Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Well, I'm officially single again and I'm GLAD. 2010 should wind up being a fun, exciting and productive year being that I foresee myself bouncing back from this most recent relationship very quickly.

Last night was the last straw with my now, ex-boyfriend. I suppose this ending has been in the works for quite some time. I had as much patience with this man as humanly possible being that he has a severe aversion to commitment, has substance abuse problems, is a bit too close for comfort in my eyes with his ex-girlfriend (a VERY famous petite pornstar ironically of whom he had a relationship with for a few years), and is overall a whiney, self centered little bitch of a man (at 40 something years old) who tends to prefer women who are FAR too young for him (which is probably why he is a regular cameraman for a "Barely Legal" type series - how appropriate...).

I suppose I believed that with enough patience, understanding, and forgiveness eventually he'd have a breakthrough and realize "wow, this is a real person who actually loves me. Let me stop being a douche bag".


I should have known better after being cheated on, lied to multiple times, and just overall being treated like shit. I figured he'd never had a real relationship before so I wanted to give him a chance. A part of the reason I stopped shooting content with other adult studios was because I wanted to be 100% monogamous with him. I actually find it comical now that he thought it was better that I stopped performing being that all he's evidently attracted to are pornstars (funnily this douche bag told me the last time we almost broke up that he wanted to try dating someone totally outside of the adult industry who'd never worked porn - LOLOLOLOLOL - unless he totally lies to the woman - or girl in his case considering he can't deal with anyone over the age of 31 - there's no fucking way ANY woman outside of porn on this PLANET would have ANYTHING to do with his ass). I loved this man, but I will never date a person like this again.

So last night I find out that my ex-bf is apparently much closer to his ex-gf (the mega famous petite porn star that I mentioned earlier) than I initially was aware of - so close that they most likely are in bed together quite often, because apparently this girl is willing to lend this fool $20K to qualify for a home loan.

Anyways finding out that my ex-bf IS that fucking close to his ex-gf to feel comfortable enough to ask for a loan of that magnitude was enough of a kick in the gut to finally open my eyes enough to realize that I don't need to be with that man. Money is evidently more important to him than real relationships.

I essentially am worth less than $20K to this person and I as his current girlfriend, meant less to him than his ex-gf who is just a "good friend". Amazing to find all that out after over a year and a half.

I suppose a guy such as my ex-bf, a man who always takes the easiest road in life and has no problems using people as much as possible, especially women (being that he see's women totally as sex objects - I suppose being a porn cameraman for over 15 years will do that to you), is much better off only surrounding himself with people who are as superficial and shallow as himself - and that's certainly not me.

I think my ex-bf should get back with his ex-gf. Evidently they're both dirty and nasty people who are totally into themselves and who will do or fuck anyone or anything for money and/or to get ahead in life. Sad.

I now understand how men without much money feel when they lose their girlfriend to a guy who's more financially secure. I didn't have enough money for my ex's taste.

I'm glad that now I know the truth and I'm glad that I can now move forward in life.