Last night I had a nice evening. I had a chance to visit with a very good friend of mine and her father who is visiting from out of town. I'm very lucky to have met a friend who's such a down to earth girl. Her father made an INCREDIBLE home cooked meal - it's so rare I get one of those now days.

On a recent broadcast of Coast to Coast AM Glynes the "numbers lady" - a numerologist - was a guest on the show - I always enjoy listening to this woman not so much because of her world predictions based on her numerology system, but because she is very optimistic and full of good ideals to live by.

The last time she was a guest on Coast to Coast, she summed up 2009 as being a year of clarification and truths - in other words if you've been pulling the wool over people's eyes for a while, you're going to get called out whether you like it or not.

So far, interestingly enough, that has been a very prevalent theme in my life so far this year - and hell, we're just beginning...

What I've come to realize is that lying never works out. Telling a lie (or living a lie) isn't just defined as falsifying information though (at least in my opinion) - a lie can be the WITH HOLDING of information as well.

We've all been guilty of lying at some point in our lives, but I think part of life's lesson is to learn that it doesn't work, and to correct that behavior.

When I first entered the adult entertainment industry back around 2002 as an exotic dancer I lied to many people in my life about what I did for a living. It made it easy in the short term but in the long term my lies broke or injured friendships, romantic relationships and family ties.

When I took the leap into the world of porn, I decided not to repeat the pattern from back when I was a stripper - I was honest with everyone in my life about my "occupation" - the honesty definitely hurt some of my relationships with friends, family and others for a while - but in the end - everyone in my life who really loves and respects me "got over it" and accepted my choices - so being honest was well worth it and much less stressful in the end.

The really shitty thing about being lied to by a person, is that it's very difficult (and sometimes impossible) to trust them later. The shitty thing about being the liar is that once you tell the person something false (or with hold certain important information), the longer times goes by, the harder it is to tell the truth - yuck what a vicious cycle.

To sum up this blog, DO NOT LIE TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT and/or WHO CARE ABOUT YOU because nothing good can ever come of it.

Recently I was essentially lied to about something MAJOR by someone in my life. I can accept and forgive, but unfortunate short of a lobotomy, I can't forget. I wish I could.

Lately I've found I can trust so few people in my life, but I am very grateful to those few trustworthy people that I do have in my life - I feel fortunate for them.

If there's one thing I've learned about the porn industry, it's that you can trust NO ONE. Being kind to people really doesn't mean much at all to individuals who have allowed themselves to become consumed with hate. Actually speaking of the porn biz, I'm STILL working actively on GettingIntoPorn.com - everytime I think I'm close to it's completion I realize that there's a ton more I need to add. As I'm slowly but surely nearing it's completion, I can't help but wonder why so few women (and men) who have been active in the biz, haven't put together too many resources to aid newcommers...

I'll be doing cam shows tonight/this morning straight through to Monday, so once again - I'll see you guys online!

Here's a cool pic I forgot about - not relevant to this post, but enjoy :)

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Today was definitely a lazy day - primarily because it's finally starting to get sunny and warm outside here in Los Angeles and I took the opportunity to take a walk, visit with some friends and just soak up some sun on my terrace - it was nice.
I'm working all night tonight though on my webcam. This recession has hit my income pretty hard and though I'm trying my best to remain optimistic, peppy and driven - at times I find myself slipping into depression due to my lack of finances.
One thing about Los Angeles is that 99.9% of the people you meet either lie to you or make promises that they can't keep or don't follow through with - I hate that and I've grown very tired of the pattern.
At this point I'm pretty much being forced to explore other avenues to maintain my cost of living (and I'm talking BASIC needs) so hopefully some of these other avenues will work out.

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Well, though I didn't do as many webcam shows as I'd have liked to, I still had a very productive weekend.

Beginning Friday, my fantastic boyfriend made a KILLER new intro video for my website. I can't wait to upload the footage to my editing computer to edit/compile it. I think that some of that footage will be included in the launch of my Clips4sale.com store.

This economy is soooooo horrible and truthfully, being that I'm an adult industry performer who doesn't go beyond "B/G" work, probably doesn't help. Considering that I've done under 40 scenes I see no reason to expand my "menu" of what I'm available for. I don't fault my agency at all - they seem to try and their new asst. agent who's from one of the largest adult agencies really seems to be on the ball.

I'm simply one of those "porn bitches" who thinks their shit doesn't stink (it does but I won't admit it) and who feels she should get the same rate as the white girls. When I see white women who's body's aren't half as good as mine getting more than 3 times the work as myself, I simply don't feel like even bothering, and I'll tell you this, when my test expires 5 days from now, if I haven't had a shoot I will not be re-testing anytime soon because I don't have $120 to just fork over to AIM without a guaranteed return on my "test investment".

Don't get me wrong, I don't just have beef with the white porn bitches - many black, latin and asian porn bitches are fucking over women like me too by doing scenes for $500 and lower. How is ANY woman who halfway values herself in the biz supposed to get work at a decent rate when you have this cut rate shit going on?!?!?!

Argggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On another note, tomorrow my dog Panda will be getting a bath and a much needed haircut. Right now she looks like a wookie - which is cute but probably not the healthiest state for her to be in.

Los Angeles is cold - both in attitude and climate. I'm from Florida and am tropical and warm blooded and hearted by nature. I am beginning to feel as dead as the plants and grass around me.

Today I received yet another email from this character in the porn industry named Donnie Long who I haven't met but I've heard more than my fair share about. Apparently this man has created a site called XXXfilmjobs.com - now I'm all about there being online job databases for every industry, BUT here's the problem. This man is obviously trying to undercut the adult agencies and/or cut the adult agencies out of the picture completely. This is not good or right for agencies or people like me who have an agency.

I feel it's fairly important to have an agent/agency in this industry of some sort, at least when you're new because the agency/agent acts as a "filter" to screen out the psychos and fake or unreputable studios that may try to contact a talent. They also ensure that if something isn't right when you arrive at a shoot, it is made right - otherwise they will at least ATTEMPT to get a cancellation fee.

Now if you're someone like Sunny Leone, or Brianna Banks or Tera Patrick, of course you're on a level of which you don't need an agent really, but someone like me does. If porn studios stop using agencies that leaves me and other professionals like me up the creek.

I suppose I'd give this Donnie Long's site a chance if there wasn't so much negativity encircling him, however a few months back he really drug another talent's (who's with my agency) name through the mud, and needlessly so, which really affected her bookability and peace of mind. Anyone who attacks this weak and defenseless just for attention/publicity isn't OK in my book at all. Also I feel he targeted this young woman because she's a woman of color and he knew he could get away with it being that though we're in 2009 the adult industry is indeed very racist.

Oh, "the industry is NOT racist" - you might argue? Well then how come when a white woman does a black guy it's such a big deal and her first "interracial" yet when I do a white, latin, or asian guy (though I've never had an asian guy) it's not? Also why are black women always pressured into doing ANAL (which I decided from the beginning is totally off limits for me) where as white women are not? Also where the fuck are the BLACK CONTRACT STARS?!?!??!?! There hasn't been one since HEATHER HUNTER! Why is my look to ETHNIC for Suze Randall's clients?!??!! Suze.net was a website I DREAMED of shooting for - I'd rather hear that I'm TOO OLD OR TOO UGLY over being TOO ETHNIC. Until I have an answer to these questions I will not shut up about RACISM IN THE PORN WORLD - just take a look at a forum called XXXporntalk.com - these are industry pros and if you read some of the threads and see how racial slurs are thrown you'll see just what I mean.

Interesting how a black woman is good enough to be first lady of our freakin country but not good enough for a major porn label to promote. Oh well, goes to show I've made yet another stupid life decision.

Speaking of the first lady - what the hell is Obama doing wasting his time going on a late night talk show. Considering all the time (and wasted secret service dollars) that went into the trip to the show, the prep for the show, etc - couldn't Obama have been on the Leno show remotely via webcam? Do we NOT HAVE THE FUCKING TECHNOLOGY? Also shouldn't he be spending EVERY WAKING MOMENT on fixing the damn ECONOMY that he ran his mouth about having a plan for rather than trying to be young and hip (and coming off as thoughtless and arrogant) on a damn ENTERTAINMENT TALK SHOW? I'm starting to get pissed beyond belief.

Well my broke and weak and I suppose pathetic overly ethnic black ass better get back to my cam shows before I'm entirely defenseless and homeless as well. See you online peeps.

The video below pretty much outlines how I feel about L.A. at the moment.

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Today will be another cam show day!!!!! It's good to finally be back into a bit of a daily "work routine". Slowly but surely I'm getting all my ducks in a row so that I can launch my 4 (possibly 5) new websites all at once at the end of this month. I'm excited, but I'm trying to put my new project launches as close to the release of my first feature "Not the Cosby Show XXX" as possible.
Speaking of that, I suppose I better get ready for a bit of "backlash" from that project - check out this video someone posted about the upcomming flick:

I might post a video response, not sure I want to take the time though. It's amazing to me how many people just to "get it" when it comes to what is important in life to be concerned about....ugh.

Actually I received a nice myspace email from someone who found another "anti-Not the Cosby Show XXX" blog posting. Here's part of the note:

I happened across a blog regarding your upcoming 'Cosby Show' spoof and it was one of the most idiotic rants I had ever read online. I posted an angry reply only because it was so ignorant; and I noticed afterwards that you had replied as well!

Well, here is my rant at the blogger and those who left comments (apologies for the language and extremely hostile tone, but I got extra-annoyed and I'm a writer, sooooo)

his post is the most hyper-sensitive, ridiculously unfounded piece of race-baiting bullsh*t I have read in a while. Porn parodies things ALL THE TIME!!!!! The Kennedys, TV sitcoms, popular movies, Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky and countless other things have been parodied by the adult film industry. It’s PORN people! We trivialize our own struggle when we bitch and moan about harmless stuff like this. And Alexis, you sound ignorant as hell. It’s a damn sitcom! Are we as a people so LOST that we turn a 30 minute TV show into a sacred cow? It wasn’t even a very GOOD show past the third season! Watch ‘SNL’ or ‘MadTV’ and you pop culture parodies all the time, just like in porn. It will only be seen by people who want to see it, anyway–so why do you care so much? This is what they do! Like Monica Foster said, you’re complete and TOTAL hypocrites. We make our selves look really stupid sometimes.

And I’m sorry–I didn’t realize ‘The Cosby Show’ saved the black community. I must’ve missed that one, because I remember a show that aired during the HEIGHT of crack and the AIDS epidemic, at the HEIGHT of gang violence, at the HEIGHT of un-wed mothers in our community, and at the HEIGHT of high-profile police brutality, yet NEVER addressed any of these social ills. It was pure escapism, so to hear my people talk about that show like it was the March on Washington makes me want to puke. I loved that show as a kid, and it was a very important show–but it was just a SHOW! Stop turning everything into a sacred piece of Black history and recognize entertainment for what it is.

I’m sorry, this is my last post, but I re-read this ‘article’ and got pissed all over again. ‘Defamation of character?’ These ARE FUCKING FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! Are you stupid? I don’t understand this—do you think that Theo Huxtable is going to file suit with the film’s producers? Cockroach is going to go on Larry King? It might sadden you to know that Batman isn’t real, either. God, I can’t stand psuedo-conscious, psuedo-intellectual idiots. And this isn’t MAINSTREAM–that’s the point! If a mass of people get mad about this, it will only affirm my worst fears about where my people are at: That this generation is so lost and so enamored with the pro-activism of the Civil Rights era, that they will manufacture superficial ’causes’ to rally behind; make a big huff, and disappear after a week. Idiots like this are just further discrediting the struggle that we fight everyday. There are FAR more important things to rally about than a damn porno.

It's good to know that some people actually take the time to think and do a bit of research before they pass judgment. Thinking and the ability to research and investigate things in life are probably 2 of our greatest God given tools. I've certainly come to realize that.

It's been a while since I've really blogged and/or webcammed (I needed a bit of time to myself I suppose) but I'm back :)
Though I enjoy performing in the adult world I'm going to work very hard over the next few months to upgrade my photography lighting equipment and take some makeup artistry classes. I want to be a bit of a "one man band" (or should I say one WOMAN band) when I am able to launch my studio, which I really hope will be by the end of this year. I think if I can wear the hats of photographer, makeup artist, web designer, and whatever else when I first begin, I'll save a lot of money and ultimately feel more fulfilled and in control.
Recently I was contacted by a pretty good photographer who's local to me, and I contemplated doing a sort of "barter" with him (me create his website in exchange for him creating additional content for my site) but though it would have been a cool deal, realistically I just don't have the time and overall I wasn't sure the trade was exactly fair. Also I could tell that this person may have been emotionally draining, needy and had the potential to become annoying- hate to say that but it's my blog, so I might as well be honest. I suppose I just am not interested in getting locked into anything that may not be beneficial to my personal growth or a hassle to get out of professionally anymore.
I think overall March is still shaping up to be a good month. One thing about living in Hollywood though is that your life truly can change in an instant, so I hope I continue of a relatively positive track.

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Today has shaped up to be a fairly productive day and I'm glad because yesterday I was a bit down in the dumps.

I've resolved not to fall back into the "quitter" pattern that I worked so hard to dig myself out from years ago, and am staying with my agency Type9 after all.

Why? Well this morning I woke up with a fresh perspective on my booking mishap from yesterday. I'd have to say that over 80% of the time I've worked with Type9 it's been a positive and professional experience. I really like the owners Kelly and Kevin, and I feel like they work hard which is great and quite rare in the adult industry. I can't fault them for the mistakes of others that they realistically can't monitor 24/7.

Plus Type9 models has a very well rounded selection of all types of performers and I like that. When an agency's girls all look like clones, it makes me wonder a bit.

In other news, I took out my old weave last night, washed my hair and this morning I really debated putting my new weave in. I love MY hair. Lately it's been getting really healthy and when I wash it and let it air dry and becomes so soft and fluffy. In the entertainment world, I think it's better that I have a consistant and "glam" look which the weave provides, but I think 2010 will be the year of only MY hair.

A good girl friend of mine will be moving from FL to Los Angeles AND into my building in the beginning of April. I'm pretty excited because it'll be great to have a good friend close by.

Well tomorrow morning I have a shoot with the famous Lexington Steele. I'm looking forward to it as he seems to have built a really good reputation and business for himself within the adult entertainment world - it's always exciting to meet others who are driven.

I've been keeping this blog fairly positive lately but I can't always look on the "bright side" - no one can - it's part of being human.
I have been trying very hard over the past few years not to be a quitter anymore with things I do and to stick out my situations, goals and tasks to completion. However today I reached a breaking point.
What is the job of an "agency" - hell, of ANY sort. To seek out work for their clients, book them, relay the correct and complete info of the job to their (the agency's) client they represent, and then (in the end) collect a commission for their hard earned work from their client that they supposedly WORK FOR and REPRESENT. Right?
Well apparently in the adult entertainment world that is NOT the case, at least not in my situation. My agency has booked me successfully on a few gigs, but allowed too many screw ups - not due to the owner most likely but due to a certain couple employees.
If I were a woman in porn who showed up to gigs late, or on drugs, or not at all, or bitchy, or without wardrobe, or if I didn't pay my agency their commissions even, that would be one thing, but that's not the case.
I'm professional, a decent performer, I drive myself to shoots, am on time, don't show up on drugs or high, promote myself, have the required wardrobe always, keep myself well maintained physically, etc. I suppose that's just not valuable enough to agencies though - at least not to where they'd care to give you the correct info about shoots and the correct amount of pay to expect.
So now, for the first time in my fucking life (thanks to my lack of financial savvy, my stupid move out to Los Angeles, the fucked up economy, and my fucked up ex agency leading me to believe I could expect to make a certain amount of money today when that wasn't the case) I will be late with my rent and some other bills and now have to find an alternate source of income ASAP.
Luckily I have my website and cam shows but I gotta go "hustler gangsta" now not to end up on the street.
Fuck you "J" of Type9 - and not in the good way.

Now that I've written this I feel a little better. I don't want to be a quitter when it comes to the porn industry. It's something I actually enjoy and I don't have much else. I don't know how I'll continue now but I will try.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of working with Bluebird Films again which was GREAT, I encourage everyone to join www.bluebirdfilms.com if you'd like to see the footage with myself and Mr. TeeReel :)
In the evening I stopped by RudeTV.com and was able to guesthost with the sexy Flexxx on "Ebony Nights" - view the video archive of the show right here : http://www.rude.com/tv/archive/id/77063