It's interesting as a webcam girl (and overall computer nerd girl) to witness the evolution of sex webcamming. I remember back when I first began the systems were totally crude and VERY few and far between. It was primarily services and networks like ifriends.com and talksugar.com with a few websites sprinkled into the mix, which had girls listing their yahoo messenger or netmeeting screen names. The webcams were all super choppy and you never saw or even heard the guys, they just chatted with you via text.

Then in time, the "phone with cam" trend took off, and as DSL/cable internet service became more assessable and less expensive the "cam with audio" trend took over.

Now days, sex webcamming is probably just as (if not more) entertaining for me, as it is my viewers. I get to see the guy during most of my webcam shows, and I'll tell you, being a single woman now, it really eases the loneliness - it's like having a new fling with a different guy (or guys) every hour I'm online, and some of the guys are HOOOOOOTTTTTTTT :)

Being that I know so much about webcamming, I'm thinking about putting together a site about it - I don't have time to at the moment, but eventually I'll get to it.

Speaking of loneliness, I'm back to being horny as hell. I'm wondering when I'll find myself in the situation of having sex again - of course I can have sex with myself, and I do, multiple times a day - however it's always more fun with a partner - the question is - when will I meet a new partner? It's gotta be someone hot, who I really like, and who's into me as well...guess only time will tell on that one. On top of that there are some new sexual activities I want to explore, so finding someone open enough to explore them with may be an "issue"...

It's a shame, because being 30 years old, I'm at my sexual peak, and being that I am my ideals and notions of sex, and what's right and wrong for me from a personal and moral standpoint are substantially morphing. Funny how that works - I'm actually reaching a level of becoming much more adventurous and open again.

Side note: Looks like once again the people at XXXporntalk.com are reading my blog, and this time they're taking it a bit too far by inferring that I should kill myself by sitting in a tub with a toaster oven? Sorry but suicide isn't for me, I love myself too much and loneliness could never prompt me to want to end my life. The only way I'll be expiring will be via old age.

The poster inferring I should kill myself obviously is a complete sicko & psycho being that they're fixated on pornstars and ex-pornstars dying (look at this other forum thread they created called "a small list of deaths"), which is actually very scary to think about. It's common knowledge that entertainers in the past (adult or mainstream) that didn't "play the game" are often eliminated by the people who couldn't control them. I want my readers to know that if my blog or websites suddenly cease being updated and/or disappear, then I SOMETHING is probably VERY wrong.

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I took today as a day of rest - I stayed in bed and watched movies - it was nice. God knows I needed to work, as $ is becoming harder and harder for me to come by, but I think not losing my sanity is more important right now. Considering the past year - it's amazing I'm still functioning.

My heart is broken and after what happened last week (which I'll go into detail about one day - though not today), a friendship with my ex isn't even close to being a possibility due to his complete lack of respect and consideration for my feelings, body and being.

I've decided that since I've chosen not to perform in porn any time soon due to the current HIV issue in the business (I'll still be solo on my webcam though), and being that everywhere I look reminds me of my ex and the time we spent together over the past year - I'm leaving LA at the end of August. There's nothing here for me.

I suppose this move to LA didn't work out and was a waste - I'll admit it, I failed at yet another thing in life. Maybe one day something will work out even though it's obviously not today.

In my last blog, I stated that I always try my best. This morning I realized that I've been wasting my time by trying, because typically when you say you're "trying" you're not certain whether you can do something or not - you're basically lacking faith and belief in yourself. Either that or you're attempting to alter something that is completely out of your scope of control.



I'm am guilty of attempting to alter many things that are out of my scope of control - primarily though - relationships. In my past relationship, I thought that if I "tried" hard enough it would work. I was wrong. On my end, I did what I needed to do. I allowed myself to bend and I compromised. I was willing to wait. However in the very end, I realized that all I could do in reality was meet my ex in the middle - he wasn't willing to make the journey to meet me. He didn't want to.

Initially I took this personally, but now I realize that for him, the journey wasn't worth his doing anything - in his life overall there isn't much, from my perspective, that is worth much doing which is reflected in many facets of his life. Some people simply don't want to do anything. Some people are afraid to grow.

All in all, Yoda is right. You either do, or you do not - there is no "try". It's hard to realize this because you really do have to "un-learn" much of what mainstream media teaches.

My advice to the readers of my blog for today? If you want to do something, if you believe you can - if you have faith that you will - you can - so do it. Otherwise don't "try".

Only surround yourself with people who are "doers". Don't surround yourself with people who don't do anything and especially don't hang around people who won't and who are fearful. They are the true losers and usually they are users and takers as well. Remember, that it's the person with the most physical weapons and armor, that is the most fearful.

Recently someone asked me if since launching gettingintoporn.com whether or not I'd received negative feedback in the form of threats and if I was worried. My answer? Of course I've received "threats" - I've fucked with people's money and for the weak, that's the worst. Am I worried? Not one bit because there's nothing I'm afraid of anymore.

In fact, recently it was brought to my attention via an associate that because I LINKED to the 1 person who has publicly come out as to having had contact with "Patient 0 / X" in the recent HIV issue affecting the porn industry that I should be "careful". If anything, this individual should re-think their life and purpose as I stated in my GettingIntoPorn Blog (of which I inquired, why be a victim, when you can be an EXAMPLE AND LEADER). This "associate" of mine who I've worked with NEEDS TO COME FORWARD with the information she has related to me to the people I referred her to in regards to this situation, because she has the POWER to SAVE LIVES.

I realized a long time ago that it's knowledge, information and (most of all) the sharing of information that is the strongest force and power in the world, probably in the universe. As soon as you release information it spreads, like wildfire, so even if someone "came after" me, it's too late now to stop what has started.

This blog is short tonight because I have a lot to DO. As of late I really feel as if I've taken some sort of "spiritual steroids" because my level of clarity when it comes to understanding myself, others and the world has dramatically sharpened.

Have a positive, happy and productive week everyone :)

It's Saturday afternoon (for some odd reason, I was thinking all day today that it was Sunday) and I'm doing webcam shows which is always fun. However I'm very annoyed because I'm having to deal with a horrible loud drilling noise which seems as though it will never end (apparently some workers are repairing the garage door gate where I live).

Something I've been working on as of recent is not setting overly high expectations of situations and people, because I'm finding myself consistently disappointed which I know is not good for my energy level and sphere of happiness. This is very hard for me because I'm both very idealistic and I'm someone who (especially as of the last 2 years) always tries their best and gives their all. I have to realize that many people don't think as I do nor do they have the same motivations as I do. I've been guilty of embodying qualities such as laziness and selfishness in the past, but I actively try to fight against those qualities settling into my being.

This week I'll be launching a video blog (maybe a live webcast) for www.GettingIntoPorn.com - that should be fairly easy to do and I think will be another great supplement for the site.

It was recently suggested to me that I begin writing a book about my experiences in the adult entertainment world as a whole (not just the porn part, but the exotic dancing and webcam girl parts as well). I think I will do so, I already have a good title for the piece.

This evening (added this part of today's blog around 9pm) I had a chance to catch up with a good friend of mine from Australia who's visiting the States for a few weeks, who has a very cool online (and offline) show in which he interviews everyone from entrepreneurs, to celebrities, to sports figures. He'll be shooting a piece on me this Tuesday. He too suggested I hit up some publishers in regards to my projects, and personal journals, so I definitely will look into that this week. Even if nothing comes of it, I can always self publish.

No your eyes are not deceiving you, I have hair extensions again :)

I will be on webcam most of the day today and pretty much all weekend because:

1) I have a very limited social life
2) I need to get my bills paid.

If I were willing to do more than I am, and wasn't afraid of jail, I wouldn't have to worry about reason #2 at all. Sometimes I feel like an dumb ass for being such a goody-goody. I'm not against escorting, I actually think that the escorting system COULD BE be much more "civilized" than the porn industry, however since it's illegal (everywhere in the US but Nevada), I have to say no to it.

Instead I will be making my camshows a bit more entertaining. Yesterday I introduced a new "side of me" named "Mighty Afrodite" - she will be making appearances a few times each week to mix it up a bit. Other characters may be coming soon. :)

If you're one of my readers, be sure to buy a nice long relaxed camshow from me soon so that I can eat, sleep, and continue to work. Thanks :)

Introducing......MIGHTY AFRODITE - website www.MightyAfrodite.com comming soon!

I'm going to work this look on webcam for a while - more characters to come...

I had an excellent weekend. This weekend was one of the first times in a LONG time that I did something very healthy and positive for myself. I was very fortunate to have God and the universe bring a new friend into my life who welcomed me into a very soul searching and mind expanding experience on Saturday. This one experience was pretty much the equivalent of around 6 months of therapy sessions. I walked away from the experience realizing that:

I'm too hard on myself and needlessly so.

I'm further along in my life's progression than I give myself credit for.

I need to work on accepting myself for who I am a bit more and let go of some guilt I've been harboring which is all based in the "ego".

I definitely have reached a "crossroads" in life, and my decision to work for the positive, light, and betterment of humanity is definitely the right choice - though it's the more difficult one.

It's OK to speak my mind and that there's power in doing so.

My recent decisions to block certain individuals and activities from my life is the correct one.

It's ok to be "silly".

It's necessary that my body get in a lot more physical activity to expel some deep seeded anger & negativity I embody - which is primarily based in my disappointment in much of humanity (mainly people not treating other as they'd want to be treated).

I let a TON of negativity go on Saturday (it's amazing how when you let go of things emotionally you actually feel a lot better physically)and I made some wonderful new friends and acquaintances of whom I hope to hang with again soon.

I suppose Saturday's theme was: To know thy self is to love thy self. Thank you Sunny.

Sunday I hung at the mall with a couple of girlfriends and had lunch which was nice. Many of my girlfriends are from the "non-adult industry" world and I often forget that many women really are not very knowledgeable when it comes to what's "sexy". For whatever reason my friends think I'm an "expert in sexiness" which was actually very flattering so I had a chance to share some "tips and tricks" with them.

I'm glad that a lot of people read my blog, however I'm not very happy with the fact that many men who read my blog, feel that it's a "guide" as to "how to get into Monica's pants". In fact it outright pisses me off.

I received an unsolicited email recently from a douche bag who initially propositioned me sexually and offered to "pay for my services". I AM NOT AN ESCORT so DO NOT ASK! I replied to this dip shit that he was totally out of line and not to contact me any further. THEN this idiot not only sends me his real name and photo (which I will post if he contacts me again), but he also had the nerve to try to get me to meet him for drinks for a "regular date" and on top of it has a big enough unjustifiable ego to suggest that I'd probably really like him. WRONG! Here's why:

1) This person is very unattractive inside and out.
2) This person engages in illegal activity.
3) This person is obviously obsessed with "Monica" and I don't date anyone into "Monica".

This piece of dung claims to "read my blog", but I'll tell you this - ANYONE who really reads my blog, would know for sure, that crap like him doesn't cut it in my world (oh and he sent his resume - he works in the mainstream entertainment industry - ironic.).

I think it's really disgusting how people try to target others who are obviously trying to better their lives - people who do this shit I hope live a very very very long time because I'd not want to be them when it comes time to meet their maker.

I decided to write about this individual because I want readers of this blog to see that once you decide to take a different path in life once you've worked (or continue to work in my case - via webcam) in the adult industry, many people - especially men assume that you will do ANYTHING - legal, illegal or outside of your established comfort zone for money. I want primarily women to know that if you do decide to do porn - it dramatically effects how a large sect of society views you.

Ok, enough of that, I don't have a yoga class to release my anger till later in the week so I can't afford to build up too much up just yet.

Well it's Monday morning and it's back to the webcam grind. I will have a couple house guests this evening so after I do a few more morning shows, I'm going to take a nap, then do some laundry and then welcome my friends into town. It should be a nice evening.

Usually I am doing cam shows most of the weekend, however this weekend I will not be as I will be embarking on the first phase of a sort of "spiritual cleansing" and "shift".

Nothing drastic... it's just time to close the door on a lot of the negativity I've just come through (especially from January of this year to June), and open the door WIDE to the positivity that has been waiting for me. Lets just say I'm cleaning house of everything & everyone who knows damn well they belong in the dumpster.

"Hippie talk" you say? Of course it is...I'll be in this phase till I'm about 60. I just entered my Saturnian period in January and now I'm on the other side of it, and if you're into astrology, you know what that means.

I'm very very very pleased with the responses I've been receiveing in regards to www.gettingintoporn.com - I want to say a big THANK YOU to all the women who have sent me powerful and emotional emails of encouragement and thanks.

I feel project enabled (and continues to enable) me to:
1) take a solid stance on some issues
2) act as an outlet for me to give back to other women who are where I was via the sharing of my experiences and knowledge
3) effectively assist in making changes in the porn industry that need to be made

I have a feeling the condom mandatory law will happen, with loopholes most likely (but hey, at least condom use will become a bit more common)- check this article.)

I think gettingintoporn.com will be a constant "work in progress". As I move behind the camera in the adult industry along with moving into other careers in my life completely seperate from the adult industry I'm sure I'll be learning much more and expanding my perspective - so much the info on the site will consistently "evolve".

As of current, I have many more ideas for the site including a weekly video webchat or video blog (this is actually necessary currently to address all the email and questions I've received as it's too much to respond too case by case) so look out for that next week.

Now here are a few things I need to add...In the next few paragraphs I am addressing those who REALLY need to get their day to day earthy lives and spiritual selves in a much more positive and right place, before their time is up (and trust me, the clock never stops ticking for anyone):

Many of the emails I've been receiving through gettingintoporn.com have been from people who I know damn well are wannabe pimps and/or industry slackers who really need to give up on the porn industry at this point and move into a different profession. If you are asking ME for advice as to how to market, promote or sell something, and you have been in the porn industry longer than I have, then you are SIMPLY NOT SMART ENOUGH TO SURVIVE IN THIS INDUSTRY ANYMORE. The restructuring has begun in porn and it's sink or swim, if you aren't swimming now you never will.

Gettingintoporn.com is a guide for WOMEN of the NEW porn industry. I am NOT here to assist any men (or women) make money off of their "girlfriend", friend or hoe. If you can't do it on your own now, then you NEVER WILL (and I don't support that "professional" mentality to begin with).

Furthermore if some of these negative emails continue I will have NO PROBLEM posting your name, email address and the messages in their entirety.

One thing I don't have much of (actually, maybe not any at this point), is fear - and being that I am one of the people in this world without much to lose, I am fairly dangerous to those who DO have (or who think they have) a lot to lose. Keep in mind that www.gettingintoporn.com could go in MANY directions so to those who monitor my blog and websites and who think they are contacting me "anonymously" or under a "guise" - be careful. I might just be a "Porn Whore" yes, but I'm a PW who enjoys thinking and is very talented at piecing things together, so tread lightly.

Ok, enough of addressing that battle for now.

Have a great weekend everyone, I'll be on webcam here and there, and I'll have much to report on Monday.

Here's a fun video to check out "Sexy & Dangerous" (skip the video to about 4:20):

My Netflix.com account, which I love, has access to a ton of VOD tv series - one show that I particularly like is called "Head Case" which stars Alexandra Wentworth who plays a therapist named Dr. Elizabeth Good. For some reason I can totally relate to the sane psychoticness of this "character", and watching that series has really helped me get through the past few weeks.

I recently made a new friend who I'll be hitting Venice Beach with tomorrow. It's amazing I've lived here for about a year but still haven't been down to that area so I'm excited and looking forward to it.

Come to think of it I've made a few new friends lately. I feel a lot more open to positivity in all areas of my life now - friendships, new romantic relationships, my career, my health, and in my spiritual base. Well that's all for today - see you guys on webcam later.

Today was a nice, easy day. Just cam shows, a light work out, and caught up on the phone with some out of state friends.

Apparently the angry nerd herd at xxxporntalk.com decided to pick up my blog from a few days ago where I mentioned that I'm over personal-life sex for now and am going to wait until I'm at least engaged to a guy with a wedding day set before I have sex (I should really say make love, being that it'd be with someone that I'd care for) again.

I'm not doing this for religious reasons - just personal reasons that I think are the right thing for my life right now. I'll admit it though - this choice is DIFFICULT! I'll just have to do more intense workouts and lots of meditation to compensate.

My last relationship which lasted about year was great physically, but nearly destroyed me emotionally and psychologically. I'll never be able to figure out how a person can date someone for a year but only "like" them...fuck. Truthfully, I've come to the conclusion that the guy never really "liked" me at all. Makes me feel crappy, but coming to that realization has aided in helping me move forward.

Of course the dis informants and illiterate at xxxporntalk.com altered my post from "engaged" to "married" and then went on about how "everyone else gets to bang you but your potential fiance,that sounds really well thought out". Um, - who exactly is this everyone else?

I haven't been cast in any adult roles since around January of this year, and being that I don't do "privates", I'm trying to figure out where exactly is all this "non-personal life" sex going to come from that my future fiance` would have to worry about?

In other news, I've come to realize I need to update my wardrobe a bit, so over the next few weeks I'll be doing so, and I'm looking forward to it :)

OK, my last blog was a bit heavy and emotionally driven...well then again over half of my blogs are which probably reflects a lot as to who I am as a person - passionate, out of my head while being simultaneously too IN my head, but at times a bit logical though very sensitive.

As I stated in my last posting - I am VERY fortunate to have a good network of friends who are really there for me. They keep me sane and with at least 1 foot on the ground.

A friend of mine tonight suggested I come up with some positive affirmations, so I made a few very good ones tonight which I will stick to.

Right now, I feel like I'm in a solid transitional phase for the better - I suppose we're all in transition at all times, as that's what being human is all about, but I think that when you make a transition to where you consciously want to be the best person you can be for yourself at that time - it's a bit more powerful.

I'm hoping to head out on another camping trip toward either the end of this month or the beginning of next. That would be a great thing. I'm also considering a roommate come September - that would be a nice addition to my world as well.

I'm very fortunate to have developed a small but nice network of genuine friends. Some live in LA and some in other areas of the country, but regardless, near or far my friends are very involved in my life and current happenings (which is great). The longer I live here in LA, the more I'm realizing that "genuine" people in this city are VERY few and far between, which is actually the only disappointing thing about this city. Maybe one day the attitude here will change.

I was on webcam most of the weekend, but Sunday night I had a chance to hang out at the pool and play some music with a good girlfriend of mine. She's an excellent musician (guitarist) and though I mainly just play on the drum while she plays guitar it's one of the most enjoyable activities. If I have enough drinks in me, I even sing along.

Since I've been "Lil Miss Single Girl" again, I've had a good amount of people start to come out of the woodwork and to ask me out. I'm glad because since ending my past relationship I wasn't sure how to even go about meeting someone new. I've found that I'm a better person and feel happier when I'm a part of a couple. Also I want to have a family of my own at some point in the near future, so not being open to a relationship definitely isn't helpful in that department.

The problem that I'm encountering at present though, is that I never know if the person I'm dating is really into Monica Foster or the woman who created Monica Foster. Basically what I'm saying is that a TON of men want to be with a pornstar, but I doubt a ton of men actually want to be with ME - so I've decided to stick to the following rule:

No more personal-life sex until I'm at least engaged with a set wedding date.

That's right, now this rule may simply insure that no one ever dates me again, but oh well... I'd rather be alone, than be with a guy who doesn't really want to be with me.

Now I have to use the term "personal-life" in the rule because hey, I might do an adult movie here and there and will definitely be doing webcam shows (yea they're solo but I still consider that sex with myself - hehe).

The whole "commitmaphobic guy" thing is pathetic and out here in LA it's very common. I need a man who's in it for the long haul - marraige and family can be a cool phase of life and I want in! I have a feeling that I will wind up finding what I'm looking for.

Following this new rule will be difficult (though not impossible - I haven't been with anyone intimately since my ex and that was quite some time ago now), BUT as of late I've been feeling a lot more confident and self assured. I'm feeling more and more that I deserve the best, and the best for me is someone who wants a strong, solid future and family with me. I suppose I better go chastity belt shopping tomorrow.

Today's just a quiet Saturday which is nice. Nothing much to blog about with the exception of I'll be on webcam the rest of the weekend.

Check out this video - it's a nice example of how everyone has a gift (and sometimes a very unexpected one), regardless of who they are or where they are in life.

I had a really good "date night" last night (yes, I am still single BUT I am back to dating - a girl's gotta get out!). One thing I'll say about Los Angeles, is that if a night out, especially a date, if planned properly (and even if it's just loosely planned), really can feel straight out of a romantic movie or a show like MTV's "The Hills" or "The City" (I'll admit it, I LOVE and am ADDICTED to both of these shows - I watch them online).

California restaurants and night spots take it to the next level when it comes to the decor and the atmospheres that the venues seem to go out of their way to create. Even chains like The Cheesecake Factory step it up a notch out here in LA opposed to Fort Lauderdale.

I've been writing quite a bit lately about the transitions I've gone through since moving out here to LA. Along with going through a lot of life changes, I've also started to come to MANY self realizations.

I've found that I haven't been 100% honest (only about 50%) with myself about what I really want, how I want to be treated and what I am willing and not willing to put up with in relationships. I suppose that many women do that because the media is constantly saying that you have to "compromise" on so many levels when it comes to maintaining a relationship - especially a romantic one. Well I've finally figured out that if you find yourself compromising to a level of which you're totally always biting your tongue and trying to "wait it out", then whoever you are with is definitely not for you.

I'm going do a lot of soul work to get to that 100%.

My advice to anyone today: No matter what - in a relationship always say what's on your mind and always be yourself - no matter how crazy or psychotic you are cause the right person for you will never think negatively when it comes to anything about you. Don't worry about trying to adjust your personality in an effort to make them like you more, because if you feel like they don't like you enough to begin with, then you shouldn't bother with them anyways. The right person for you will go to great lengths to ensure that you feel great.

In other news, I'll be working on webcam all weekend and will probably be helping a girlfriend of mine plan a cool house warming party since she just moved into a new apartment. I LOVE party planning :)

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Well, I woke up this morning and found the my website www.MonicaF.com was DOWN! My website has been online nearly seamlessly for quite a few years now but ALL OF A SUDDEN after I launch GettingIntoPorn.com which is on the same hosting server, my site has issues. Interesting (could be the huge amount of traffic - over 2,000 hits last night alone, that the website launch has generated of course but I'm not so certain).

Along with that my wireless router had issues as well (which I fixed). I truly hope no one out there is targeting my home network and websites, but I wouldn't be surprised considering the nature of some of the information I released on GettingIntoPorn.com - I will probably have to find alternate hosting for my websites and up my network security if the issues continue and are not resolved today.

In other news, I've been receiving a ton of positive feedback on my GettingIntoPorn.com and I'm very glad - the feedback alone was well worth all the effort.

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Well, it looks as though GettingIntoPorn.com will definitely be launched July 4th of 2009! I've been awake all night and neglecting my webcam show friends (I'm very sorry about the lack of private cam shows over the past few days but I'll be back in full force this weekend), to make sure everything is up and running just as it should be on www.gettingintoporn.com - I've created a supplemental blog for the site as well, so if you enjoy this blog, you will enjoy http://gettingintoporn.blogspot.com as well.

As of this morning about half the information is up and online but I still am in the process of editing and re-writing (I over do it) some of the information for the subsections of the site AND I still need to edit and possibly re-record some of my video commentaries.

Considering the current restructuring of the porn industry and the state of the economy (more women are turning to the porn and adult industry as a source of income than ever - check this article on MSNBC), I feel that getting this information out if very important.

You know, it's funny, because around when I first was beginning to shoot porn scenes, I shot for one woman in particular who I was really excited about meeting, but whom I received the impression did not like me one bit. I told this woman about how I was planning on putting together GettingIntoPorn.com and she clearly felt that I couldn't possibly know what I was talking about due to:

1) my experience in the industry not paralleling her own

2) her experience in the industry being far more lengthy than mine

3) her possible loss in faith in any of her peers in the industry (it can easily happen)

Well, I definitely am far from knowing everything about porn, but I'm extraordinarily observant, and I feel that one of my "talents" is that I'm able to see beyond the surface (though I might not always let on that I do), and piece together pieces of a puzzle very well.

This particular woman is someone I'd still like to get to know a bit more on some level oneday, I thought she was very interesting and I think that through her experiences she could do a lot for other women who may take a path similar to her own.

Next on the agenda for July will be to start doing a broadcast of RedTback.com weekly, possibly create a weekly broadcast for GettingIntoPorn.com, begin work on a sister site to GettingIntoPorn.com which will be GettingOutOfPorn.com , begin work on my newest project PornWorthWatching.com and start my newest service for porn performers on a budget who want a website XXXsimplesites.com

I own quite a few domain names that I need to figure out what to do with. For example, I registered www.porninthemainstream.com a while back mainly because I've begun to notice more and more pornstars crossing into not just mainstream entertainment but into all sorts of other professions WITHOUT feeling the need to hide their "porn past". I think that's kind of cool, so it'll probably be some sort of a simple site that I develop that centers around that trend/phenomenon.

I obviously have no life and am obsessed with porn as of current. Considering my most recent chain of events in my personal life, keeping myself busy is probably the best thing. My computer and projects have become my "boyfriend" again since obviously no human I come into contact deems me worthy of spending a vast amount of quality time on and giving their love to. Ugh - depressing.

On a side note, it looks like my friends who run harleysxxxtv will be launching a radio show and altering the direction of their site just a bit. I think that's great that they're moving along and not giving up.

It's about 7:14am and generally the only time I witness this particular time of day is if I stay up all night - not the case right now so I will be going back to bed soon.

I just felt the need to blog the following:

Along with not drinking and driving, make sure you don't drink and call people either.

Found this clip from Erotica LA online today, definitely cheered me up.

So it's a new month - July. This time last year I was selling or giving away everything that wouldn't fit in my SUV for my move across country, from sunny yet RAINY Fort Lauderdale, to sunny yet DRY Los Angeles California. It's just amazing as to how much can happen just within a year.

This time last year I was trying to figure out my place in this crazy industry dubbed as the "porn biz". This time this year I'm about to launch www.GettingIntoPorn.com .

This time last year I was just starting to really fall for my now ex boyfriend. This time this year I'm just starting to get over my now ex boyfriend. As a side note, I'm finding the end of this particular relationship surprisingly easy to come to terms with - primarily because in the end, I realized that it might not have ever really began. It amazes me how easily some individuals are just willing to "fall into situations" and not take the initiative to change or end things when it's not something that's necessarily right for them. That lazy mentality I think is more of a west coast male thing than anything else. I've found many California men (even at 40) never truly mature (or maybe I just have expectations that are way too high, who knows), and that being the case - may God never stop the constant migration of naive 20 something year actress hopefulls to Hollywood.

Ok Ok , that last comment was in anger. I suppose the truly hardest thing about trying to move on is that even if the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship thing wasn't working out you really miss your ex's company. The only problem is when you don't make a clean break, it can hinder your ability to 1) learn and grow and 2) re open the door to a potentially healthier situation. ARG!!!!! I hate emotions at times.

On the lighter side, this time last year I was worried about how I'd find hair extensions of same quality and cost that I purchased regularly back in Fort Lauderdale. This time this year I have a hot, sassy self done new hair cut and style that I love so much that I will most likely never wear extensions again (well I may, just not now) :)

This move out to Los Angeles (and this year in particular) has probably been one of the best experiences of my life in regards to self development. I feel a lot more confident, self reliant, independent, strong and beautiful. I felt many of those qualities prior to the move, but on a completely different level than as of current.
I've also learned a tremendous amount about what it is to develop a personal "network" - not just of friends, but acquaintances, and business contacts as well.
As I type this, I'm thinking about what I need to pick up from the grocery store today. Aside from doing laundry, going to the grocery store is one of my most hated of "chores". I never know what I'm going to want to realistically have to eat later and even though I make a list, I always wind up forgetting something.

I find I'm like that with many things in life. I take so much time to prepare and I try so hard to make sure all my basis are covered in whatever it is that I do that I often always wind up overlooking something that should be in "plain view". I am like that with site development, planning trips, and (though I hate to admit it) relationships. I will be working on that fault of mine in a major way.

Today is going to probably be just a basic day. Webcamming, working on my websites, and organizing a few things here and there in between my webcamming and site development.

I'm going to try to do a broadcast of RedTback tomorrow. I've been severely neglecting that site due to my work on GettingIntoPorn.com but I'm finally stablizing between all my projects so I have the time. Actually my newest project will be an adult movie review site I'm developing called PornWorthWatching.com - I have a feeling it will be a lot of fun to work on.

On a side note, I'm contemplating a change of scenery next year to Las Vegas - we'll see. Ultimately I will be settling and retiring in California but a quick move to Vegas for a couple of years would help me to save a good chunk of change and the Veas scene would be great socially.

For those of u who care, the intro video for GettingIntoPorn.com is online - it's not the best video intro but I tried - check out my new hairdo as well. The hair is probably my favorite part of the entire video :) The rest of the site will be online July 4th, 2009 - I felt it was an appropriate launch date for such a site.