The issue tonight I will be addressing is rape. Lately I've been having recurring nightmares about this incident again - so I feel that God is telling me that it's time for me to share this.
New Years Eve (2008 into 2009) I was raped in a bathroom of a loft/condo off Hollywood and Vine by a man by the name of Chase. I pushed this incident into the back of my mind and never blogged about it here (there are actually MANY things I have not blogged about here out of fear, and out of the selfishness of wanting to build a long term career for myself within the porn industry), but I am today.
I was invited out by Scott David of X-play / All Media Play to a party at Ecco Lounge - where I had a really good time. Then afterwards we went to an afterparty at the residence of a guy by the name of Robert Quinn in a beautiful loft/condo building off Hollywood and Vine. I wound up getting drunk - incredibly intoxicated in fact that night and wound up talking to a guy by the name of Chase in the bathroom. He seemed nice, friendly, etc - and I let my guard down being that he was a black guy (I've never had any black / African American males be aggressive with me in life - at least not up until that point).
Chase was talking about his son, and showed me a photo of his son from his wallet - and I told him that I thought he had a cute kid. Then he asked me if I did privates. He specifically used the term "privates" (meaning escorting/prostitution). I told him that I was working as a porn actress currently. Not even 5 seconds later Chase had me on the floor and raped me. I didn't know what to do because I'd never been pinned down like that before. It only took about a minute and I went into a mental shock/black out mode - I didn't know what to think, how to react or even what to do. When he got off of me, I got up, left the bathroom, tried to act normal and told Scott David what happened.
Scott became really angry and attempted to fight Chase - I yelled at Scott to stop (because I just wanted to get out of there asap) and we left the party.
After that night I didn't want to think about the event and I pushed it to the back of my mind. I know now thinking back that I should have gone to the police and to the hospital but I didn't and I'll tell you why. Shame - I knew that in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of anyone (in my view at the time) I would be seen in a negative light - especially being that I had sex for living as a "pornstar". I didn't want the issue to come up in the relationship I was in at the time, and I didn't want it to get around in the "porn industry" that I wasn't easy going. I wanted to just let the whole thing go.
In time I started having nightmares about the incident. I contacted Jeff Mullen / Will Ryder and asked him for Chase's number (I wasn't sure whether his name was Chase or Chance). He gave it to me and I called Chase and screamed at him and told him he'd better not ever do anything along the lines of what he did to me to anyone else ever again - then I hung up the phone. He called me back but I didn't answer the phone. That was a pointless thing to do, but it's all I had the courage to do at the time.
Chase is a piece of shit with a mentality the unfortunately isn't too uncommon for jerks like himself who are on the fringes of the porn industry. I'm not sure exactly how or why Chase was at that party, I don't think he works for any porn studios (at least I'd never seen him on any of the sets I'd worked on before) but he somehow tight with Jeff Mullen and his friend Robert Quinn. Men like Chase figure that simply because a woman does porn, it's OK to be sexual with her anytime anyplace whether she likes it or not. I truly wonder how many other women Chase has done this to who felt like I did at the time - ashamed and afraid.
It's most likely to late to do anything about the incident now, but I would like to track this fucker Chase down and at least file a formal complaint against him of some sort - so I'm going to investigate how to do so. It sickens me that men in the porn industry such as Jeff Mullen and several others maintain friendships with men like Chase who feel that it's OK to violate a woman's body and space.
As my reaffirmed relationship with God and Jesus Christ grows and strengthens, and I as develop more internal strength and courage, and as my mind clears of the poisonous energy I picked up through my interactions with certain individuals within the porn industry - I'm realizing that it's imperative that I share my experiences and tell the truth about the events I witnessed and the situations I was in over the past few years - because it might save other young women and men from suffering the same fate as myself.
Tonight when I tweeted via twitter that I'm actively searching for the contact info of this Chase jerk so I can at least try to file some sort of legal complaint against him - Jeff Mullen immediately sent me text messages stating that I am a "liar" and that he's "disappointed in me" and that "he's one of the good guys" and that I'm being "unChristian".
I decided to post photos of the texts I received tonight because I'm sick of people calling me a liar nowdays when I am being honest, telling the truth and not holding back (which I feel is nearly killing me).
I strongly advise that if you're considering entering porn, or if you currently are a porn talent (or even if you are not in porn) DO NOT work with X-Play / All Media Play because apparently Jeff Mullen not only attempts to portray depictions of children having sex in his movies as I outline in this youtube video here - he also maintains friendships with men who think it's OK to sexually attack women just because they may be sex workers to begin with.
I suppose this is what happens when you just can't live a lie and withhold the truth anymore. Tonight I'm just going to pray to God and Jesus Christ my lord and savior that things in my life will work out however it is that God has planned for me. I have to retain faith. I feel like I'm being attacked from all directions at this phase, but I truly believe that God is standing with me, and I know for a fact that nothing and no one can triumph over God.
I'm documenting all of this because I feel like there needs to be a record incase someone out there decides to attempt to hurt me. I'm not overly afraid, but I am aware.
***Update 1: I found out tonight from someone on twitter ( @xxxVIP ) that "he answers to Black Shrek. He shows up late to parties to scrounge for rufee'd porn girls." - hopefully law enforcement or someone will be able to put a stop to not only Chase - but this trend in the porn / adult entertainment industry.
****Update 2: I found out that Chase uses the last name Styles or Stylez and DEFINITELY answers to "Black Shrek"
