My Mom and I are a lot more alike than I generally admit to. I suppose it's because many of the qualities I embody which my Mother and I have "butted heads" about over the years, ironically are the same qualities she embodies as well - and you know what they say: sometimes looking in the mirror is one of the most difficult things to do.
Today I made my traditional weekend call to my mom and she asked me as usual "what's new". In the past I always maneuvered the conversations with my Mother away from myself being that I haven't always been comfortable talking to my mom about working in the adult industry, but as time has passed (especially this and last year), that discomfort has eased and I can speak very openly with all my family about what I have done and do for a living (and being able to be open with my mother, father and rest of the family about my life choices is probably one of the best gifts life has given me).
Anyways I decided to give my mom the complete story as to the release of my first adult feature "Not the Cosby Show XXX" since the release date is only a few weeks away. I conveyed to her that I'm very excited about the release because 1) It's the first and only feature I've ever performed in, 2) It's a bit of a personal movie for me because I had to draw from some very personal experiences in life and face some personal demons in order to get through it acting wise, 3) It's one of the first heavily anticipated adult feature movies that showcases a primarily African-American cast and 4) It will probably help in my website and webcam show sales.
So after a long conversation I told my mom that I'm about done doing adult work with the exception of content for my website and I told her that it's primarily due to my not feeling like I really have a shot at being the "porn star" that I wanted to be due to racial hurdles, the fact that I'm already 30, and the fact that I have really limited "connections". I explained to her about the success of some of the more celebrated "stars" in porn and I told her that I just don't think I'm cut out to be one of those women.
Well, my mom (of all people) said "Why not? Why can't you be a porn superstar like those other women?". Yep. My mom, of all the people in the world, gave me the encouragement today to stop focusing on the negatives and get up, dust myself off, and (yes I am going to say it) - get back on the PORN horse.
Why should I limit myself to only producing content for my website? Why should I listen to "industry professionals" who have said I don't have the personality or looks to be a porn superstar. Why should I listen to the asshole sitting behind a desk at a porn studio who says "gosh, why bother getting into the industry at 30"? Why should I pay ANY attention to the shit that jealous and hateful and spiteful bitches and bastards write about me on adult industry forums? Fuck all that. Why should I be toss away the past year, and struggle while training for massage therapy, when I have - and come June - WILL HAVE a ton of new opportunities presented to me via the release of my first adult feature?
Now don't get me wrong, my Mom's not encouraging me or influencing me to specifically be a pornstar, or to go into any particular occupation for that matter. She's simply the type of person who (like myself) believes that you need to follow your dreams (no matter how crazy or unrealistic they may be) and that once you start something, you should finish it.
So, in conclusion come June, I will most likely be back to shooting some hot porn scenes for both my website AND other studios (God & economy willingly). I'm looking forward to it, and hopefully my agency Type9models will be as well, as if I do get back in the game, I'm planning on making myself and them a good chunk of change so that I can achieve everything in life I've set out to do, from directing my own adult content, to opening a studio to produce high end mainstream media and adult ethnic media/content, and then to one day running my own spa retreat.
I'm still going to be doing my massage therapy training as well (because for whatever reason I am into wellness and healing and massage therapy does tie in with one of my future goals), but I'm following my mom's advice and am going to try my best to get back in the game in a major way, so Monica Foster fans out there - get ready to see a bit of a different Monica than you've seen up to the present. After all "Why not?".
A big thank you to my Mom and Dad. I'm a very lucky girl to have the support of my family and close friends. I've come to learn, not too many people do. Moving from Florida to California alone has been THE most difficult thing I've ever done in my life, and without my family and friend's support I don't think I'd still be pushing forward.
