Saturday, March 29, 2008

Well, still in Los Angeles and still surviving. After today, I'll have a total of 6 video shoots under my belt, but I hope to have many many more in the future - so far this is definitely this industry for me.
It's funny, from the beginning a lot of people tried to talk me out of it - I suppose because they didn't think I could handle it. This trip hasn't been 100% smooth by far, BUT thanks to my past occupations and life experiences, I have the skill set to deal with the adult video/porn world.
Yesterday a really good friend that I initially met in Fort Lauderdale years ago, helped me out a lot in regards to getting me to a "go-see" that I really needed to attend - goes to show that TRUE friends will always be there for you when you need them.
I'm excited to see what else happens on this trip, but at the same time I can't wait to get back home and see my dog and just hang out solo in my apt.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ok, it's technically Day 5 in LA - so far my trip has been about 90% fantastic! The 10% that wasn't so fantastic I'll touch on when I get home. However thank god for one of my roommates Sophie Perez - she's a new up and comer in the industry too - she's awsome.
Over the past few days I've worked with some fairly well known people in the industry. Marco Pilate, Eric Everhard and today Vince Voyuer. Overall the trip has been a success - still have a few more go - see's to attend but am booked solid the remainder of the week - I'm a lucky girl.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Day 2 in Los Angeles - today my agent took myself and some other girls who are managed by his agency on "go see's" . In my opinion they went well on my part and I expect quite a few video shoots as a result - however I got wind today of the "contract girl" option and I think that is a route I may want to explore. Probably not on this trip but the following trip to L.A.
Tomorrow in the morning I meet the peeps from Hustler magazine and in the afternoon I will be doing my first L.A. adult video shoot. I'm not really nervous but at the same time don't know what to expect. We'll see what happens, regardless I'll just try to have fun.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Day 1 in LA (technically night 1).

My flight was LONG - fortunately I was tired as hell and slept almost the entire time in the air due to my staying up practically the entire night prior packing.

Felt good to land in LA, my agent out here seems very on point and tomorrow will be filled with "go sees" at various studios. We'll see how that goes - should be interesting, funny and nerve racking all rolled into one.

My "roommies" fortunately are all pretty nice girls. Later I'll take a group photo and post it. Going to bed now - am exhausted - stay tuned :)

Friday, March 21, 2008

The past few weeks have been hard, fast and incredibly productive. I shot my second adult video scene - and it went really well. 2 under my belt now :)
Next week I'll be in L.A. this will be my 3rd time visiting the west coast and hopefully the 3rd time's the charm. I have a few bookings lined up via the agency I'm currently working with so hopefully they will all go well.
I've already had a taste today of the under-handed tactics of the L.A. adult entertainment industry without having even arrived yet. Apparently through a "miscommunication" another fairly large agency who ignored me initially, suddenly gained interest in me, but now (considering the final email communication with them) "regret having extended an offer". Interesting. I really hope that because of this incident I'm not labeled as a "hard ass" or "bitch" or "not good to work with". Sometimes people with power try to black list those they can't have, which just ain't cool...
I think GiirzInc will be a great agency to work with currently. I get good vibes from the agents and generally I trust my intuition. They seem to care about their talent that they manage, and that's what's important. For me my comfort level and feeling of safety and security takes priority over everything.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Shot my second adult video scene today - it went even better than the first shoot, and I'm excited to see what's next...

Life is funny, very funny. I'm being presented right now with many options and choices - all of which can lead to a successful future - however some of these options are being presented by those with seriously self serving agendas, while others are from a more "fair" source.

Lots of people from my past are resurfacing in my life now - that's how I know I'm doing well - people always want to attach themselves to someone on the rise.

Other people who claimed that they were there for me, have shown me their true colors as of late, and I'm glad - helps me thin out the heard.

The next few weeks will be crazy, and life defining - but I'm ready - mainly because I am done with the concept of "regret".

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Well today was incredibly productive! I've hooked up with a really good agency - Giirlzinc, which has booked me for another video shoot tomorrow. I'm being cast as a "Milf" - that's funny considering that I'm not a mom.

The agency's photographer took some BEAUTIFUL casting photos of me - Above is one of them. Also I'll be doing my live cam shows with Dorky Dave tomorrow night, so that should be fun :)

A really fun photographer I worked with a few months ago, Andrew Einhorn, has finally added my pictorials to his site - I love this guy's work - very casual, classy and natural.

I'll most likely be heading out to Los Angeles next week to work - should be exciting but ultimately needs to be productive - I'm just really driven to work hard nowdays to achieve my goals and set up my future. However I'm even more driven to maintain my high level of professionalism, values and ultimately my sense of self.

I have a feeling certain people I will come across over the next few months will try to "break me" - won't work though :)

Sunday, March 16, 2008

DO NOT tell me what I can't do.
DO NOT tell me what I won't be successful doing.
DO NOT tell me I will fail.

Since I've made my leap into adult video, I've received a lot of negativity from people who not only don't know me (but for whatever reason think they do), but who have had nothing to do with ANY part of ANY thing successful that I've managed to create or do in my life up to this point. I've been told (mainly by people who's motives to "get a piece" of me have come to be very transparent as of late), that I will get used, abused and ultimately fail in the adult video world.

Here's a piece of an email sent to me today:

"Jenna Jameson as your idol shows that it can be done, but she is the exception, definitely NOT the rule! She is also white and blonde. I can't think of any other adult star who gets regular invites to mainstream events (Mary carey?-rehab)
The most successful women of color are Heather Hunter and Dee and they're both high yellow--Dee claims to be Puerto Rican and all she gets are a few soft core "Passion Cove" episodes where she actually gets to act.
I may be wrong because I don't know you as a person, but I think this new venture presented itself and you're gonna give it a shot to "see what happens" and try to make it grow. i live in the Valley and all the studios are out here and I just don't see anyone breaking out. My friend Jia is trying to now with youtube blogs but she knows that if she does get mainstream success, it's something she will always have to explain. Hell, Vanessa Williams can't do an interview to THIS DAY without having to relive her pics in Penthouse and she's sold millions of records, been in huge movies and TV shows!
I say all this to say that I hope it's something you've given alot of thought to and have a clear plan. It's just so easy for the industry to cast black girls aside and try to minimize them. There are a couple of 'studios' out here that hire black women for the sole purpose of trying to humiliate them out of the business--they don't tell you this until you're in the middle of shooting, whereas you can quit and leave the money and the footage they've already shot or stay for the remainder of your cash and get spit on, or dick choked or double ass-penetrated. You WILL have to do a gang-bang scene at some point, and girls who don't do anal don't make much money."

Well guess what, I will not get used, abused or fail. It's not as if I'm some girl fresh off the plane thinking I'm going to be a "star" - I've worked in other areas of the adult industry since I was 22 - I'm 29 now - I'm no expert, but I'm also not an idiot.
And WHY is everyone focusing on the fact that since I'm BLACK I can't do well in the adult industry? Just maybe I'll do ok (may I dare say WELL) simply because I'm kinda smart and kinda nice looking. No matter WHAT industry I go into I will ALWAYS be BLACK and last time I checked, in every industry there are some BLACK people who have made it and who have MADE THE WAY for others. Why can't I be THAT TYPE of black person? Actually I might just BE that type of BLACK person, so SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I don't want to BE Jenna Jameson, I just want to be me, and I want to get to other places I want to go in life, and this is a great venue to do it being that I've already built a pretty damn good platform to jump off of.
I guess some people, who are pretty much losers, who have failed in their own lives and who are going NOWHERE, always anticipate others will be just like them - when I last looked in the mirror and reviewed my life's events I noticed something...I'm not like many other people out there. I've already pretty much been through hell and back and survived, so this trip back into hell won't be that much of a surprise and I sure as fuck welcome a challenge.
I will always only do what I can live with, and I can live with A LOT. I will never be ashamed of anything that I've done, nor will I have a problem explaining it because it's all gone into making me exactly who I am. I'm proud of being me and that will NEVER change because I don't try to be someone or something that I'm not.
What I do and the weight of what I do is only my business and God's business - anyone who chooses to sit back and watch may do just that - WATCH - not JUDGE.

Actually now that I've written all this I've come to realize, maybe Vanessa Williams would have gone farther if she HADN'T tried to brush the nude photo thing under the rug, she looked great, is sexy and when she tries to downplay her beauty/sex appeal for a more "serious" look, for some reason it just doesn't come off as honest.
Currently the only people I will allow close to me are people who are supportive, positive, fair, intelligent, hardworking and who are forward thinkers. If that isn't you don't bother me.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Well I figured that I needed to post a follow up to my last Myspace blog considering all the messages I received - didn't really think anyone read my blog much here but apparently I was wrong to assume ANYTHING yet again...
My first adult video shoot...I personally think I did a pretty good job - why? Well, I didn't have a panic attack, I didn't faint, I didn't freak out (at least not too much) and I didn't run away. For me, that's an accomplishment.
I couldn't have asked for a better guy to work with - check out his website: - REALLY nice, REALLY professional, VERY unusual and interesting person - I think I might be a fan...I've always had a thing for cerebral guys - nice....
I'm afraid to see the actual scene - I have a feeling that I look like a total crack head idiot or retard. Up untill today, I thought I had the "act of sex" down to a science - I don't though, but I'm not ashamed to admit it - HOWEVER being the perfectionist that I am, I am going to do all that I can to improve on my faults, because yes, I hope to get another "adult gig" soon. I liked the events of today a lot.
I enjoyed everything about this first experience actually - except for the hair and makeup - in the future I will do it myself because I know how I should look and unfortunately God graced me with an overdose of vanity.
I hate not having immidiate feedback on my performance - I'm such a fucking control freak and doing this adult scene has allowed for a loss of "complete control" which is something I haven't experienced for quite a while - maybe it'll be good for me - like a life lesson in personal growth.
I'm not gonna lie - the pay was great. I'm going to buy my mom a gift with the funds and earlier tonight I took one of my best friends out to a nice dinner - she's pregnant so she chowed down like there was no tomorrow :) I even sprung for a desert.
Though I choose to do unconventional things in life, I'm still pretty conventional when it comes to what I ultimately want...which is happiness.
Right now, at this moment, in this place, in my room, and on this website - I feel happy.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Today I think I had a bit of a nervous breakdown and began crying for almost no reason at all - I hate when that happens - but I think it needed to happen, maybe it was a sort of cleansing process that I needed.
I'm entering a new phase of my life with my decision to do adult movies - and I hope I'm strong enough to be able to handle it. So far I've received a lot of negativity over it along with a lot of "gloom and doom" warnings, however I know this is a step I need to take. I'm scared yet excited and optimistic.
I recently took on a part time job, but I walked out on it today - something in my gut told me that the establishment isn't a place I needed to be. My co-workers were a great bunch for the most part - very nice people - however all in all I don't think that it would have been a good idea to continue considering the path I'm about to take.
Well, let me get a good night's sleep, because tomorrow is a big and defining day - I want to do well.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Last week was hectic, but I was able to get everything done that I needed to get done. Go me! This week should be a bit closer to my normal pace of life, but it will still be busy as I will most likely be venturing into a new arena - but as long as the upcoming week is productive, I will be happy :)
Sex is such a funny's a vital part of life, I wouldn't even exist if it weren't for it, but sex can take on SO many attributes. It can bring joy and happiness or heartache and pain. It can be used as a reward or a weapon. It can cause you to lose or gain material wealth. It can be an addiction or something a person doesn't deal with all together and hates. It can be emotional or just physical - or maybe both. It can cause men and women alike to become psychotic stalkers or totally reclusive. All and all, many people get confused when it comes to sex.
In my personal life, I've found that most men seem to have trouble understanding the concept of "the sexual door being closed" after a romantic relationship is over. To define, for some reason, many men seem to be under the impression that once they've had sex with a woman, that door is ALWAYS open to them, even if the romantic relationship has fizzled / turned into a friendship. To the men who think along such lines out there, at least in my case, you are wrong and just plain stupid.
It's that sort of mentality, that most likely made me and girls like me not want to spend time with you anymore to begin with - so once again - get it together peeps, before I and the other chicks out there like me have to turn 100% lesbo - hell I'm already bi.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

The past few days have been a roller life is in a major transition yet again and it's exciting, thrilling, a little scary but necessary for the achievement of the dreams and future goals I've set for myself.
Sometimes without you even trying or making an effort, life cuts things you don't need out of your life and ties up lose ends when you need them tied. :)
More so than ever I'm able to see exactly how certain events in the past had to happen to prepare me for current and future dealings - also to make me aware of things going on "behind the scenes" that might not be so obvious to others.
I guess the one new lesson I've learned over the past few days, has been to be careful of who you tell "good news" to. Mainly because what may be good news to you, may lead to jealousy in others.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Ok, It's Tuesday and I'm up early getting ready to start yet another busy day.
Unforunately due to creative differences and lack of understanding on my co-hosts part in regards to my right not to include him on projects outside of "the X-profiles" venture, I will no longer be working on the show. Hopefully my co-host will understand that he needs to remove all references to and Monica Foster in the project - looks like it's legal time.

In other news, check out this clip below - seems corny at first but there's a HUGE twist at the end - one of the best clips I've found online in the while:
Roommate Alien Prank Goes Bad

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Saturday, March 01, 2008

As of today (well even before today but considering the recent chain of events, I feel like I have proof) I really do believe that everyone IS put on earth to do SOMETHING. I have found my purpose and am able to CLEARLY see exactly (down to every step) what I'm meant to do with my life at this point in time. It's not what I ever thought it would be, but I guess that's part of how this whole "figuring things out" process of life works.
If you're a reader/fan/friend of this blog, member of my website and you would like to invest in an interesting business project that I'm about to embark on, please contact me. I'll have a decent proposal put together by tomorrow evening and will be glad to email it to you.
The venture I'm about to embark on has been done literally millions of times and has been proven to be very lucrative in just about every case so I'm very excited about it.