Re-examining the darkness from the light" has reached the finish line far sooner than I'd anticipated. Today I felt very clear and free of quite a few issues that have been weighing me down for years.
The other night I had an emotional episode that concluded with a realization in regards to the element of "trauma bonding" that I probably wasn't ready to face in the past. Read my commentary here to get an idea as to what I'm referring to.
When people talk about "love", they really should be more specific, because there's "healthy love" vs. "dysfunctional love". Unless you've experienced "healthy love" apart from the "dysfunctional" version, it's hard to know the difference.
My time in the porn industry was the final catalyst for a cycle that I needed to break - a cycle that I'd been trapped within for much of my life. The porn industry enabled me to learn a lot about relationships, friendships, business, the seedy "underbelly" of society, and life in general. I stand by my research and commentary in regards to the pornographic industry and would never suggest anyone enter that world.
However, the pornographic industry is not the ONLY "world" out there that can be a catalyst for someone stuck in a dysfunctional way of living and being.
I'm sure many will disagree with me on this, but I think one of the most selfish things a person can do, is to have children. It's actually quite the narcissistic act. Being that I feel this way, I think that it's a parent's obligation to be completely selfless in regards to their children once they're born and throughout their life. In other words, parents need to make responsible choices and live their life right the moment they have a baby. They shouldn't enter dangerous situations or circumstances (or do stupid things in general). Parents are their children's LIFE LINE and from my perspective their life should be 100% about their children. No child makes the DECISION to be born - that's the parent's CHOICE (whether or not certain choices are really meant to be is debatable - I don't think anyone on Earth really knows the answer).
If you can't find it within yourself to be completely selfless when it comes to any children you're considering bringing into this world - DO NOT BREED.
I was thinking today about whether or not people I've had contact with in life would be better off had they never met me...if I'd never been born. Don't get me wrong - I am NOT in a suicidal state of mind or anything...it's just something I was thinking about - and not just in regards to people that I love or like, but in regards to people I dislike, who are my enemies or who I've never even met as well.
I guess I was contemplating "the ripple effect".
Today in a brief conversation with Jesus Christ, I prayed for everyone I've ever come into contact with to simply to be happy if God see's that it should be that way. I prayed that certain individuals completely forget that they ever met me. I also asked Jesus Christ to approach God about removing me from any of life's equations which I wasn't designed to be a part of so that in time, I can slide into place where ever it is that I belong.
A part of the reason that I remain single and don't like to interact with many people personally nowadays is not so much due to my fear of getting hurt, but because I don't want to inadvertently hurt others anymore than I may have in the past.
I was created through what I believe to have been a very selfish energy. I'm not the only one who has been, but I think acknowledging the reality of "selfish energy" is the first step. Today I broke my bond with a large portion of that energy, and I'm very happy about it.
Free will - God's greatest gift IMO.