Sunday, March 29, 2009

Last night I had a nice evening. I had a chance to visit with a very good friend of mine and her father who is visiting from out of town. I'm very lucky to have met a friend who's such a down to earth girl. Her father made an INCREDIBLE home cooked meal - it's so rare I get one of those now days.

On a recent broadcast of Coast to Coast AM Glynes the "numbers lady" - a numerologist - was a guest on the show - I always enjoy listening to this woman not so much because of her world predictions based on her numerology system, but because she is very optimistic and full of good ideals to live by.

The last time she was a guest on Coast to Coast, she summed up 2009 as being a year of clarification and truths - in other words if you've been pulling the wool over people's eyes for a while, you're going to get called out whether you like it or not.

So far, interestingly enough, that has been a very prevalent theme in my life so far this year - and hell, we're just beginning...

What I've come to realize is that lying never works out. Telling a lie (or living a lie) isn't just defined as falsifying information though (at least in my opinion) - a lie can be the WITH HOLDING of information as well.

We've all been guilty of lying at some point in our lives, but I think part of life's lesson is to learn that it doesn't work, and to correct that behavior.

When I first entered the adult entertainment industry back around 2002 as an exotic dancer I lied to many people in my life about what I did for a living. It made it easy in the short term but in the long term my lies broke or injured friendships, romantic relationships and family ties.

When I took the leap into the world of porn, I decided not to repeat the pattern from back when I was a stripper - I was honest with everyone in my life about my "occupation" - the honesty definitely hurt some of my relationships with friends, family and others for a while - but in the end - everyone in my life who really loves and respects me "got over it" and accepted my choices - so being honest was well worth it and much less stressful in the end.

The really shitty thing about being lied to by a person, is that it's very difficult (and sometimes impossible) to trust them later. The shitty thing about being the liar is that once you tell the person something false (or with hold certain important information), the longer times goes by, the harder it is to tell the truth - yuck what a vicious cycle.

To sum up this blog, DO NOT LIE TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT and/or WHO CARE ABOUT YOU because nothing good can ever come of it.

Recently I was essentially lied to about something MAJOR by someone in my life. I can accept and forgive, but unfortunate short of a lobotomy, I can't forget. I wish I could.

Lately I've found I can trust so few people in my life, but I am very grateful to those few trustworthy people that I do have in my life - I feel fortunate for them.

If there's one thing I've learned about the porn industry, it's that you can trust NO ONE. Being kind to people really doesn't mean much at all to individuals who have allowed themselves to become consumed with hate. Actually speaking of the porn biz, I'm STILL working actively on - everytime I think I'm close to it's completion I realize that there's a ton more I need to add. As I'm slowly but surely nearing it's completion, I can't help but wonder why so few women (and men) who have been active in the biz, haven't put together too many resources to aid newcommers...

I'll be doing cam shows tonight/this morning straight through to Monday, so once again - I'll see you guys online!

Here's a cool pic I forgot about - not relevant to this post, but enjoy :)