm going to start reading today..

Love, Sex, Money. Maybe I should rephrase that: Love, Sex, Greed. The terms "money", "greed" and "power" are all a bit interchangeable, at least in this world (the world that I personally experience) they are. No matter who you are or where you live, at some point in your life, you experience the effects of love, sex and money/greed/power. Sometimes separately and sometimes all at once. All depends on what stage/phase of life your in.

Lately I've had a ton to deal with emotionally in virtually every area of my life. It's been a bit overwhelming. Luckily I'm a strong girl and have been fortunate enough to have some very special people enter my life who have helped me more than they could ever realize. However I'm not superwoman. I think that people get the impression that I'm stronger and smarter than I actually am. Inside, I'll admit, that I am scared to death, and truthfully I don't know what keeps me going - I guess I feel like I have to always go on because that's why we're here on earth, to make mistakes and learn from them.

I'll tell you one thing about Los Angeles - it's full of unjustifiably large egos. Some of the people with the egos have made more money than they probably deserve, while other giant egos are just dirt poor. It's almost comical.

Since moving out here, I've found myself in some situations that I would not have EVER imagined that I'd ever be in. The only way I'd ever tell the world about these situations would be in a work of fiction - mainly because I don't think anyone would ever believe me anyways. I guess the situations themselves don't even really matter, it's just how you deal with them and learn from them.

All in all, I wouldn't trade any of these experiences I've had throughout my life for anything, mainly because I wouldn't be who I am without them. I'm glad to have the gift of being able to see life from multiple perspectives/angles - because I've found that many people, some very successful, and some not, can not see as I do, and it's sad.

I don't know exactly what will come of this crazy California experience. I don't know what exactly I want, or exactly where I want my life to go, but what I do know is that out of the 3 (love, sex, money), love is the best thing to settle on.

Since moving out here, I've come to learn that some people will do ANYTHING to hinder your success if they've already deemed themselves a failure (or if they lost their dreams). I've had business relationships with people who have essentially steal from me, I've had people with everything material you could ever desire feel the need to tear me down needlessly for their own warped amusement, and I've had people who I've helped, turn around and stab me in the back out of insecurity.

Ugh - the past few months have been exhausting. I still have my personal goals that I'm going to continue to work towards achieving and though life is a bit rough right now, maybe it'll get better soon. I'll just maintain my faith and continue to work hard.

One lesson that I'm finally getting a grasp on, not just due to age but also to do my move from Florida to California is that not matter how hard you may try, you simply can't please everyone and you definitely can't project your will or views on anyone who's not receptive to them.
Sometimes I feel as though I'm being so rapidly bombarded with new situations that I'm almost desensitized to it, but then again - maybe not because like most people, sometimes I just gotta "break down" and allow my emotions to flow out - just usually by myself or with someone I trust - I'm lucky to have a few people in my life that I can truly trust.
On the positive side of this stage of my life - though it's difficult - I'm really learning to not only know myself, my limits, what I can take and what I can't accept, but I'm also learning how to more quickly asses and deal with the most unusual of circumstances.
Here's a video/song that illustrates a bit what I just wrote.

You never know what to expect day to day in La La land - that's the one certain thing about L.A.
Today I had a chance to meet with www.DTwrestling.com - definitely not what I'd anticipated but a very good work opportunity for sure. The director/camera man was awesome. Hopefully I'll get to work with them a bit in the future.
Thank you to everyone who's been getting cam shows regularly from me and to all my new cam show peeps :) I'll be online most of the weekend so if you've been missing your "Monica fix" now's the time to toke up :)

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