Happy Halloween everyone! I think Hollywood should temporarily be called "Halloweenwood" because people here become VERY excited over Halloween - much moreso than people back in Florida.
Tonight I've been invited to 2 parties but I will most likely only make it to 1. Below is the stock photo of the costume I bought - it's supposed to be an "sexy egyptian queen" - I changed the head piece a little and will be wearing different shoes but you get the idea.


I feel as though both my mind and body are totally resetting since making the decision to retire from porn - feels good - however my bank account is not very happy about my choice :)
GettingIntoPorn.com is taking a bit longer to launch than I'd anticipated but the site will be live very soon.
I'm excited about my final adult video project that I will be shooting in December. I'd like to blog about what the project is, but for now I'll keep it under wraps.
Check out my friend's website relaunch: www.desifoxx.com - the angle is controversial but the site looks great.

I love "old hollywood glamour" - I suppose that's why I moved to where I live on the west coast - everywhere you go in the Hollywood area, there are reminders of the cinematic "golden age". Even though I've only worked in the "adult" aspect of entertainment - adult and mainstream are so closely linked that I still feel a close tie to the days of Ava Gardner and Marylin Monroe.

I'm working on a few new pictorial sets for MonicaF.com which will have an "old time Hollywood" theme. Maybe I'll play some big band music while I shoot them - hope that you all will enjoy.



Oh, and one more thing, though I'm officially retired from performing in adult movies, I have one more role coming up which I was cast for prior to my "retirement"
that I simply couldn't pass up. It's a secret for now, but you will know it when you see it :)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Yea - made it through another week :) This week was fairly productive in regards to my website and cam shows. I don't have ANY plans for the weekend for the first time in a long time - hmmmm - I need to find SOMETHING to get into ASAP in this case... :)

I thought I was over my "home sick" phase, but I'm not - I really miss Florida - from the social scene, to my family, to my friends and just knowing what to generally expect from day to day.
Even though Los Angeles is an overpopulated and congested city, it really can be lonely. I've made a couple friends, but I find that most people here keep even their closest friends at "arms length" - or maybe it's just me.
I haven't been hired for any flicks lately - and though I need the money, I'm actually glad for the break - and this break may simply turn into my "retirement" from XXX flicks - we'll see. I need to figure out where to go from this phase of life...I hate to admit it, but my options are definitely limited.
I was asked today if since moving to California, whether or not I'm "living the dream" - well I think that I am, but like all dreams, they don't go on forever - that's typically when you wake up.

This was a long but interesting weekend - I'm so glad that it's Monday. I'm finally getting a chance to experience a bit of the cooler California sweater weather - it's refreshing - stepping outside in the evening feels a bit like eating a wintergreen tic-tac.
This week is your lucky week private webcam show connoisseurs - I'll be doing shows all week long so send me a Yahoo IM or catch me on the CamZ network - actually today at 5pm PST / 8pm EST is live one hour show for all Club Monica members.
Tonight I got invited to a really cool concert - unfortunately it was last minute and I already have 2 others obligations that I can't cancel today that OF COURSE are in the late afternoon (the concert starts in the early evening - ARG! WHY does everything in California start and end so fucking early! In FL things don't start till much later -10pm 11pm etc - the Cali time table just makes no sense to me) - SO I can't get to the concert. I'm mad. I guess I can't complain too much because there will be other cool events to attend another time.
My first obligation of the afternoon is an audition/reading. It's funny because I used to get all nervous and stuff before going into things like this, but now - it's just another day in LA.

Choices and and reactions.

One of the hardest things about living the lifestyle and career choice that I've chosen is the acceptance of the "reactions" that I receive from acquaintances, friends and/or loved ones. Sometimes the initial reaction of people in my life is "Acceptance" but then later it changes to something along the lines of "ignore the girl till she gets the hint and goes away".

Sometimes I don't know where I stand with people in my life - that hurts the most. Honesty is one of the hardest reactions to give someone in your life - the fact that I require it from people, may mean that I expect way to much...

I'm looking forward to turning 30. I feel that when you enter your 30's you are an official "adult". I know I've been an adult for years now, but in all honesty, I moved out to California a "miami girl" and have become a much more mature "woman" since living here.

Living in a new place and not knowing what to expect day to day (mainly due to the industry I've worked in) really keeps you on your toes - and if anything sharpens you up. I realized over the past few days that I needed to ACTIVELY close a few doors that I shouldn't have left open into my life - from people I've chosen to work with, to acquaintances.

Some of the doors being closed, require confrontation - which is something I HATE, but can and will deal with if needed. One of the doors, I wasn't sure if I wanted to close - primarily due to material temptation, but upon realizing that I'd become a virtual slave or pet in order to keep that door open - I slammed it shut - quick.

So all in all, I suppose realization of where I'm comfortable and happy and fulfilled in life, is what has enabled me to mature a bit.

Ironically, I was recently told that I "live in the moment" too much - I suppose everyone is entitled to their own perspective, and that phrase can actually be interpreted both positively and negatively, but overall I feel I live my life fairly broadly. For the moments at hand, the future and the past.

I'm looking forward to seeing what life is going to throw at me next - hopefully some good stuff. Here's a book I'm going to start reading today..

Love, Sex, Money. Maybe I should rephrase that: Love, Sex, Greed. The terms "money", "greed" and "power" are all a bit interchangeable, at least in this world (the world that I personally experience) they are. No matter who you are or where you live, at some point in your life, you experience the effects of love, sex and money/greed/power. Sometimes separately and sometimes all at once. All depends on what stage/phase of life your in.

Lately I've had a ton to deal with emotionally in virtually every area of my life. It's been a bit overwhelming. Luckily I'm a strong girl and have been fortunate enough to have some very special people enter my life who have helped me more than they could ever realize. However I'm not superwoman. I think that people get the impression that I'm stronger and smarter than I actually am. Inside, I'll admit, that I am scared to death, and truthfully I don't know what keeps me going - I guess I feel like I have to always go on because that's why we're here on earth, to make mistakes and learn from them.

I'll tell you one thing about Los Angeles - it's full of unjustifiably large egos. Some of the people with the egos have made more money than they probably deserve, while other giant egos are just dirt poor. It's almost comical.

Since moving out here, I've found myself in some situations that I would not have EVER imagined that I'd ever be in. The only way I'd ever tell the world about these situations would be in a work of fiction - mainly because I don't think anyone would ever believe me anyways. I guess the situations themselves don't even really matter, it's just how you deal with them and learn from them.

All in all, I wouldn't trade any of these experiences I've had throughout my life for anything, mainly because I wouldn't be who I am without them. I'm glad to have the gift of being able to see life from multiple perspectives/angles - because I've found that many people, some very successful, and some not, can not see as I do, and it's sad.

I don't know exactly what will come of this crazy California experience. I don't know what exactly I want, or exactly where I want my life to go, but what I do know is that out of the 3 (love, sex, money), love is the best thing to settle on.

Since moving out here, I've come to learn that some people will do ANYTHING to hinder your success if they've already deemed themselves a failure (or if they lost their dreams). I've had business relationships with people who have essentially steal from me, I've had people with everything material you could ever desire feel the need to tear me down needlessly for their own warped amusement, and I've had people who I've helped, turn around and stab me in the back out of insecurity.

Ugh - the past few months have been exhausting. I still have my personal goals that I'm going to continue to work towards achieving and though life is a bit rough right now, maybe it'll get better soon. I'll just maintain my faith and continue to work hard.

One lesson that I'm finally getting a grasp on, not just due to age but also to do my move from Florida to California is that not matter how hard you may try, you simply can't please everyone and you definitely can't project your will or views on anyone who's not receptive to them.
Sometimes I feel as though I'm being so rapidly bombarded with new situations that I'm almost desensitized to it, but then again - maybe not because like most people, sometimes I just gotta "break down" and allow my emotions to flow out - just usually by myself or with someone I trust - I'm lucky to have a few people in my life that I can truly trust.
On the positive side of this stage of my life - though it's difficult - I'm really learning to not only know myself, my limits, what I can take and what I can't accept, but I'm also learning how to more quickly asses and deal with the most unusual of circumstances.
Here's a video/song that illustrates a bit what I just wrote.

You never know what to expect day to day in La La land - that's the one certain thing about L.A.
Today I had a chance to meet with www.DTwrestling.com - definitely not what I'd anticipated but a very good work opportunity for sure. The director/camera man was awesome. Hopefully I'll get to work with them a bit in the future.
Thank you to everyone who's been getting cam shows regularly from me and to all my new cam show peeps :) I'll be online most of the weekend so if you've been missing your "Monica fix" now's the time to toke up :)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

One thing working in the adult entertainment industry has taught me, is that I'm a very valuable person. Everyone is a valuable person, but sometimes when your worth is shown to you in actual dollars and cents, it's easier to realize.

When I was younger, I went through a phase of low self esteem and self worth, which made me very prone to entering abusive relationships. I went through my fair share of such relationships, but fortunately I realized what was going on before it ever got to be "too late" and I left those relationships. None of my abusive relationships were ever physical (well one was but when the man tried to hit me I knocked the shit out of him - I'm pretty tough), they were psychologically/verbally abusive which can be just as bad.

Currently I know a few women in abusive relationships - 1 a family member, and 2 are friends. My nature is to want to "save" people, so believe me, I've tried my best to show these women what's happening from my perspective, but of course, none of these women want to listen. It's sad, pathetic, but it's their choice - however I've decided not to be a "shoulder to cry on" or a "support system", because what I've found is that some women thrive on the negativity that their abuser creates in their life - it's an attention thing and I want no part of such a disfunctional mindset.

Men who are or try to be psychologically abusive or dominant in an unhealthy way are very weak and insecure in my eyes. I recently realized that someone I thought I could trust out here in Los Angeles is attempting to be a little mentally abusive with me - so I've decided to distance myself from this person. Whether this dude is doing so concously or unconciously, all I have to say is this:

If you're intimate with a woman and by all definitions date her, but can't/won't call her your "girlfriend" to your friends and/or family after several months and don't bring her into your social circle/life, and only want to see her when it's conveiniant to you - then you are a selfish, self serving and just overall bad man. It shows that it's "OK" to you to treat her like she's not "good enough", an activity, a hobby or a toy - and that's a form of abuse. If you want to treat a woman as I've just described, then you should hire an escort - at least that way the woman is compensated monetarily for your shitty behavior and the terms of the relationship are clear.

Regardless of how strong a woman, or man may seem - that individual still has emotions and deserves to have their emotions and feelings respected.

Yesterday was a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGG day. The night before I didn't get much sleep due to some personal/family matters, but I managed to get just enough to function as I had a B/G scene booked. The studio I worked with was Reality Kings - I like this company. They were the 2nd studio I ever worked with (in an adult entertainment capacity) and they're very professional and cool.
The scene I shot was a parody of a scene from the movie "SuperBad" - looks like between this and "Flava of Lust" I'm the parody porn queen :) Though the setup for the scene took a while to shoot, the entire crew was a ton of fun and I had a blast.
I had to drive home like a mad woman though in order to change and make it to the premier of "Pirates 2". I wound up getting there a bit late and didn't get to have my photo taken on the red carpet but that was ok. I walked down it anyways. That event was like a circus - I saw people like I've never seen before. I didn't really know anyone there and after socializing a bit decided I was way too sleepy to sit through an entire movie, so after seeing people and hopefully being seen I made my way back to my car, back into Hollywood, and back into my super soft bed to go to sleep.
Today I hope to just relax and have some fun. I had a great week, but I'm exhausted.

Whew, what a day - I'm sooooo tired, but I figured that since I had such a good day, I should write a blog about it before going to bed.
Today I had an adult vid booking with a studio called Black Ice for an upcoming DVD called Milf Chocolate 3. Once again I gotta say that I LOVE the vibe that's on the majority of the porn sets - chill, laid back, easy going and enjoyable. Everyone from the director, to the camera man to the male talent I worked with today was great. Once again I've fallen in love with another makeup artist - I'd have to say by far that this beautiful and cool young woman, Kristy, is the BEST makeup artist I've EVER worked with! Along with making me look fantastic she turned me on to that new HBO series "true blood". Check out the show's site: http://www.hbo.com/trueblood/
Here's a pic of the me, the makeup job and the super-artist Kristy - weird angle, looks like I have a double chin (normally I don't - lol).

The shoot took a little extra time, but it went very well. After a long day of adult video work nothing hits the spot like a Jack In the Box combo. Today I had a bacon onion burger and curly fries. Yum.
Since I'm going to be hitting the red carpet at that Digital Playground Pirates 2 premiere tomorrow I figured I'd better get a nice dress to wear, so I hit the mall with my good friend Sophie (you probably know her as Sophie Perez from Teen Idol 5). First we tried BCBG - nice clothes but WAY overpriced. Also not quite flashy enough for me.
I wound up finding a really sexy, yet classy cream colored sheeth in a store called BlackJack. I gotta go back and get an Ed Hardy sweater dress from there later next week.
Well I'm beat, so g'nite peeps.

Well, it's Wednesday, this middle of the week. I swear - the time FLIES out here in Los Angeles - I feel as if time moves about 3 times faster out here than it does in back in Florida.

Earlier this week I decided to take a new photo set for my casting photos - below is one of my favorites (so far I've gotten some great props on them):



This Saturday I get to do something fun - the premier of the sequal to Digital Playground's movie "Pirates" is coming up and I get to go - that will be my first official movie premier that I get to attend. I feel like a real Californian now :)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.