Sunday, March 16, 2008

DO NOT tell me what I can't do.
DO NOT tell me what I won't be successful doing.
DO NOT tell me I will fail.

Since I've made my leap into adult video, I've received a lot of negativity from people who not only don't know me (but for whatever reason think they do), but who have had nothing to do with ANY part of ANY thing successful that I've managed to create or do in my life up to this point. I've been told (mainly by people who's motives to "get a piece" of me have come to be very transparent as of late), that I will get used, abused and ultimately fail in the adult video world.

Here's a piece of an email sent to me today:

"Jenna Jameson as your idol shows that it can be done, but she is the exception, definitely NOT the rule! She is also white and blonde. I can't think of any other adult star who gets regular invites to mainstream events (Mary carey?-rehab)
The most successful women of color are Heather Hunter and Dee and they're both high yellow--Dee claims to be Puerto Rican and all she gets are a few soft core "Passion Cove" episodes where she actually gets to act.
I may be wrong because I don't know you as a person, but I think this new venture presented itself and you're gonna give it a shot to "see what happens" and try to make it grow. i live in the Valley and all the studios are out here and I just don't see anyone breaking out. My friend Jia is trying to now with youtube blogs but she knows that if she does get mainstream success, it's something she will always have to explain. Hell, Vanessa Williams can't do an interview to THIS DAY without having to relive her pics in Penthouse and she's sold millions of records, been in huge movies and TV shows!
I say all this to say that I hope it's something you've given alot of thought to and have a clear plan. It's just so easy for the industry to cast black girls aside and try to minimize them. There are a couple of 'studios' out here that hire black women for the sole purpose of trying to humiliate them out of the business--they don't tell you this until you're in the middle of shooting, whereas you can quit and leave the money and the footage they've already shot or stay for the remainder of your cash and get spit on, or dick choked or double ass-penetrated. You WILL have to do a gang-bang scene at some point, and girls who don't do anal don't make much money."

Well guess what, I will not get used, abused or fail. It's not as if I'm some girl fresh off the plane thinking I'm going to be a "star" - I've worked in other areas of the adult industry since I was 22 - I'm 29 now - I'm no expert, but I'm also not an idiot.
And WHY is everyone focusing on the fact that since I'm BLACK I can't do well in the adult industry? Just maybe I'll do ok (may I dare say WELL) simply because I'm kinda smart and kinda nice looking. No matter WHAT industry I go into I will ALWAYS be BLACK and last time I checked, in every industry there are some BLACK people who have made it and who have MADE THE WAY for others. Why can't I be THAT TYPE of black person? Actually I might just BE that type of BLACK person, so SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I don't want to BE Jenna Jameson, I just want to be me, and I want to get to other places I want to go in life, and this is a great venue to do it being that I've already built a pretty damn good platform to jump off of.
I guess some people, who are pretty much losers, who have failed in their own lives and who are going NOWHERE, always anticipate others will be just like them - when I last looked in the mirror and reviewed my life's events I noticed something...I'm not like many other people out there. I've already pretty much been through hell and back and survived, so this trip back into hell won't be that much of a surprise and I sure as fuck welcome a challenge.
I will always only do what I can live with, and I can live with A LOT. I will never be ashamed of anything that I've done, nor will I have a problem explaining it because it's all gone into making me exactly who I am. I'm proud of being me and that will NEVER change because I don't try to be someone or something that I'm not.
What I do and the weight of what I do is only my business and God's business - anyone who chooses to sit back and watch may do just that - WATCH - not JUDGE.

Actually now that I've written all this I've come to realize, maybe Vanessa Williams would have gone farther if she HADN'T tried to brush the nude photo thing under the rug, she looked great, is sexy and when she tries to downplay her beauty/sex appeal for a more "serious" look, for some reason it just doesn't come off as honest.
Currently the only people I will allow close to me are people who are supportive, positive, fair, intelligent, hardworking and who are forward thinkers. If that isn't you don't bother me.