Fetish is fun, fetish is hot, and apparently the fetish market loves me because today I did another foot fetish oriented shoot. I'm not complaining - I LOVE the fetish/domme arena and the great thing about fetish shoots is the abundance of sexy shoes and accessories that are often on set. Check out these hot shoes I got to wear during my shoot today!

Today I had the opportunity to work with the really creative director/producer/distributor/all around good guy/and owner of JB Promotions. We did 2 intense yet enjoyable shoe/stocking video sets. This guy has great taste in attire and accessories. My favorite part of the shoot was the interview portion though, he made it flow really well. The studio we shot in was really cool - it was probably one of the most professional and well put together studios I've worked in as of yet - and surprisingly the owner was very modest about it.

Tomorrow I get to work with the lovely Vanessa Blue - so be sure to check back for another update soon!

The funny thing about being in the San Fernando Valley aka "Porn Valley" here in Los Angeles, is that for the most part, while the weather during the day (at least this time of year) is annoyingly consistant, the day to day life - at least as a porn performer - is very inconsistant and unpredictable.
This morning I was scheduled to work with my favorite adult video studio Vouyer Media again to do a box cover shoot, but for some reason the shoot was canceled - hopefully it will be rescheduled before I head back to Florida. In "porn world" being a box cover girl is a fairly big deal, so getting that particular shoot done would be a great thing.
Even though my morning video shoot didn't happen, I still had a busy day because I had a fetish shoot scheduled this afternoon with a company called AMA Content. This shoot consisted of 3 scenes. In the first 2 I got to play "femme domme" type roles and in one I got to use a strap on (my 2nd strap on scene now boys and girls). My male talent, a guy named "Billy" was so cute and fun to work with. The great thing about doing porn is that there's an ENDLESS supply of hot guys of all types. In the 3rd I got to play a big of a submissive role (I got spanked by a hot chick). I'm definitely not a submissive person because though the 3rd scene was fun I'm not down with having a sore ass :( I think in the future I'll stick with being the one to dish out the pain - at least untill I get bored. :P
Though I'm starting to sound like a broken typewriter, I had yet ANOTHER fantastic time on this afternoon's video shoot. The director was great, he recently put together the studio we were working in and the sets looked very authentic. It's so much easier to get into "character" when your surroundings make you feel like the character.
Tonight I pigged out on a double cheese Pizza Hut pizza and a couple ice cold Corona's. Yum.
I've still got to decide what to do at the end of June. I'm thinking my best bet is to just come out here to work for a solid 6 months - I'll sure miss the Florida humidity though because I'm going though lotion like there's no tomorrow out here.
Man I miss my dog Panda. I can't wait to go home.

Another long day...it's about 2am and I need to be awake by about 6:30am, but even though I'm tired, overall I'm feeling really alive and energized after an interesting & productive day.
Today I had a video shoot with a company called "Kick Ass" for a foot fetish oriented series. I saw a few of the photo grabs from the shoot and they look fantastic. The director/producer/owner of the company was a really great guy to work with. He made a very relaxed and humorous atmosphere which is important to maintain fr a shoot like that. The male talent I worked with today was awesome. He uses the name Lee Stone and even though at first glance he's a bit of an intimidating man, he's extremely down to earth, very professional, and has an amazing ability to combine humor and sexuality to make for a great scene. 2 thumbs up to u Mr. Stone.
The coolest part of my shoot today (aside from Mr. Stone's fantastic performance) was the "after scene" convo. It's amazing the topics that are brought up during adult video shoots sometimes, but I found today's particularly interesting because the topic brought up dealt with how the porn industry is probably the only industry in which you can be a total "flake and druggy" and if anything are almost expected to be (especially if you're female), yet still consistantly work - at least for a while. I personally think it's the attitude of mainstream america that perpetuates this mentality in the "adult world" because mainstream america WANTS the adult industry to remain completely disfunctional. What's funny about this attitude though, is that from what I've seen, the most successful performers, studio owners, and people of other functions within the adult entertainment world are generally some of the most healthy, goal oriented and ambitious people that I've ever met.
Later this afternoon 3 of my porn comrads made it back into town from driving clear across the country from South Florida - welcome back to Cali Desi, Elli and Ricci!!!!!
Tonight I had a totally hunger satisfying meal with a good friend of mine who's working on putting out a rap/hip hop album. I decided to offer to create a website for him free of cost in exchange for rights to use some of his tracks in some video projects I've working on. I love service bartering :)
I miss my dog Panda so much. I can't wait to get back to Florida just for her.
Tomorrow in the morning I get to work with Vouyer Media again. As of current they're my favorite studio to work with. From beginning to end it's always a smooth ride.
This trip out to Cali this time around seems to be winding up pretty nicely even though it started off kind of rough. I've learned a lot about myself and have been forced to look at certain flaws within myself that in the past I ignored since entering the porn world. I think I've grown a lot as a person both via inner strength and overall maturity - spiritually as well.

Today was a bit of a long day - but a fun day. It was a day of "go-see's" - in other words I and some other girls (sexy Cassandra Cruz and beautiful Maya Gates) from my agency along with our trusty agent Pete (he's such a young hottie and super sweet), had the opportunity to stop in and say "hi" to various adult video studios in the area and ask them to keep us in mind for future projects. Some people think "go-see's" are pointless but I personally like doing them because it's always interesting to meet the different types of personalities that make up the "porn community".
We hit about 7 or 8 studios today - I was really glad to see so many women in "behind the scenes" executive roles in a few of the studios. Hopefully I'll get to work with some of them.
It amazes me as to how sexy a lot of the male directors are in porn (I suppose it's mostly because many are ex-talent and know how to "work it"). One of my favorite shoots to date that I've done was with a hottie named Michael Stefano - it was a POV. I ran into him today at one of the studios during my go-sees and damn, he's fuckalicious...

Thank you to the readers of my blog for the emails of encouragement. While writing my earlier blog I was a little "depressed" - it's easy for that to happen when you're away from "home".
I think my life is "up in the air" right now, I hate uncertainty. However I'll be finishing up my bookings this week, hopefully a few more will come my way along with the ones I currently have so I can leave with a fatter bank account.
I still want to do "well" in the adult video world. It's just so damn difficult. I guess nothing good comes easily. I have to say a clip of Obama's recent speach in which is substituted for Kennedy @ a graduation kind of lifted my spirits even though it doesn't apply much to the current industry I'm working in. Mainly the part about not being afraid to push for the high paying jobs which can lead to the nice home and monetary stability.

For the first time in a very long time I feel stuck - stuck psychologically at least. I have options as far as what to do with my time/life, but as of current I'm not really crazy about any of them. I'm even more dissatisfied with my surroundings, but I'm clueless as to where to find satisfaction.
I don't think doing the adult video thing is really for me, even though I'd like it to be. If doing adult video was strictly about the "work", it would be perfect. However way too many politics and way too many ass kissers are involved for my taste. There's also way to much gossip and back stabbing (surprisingly not primarily via the women in the biz either).
I guess I thought that doing porn would be more fun - so far my "fun factor" is very low while my "stress factor" is steadily raising.
I'm happy with the work I've had the opportunity to do so far, but I don't see many more projects coming my way anytime soon that will be of the same or better quality.
I anticipated on making a bit more money so far than I have, so that's a little disappointing as well. One of the main reasons I got into this was to improve my life financially in a major way. My lack of bookings sure isn't improving much of anything.
Maybe I'm just impatient, or jumping the gun, but I don't think that I have the potential of doing as well in "porn-world" as I thought. I can still build on what I've done, and more importantly what I've learned out here, but I have to figure something else out to do with myself. I just don't know exactly what.
I suppose the few videos I've done will draw more traffic to my websites, camshows and other projects, which is a good thing. In a few months I'll be able to (hopefully) reopen my photography studio again and start shooting more glamour/adult oriented work, so I'm sure being associated with porn may help with that.
Unfortunately though, now that I've done porn, my options in "mainstream life" are substantially limited, I hate to admit it, but they are. My dating pool is limited probably even more so. I'll probably never have a family and my relationships with my family members are just about completely severed. Even worse, my potential to attract stalkers and people who want to be around me for totally the wrong reasons has probably gone up, so I have to be aware of that.
I feel more isolated in life than before, that's for sure. Maybe when I get back to Florida, I'll feel better, but out here in LA, it seems like NO ONE socializes - especially with people in adult. Boring Boring Boring. I've met a couple cool people to pass some time with, but the scene is not close to what I'm used too.
I don't see how my life even turned in this direction. Why couldn't I have been like other women my age and settled down with a decent guy and have a couple kids. Am I really this dis-functional?
I don't regret any of the choices I've made, even though I complain. I just wish at times that my choices were viewed differently and that the outcomes of my choices would have worked out differently. Maybe I was just born in the wrong reality - oops, too much sci-fi on that comment.
Now that I've written this I realize that I'm not "Stuck" - just unsure. I can see now why so many people live a "cookie cutter"/"do as your told" life - not having to think is bliss, where as having to think is hell.

It's been a stressful week, but a productive one. Today's Saturday, a memorial day weekend Saturday to be exact, in LA and I have nothing to do. Boredom to the max.....

Last night my radio interview with SportsSwami was broadcasted - check it out here: http://www.dqrm.com/shows/shots-20.mp3

The girl I was sharing a hotel room with, Eli, went home today - I'm glad for her, she had a good few weeks of solid work while she was out here and she was ready to leave, even though she's returning soon. I on the other hand, have had a moderate amount of work, and would like a lot more before I make my way back to Florida.
It's a holiday weekend so not much is happening industry wise, however not much appears to be happening socially either, which isn't too much fun for a single female out of towner.
A girl I met from the "Pornstar Karaoke" the other night, invited me to a party in the Hollywood Hills with her tonight. I'll be meeting her there so all in all the social situation will be a little akward - I hate going places where I don't know anyone - anxiety central. However I need to get out and meet people if I'm going to be working out here frequently so I'm going to buck up and just go.
California is a lot different from Florida socially - in Florida there's ALWAYS something going on so it's easy to meet people. Here, even though it's a transient area like Florida, it's a lot QUIETER. Venues close early, people stay in their homes, there don't seem to be huge entertainment megaplexes like in South Florida. I'm not sure how people go about meeting others here. It's lonely for someone like myself.
When I first arrived here I was staying in North Hills. Today since my "roommate" left town I decided to switch hotels to one a bit more central to where all the studios are here in The Valley.
I figure why stay where I will have nothing but long commutes.
The weather has dramatically changed here since I arrived last week. The first few days I was here it was very hot. Now it's cool and rainy. Still WAY to dry though for my taste.
Well I guess I'll take a nap, then do some cam shows and then go out and try to socialize a bit. Hopefully I'll have some fun tonight.

The beginning of this week went pretty well. I shot with a company called West Coast on Monday - I really enjoyed being a part of that video project because the "format" portrayed me as this "sucessful pornstar" showing off her house on a show that would be comparable to "Cribs" - lol, SOOOOOO far from the truth.

On Tuesday I had a chance to work with a company called Kick Ass, and I shot my first "fetish/dominatrix" video with them. That video shoot was also well done and a TON of fun. Actually my friend Elli Foxx came with me to the shoot - having a little moral support is always good.
I'm a little dissapointed because it seems as though I don't have any more bookings untill around the 28th :( Hopefully something else will come up because I'm in LA to work, not just sit around. I think my agency is pretty good so hopefully they will come through with something for me. I'm resourceful though, so I'm sure I will figure something out or things will work themselves out on their own.
I went to a weekly event called "pornstar karaoke" Tuesday night - that was a lot of fun. It's always good to get out and meet people and network.

I'm back to being undecided about moving here. If I knew that I'd be working consistantly I would, but right now I'm questioning how "bookable" I am, and if I'm not, I can't see myself moving out here for nothing.

Today was my 2nd day of shooting out here in sunny Los Angeles. So far even though the trip began a bit rough with the loss of my suitcase by the airline, it's been great work wise.
Yesterday I worked with a really talented, cool and laid back director/content provider/talent named Garret Smith. He was great to work with because he is incredibly down to earth and easy going. I think the stills and video that he produced yesterday are going to turn out very very well. I can't wait to see the results. I'm looking forward to working with him again in the future.
Today was fantastic, I had the opportunity to work with Vouyer Media again - such an awesome company to work with. This is my 3rd time working with them, Vince Vouyer is one of the coolest people in porn - period and he's incredibly smart, because the team he's hired to work for him is always great - from the receptionist to the makeup artists to the directors to the talents.
My male talent today was a really fun, sweet and INCREDIBLY high energy guy named Jack Napier. I was really excited to work with him because he stars in a fun but very well produced video series through Vouyer Media. He's probably one of the most endowed men in the world of porn too. The scene we shot today I think will turn out pretty well and I'm looking forward to seeing the results. The director/photographer/videographer Van Styles did a fantastic job - I worked with him once before so I was kind of familiar with his creative process, which hopefully made for a great finished product.



I hate that I'm still relatively a "newby" to porn, because I think it may show in my scenes. I have to work on maintaining a high energy level from start to finish during my scenes. I suppose it's all about stamina and pace, but I think in time, I'll improve.
It still amazes me how much drama and gossip is intertwined with the actual "work" of the porn industry. You find out that people who've never even conversed with you have something to say about you - crazy.
On a side note, I'm really happy with my new agency Type9 models - they're very professional and are getting me some really good bookings. The guy who runs the agency Kevin seems to be a real go-getter. In this business he's definitely the type of person you want on your side.
Looks like I have the weekend off, which is nice. I need the rest and relaxation. Hopefully the wi-fi connection where I'm staying will allow me to do a few cam shows for my fans.
I think I might try to get out at least 1 night this weekend to check out the real LA nightlife :) Gotta try to socialize at least a tiny bit.
Well I'm beat, gonna indulge in a pizza binge and then pass out while I listen to my favorite radio talk show Coast to Coast AM

Well, I don't know whether it's poeple wishing me enough "ill will" to where this happened, of if it's fate or just bad luck. My flight from Fort Lauderdale to LA was ok, I sat next to a relatively nice, yet mildly annoying person on the plane, but I got through it. I got off, the plane, went to the baggage area and my baggage NEVER FUCKING ARRIVED!

EVERYONE ELSE'S fucking BAGGAGE IS HERE but MINE! i EVEN HAD TO PAY $25 DOLLARS extra SINCE MY SUITCASE was OVERWEIGHT, YET the FUCKING Spirit AIrways couldn't DO THEIR DAMN JOB and get my SUITCASE which pretty much contained MY LIFE in it to Los Angeles.

That suitcase had ALL my best clothes, my makeup, some of my shoes, my toiletries, EVERYTHING. Of course the people who work for the airline are little help. I had to fill out a "Report" for them to track it down. Well fuck that. I'm NOT LEAVING THIS AIRPORT until I HAVE MY SUITCASE!!!!!!

Tomorrow I'm booked to do an adult video shoot at 12pm. Can I do it now? NO! Because my suitcase which SPIRIT AIRLINES LOST has my makeup and all my CLOTHES and HAIR STUFF and WARDROBE in it.

I guess I will be living at LAX until I get my suitcase with my life in it, because there's no point for me to check into a hotel and spend money if I can't do my video shoot tomorrow and MAKE MONEY to cover my expenses.

DO NOT fly SPIRIT AIRLINES EVER. They are horrible people who don't care about people's lives and who shrug off their mistakes.

OK, well I'm set to go back to LA this week. Hopefully it will happen because as of current I'm short on funds due to one of the company's I shot for the last time I was out, having not sent me my paycheck yet. Looks like I'm going to have to contact them. Regardless I'm getting on that plane - I think when things in life are about to go well, every evil energy out there tries to get in the way of you succeeding. I guess that sounds paranoid, but oh well, I am a bit paranoid - life can do that to u.
I've cut yet more users and losers out of my life and I feel great about it. When you have nothing else, but the ability to move forward, that's what you do.

I missed the plane to the funeral I was supposed to attend with my dad. I've never missed a plane in my life, but that morning it was as if everything in the universe was stopping me from getting to the airport. Crazy. I feel horrible about it, when I have the funds I think I will try to do something really special for my dad.

In other news, I love my new jet black hair. Trivial - yes, but I can't help but write about it because it's something about this new look that really makes me feel like a new person. Everyone should revamp their look from time to time - puts a person in a new frame of mind.





Overall I think I've seen myself more of an observer rather than a participator. It's silly because I most certainly participate in more things than most people ever would or could. I'm going to try changing my mindset and be a bit more "present".

Well , my hair project was a SUCCESS! Took a LONG time but it was worth it. I straightened and dyed my hair jet black last night and it looks GREAT - I definitely made the right decision to do it. I will have to do a new set of casting photos for my new look :)
Today I head up to NY for a family furneral - will be a quick trip - all in one day. Then when I get back in town I'll just be online doing cam shows and working on my website (as usual - I'm boring).
Today I read in an adult entertainment related periodical about 2 new women who were signed as "Contract" girls to Wicked Pictures. I'm starting to believe that the "contract performer" route is the right one to take in the adult video world. Even if it means less money annually than you would make independently, I think that just the idea of having a contract would make life so much less stressful. I hate the uncertainty of not knowing whether or not I'll have a good amount of bookings on my trips to LA - and it's not just that, it's about the quality of the people that you're working with along with the quality of the finished product as well.
I've decided to start taking nutritional supplements - mainly vitamins. Trying to stay healthy :)

This week isn't going as planned, but it's cool, gotta maintain my "adaptability". I'd anticipated doing a ton of cam shows for my site monicaF.com , but between me accidently downloading a worm/tojan horse on my main video editing computer over the weekend and me having to fly up to NY for a funeral on Thursday, the cam shows aren't happening. Oh well.
I was looking back at some of my photos from some previous photoshoots and I realized that my hair and weave look really busted. Well, maybe not totally horrible, but not great - so I made a decision today. I'm losing the highlights and streaks - I'm over that stage. Tonight I'm dying my hair jet-black. I haven't had totally monochromatic hair in a LONG time and I love the look of shiney blue-black hair so I'm giving that a try. Hopefully it'll look good when it's done - I do my own hair, so no one else is to blame but me if it doesn't work out. I'll post a photo of the end result.
I've been thinking a lot about my next trip out to L.A. - I really don't know what to expect this time around, especially being that I'm with a new agency. Yea, it's just "porn", but the world of porn is more nerve-racking than most people would think. I just hope I make a lot of money and that everything goes well.

In life, you truly never know what to expect - this week is already starting off at a rather fast and unexpected pace - and in many ways it's a good thing.
On the good side, my AIM test results are already in and EVERYTHING is negative which indicates that I am clean as a whistle and clear to work in the AV industry. I'll be heading out to Los Angeles for work next week, already bought my ticket - Yeah!!! This will be my 3rd trip out specificly for AV work. This trip should be fairly different from the last 2 being that I'm with a new agency - Type9models. I have a feeling the trip will be great, I'm looking forward to it. I hope I manage to get out a bit socially to meet some more people out there - I like the vibe of the California nightlife.
This week however I'll probably heading to a funeral, for a recent death in my extended family. Death always reminds me of my mortatlity and that I need to do everything that I want to do when I can - other wise I'll regret it later. Morbid - but a realistic outlook.
I'm back on my RedBull kick. I'm not sure exactly how unhealthy that energy drink is - I've never researched it, and frankly, I don't care. It's one of the world's best beverages. I'm someone who NEEDS the extra caffine kick in my pants to get going.

This week has been my "party week" - lots of goofing off and going out but I needed it after Los Angeles. I managed to get a lot of rest this week too and I needed it. Even though tomorrow is Saturday, it's back to the grind - cam shows, and website photo and video updates as usual.
Tonight I went out with my friend Fibi Love of www.fibilove.com for drinks at a place called Blue Martini in Fort Lauderdale. Really nice club but a TOTAL meat market. I met a couple cool guys, but I'm not to quick to put myself totally out there when meeting someon new anymore. Mainly because my lifestyle isn't for everyone and I don't want the drama from the mainstream world that a mainstream guy might create. I had a good time though... nowdays I don't get out to much, so it was good to socialize.
My friend unfortunately drank a bit too much, but I managed to get her home safe. Afterwards I was going to make a pit stop at another friend's house but through some weird events, that didn't happen - there's a reason for everything though. Some old friends are too full of drama or are too high maintanance. People like that are all getting cut out of my life nowdays.