Sunday, December 20, 2009

Is it possible to be spiritually healthy and work in the adult entertainment/sex industry simultaneously? Yes, but I feel only if you're only working in it in a way that you're not allowing anyone to control you, in a way that you're not controlling others, in a way that is honest, and in a way that you honestly don't feel you're hurting others or yourself.

Someone once told me:

You belong to no one but yourself and your higher spiritual power. Anyone who tries to possess you is possessed themselves by something evil.

I believe this. Out here in Los Angeles even though it's an "entertainment capital" there's a serious lack of people with real talent and real ideas. Many of the most monetarily successful people out here have neither. What they DO have is a slick tongue and scam to try to convince you (especially if you have talent and/or ideas) that you can't make it without them, so you need to sign the dotted line.

I bought into this bullshit, for a little while, but then I realized that I've always done well solo and did just fine before coming across any of these modern day slavers. So I've decided to stop allowing others to attempt to own me and use me, and I'm back to owning myself. As of current, as long as I only work for myself and make moves to push myself into areas of work that make me feel even better about myself, I believe that God and the powers that be are in agreement with how I'm living my life. When I work I listen to my conscience and I believe that's "key".

A person's relationship with their higher power and a person's religion is a very personal thing that can't be (at least I don't believe can be) uniformly defined. I don't think there's a real set of rules for any faith. How each person relates to their universal maker I think greatly varies and primarily depends on how the person feels about themselves, how HONEST they are with themselves and how they're living their life as a whole.

In our core, we all know certain basic things when it comes to right and wrong on a grand scale and what's right or wrong for us personally.

I think as we age, sometimes our tolerance levels and acceptance levels change when it comes to allowing things, people and situations into our lives that are wrong for us. I don't know why it happens, but sometimes it just does. If I could illustrate this point I'd take a rubber band in my hands and start stretching it. The rubber band would be a metaphor for the BS we allow in our lives.

My rubber band became really stretchy at certain point - it most certainly did quite recently. My band stretched so far that it almost broke. Luckily it didn't. Out here in California especially I've seen many broken rubber band people walking around.

I think I know why my rubber band didn't break. I think my higher power, God (and whatever other positive energies I have around me) stepped in stopped the negative energies who were pulling on my rubber band from pulling it anymore. My band has retracted and I feel a lot better and I'm more driven than before to make some serious strides and changes for the better in my life. I want to say I found the strength to retract all by myself but I know I had some spiritual help. I'm not traditionally religious (obviously...overall I'm not traditional in nearly ANY way), but I know for a fact that I've always had a very close connection to God and the spirit world.

If you go to my blog and click on 2007 and find the December 25th entry you'll find the following video:

I decided to post it again because even if you're not a "Christian", it's a good metaphor for what happens to us all in life, but how if you have faith in yourself and want to live your life in a healthy, successful and productive way all you have to do is make a firm decision to try and make that change. Once you do ,things around you that your 5 senses don't perceive will help you out.

I'm going to pray and meditate today for 2 people I know.

The first person, a man who's going home soon for the holidays, to also find their way "home" back to their core being spiritually as well. I think if he returned to his core, he'd find the strength and confidence to do some things that are far more amazing than what he's doing with his life right now.

The second person, a young woman I know who has verbally stated on many occasions that what she's been doing for work has been causing her to have psychological problems to such a high degree that she's seeing a therapist. She just got married and finally has a "support system" but has been asked recently to do some in person sexual favors lately for a very low amount of money. Rather than her getting her shit together and either working on webcam (a non-in person route for those in the adult industry) or finding a regular job she's choosing to take the "easy" but much more damaging path.

This was a bit of a "heavy" blog today, but it's Sunday and this is what flowed from my thoughts this morning.

This is a cool photo of a cross in the Hollywood Hills (it lights up at night) that I pass by sometimes on the 101 freeway. It's a nice sight to see in this city.

***Due to the responses from yesterday's blog I feel the need to reiterate the following:

Keep in mind, I'm not against the porn industry by far. If I was I wouldn't be moving into a position in porn behind the camera. I'm simply done with performing hardcore sexual scenes for other studios because it's not right for me any longer. I will continue to model, act, write, explore and develop many other ventures and of course will still be on webcam nearly daily :)

In other words to those who don't like me because you can't own a piece of me, and who WANT me to go away, I'm not going ANYWHERE. Though I'm retracting, I'm also growing.

My newest blog: