I suppose that with the coming of Halloween tomorrow, the holidays are officially upon us, and I'm glad being that I LOVE the holidays - the food, the drinks and of course - the parties!

Last night I psyched myself up enough to leave my apartment and hit my first party of the season - it wasn't a "holiday" party - it was an adult industry event celebrating the birthday of Lee Bang (a male talent who also runs an adult talent agency - you can catch a scene I shot with him in "Milf Chocolate #3") which was hosted by his lovely and sexy wife Sophie Dee.

The party was great. I went solo, but saw quite a few friends. Notably D Snoop, Candice Nicole, Magdalene, my awesome new publicist James Bartholet, my favorite adult industry event photographer Rick Garcia and one of my favorite adult industry product entrepreneurs Lou of CreepsSellingGarbage.com (check out the skateboard deck he created of me below - if you'd like to buy one, let me know).

I had a few drinks, smoked a few cigs, danced to a few songs, took a few photos, and then found my way home around midnight. Luckily Opera, the club the party was held at, was less than 10 blocks from my apartment so it was only a $5 cab ride there and a $5 cab ride home.

I'll try to find some party pics later next week to post. Saturday I'll be hitting the Heaven and Hell Halloween bash hosted by All Media Play (the studio that produced Not the Cosbys XXX) - I'm excited about it.

I'm working on becoming a bit more social this party season. I don't have many friends (VERY few who actually live here in LA), so getting out to parties and events - especially this time of year when most who are single (such as I) are prone to find themselves a bit "lonely". Since moving here to Hollywood, it's been a struggle - actually moving here from FL has been one of the hardest things I've ever done - financially and emotionally - but it's also been one of my greatest accomplishments.

Something I've learned as of late is: when something isn't working and you've tried your best to fix it, but it just refuses to be fixed - you just gotta let it go - that goes for items, goals, dreams and relationships - of all sorts. I'm becoming much better at letting go of items, certain goals, and certain dreams (though I still have plenty to work with and on), but letting go of people is still very difficult - but I'm learning that to maintain my sanity, self esteem, self worth, drive and overall happiness - I have to and will do it when necessary.

To conclude this blog, I want to send out a lot of hugs and thanks to everyone out there who has sent me words of encouragement in regards to some of my recent blogs and to those who consistently send me positive feedback on my work both in front of and behind the camera. It means a lot.

Have a great Friday!

Well today has started off with a bit of a surprise. Not anything directly relating to me I suppose, but it definitely made me re-evaluate my view of someone I've recently known.

A while ago I shot a scene with a girl who I would bump into here and there socially. She seemed fairly "into" the adult industry lifestyle and I think made a decent amount of money in it. I know she started to run into some trouble a few months ago, but I lost touch with her. Well apparently she's doing a complete 180 and has joined (is getting help from) The Pink Cross - here's the article.

Now I know 3 people from the porn industry who have turned to the Pink Cross. Interesting.

I really don't buy into the fact that anyone needs to turn to a religous based organization that suggests that you completely repent your adult industry actions in order to move on with and/or get a fresh start at life. Maybe some people do need such help - I personally feel that inner strength and a firm decision as to what you want to do is all you really need.

I wonder how much money this organization gives the people that they help. I wonder if they really do help you with getting a generic 9-5 desk job. I question a lot about the motives of this organization - I hate being such a skeptic of an organization who's goal really is to "do good", but considering the personality types of the women who I know have turned to the pink cross - these women I think would repent at the drop of a hat if they knew they would be getting a decent sum of money out of it.

Lately I've been forced to question via my family's words and some other individuals life actions as to whether me having entered the adult industry was that "bright" of an idea, and the possibility of my actions having "ruined" my life and future prospects.

Well, after much questioning, I've come to the conclusion that yes, some doors are closed, but others, that aren't available to most people, have opened. I'm comfortable with where I'm at in life. Yes I could be doing better, but I think I will with time.

That's enough writing for today. I'll be on webcam today, so see you all online!

Well I'll be on webcam again tonight - no bars or clubs for me :)

I've been looking at cars lately because by the end of January I'd like to get a new, yet used car - I'm thinking either a Nissan Altima or a Volkswagen Passat.

We'll see.

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Most things in life that most people generally hire others to do, I do myself - I built and maintain my own website, shoot my own promotional photos and pictorial photos with an interval timer, shoot many of my own videos for my website, create my own graphics, do my own wardrobe/styling, hair, even hair cuts and weaves, write my own press releases, provide my own tech support when my computers spaz out, schedule my own webcam shows etc.

Between all that and exploring any and every avenue I can find that's available to me in regards to finding work on camera as a model and adult actress, I'm stretching myself a bit too thin, so I've decided to take the step in hiring some help...

I'm currently exploring the different adult industry PR companies, and I think I've found the one which is best suited to my needs, so I'll be meeting with them this Tuesday. Yes, it's spending money I don't have right now, but hopefully in the long run the investment will pay off. Mainly I'm hoping that this company I'm choosing to work with can assist in landing me some magazine work and help guide me to the right industry events to "be seen" at.

On a side note - I feel very accomplished in regards to being organized. I finally after months of staring at a mountain of un-filed papers and receipts of epic proportions, have sorted through and filed them away. I also weeded through my closet and cleared out all the clothes I no longer wear. Everything in my apartment, which is essentially my world is now as it should be. YES!

I'd planned on mainly doing webcam shows today but realized that I needed to shoot some new photos sets being that I'm wearing just my hair nowdays in my cute little pixie cut. Below are some stills from the first set. After I finish this blog I'll be shooting one more set before getting on webcam for the evening.

Enjoy.

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It's been a busy week so far and I deeply apologize to my Club Monica members for missing my 1 hour live Club Monica webcast on CamZ yesterday. I couldn't get home on time. However I have rescheduled the show for today (4pm PST / 7pm EST).

Here's a little clip from Black Bottom Girls 5 an adult DVD I was featured in, shot in 2008. This scene ALMOST makes me want to throw my hair extensions back in :)

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It's been a good week so far - uneventful...just the way I like it right now. I've mainly been busy with webcam shows and keeping my mind focused on achieving a few financial goals by the end of this year.

I've been using twitter a bit more as of late than I used to: www.twitter.com/MonicaFoster

Usually it's when I sit on my patio watching the traffic go by that I really think about where I am in life, and what I need to do, to get where I see myself at around 60 years old.

"Know thy self."

Somewhere in the bible, it's touched on that you need to know yourself and I agree. I think part of knowing yourself is that within, there's always conflicting elements. You can't be all good, or all evil. It's all about the "Yin vs. Yang". Without having certain elements of yourself that are dark, you can't realize what's light. Without having elements deep down that are selfish, you can't figure out how and when to be selfless.

Nowadays I'm not certain as to whether you need a true "balance" after all. I think it's all about figuring out what's really right for you, at whatever point and place in life that you are.

As time goes by, I'm starting to realize that it's OK for me to embrace certain qualities within, which may be viewed as "negative" or "dark" by many, simply because I'm beginning to realize that many of those viewing and judging me, are just as "fucked up" and quite often less evolved and much more naive than I am. As my tolerance level decreases, I'm nearing the point of truly not caring what anyone thinks of my actions or choices, due to realizing that my life is just that - MY LIFE.

I suppose the one thing I'll always make an effort to do in life is to share my knowledge and experiences, because teaching and learning in my view are 2 basic duties you have as a human being. I've reached the conclusion however, that you have to be very selective as to both who you learn from, and who you choose to educate.

So... we're approaching the end of September, and I'm feeling pretty good and as though I've hit my stride. I have a feeling this will be a good fall and winter. Generally, I reach my energetic peak around this time of the year - maybe it's because I was a winter baby.

I went into a bit of seclusion for a few months earlier this year (well I suppose for more than a few months), but I suppose I had to in order to recenter and reassess my goals and what I really want out of life. It took some time, but I have a lot more clarity about my surroundings and myself than before.

Come October, along with my personal projects, I'll be putting myself out there again to work with the adult studios again (if they'll have me). I'm looking forward to see what projects, if any are tossed my way. I have a substantially different look and will have a different performance style than I did when I began shooting in 2008, so it will be interesting to see what I'm deemed as "right" for - especially in this stage of the adult world's transition and restructuring.

I decided in fact, to write a blog on http://gettingintoporn.blogspot.com today in fact about "taking time off after you start performing".

One thing I've realized is that though someone may have been your friend in the past, they might not always be your friend later on as you grow and develop - especially if they've chosen to not grow or develop themselves.

In the past, I always thought that once a friend - always a friend - now I don't feel that way at all.

Monica 2008


Monica 2009

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Though my parents know what I do for a living, they don't need photos of me in their homes that reflect that side of me, so I took this one just for them.

I love you Mom and Dad.





Here's one for the fans - this is my current myspace profile main photo.

Well, up early and for once, at a normal human being's early hour. Strangely one of the main networks I do my webcam shows on has been offline for the past few days due a system migration (I hope that's all it is). It's not a big deal though, because I've needed to take the time to put together some new promotional photos. I'm in the editing process as I write this so here's a sample as to what's to come and how I look as of September 2009.

See you all online!

I am a romantic. I'm in love with love and all of the concepts, themes and notions that go along with it. If I were from Greek times, I'd be a devout follower of Goddess Aphrodite.

I state this often in my blog, but the past 2 years have been a journey unlike I (and most likely other women) could have ever imagined or expected.

God and the universe I think really enjoy taunting me - most likely not in mean spiritedness, but just for fun - after all I believe that even divine forces have a since of humor - they'd have to in order to pass the infinite time.

Recently I came across a movie on my Netflix "watch instantly" account that I was most definitely fated at this exact point in my life to watch: "The Story of O".

If I'd have watched this movie before moving to LA, I'd have had a much clearer picture as to how I'm viewed in the enviroment and social circle I've been exposed to, and I'd have had a much better understanding of the majority of the people I've encountered and worked with.

Being that it took me coming across this movie by chance (and my current growing interest in reading about BDSM) to fully understand certain events and situations I've found myself within is a shame. When someone isn't aware of the signs to clue them into the fact that they are amongst people who live a certain lifestyle, then how are they to fully process and understand where and how they "fit in"? So disappointing... It's akin to taking a Cuban to Japan and expecting them to work as a taxi driver without teaching them to read or speak the native language.

It's really silly, and in the end defeating to yourself to invite someone to play a game, but not allow someone to see the game board and not fully explain the rules of the game first. When you do that, you're not really playing the game yourself - you're just remaining stagnant - which is most likely out of fear of losing the game or simply not being a good or skilled enough player.

I'm going to seek out the game elsewhere, but most likely I won't have to as it'll probably find me first. Now I know more about myself than I'd ever have could have imagined I would...scares me in some ways, excites me in others.