Tuesday, September 30, 2008
When I was younger, I went through a phase of low self esteem and self worth, which made me very prone to entering abusive relationships. I went through my fair share of such relationships, but fortunately I realized what was going on before it ever got to be "too late" and I left those relationships. None of my abusive relationships were ever physical (well one was but when the man tried to hit me I knocked the shit out of him - I'm pretty tough), they were psychologically/verbally abusive which can be just as bad.
Currently I know a few women in abusive relationships - 1 a family member, and 2 are friends. My nature is to want to "save" people, so believe me, I've tried my best to show these women what's happening from my perspective, but of course, none of these women want to listen. It's sad, pathetic, but it's their choice - however I've decided not to be a "shoulder to cry on" or a "support system", because what I've found is that some women thrive on the negativity that their abuser creates in their life - it's an attention thing and I want no part of such a disfunctional mindset.
Men who are or try to be psychologically abusive or dominant in an unhealthy way are very weak and insecure in my eyes. I recently realized that someone I thought I could trust out here in Los Angeles is attempting to be a little mentally abusive with me - so I've decided to distance myself from this person. Whether this dude is doing so concously or unconciously, all I have to say is this:
If you're intimate with a woman and by all definitions date her, but can't/won't call her your "girlfriend" to your friends and/or family after several months and don't bring her into your social circle/life, and only want to see her when it's conveiniant to you - then you are a selfish, self serving and just overall bad man. It shows that it's "OK" to you to treat her like she's not "good enough", an activity, a hobby or a toy - and that's a form of abuse. If you want to treat a woman as I've just described, then you should hire an escort - at least that way the woman is compensated monetarily for your shitty behavior and the terms of the relationship are clear.
Regardless of how strong a woman, or man may seem - that individual still has emotions and deserves to have their emotions and feelings respected.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
The scene I shot was a parody of a scene from the movie "SuperBad" - looks like between this and "Flava of Lust" I'm the parody porn queen :) Though the setup for the scene took a while to shoot, the entire crew was a ton of fun and I had a blast.
I had to drive home like a mad woman though in order to change and make it to the premier of "Pirates 2". I wound up getting there a bit late and didn't get to have my photo taken on the red carpet but that was ok. I walked down it anyways. That event was like a circus - I saw people like I've never seen before. I didn't really know anyone there and after socializing a bit decided I was way too sleepy to sit through an entire movie, so after seeing people and hopefully being seen I made my way back to my car, back into Hollywood, and back into my super soft bed to go to sleep.
Today I hope to just relax and have some fun. I had a great week, but I'm exhausted.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Today I had an adult vid booking with a studio called Black Ice for an upcoming DVD called Milf Chocolate 3. Once again I gotta say that I LOVE the vibe that's on the majority of the porn sets - chill, laid back, easy going and enjoyable. Everyone from the director, to the camera man to the male talent I worked with today was great. Once again I've fallen in love with another makeup artist - I'd have to say by far that this beautiful and cool young woman, Kristy, is the BEST makeup artist I've EVER worked with! Along with making me look fantastic she turned me on to that new HBO series "true blood". Check out the show's site: http://www.hbo.com/trueblood/
Here's a pic of the me, the makeup job and the super-artist Kristy - weird angle, looks like I have a double chin (normally I don't - lol).
The shoot took a little extra time, but it went very well. After a long day of adult video work nothing hits the spot like a Jack In the Box combo. Today I had a bacon onion burger and curly fries. Yum.
Since I'm going to be hitting the red carpet at that Digital Playground Pirates 2 premiere tomorrow I figured I'd better get a nice dress to wear, so I hit the mall with my good friend Sophie (you probably know her as Sophie Perez from Teen Idol 5). First we tried BCBG - nice clothes but WAY overpriced. Also not quite flashy enough for me.
I wound up finding a really sexy, yet classy cream colored sheeth in a store called BlackJack. I gotta go back and get an Ed Hardy sweater dress from there later next week.
Well I'm beat, so g'nite peeps.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Earlier this week I decided to take a new photo set for my casting photos - below is one of my favorites (so far I've gotten some great props on them):
This Saturday I get to do something fun - the premier of the sequal to Digital Playground's movie "Pirates" is coming up and I get to go - that will be my first official movie premier that I get to attend. I feel like a real Californian now :)
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
An example of my above deduction is very easily witnessed within the porn production industry as means of distribution and focus are rapidly shifting and can be seen in the currently and dramatically in the life of Desi Foxx - I've mentioned this dynamic woman in previous posts, but take some time to read her blog: www.desifoxx.com.
She and her daughter had a pretty good plan as to how to market themselves. However being that they are more creative than technical - some people took advantage of them and essentially pirated their ideas, content, products and essentially their soul.
This was wrong - and I'm sure the powers that be will rectify this situation, however being that though I have full faith in God and the universal balance, I'm going to do what I can to expedite their recovery.
Many of you know I work my ass off and really don't have ANY time for additional projects, BUT I'm going to help Desi and her daughter rebuild their website and instruct them as to how to maintain and continue their venture INDEPENDENT of non-creative thieves who feel that they are ENTITLED to make money off of other people's dreams and efforts due to the fact that they lack their own.
In life, I've been screwed over many times. I've been taken advantage of, beat down, almost killed physically, emotionally and mentally - but at those key points in my life there was always God, someone and/or something to reach out and help me up. I think maybe I need to be that person to reach out and help these 2 ladies get back up.
The longer I'm out here in California, the more I'm able to see how certain industries really work, and how these industries prey on a certain mindset to survive. This activity is simply evil and it's frightening.
It's very scary to think that there are people out there just waiting to steal what someone else has worked so hard to create. For all I know there could be someone looking to steal MonicaF.com - actually I know that there are, considering some of the "offers" I've received as of late. Well guess what - it's not going to happen, and I'm going to ensure that MonicaF.com doesn't just remain, it's going to grow, get even better and spawn a whole chain of other sites that are based on not a "cookie cutter" model - but the beautiful individuality that each person wants their site to be.
So for those of you out there who send me the weird little hate mails, disses, and badly written notes of negativity - it's pointless because the wave of change is already in effect - so u might as well just go with the flow...
I love the age we live in, mainly due to the existence of the internet. The internet is a tool that allows every human mind to essentially create SOMETHING out of NOTHING. It especially puts an artistic person's destiny directly in their own hands. Realizing this simple concept alone gets me high. I think maybe my real purpose in life is to spread that natural high a bit.
Monday, September 22, 2008
There's a reason why women (and men) who get into porn wind up staying a spell...it's because when you actually have bookings (unfortunately mine have been few and far between, but I plan on resolving a root issue as to why this week) you have a BLAST!
Yesterday I got to play a bit of a domme for a scene which was shot for porn.com - from the moment I arrived on set it was nothing but a positive vibe. The makeup artist was fantastic (and an cool conversationalist). I am VERY picky when it comes to my makeup being done because I know exactly what it takes for me to look not just "good" but "balanced". This makeup artist and I were totally on the same wavelength - I can't wait to find some stills of the shoot - below is a webcam photo I snapped real quick in the mirror of this fantastic artist's work.
I and my scene "co-star" were instructed to bring "exotic dancer type attire" for wardrobe and amazingly for once I was asked to select an outfit of MY CHOICE! See, I told you that this was a great day!
To top it all off, the director was pretty awesome as well. I like directors and production crew who actually DIRECT and who don't expect you to be psychic and know what they are expecting just from a vague premise or who want you to totally wing it. I can be creative when necessary, but having some solid ideas to work with is a bit better for me at this phase in my life.
This particular director knew EXACTLY what he wanted out of the scene and how to instruct his actresses to make it happen. I really admire people who have a vision and know how to execute it - that's not just a skill, it's a talent.
This was my first 1 on 1, Girl on Girl shoot - initially I thought I might feel apprehensive about the gig, but I'll tell u - being a dancer is the best training ground to prepare you for the "porn world", because when I think back to my stripper days, I've already got a pretty good amount of girl on girl experience :) [yes, I did many 2 girl VIP room shows with my stripper buddies back in the day].
This week will be fairly busy - as I stated earlier in this post I need to fix some areas in my life which may be preventing me from achieving certain goals I have (career wise) at the speed/pace of which I know I'm capable of. I also have more work to do on monicaf.com, redtback.com, gettingintoporn.com and a new site I'm putting together for a friend/client who's a musical artist. Along with doing my regular cam shows I also need to figure out how to focus more on rebuilding my photography portfolio for 2009.
Ugh, when I think about all the $hit I put up with and all the pressure and high expectations I put on myself it's amazing that I still don't have my dream car or house - it's also amazing that I haven't had a heart attack yet. I think I'm getting close to the car at least:)
Though I get down at times, I don't allow myself extended pity parties - I just continue pushing forward. I feel like anything in life that you hate, don't like or are uncomfortable with you can at least try to fix. I guess that's why my life is in a constant state of repair and renovation.
As many of my friends and family have heard me say, you either get on the train with me, or leave your ass at the station (getting on the train is the better choice - trust me).
Sunday, September 21, 2008
This idiot who likes to call himself "Darius Rucker" via his email name (and I'm certain that it's not the dude from Hootie and the blowfish), at least once every few weeks likes to read my blog and then send me insulting emails as to what a loser/screw up/fuck up I am. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I've decided to start posting this idiot's emails to me along with the person's email address so that you, the reader can respond personally to what HE (or possibly SHE) thinks about me.
What is the topic? Fan Mail
What is your email? firstname.lastname@example.org
What is your name?
What is your message? Initially when I came into the business I wanted to be a contract girl for a studio like Vivid, Wicked, Digital Playground or Adam and Eve - well the only reason that didn't happen is because of 1 thing (and it's not my age, or my looks or my fucking and sucking ability): I'm a dark skinned black girl.
"They won't let me in because I'm black"
"I really want Tracy Bingham's role in Baywatch"
Monica,I've been an entrprenuer. So are you. If there is money to be made doing something, it could be having monkey jumping out of your ass, someone will find a way to do it and sell it. It's called simple demand side economics.
you're just fucked up dear. Sadly, you may be talented in other areas. But you are truly a fuck up. but your thoughts are interesting to follow.
I await your latest diatribe.
As an update to this posting, for those of u out there who aren't aware, there's such a thing as an "IP address" lookup - it's a really cool thing to do on the internet when you want to figure out who is sending you junkmail, stalker mail, psychotic cracked out email - etc.
As I initially suspected, the weirdo who sent me the above email, and many others in the past (and who ironically in a previous email stated that they wouldn't contact me anymore even though apparently they still ARE considering that the above posting is from this morning) is someone who I've had verbal contact with.
The IP address lookup pointed me to the Baltimore, MD location which again narrows down my list of suspects (Yes, I'm a good detective - tech savvy baby - BBS days). Now upon checking my email again later tonight, I received yet ANOTHER psychotic email from this fool which I may post if they continue - mainly so that there's a record of this person in case anything weird happens to me.
All in all, this person and people in general who actually take the time to write negatively to someone they don't know are pathetic. Not only am I mis-quoted by this person, but I'm also overly fixated upon. Scary. This person I think may even have problems reading and comprehending things properly (which is even more sad) because points they made about my bio didn't even make sense - in the latest email the person wrote something about me being a psychologist - um, I don't even have a degree and I admit to be a drop out. Ridiculous. Oh well, when u have "haters" at least you know you're doing well. I'll write about my shoot I did today tomorrow. It rocked!
If you'd like to see who I worked with just click here for Mahlia Millian. Very pretty and nice young lady.
This will most likely be the last scene I do for a while - mainly because I'm over being a performer for for the "reality website content"/low end studios (aside from content I write, produce and direct myself for MonicaF.com). If a XXX feature/high end role came my way, or a project for one of the upper tier studios or if a DVD series built around me was offered, I'd consider it of course, but right now, I'm not satisfied with my current bookings and my LACK of bookings.
Initially when I came into the business I wanted to be a contract girl for a studio like Vivid, Wicked, Digital Playground or Adam and Eve - well the only reason that didn't happen is because of 1 thing (and it's not my age, or my looks or my fucking and sucking ability): I'm a dark skinned black girl who doesn't kiss enough booty :)
Whether people in and out of the industry want to admit it or not, there's a lot of racism in the porn industry. Look at this girl Mahlia Millian for example: she has a similar look to me but she's even YOUNGER and she doesn't seem to have a contract either - that's sad, especially since according to IAFD.com she's been performing since 2005.
Until I see a black woman marketed along the lines of Jesse Jane, Bree Ohlson or Jenna Haze I will not stop stating and feeling that the people who run these studios that are keeping attractive black women out of high end porn should be ASHAMED of themselves.
The idiots who continue to only cast black women in "ghetto themed" XXX titles are no better either. Considering that we're about to have a black president soon, the "high end" studios had better wise up - hell, it doesn't even have to be ME who ever gets a contract, but it sure needs to be SOMEONE who's DARK BROWN and of AFRICAN ancestry.
The market for women of my type exists, so the only reason it hasn't been tapped is due to the prejudices of the studio heads. If there's another reason - it isn't known to me...
Maybe what it will take is a woman like me opening my own high end porn studio and shut these other undercover KKK alumni studios out of a rapidly growing ethnic market :) Who knows. I feel like there are a few studios who are trying to tap the high-end ethnic market - I've worked for a few - Kick Ass, Vouyer Media, West Coast Productions, and a few others - unfortunately there just aren't that many.
Speaking of people who should be ashamed of themselves, the asshole who's holding Desi and Elli Foxx's domain www.thefoxxs.com hostage needs to GIVE IT BACK. If you go to www.desifoxx.com and read her blog, you'll see how yet another asshole is trying to screw over 2 women trying to make names for themselves in porn.
In conclusion, one thing I'll say is that thanks to the rise in VOD (video on demand) I think that the tables of the porn industry are about to turn. Many of the people who have been living off the porn DVD sales are going to see a huge chunk of their speculated income no longer existing. Many studios will have to shut down. Many agents will be no longer needed as someone looking to book a girl can just go to her website. The real money will be made by the individuals who represent themselves, self produce and sell on the internet. I'm glad.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I'll continue to maintain MonicaF.com over the next few years of course, along with my website "spinoffs" from the site, but there are other goals in my life I want to concentrate on now. Believe it or not, doing the porn and getting into a few flicks and on a few boxcovers was one of my goals earlier this year - mainly to build up MonicaF.com a bit more - and I accomplished that goal. It sure wasn't too difficult - hell it gives me confidence now to push my other dreams into reality.
Yesterday while doing camshows, I watched the videos "porn 101" and "porn 102" through www.aim-med.org - more women and people in general in the industry really need to take the TIME to watch those videos and to understand where the founder of AIM really comes from (she was a dancer and xxx performer in her youth much like myself). When I launch www.gettingintoporn.com I will be a strong supporter and advocate of AIM. If I ever get rich I'll donate to them.
Speaking of AIM, I'm glad that I'm STD free. I just retested on the 16th and I received my results back today and I'm totally clean. Waiting for those test results can be stressful - you feel fine, no signs of anything but you NEVER KNOW until you get tested.
Not to be wishy washy, but though I've had a lot of fun doing porn, I want to 1) stay disease free and 2) I want sex (with a guy) to just be in my personal life again soon. I'm not ashamed of anything that I've done or anything that's out there for people to view, but I'll ready for a change again in the near future.
I'm looking forward to pushing my photography a bit more in the next few months and I am still happy that I've moved out here to California - what a cool adventure.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Physically, it's tiring - mentally and psychologically - even more so. What's most difficult is figuring out who to trust and who not to trust. All in all I think that if I can make it through this part of my life, the reward in the end will be beyond worth it - freedom. Not just financial freedom, but the freedom to finally understand and accept exactly who I have been, who I am, and who I will be.
Sometimes I feel like I might get lost in "Monica Foster" - maybe I already have and I'm not entirely sure that is such a bad thing.
This week will be pretty busy, and I'm glad. Well, I've actually been pretty busy since I've arrived out here in California - but with the fall and winter on the approach, for some reason throughout my life this is always the most busy and productive time for me.
This Friday will be the relaunch of the member's section of MonicaF.com - I hope all of you who are a member of Club Monica enjoy what you will see.
Monday, September 15, 2008
We wound up having a cool afternoon - grabbed some lunch and then hit Caveman's lab aka music studio so that I could check out his tracks, freestylin and to record a quick "Monica Foster eXclusive" interview.
I'm not done editing the entire interview but here's something I threw together for those of you who just can't get enough of my world :)
Friday, September 12, 2008
I'll be doing webcam shows all weekend so talk to you guys soon!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Here's a photo of me @ my mothership - totally unrelated to this post :)
I'm pretty impressed with Elli and Desi Foxx of www.thefoxxes.com. They've managed to get their site up and running, on the Howard Stern show AND have shot their first DVD. Go Girls! I can't wait to get my first self produced DVD out on the shelves. Hopefully that will be in the next month or so.
I'm very happy for the recent flood of website traffic I've been getting, however along with the new fans comes the new stalkers. I really don't understand why people send me fake employment opportunities. It's not just stupid and pointless, it's pathetic.
In other news, looks like Penthouse Magazine tried to follow me on Twitter.com - well that company/organization was promptly deleted from my Twitter list. Why? Well mainly because along with Penthouse and Hustler have deemed me "not what they're looking for" at this time. I actually received a rejection letter from Hustler TWICE - I suppose they needed to really rub it in. Well, I feel like they're the ones who've missed the boat - the SS Monica.
I feel that magazines like those are old school anyways - newschool is the internet, forward thinking organizations who aren't afraid of 29 year old dark skinned black women and self marketing individuals like myself, the Foxxes, Bobbi Billiard, etc.
I decided to link up my fetish DVD release and fetish VOD to MiztressMonica.com today - can't wait to totally revamp that site. I really can't wait to put out more fetish work - most of my fetish content will probably be self produced.
Well I'm off to do my show on CamZ.com now for the members of my website. Enjoy peeps.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
The filming of the scene itself went well. The male talent was a very nice and ambitious young man who uses the name Julius Ceazher. The director who goes by the name Jimmy Lifestyle was SOOOOOOO cool - I actually had a personal biological mishap at the end of the scene that was pretty embarrassing that he helped me out with - thanx Jimmy! The cool thing about the XXX porn world is that in general, everyone you work with is very down to earth.
I'm going to reschedule my show on CamZ for tomorrow. Today was a day of rest, trips to the bank and now a little more rest before I start working on my websites.
Starting tomorrow I'm gonna start getting back in the gym. Due to work/stress I haven't been going like I should be but hell, I'm paying for the freakin membership so I'd better take advantage.
Today I asked Cassandra Cruz to be my co-host for my upcomming online show "Getting Into Porn" (www.GettingIntoPorn.com), hopefully she'll want to be a part of project, but if not, I have a few backups - stay tuned peeps :)
Sunday, September 07, 2008
I have to thank Freeones.com and Nick Milo for making this happen. Nick Milo is a photographer/videographer/director out here in Los Angeles. I worked with him back on my 2nd "porn trip" out here to California from Florida when I first got in the biz. He photographed me in a Freeones.com bikini and holding a Freeone's flag (nude of course). The photos made it into one of the site's heavily promoted free galleries today apparently - here's one of the shots:
I feel as though I've pretty much tricked out the free area of MonicaF.com so tomorrow I will start uploading all the new content I've created over the past year or so into the member's section of the site "Club Monica".
Oh, I added a new Video on Demand theater to MonicaF.com - actually you can access it through www.MonicaFosterXXX.com as well. Instead of having to wait for my DVD's to arrive people can just watch them in my Monica Foster XXX Porn Theater - how cool.
I'm excited about turning my attention to GettingIntoPorn.com and RedTback.com this week. Those are 2 online shows I'm pretty passionate about launching properly.
Friday, September 05, 2008
The "shop" section of my site features my current xxx porn releases along with the opportunity to order an autographed copy of each DVD I'm featured in.
I also decided to include links to the websites that offer "online only" xxx porn scenes I'm in since many of my fans have requested the links.
Hopefully later today/tonight I'll have a chance to give a face lift to REDtBack.com as well - I'd like to re-launch the show next week and do a RED T back 2 week marathon just to generate interest as to the subject matter again.
Lastly I'm adding a fan forum to MonicaF.com to discuss all things Monica Foster. Enjoy and stay tuned people :)
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Here's my new video - cheesy yes, but I think it's cool :)
By tomorrow the front page of my site should look a little different. Just trying to really tie the Monica Foster thing together as well as I can.
Here's some exciting news - I spoke with someone today who's started a very cool mobile internet network concept - hopefully I'll be able to take MonicaF.com into the mobile media market a bit more with it. Exciting times - oh yea...
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Today I'm planning on re-shooting and editing the intro video for my website. I'm excited to get some feedback as to some of the changes I'm making to my website.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
I'm really grateful for the fans that I've earned along this "Monica Foster" journey. Why? Well, mainly because they know what I'm really about and the real me. Lately I've had a flood of interest and new fans due to my xxx porn video releases, which is great, but what I find so odd is that many of them really can't believe that it really has been me who's taken some of my own best photos (via my interval timer attached to my camera) and me who's maintained my website.
I guess it's just hard to believe that someone really can be attractive and have a bit of a brain.
Yesterday was very productive. Did some cam shows, cleaned my bathroom, worked on my website, bathed my dog, then did some more cam shows.
Tomorrow here's what's on the "To Do" list: stop by my agency to pick up my pay check, stop by the bank , grocery shop, buy a vacuum cleaner, do cam shows, work on my website more, re-shoot and edit the video intro for my website, re-work the layout for the front page of my site.
Later in the week I will FINALLY be able to upload the new media to Club Monica.