Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I am a romantic. I'm in love with love and all of the concepts, themes and notions that go along with it. If I were from Greek times, I'd be a devout follower of Goddess Aphrodite.

I state this often in my blog, but the past 2 years have been a journey unlike I (and most likely other women) could have ever imagined or expected.

God and the universe I think really enjoy taunting me - most likely not in mean spiritedness, but just for fun - after all I believe that even divine forces have a since of humor - they'd have to in order to pass the infinite time.

Recently I came across a movie on my Netflix "watch instantly" account that I was most definitely fated at this exact point in my life to watch: "The Story of O".

If I'd have watched this movie before moving to LA, I'd have had a much clearer picture as to how I'm viewed in the enviroment and social circle I've been exposed to, and I'd have had a much better understanding of the majority of the people I've encountered and worked with.

Being that it took me coming across this movie by chance (and my current growing interest in reading about BDSM) to fully understand certain events and situations I've found myself within is a shame. When someone isn't aware of the signs to clue them into the fact that they are amongst people who live a certain lifestyle, then how are they to fully process and understand where and how they "fit in"? So disappointing... It's akin to taking a Cuban to Japan and expecting them to work as a taxi driver without teaching them to read or speak the native language.

It's really silly, and in the end defeating to yourself to invite someone to play a game, but not allow someone to see the game board and not fully explain the rules of the game first. When you do that, you're not really playing the game yourself - you're just remaining stagnant - which is most likely out of fear of losing the game or simply not being a good or skilled enough player.

I'm going to seek out the game elsewhere, but most likely I won't have to as it'll probably find me first. Now I know more about myself than I'd ever have could have imagined I would...scares me in some ways, excites me in others.