Friday, March 14, 2008

Well I figured that I needed to post a follow up to my last Myspace blog considering all the messages I received - didn't really think anyone read my blog much here but apparently I was wrong to assume ANYTHING yet again...
My first adult video shoot...I personally think I did a pretty good job - why? Well, I didn't have a panic attack, I didn't faint, I didn't freak out (at least not too much) and I didn't run away. For me, that's an accomplishment.
I couldn't have asked for a better guy to work with - check out his website: - REALLY nice, REALLY professional, VERY unusual and interesting person - I think I might be a fan...I've always had a thing for cerebral guys - nice....
I'm afraid to see the actual scene - I have a feeling that I look like a total crack head idiot or retard. Up untill today, I thought I had the "act of sex" down to a science - I don't though, but I'm not ashamed to admit it - HOWEVER being the perfectionist that I am, I am going to do all that I can to improve on my faults, because yes, I hope to get another "adult gig" soon. I liked the events of today a lot.
I enjoyed everything about this first experience actually - except for the hair and makeup - in the future I will do it myself because I know how I should look and unfortunately God graced me with an overdose of vanity.
I hate not having immidiate feedback on my performance - I'm such a fucking control freak and doing this adult scene has allowed for a loss of "complete control" which is something I haven't experienced for quite a while - maybe it'll be good for me - like a life lesson in personal growth.
I'm not gonna lie - the pay was great. I'm going to buy my mom a gift with the funds and earlier tonight I took one of my best friends out to a nice dinner - she's pregnant so she chowed down like there was no tomorrow :) I even sprung for a desert.
Though I choose to do unconventional things in life, I'm still pretty conventional when it comes to what I ultimately want...which is happiness.
Right now, at this moment, in this place, in my room, and on this website - I feel happy.