Thursday, December 17, 2009

"You're a pornstar, you must be rich."

LOL! That's been said a couple of times recently during my past few live weekly one hour shows in Club Monica lately. I think the perception that people have of my financial status is both funny and flattering. I'm FAR from "rich". I'm not even well off, or OK. I'm broke, but I'm working to turn that around.

It's good to know that I at least appear to be successful. Maybe my appearance is an indicator of where I will be one day. What I don't think many people (out side of Los Angeles that is ) realize, is that real entertainers, whether you're adult or mainstream are masters of the art of illusion. It's all smoke and mirrors baby. Just because I make you believe something, doesn't mean that it's real.

Most women who work in porn are not rich, or even well off. Most live in group homes (model houses) with their "managers", or small apartments, or with a shit load of roommates. Most live paycheck to paycheck. Some have sugardaddies or do a lot of "private" shoots to live a more lavish lifestyle. Part of the reason I created was to show people that just because you work in the adult industry, your life may not turn out to be the equivalent of what the E! channel shows you of Jenna Jameson's life.

Come to think of it maybe I am doing ok. I live alone in a 1 bedroom and I don't rely on or have anyone to pay my bills.

Speaking of "sugardaddies" or rich boyfriends - recently in a forum that I enjoy participating (and battling) in, a fellow poster mentioned a recent post of mine relating to how I once wondered how women in Los Angeles do meet these illusive rich and generous men, because I sure as hell haven't (at least not any that I'd consider dating). In fact the men I've met who have CLAIMED to be rich, in reality were much more cheap than the "regular" guys (maybe that's how they became what they want to consider "rich" to begin with - heh). The poster said that now, being that my mindset is DEFINITELY not about living off of some guy, that I might have a case of the "Fox and the Grapes".

Well, maybe I do. Maybe there's no way in the world any man of means would EVER be interested in me. Being that I can't even manage to date a regular guy successfully I'm not surprised. I probably am the LAST type of woman that any man with means would want to date because I'm not a perfect 10, I have a quirky attitude, I don't pander or kiss ass, I'm very head strong and I'm not a "be seen and not heard" type of girl. I'm definitely not of a "slave girl"/submissive mentality, and I'm far from being a girl who "does as she's told".

Furthermore, if a rich man stepped up to me and offered to foot the bill, I'd ask him to funnel his generosity into helping me build my studio and brand, rather than requesting designer clothes or bags. Most rich guys don't want a girl who has sense like that (that is unless they can own a piece of the girl's business, which is something else I'm not willing to do), because they'd know that if I became successful in my own right, and they fucked up the relationship, I'd leave them and be just fine. Rich guys for the most part want women who will be dependent on them forever (slaves).

No, I've never dated a millionaire, but from what I can see from afar, I wouldn't want to unless he was exceptionally different from the normal "rich man" stock. In time I'll make my own money and retain my freedom.

In other news I wanted to go to AVN's this year, but I don't foresee myself being able to afford the trip. Most women I know who are going, are "accompanying" someone. Fuck that. Yes, I'm disappointed, but I'll live. I'm grateful for what I do have as of current, and the fact that I'm strong enough to continue pushing forward even though there are many obstacles that I still need to work my way around, over and through.

I can't wait for 2010 to get here. This year needs to wrap up, at least for me.