Wednesday, July 01, 2009

So it's a new month - July. This time last year I was selling or giving away everything that wouldn't fit in my SUV for my move across country, from sunny yet RAINY Fort Lauderdale, to sunny yet DRY Los Angeles California. It's just amazing as to how much can happen just within a year.

This time last year I was trying to figure out my place in this crazy industry dubbed as the "porn biz". This time this year I'm about to launch .

This time last year I was just starting to really fall for my now ex boyfriend. This time this year I'm just starting to get over my now ex boyfriend. As a side note, I'm finding the end of this particular relationship surprisingly easy to come to terms with - primarily because in the end, I realized that it might not have ever really began. It amazes me how easily some individuals are just willing to "fall into situations" and not take the initiative to change or end things when it's not something that's necessarily right for them. That lazy mentality I think is more of a west coast male thing than anything else. I've found many California men (even at 40) never truly mature (or maybe I just have expectations that are way too high, who knows), and that being the case - may God never stop the constant migration of naive 20 something year actress hopefulls to Hollywood.

Ok Ok , that last comment was in anger. I suppose the truly hardest thing about trying to move on is that even if the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship thing wasn't working out you really miss your ex's company. The only problem is when you don't make a clean break, it can hinder your ability to 1) learn and grow and 2) re open the door to a potentially healthier situation. ARG!!!!! I hate emotions at times.

On the lighter side, this time last year I was worried about how I'd find hair extensions of same quality and cost that I purchased regularly back in Fort Lauderdale. This time this year I have a hot, sassy self done new hair cut and style that I love so much that I will most likely never wear extensions again (well I may, just not now) :)

This move out to Los Angeles (and this year in particular) has probably been one of the best experiences of my life in regards to self development. I feel a lot more confident, self reliant, independent, strong and beautiful. I felt many of those qualities prior to the move, but on a completely different level than as of current.
I've also learned a tremendous amount about what it is to develop a personal "network" - not just of friends, but acquaintances, and business contacts as well.
As I type this, I'm thinking about what I need to pick up from the grocery store today. Aside from doing laundry, going to the grocery store is one of my most hated of "chores". I never know what I'm going to want to realistically have to eat later and even though I make a list, I always wind up forgetting something.

I find I'm like that with many things in life. I take so much time to prepare and I try so hard to make sure all my basis are covered in whatever it is that I do that I often always wind up overlooking something that should be in "plain view". I am like that with site development, planning trips, and (though I hate to admit it) relationships. I will be working on that fault of mine in a major way.

Today is going to probably be just a basic day. Webcamming, working on my websites, and organizing a few things here and there in between my webcamming and site development.

I'm going to try to do a broadcast of RedTback tomorrow. I've been severely neglecting that site due to my work on but I'm finally stablizing between all my projects so I have the time. Actually my newest project will be an adult movie review site I'm developing called - I have a feeling it will be a lot of fun to work on.

On a side note, I'm contemplating a change of scenery next year to Las Vegas - we'll see. Ultimately I will be settling and retiring in California but a quick move to Vegas for a couple of years would help me to save a good chunk of change and the Veas scene would be great socially.

For those of u who care, the intro video for is online - it's not the best video intro but I tried - check out my new hairdo as well. The hair is probably my favorite part of the entire video :) The rest of the site will be online July 4th, 2009 - I felt it was an appropriate launch date for such a site.