Monica At Home - Part 1



Monica At Home - Part 2



Monica At Home - Part 3




Last night on www.MonicaAtHome.com was “Miscast Monday” and I discussed my thoughts on what I feel to be casting blunders in the upcoming porn parody “Sex in the City – In search of the Screaming O” from DreamZone entertainment.

I question why adult industry star Sara Jessie was not cast as “Carrie” (in my opinion this may possibly be one of the biggest adult parody miscasts of the year).

I also discussed The Urban X Awards and the performer of the year nominees.

Later I outlined avoiding “middle-men” who work under the guise of “webcam model agents” and “webcam studios” when beginning your career as a webcam model, and how to sign up with the webcam networks such as Imlive.com directly.

Lastly, I answered a few questions from the live viewers and chatters at the end of the broadcast.

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On a personal note, life is going pretty well right now. I'm really enjoying my energy level since getting into a regular hike/jog/workout routine (of which I am chronicling on my new blog www.ModernHikerWoman.com - look for the Griffith Park hike update later this week).

I'm far from being to the level of success of which I want to reach both personally and financially (yep I'm still broke), but I feel very wealthy as of current - especially when it comes to my current level of creativity and motivation.

In this stage in the game, I'm turning my back to anyone and anything negative or draining that attempts to enter my sphere of well being, and am only concentrating on creating a world of my own of which I feel accomplished, inspired and happy.

Speaking of turning my back on negativity, a very tall life hurdle I'm finally finding the ability to leap over is "jealousy". When I look back on many instances in my life that I walked away from, ended or that simply went sour - whenever there were issues that were truly my fault in those situations, it was always due to one common theme - my JEALOUSY (of things, people or situations of which I shouldn't have even worried about or allowed to effect how I felt at those times of my life).

I suppose when someone has a jealous nature, it's mainly due to the person being insecure. As I'm moving through life, getting myself together (truly together), and am shaping and forming my life into what I want it to be (a positive, productive and fulfilling one), I'm finding that my self confidence and self esteem are finally reaching a healthy level - so I'm losing the "jealousy tendency". However now that I'm realizing that I have little to be jealous over when it comes to others, I'm beginning to finally, for the first time in my life in a VERY long time experience another emotion, which though healthy, is very uncomfortable - regret.

I've said in the past I have little to no regret over past choices I've made - that is no longer the case.

Another fresh installment of www.MonicaAtHome.com



Tonight I discuss avoiding "middle men" when signing up to be a webcam girl and the new adult series from New Sensations "The Romance Series".

Another fun broadcast of www.MonicaAtHome.com from last night.
The next live broadcast will be this Friday evening at 10pm PST.


Monica Foster at Home

I finally put together a new blog on Runyon Canyon for my new site and blog www.ModernHikerWoman.com as well. Enjoy :)

Another installment of www.MonicaAtHome.com


Monica Foster At Home


Shelly Lubben "fighting evil" via irrational methods, stating (as usual) that all porn is bad/evil, and at time code 6:50 Shelley mentions "gays turning straight" while she was ministering to people in prison - since when Shelley to gays need to be turned straight? Tell me, should blacks be turned white as well?




Later on in this video, Shelley generalizes all porn women as being "fake" and "unhappy" and not having anything going on for themselves - speak for yourself Lubben - I'm more real than your bible thumping irrational prejudiced fat ass ever was or will be.

Well it's Saturday - and what a week it's been - well in actuality it's been a rather eventful past couple of weeks.

I've managed to get in disagreements with 3 people I considered good friends over the past few weeks. I wish all of the disagreements (each of which was completely independent of one another) could have been avoided but as some people say - life goes on and people change - ironically it wasn't any of the people I've known who have changed - it's simply ME.

I'm most likely going to retract for a bit - most likely for the duration of the Summer. There are many things I need to focus on career wise and personally, and though I wanted to reach out to include others in my career goals, and ideas, I've found that at this point in time I need to work 100% independently. I've always been a very self sufficient and and independent thinker, worker and lifestyler (as many of you, my readers I'm sure are aware of by now) so I accept that this is my nature as of current and I'm just going to go with it.

Often times I become very frustrated with others because I view things a bit differently than many do being that I'm a natural "fixer" and "system builder". When I see how a system can either be implemented or repaired in order to make things easier, more efficient and overall better and others don't or aren't willing to even TRY to see things from my point of view I get very DISAPPOINTED.

I hate being disappointed because I live for excitement. I'm and adventure girl and I'm a bit of an adrenaline junky, so I'm starting to realize that since that's the case, I'm best off (at least at this point in my life) working on my own little goals, celebrating my own little successes, embarking on my own little adventures and primarily dealing with others who live along similar wave lengths.

Yesterday was a nice but enlightening day. I hung out with a girlfriend of mine and we caught up on each other's lives. She and I both have aspirations to create something wonderful within the world of adult entertainment. She is more of a "team spirit" type of girl (she's going into business with her boyfriend and his roommate), where as I'm going at my ventures solo. What's always fabulous about hanging out with her though, is that we encourage each other, give each other honest and positive advice and input, and laugh at the pitfalls we've each encountered along our personal and professional journeys.

I'm rather cerebral and have been VERY cerebral especially over the past year or so which is what has prompted me to actively settle into a regular workout routine. As of current my sport of choice is hiking. Today I went over to Runyon for a VERY long hike - this time along the advanced trails.

I'm not sure whether I was brave or just plain stupid to go at these trails alone, but hey - it's Saturday and the park was full of people so I suppose I wasn't really alone, plus I had my Iphone jacked into Pandora.com so I had fantastic tunes along the way.

If you don't currently have a pandora.com account - GET ONE! Today I was listening to a station I created based on Pink's song "U + ur hand" - I love aggressive "guuuurl" music right now because when I work out I'm expelling a lot of aggressive energy as of current. Sometimes I think it's odd that I'm as aggressive as I am by nature being that I'm a Capricorn - good thing my sign isn't Aries.

I love observing the groups of people and their dogs on my hikes at Runyon. Today I enjoyed going along one of the trails with a wolf pack - Actually the dogs were Husky's I think but it felt like a friendly high energy wolf pack - it was kind of hard to even decipher the "people" from the "dogs" as they nearly shared the same vibrational frequency.

On one of the peaks of Runyon currently there's a prayer box - again, you have to be either brave or stupid to get to it, but it's worth it. The box is set up to where you write your prayer, goal, aspiration, desire, or wish - insert it in the box, and then slide the door over to read one from someone else. It's interesting to read other's thoughts - especially on a peak with such a beautiful and inspiring panoramic view. I'll be many other those shared thoughts will find a way to manifest themselves into our reality through the minds of those who take the time to read them - it takes a really strong mind to convince the body to make it up to that box :)

Though I've said this before on one of my most recent www.MonicaAtHome.com broadcasts, I LOVE my Iphone - it truly is going to be a dividing line between the "haves" and the "have nots" in the near future, but I'll tell you why I like it the most - aside from the Iphone allowing me to be much more productive - it also allows me to be an introvert when in a very social setting. I like that.

Well time to get to work - I'll be live on webcam the entire weekend doing private shows - if you don't catch me online here are a few other cool sites to occupy your mind and maybe get you out of the house (if you have an iphone you can take your work with you).

www.Imjustwalkin.com
www.modernhiker.com

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Another fresh broadcast of Monica @ Home!

www.MonicaATHome.com

Monica Foster @ Home

New blog posted on:

www.GettingOutOfPorn.com

(updating the DNS servers - this blog will be live again in 48 hours)

If you're really curious about my life at this point in time - and if you want to stop intolerance, prejudice and racism this is a MUST read.

Most recent post from www.GettingOutOfPorn.com:

Since taking the leap to work independently in the adult entertainment industry rather than for other studios, though there was a lull in the beginning (my transition period) I now am busier than ever working as a webcam girl from home, working as a talent development consultant for my growing client base, and working on getting my adult and mainstream content studio together (so that I can continue my career in and out of porn from a behind the scenes position).

Aside from being busy professionally, I've gotten back into the swing of things with my workout routine - have been hiking Runyon Canyon every day this week. I still haven't quit smoking completely, but I've MAJORLY tapered down my drinking to only special social occasions and my bi-weekly "girls night dinner parties" :) I feel great about that and very balanced.

The end of this month and next month will be pretty busy - I have a comedy event of which I'm the producer of, that I'll be putting together for July 21st called Laffgasm.com - the website will be launched soon. I'm really looking forward to putting on more events in the future as a part of my "talent development" work being that there are so many talented people that just need a venue to shine at in order to boost their careers.

Also on the 29th of June (this month), I may be having a "public discussion" after the upcoming Aids Healthcare Foundation meeting (click here for details) with a woman named Shelley Lubben who runs an "organization" called The Pink Cross. I used to admire this woman for her supposed attempts to help people, but after doing a bit of research on her, watching her interviews, and having heard about some of the realities of her organization from a few trusted friends, I'm not so certain that even she is clear as to what her true agenda is.

I think as of current that she is very self centered, immature, emotionally stunted, manipulative and on a quest of fame at the expense of hurting others and their livelihoods.

What I don't like about Lubben most of all, is that she blames everyone and everything else in life for circumstances she found herself in within life, except for herself. She seems to see the world as black and white rather than billions of shades of gray and colors.

We all have free will and we all make CHOICES in life. She CHOSE to work as a prostitute and a porn actress. No one held a gun to her head. Her career choice didn't work out for her and she chose to leave the industry completely, however that was her choice - and for her to demonize EVERYONE and EVERYTHING associated with it now is just plain wrong.

This particular blog is about how I realized that working as a full time porn actress for other studios wasn't right for me - however along the way I realized that I like working in the adult entertainment industry in other ways and I probably will continue to do so for quite some time.

Yes, my views and decisions have changed over time, but I'm constantly evolving - that's what healthy people who are trying to become the best versions of themselves do.

Lubben is pathetic is my book as of current and her views and what she preaches and wants to happen in regards to the eradication of the entire adult entertainment industry makes her a very dangerous woman. It is fanatical and extreme individuals like her in this society who promote things like intolerance, prejudice and racism.

Individuals who are quiet or low key due to their positions in society or their careers, but who share people like Lubben's views and who want to morph our society into a land of hate and intolerance are unfortunately who fund people like Lubben which is why Lubben needs to be stopped (I'm actually very curious as to WHO exactly funds Lubben and WHY).

As for Lubben's history, she's gone from one co-dependent situation to another her entire life - from a prostitute who most likely had a pimp, to a marriage, to depending on a religious organization for her livelihood. I doubt she's ever had a real job or even been independent in her life.

This Lubben woman I feel has targeted me because she sees me, my way of life, and my thoughts as a threat to her. Why? Because I tell people for FREE and without asking for donations from others to continue my blogs, websites, and work (I fund my ventures myself) how they can get out of porn if they want to and rebuild their lives without having to "repent" and without adhering to a particular religion.

In the past Lubben ran around chasing Steve Hirch (who probably told her to jump off a cliff - there's a video of this on youtube - I'll find the link and post it later ), and since he and everyone else ignores her, she now is going after a young black woman who's single and self employed trying to do her best in life, who is over a decade younger than she is (who who isn't even an active porn actress right now).

It's amazing to me how certain people IN porn don't like me , because my presence and mild success negates everything they want porn actresses to believe they have to do in order to be successful - while certain people AGAINST anything to do with porn hate me because though I feel changes in the way porn operates need to be made, I still think it's a cool field to work in and I definitely don't think religion needs to be even remotely involved.

If Lubben were to "stop porn" forever she would cripple not only hardcore porn producers financially (not just shady ones, but individuals who are GOOD and PROFESSIONAL people who run their business appropriately), but softcore producers, webcam networks, independent webcam girls (such as myself), most likely strip clubs, cable networks, online adult movie networks, and the list goes ON AND ON AND ON.

Bottom line is she needs to complete HER OWN road to recovery, deal with her OWN past demons and MOVE ON in her life and maybe get a regular job or volunteer position with an organization that has nothing to do with adult entertainment or anything else that causes her to relive her past.

Well that's my update for this blog for today - make sure to check my other blogs and websites to keep up with me :)

I woke up relatively early this morning and full of energy and zip - primarily because I'm simply feeling very good about myself and where I am in life as of late.

The cool thing about working for yourself independently, is that you have the ability to set as small or as large of goals for yourself as you like, whenever you like.

Currently I'm working very hard on finally completing about 3 online projects I started around 6 months ago. One in particular - www.MightyAfrodite.com (a project I dub as the sequel to 'Monica Foster') is just about to launch, and it's launch time is coinciding with transitions I'm going through professionally and personally quite nicely.

Sometimes I wonder what others think of my silly little projects, ambitions and goals - I'm sure many out there think I'm a nut job, but now days I'm fine with that - I'm definitely a different kind of person - artsy and dare I say eccentric, but hey - that's just me and the longer I'm here on this planet, the more it's coming clear to me that the only person's opinion I really need to worry about is my own.

I've started dating someone new - who you may ask? ME! I'm really enjoying the single life, but I've found it really fulfilling to inject romantic and sensual elements into my personal space physically and psychologically. In the past I didn't spoil myself too often (possibly because I had a lower sense of self worth than what I have now), but being in the fresh mindset that I'm in as of current, I'm giving it a try and so far I like it :)

I suppose you could say, I'm beginning to realize that although being with a partner who you love and care about is wonderful (and I do hope to find that again someday), life can feel just as complete when you're solo if you make the effort. I actually am feeling that it may enrich your spiritual worth to date yourself for a while.

I'll say one more thing though...the Hustler store of course helps quite a bit - love ya vibrator technology :)

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Another new broadcast of Monica @ Home (www.MonicaAtHome.com)


Monica Foster @ Home

Coming through the tunnel...

Though it will still be some time before I leave Los Angeles physically, my mind has already relocated - and it's a great thing.

When I first came here from Florida, I thought I was journeying to my life's final destination. I was chasing things, connections, people and situations that I thought I needed in order to make my life successful and complete. I was chasing what I think most of our society is trained to chase.

I didn't just get glimpses of what I thought I wanted and where I thought I wanted to be - I was able to live within that destination. It was like test driving a car, but more...in fact it was like being able to take out a short term lease out on a car. The car drove smooth for a while, and when it did, it was a very sweet ride - but unfortunately it was a car that cost more money in maintanance and repair than what it was worth.

After one too many costly repairs on the care I leased, I decided to turn the car back in. I figured out I'm better off building my own mode of transportation from scratch. Probably not even a car - I think I'm going to go with attempting to build a teleportation unit...something along the lines of the Star Trek beaming stations.

The first few prototypes might have a few bugs of course, but eventually I'll get the design right. Regardless of whether or not my teleportation unit beams me to the exact destination of where I'm trying to go, at least I'll get there in a fraction of the time that driving would take.

I know the above 2 paragraphs reads strangely, but those who know me will understand.

What's the most interesting to me, is that I've come across people who have been here in Los Angeles far longer than I have, who STILL have their car on lease and are putting almost all of their hard earned spiritual income into the maintanance and repair of it - even though they know the car simply has a flawed design. Maybe they think that if they just get it repaired ONE LAST TIME it'll give them that lifetime of a smooth ride...who knows.

Well I'm glad to have made it through the dark Los Angeles tunnel and back out into the open. The plain I'm on now is nice, sun shiny, a pleasant temprature and wide open. It's a pretty expansive plain with no end in sight, so I suppose it'll be a long journey ahead, but that's OK...I've got a shit load of stamina as many of you out there already know ... and long journeys are what make me the happiest.

The past few weeks have definitely put the porn industry in the spotlight - but unfortunately in a rather negative light.

There have been 2 murders in our country as of recent by porn talents, one on the east coast (by a female) and one on the west coast (by a male).

A link to the story on the Tampa, Florida pornstar murderer Sunny Dae can be found by clicking here.

A link to the national news story on the Los Angeles (West Hills), California pornstar murderer Steven Hill can be found by clicking here.

It's amazing to me how these events have happened virtually back to back. I will share my thoughts on these stories on Monday's broadcast of www.MonicaAtHome.com which will be live on http://www.blogspot.com/People/MonicaFoster at 10pm EST / 1am PST

Screw personality - Good male genetics smell great! To a woman who's 31, single and without children, a healthy male smells REALLY good - especially when you're intoxicated.

Last night I had the pleasure of hanging out with a good friend of mine, Miss Julie Meadows (check out her blog - it's great). I'm very fortunate to have met her, because honestly, before I had, I'd pretty much lost faith in people who live in Los Angeles. She and her husband are a great example of the fact that it truly is possible to be down to earth and "real" in this city of superficiality.

Anyways, Miss Meadows had me over for some kick ass meatloaf and mashed potatoes. I haven't had meatloaf in a VERY long time. I've actually never had meatloaf that I liked before, but I LOVE Meadow's meatloaf. Why? Well, because the woman has true culinary talent AND she made it with tomato soup/sauce! YUM!!!!!!!!!!

After dinner her husband showed up with a nice piece of man meatloaf. LOL. Just kidding - well, not really. He'd been out with a friend of his who simply was very refreshing (from my perspective) to come across.

Earlier in the evening in fact, Miss Meadows and I had a good conversation in regards to dating, and natural selection - and the movie "Species" was brought up. When I think of that movie, it always makes me laugh - in a bit of a diabolical way... If I'd been the primary character in "Species" tonight, Miss Meadow's husband's friend would have be in trouble.

Even though the piece of man meatloaf I encountered tonight, made me go a bit "Species" in a psychological way, fortunately the wine I had toned me down a bit.

Being 31 is interesting - especially being that I live in Los Angeles - land of the "pretty male". On a biological level, I think my body is DEFINITELY in breeding mode (my sex drive is extremely high at this point - luckily I have a strong mind and sense of self so it's manageable), but psychologically and mentally I'm running in the opposite direction. Don't get me wrong, I'm having the time of my life right now, however I'm very grateful to have a good head on my shoulders and for birth control methods.

Another great thing about Miss Meadows and her husband is that they have a great couch to crash out on when the wine over takes you. Thanks guys!

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Well I decided to rebuild my site www.MonicaAtHome.com on a wordpress blog template this morning.

Yes, the task was very time consuming, but it was well worth the effort. I just finished up, and now the site and my blogtv.com videoblogs are SOOOO much more organized and searchable.

I've also moved the show from 6pm PST to 10pm PST due to the excellent advice from one of my viewers.

In time I will probably edit each Monica @ Home webcast and upload them directly to the hosting account the blog is on. Maybe I'll even insert advertisements for my own projects and anyone interested in buying adspace on the videos.

Well, now that www.MonicaAtHome.com is fixed and much easier to update and maintain I can move on to my next project on my "to do" list :)

Another broadcast of Monica @ Home ( http://www.blogspot.com/People/MonicaFoster )

Tonight I discussed adult industry gossip, adult industry stars (who I like and dislike), gave a few webcamming tips, brought up the issue of how many adult stars are groomed to look like japanimation (anime) characters, and related how I feel about older men who have trouble relating to women their own age.


part 1


part 2

Well, I was drinking some pinot noir this morning, and I decided to do a video blog...I hat quite a bit to talk about - so enjoy.











For more Monica @ Home broadcasts visit: www.MonicaAtHome.com

Oh, and to clarify (I lost track of thought in my video blog) in regards to my "speaking up" at the AHC / Osha hearing - screw that - considering how shaky and corrupt of a foundation that the porn industry is built on, I'm not about to speak up to make a change so that I can get shot by a bunch of confederate flag carrying pricks.

I'd rather wait for all the dumb asses to eliminate each other and then when the dust clears, create my foundation atop of top of their decaying corpses - that's what smart people do.

AND one more side note - in this video blog I wondered aloud whether or not Jules Jordan is a trustfund baby - apparently he's not - visit: http://business.avn.com/articles/American-Dreamer-Jules-Jordan-Interview-398163.html to read a recent interview on him - very interesting - gives me hope in being able to do SOMETHING with my life at some point.

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As of late I've been inspired to add more feminine, sensual and romantic themed elements into my life - from my wardrobe, to my apartment decor, to the places I go to hang out.

Think pink, flowers, crystally items, cute dresses, sweet smelling incense, soft pillows, satin sheets, passionate music, etc.

Why?

Well because though I'm settling into being a single and happy woman, it doesn't mean my life has to lack the excitement and thrill of romance, sensuality and love. I'm starting to realize that it might be possible to have these fulfilling elements minus the man (at least for now).

Over the next few weeks I have a feeling that the new style and way of life I'm sliding into will reflect in my online presence - so to all my fans and friends - enjoy the upcoming additions to the world of "Monica Foster" :)

Young people between the ages of birth and 16 right now, are much more advanced and aware than when I was in that age bracket. I suppose every generation makes that observation though, after all, it's simply evolution...however I think that certain evolutionary "leaps" are currently in play.

I read a book a few years ago called "The care and feeding of indigo children". I'm glad I did because if I ever have a family and generate a child anywhere along the lines of the one in the video below, I'll need all the pre-family prep I can get.

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I have a new post on GettingOutOfPorn.com

Today I will be doing a special broadcast of "Monica @ Home" at 3pm PST as well on:

http://www.blogtv.com/People/MonicaFoster / www.MonicaAtHome.com


Monica Foster @ Home

Monica Foster @ home - Broadcast your self LIVE

More Monica @ Home archives can be found on www.MonicaAtHome.com and BlogTv.

Monica @ Home broadcast on Justin Long taking a stand against racism and porn and Jenna Jameson getting beat up by Tito Ortiz.


erase - Broadcast your self LIVE

Just a note to let you all know that I probably won't be blogging for the next few weeks. I'm putting all of my effort and energy as of current into working as much as possible both on and offline so that I can move forward with my life ventures, dreams and goals.

I might post some photos and/or video clips, but I'm keeping most of my "Monica Foster" thoughts to myself (the woman who created "Monica Foster") for now.

Well, I decided this afternoon that I need to do some serious spring cleaning, so that's what I've been up to tonight - along with indulging in a "Buffy the Vampire Slayer series" marathon courtesy of my Netflix account.

This week was pretty good - got a lot of work done, reunited with an old friend/co-worker, hung out with some new friends and was even invited out to dinner at the oh so trendy Rainbow Bar and Grill in West Hollywood.

A new phone is on the agenda for this coming week and hopefully a new (but used) car will FINALLY be following.

I wish I had more to write about, but I don't at the moment - life is pretty stable and I'm enjoying myself.

I've written a new post on www.GettingOutOfPorn.com - please read. - It was inspired by "The Firm".

I'm glad this was put together. To all my readers, fans and friends out there, please spread this message.

For those of you who haven't been keeping up with my show "Monica @ Home" (www.MonicaAtHome.com) - here's some select broadcasts to bring you up to speed. Remember the show is every weekday at 6pm PST (and it's free).


Monica Foster @ Home


Monica Foster @ Home


Monica Foster @ Home

Well, here's another rather abstract blog for you, my lovely readers - but for those of you who know me well - you'll know exactly what I'm writing about and what this particular blog relates to (it's really not so abstract after all).

I get it.

I'm awake.

When doors close, others open.

Opportunities present themselves when you least expect them to,

but always when you're really ready.

Someone told me last night, "You need to get over it." - so true, and that's a piece of advice I'll be living by eternally - starting....now.

I'm awake.

I'm ready to explore.

Thanks.

So what's next?

Last night's mini-dinner party was a success! I really enjoy cooking soooo much. Especially when it's cooking for good company and a bottle or 2 of wine is thrown into the equation as well.

It's been a relatively good week. I've managed to have maintained a nice balance between work and fun time (even though quite often my work IS fun time - lucky me), which is something I really want to strive to do the remainder of the year.

I re-read my most recent blog today, and I've come to a realization (actually one of my dinner party guests last night helped me to reach this realization as well). I don't miss my ex romantically at all - and when it really comes down to it, I'm not certain I even miss his "friendship" because he was never really a REAL friend. I just miss the ideal of what I wanted him to be, and what I wanted the relationship with him to be - which in reality was just a dream and not even close to being real at all.

I have enough fantasy and role playing in my work life with my cam shows - I want any future romantic relationships I have to be real - not an intangible dream.

Zinfandel wine - I enjoy it so much - the flavor, the overtones of the flavor - but most of all the raw emotional honesty that it invokes from within me.

This particular blog will probably give off the vibe that I'm a weak, overly romantic, overly sentimental and an overly obsessive person, but so be it.

I miss my ex - like the desert misses the rain - literally.

It's interesting - since the "breakup" (or more like my inability to understand his actions) I've had a buffet (more than qualified by my standards) of men approach me and offer to date me. If I were many of the the other women on this planet I'd be more than happy to try out the alternatives - however I'm me, the woman who created "Monica Foster", a stubborn ass (Capricorn) bitch.

I'm not perfect. I know in my rants in previous blogs I've painted myself as the "victim", but I'm far from being innocent. However I tried. I believed that the relationship could work if I and the man of my ultimate affection worked hard enough and sacrificed enough. I hate being such an idealist, but that's simply who I am, and there's noting I can do about it.

It's been a solid month now since I've last heard from him. It's 12:30am right now on April 15, 2010. I suppose he's moved on. Maybe he's glad and relieved to be rid of me. That thought kills a part of my being, but if that's the case, so be it, and I truly hope he's happy. It's not in me to truly wish "ill will" upon anyone - especially him. I wish the best for everyone that I love and / or ever have ever loved.

I supposed I simply wish I'd had some closure on this past relationship. Truthfully I don't want it to be over. A part of me wants him back. So much happened that I won't go into ever on this blog. A good new friend of mine who's young, but who is very mature helped me come to some understandings in regards to myself and in regards to what happened between my ex and I. Right now I hurt so badly, but maybe in time I'll get over it. I just need to come to some understanding as to what exactly I need to get over.

One of my major faults - I'm a jealous person. It's a fault yes, but sometimes justifiable.

I don't see how I'll ever be able to open my heart again to anyone else to be honest. I realize now that though I think I'm a cool and great girl, I'm just not the personality type for everyone - that was the case with the man I fell in love with. He's not at fault entirely - and neither am I - however I did want an unrealistic ideal that simply didn't (I don't think at least) exist within him.

I'll miss him always, and I'm not sure how I'm going to move forward - I know eventually I will being that I've made progress so far, but I'm not sure how I'm going to complete the process...yep - I'm weak.





I don' wish how I feel, or how Kesha illustrates how I feel in thw song above, upon anyone on this earth - ever.

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The sequel to Monica Foster - www.MightyAfrodite.com as many of you know, has taken much longer than I'd anticipated - a couple months longer in fact - however there's a reason as to why.

When I first started the project / venture , it had a completely different concept and meaning attached to it than it does now. I've decided actually to split the project into 2 parts - www.MightyAfrodite.com & www.MightyAfroDiva.com - once the sites are launched you'll see why this was necessary.

It's amazing as to how something as simple as the natural African-American hair texture can evoke such a strong reaction in people. I decided to test out the MightAfrodite/MightyAfrodiva look tonight on webcam. I've received extreme positive reaction from my webcam viewers and extreme negative as well. Later in life I may have to write a psychological analysis in regards to this project/venture.

Anyways to all my loyal fans and friends, later this month you will be in for a treat so stick with me - in the mean time enjoy the Mighty Afrodite preview weekend :)

It's 5:42am and this isn't a blog being written from me staying up all night. I actually went to sleep early last night, slept VERY well and naturally woke up early today.

Yesterday was an interesting, yet overall nice day. I did my usual daily webcam shows, updated a few pages on my websites, did a short abdominal workout (hey summer's coming and I want to look good in my bikini at the beach), and in the evening had a really nice dinner with Julie Meadows and her husband.

The dinner was the highlight of my day (GREAT tasting salmon and asparagus with a lovely red wine - yummmmmmmmm) - as many of you know I don't get out of the house too much, and when I do, it's rare that it's to hang out with people that I find truly interesting, driven and nice. If I knew more people in LA like Julie and her husband I actually wouldn't be so quick to want to relocate.

On the way to have dinner with Julie I unfortunately was rear ended by an overly hyped up, yet attractive guy in a Mercedes. It wasn't a big deal and there was no damage to my already beat up SUV so I won't be filing any reports. I love my beat up SUV - it's tough and it's taken good care of me on my cross country drive from FL to CA back in July of 2008. Since I've lived here it's struggled but has lasted. I think my SUV and I may be strongly connected :)

Well I think I might go for a run this morning. I need to expel some energy. See you all on webcam today and tonight! Also don't miss my half hour free broadcast of Monica @ Home on http://www.blogtv.com/People/MonicaFoster

The lovely, intelligent and fun Julie Meadows interviewed me for her latest documentary project a couple months ago. You can watch the 6 part interview here:

http://www.MikeSouth.com



New post on www.GettingOutOfPorn.com entitled:
Rethinking my choice of not performing for other studios.

It's only the beginning of the week, but already I'm a busy busy bee.

I've created a financial plan for myself which I will try my best to stick to over the next couple of years. If all goes according to my plan, I should be in a strong enough position monetarily to not only put out my first "Monica Foster" branded release at the end of this year, but to also put a down payment on a condo or townhome as well. Cross your fingers for me :)

I've decided exactly where I want to relocate to next by they way BUT I will keep it under wraps for now. Come July 1st though, I will be leaving Los Angeles for at least a year!

I watched an AWESOME series on Netflix called "Cashmere Mafia" last week. I STRONGLY recommend this series (it was a TV show) to all of my fans and friends. It totally shows the pros and cons of being a strong and career driven woman in today's society.

Though I consider myself a "cute, sexy, artistic, nerdy and sometimes overly dramatic" woman, I also have come to realize that I'm much more of a kick ass business woman than I give myself credit for.

Looking back on a few people who I've allowed into my life in the past, I can understand now why they acted as negatively they did towards me - they were intimidated. There wasn't any need for them to be of course, but hey some people are just insecure.

So I've decided that anyone new who I allow into my life in a substantial way from now on, must have a lot of self confidence and drive themselves. Bottom line, they need to have PURPOSE in their lives (as I do).

Well, time for me to get back on webcam. See you online!

Check out this fun video by Jannelle Monae:

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Had a good night Tuesday evening - went to Thomas Ward's (www.twardcomedy.com) comedy showcase, shot the shit with a few old and new aquaintences, had a few drinks (well more like a LOT of drinks) and fortunately made it home in one piece.

I've found that many times I WAY over do it with the alcohol when I go out and I'm putting a stop to it - it's not good for my health, other's perception of me, and how I view myself.

Overall I think most people don't see who I really am. They just see what they want to see. It's not a surprise however being that for quite some time I only saw what I wanted to see in others. I guess that's what most of us do for a substantial amount of time in our lives.

I saw my ex boyfriend as a great guy - so great in fact that when his band got back together for a reunion concert several months ago he didn't even bother to invite me and acted surprised when I showed up - I suppose I wasn't good enough in his eyes to be there (even though I know now that I was too good for him, which was what probably activated his insecurities).

I saw a couple friends of mine as just "such good girlfriends" - so great of friends they were, that one in actuality was just recruiting customers and fans for her weed selling musician boyfriend, while the others can't be bothered to hang out any other time than when THEY feel the need to socialize or need help. Fucking flakes.

I tried to go on a date the other night - big freaking mistake. I was told by the person who introduced me to him that he was a really "nice guy". Wrong. You'd think that someone successful enough to have a wikipedia article and many other write-ups on them would have enough class or common sense not to treat women as common prostitutes - well I suppose due to my having done porn, that's all I can expect nowdays. You see, I didn't realize that just because a guy cooks you dinner you're expected to sleep with him - apparently in Los Angeles you are.

Of course after the idiot realized that I was going home and that he WASN'T going to get laid, he got rude, but it didn't stop there. He THEN had the nerve to try to text me tonight as if I still on some level thought he was an "ok guy". After I had to shoot him down AGAIN, he went on and on about how he "patiently listened to my negative talking for hours" the whole night we had dinner. COME ON. I actually find it fucking pathetic that someone would put up with my oh so boring negative banter for even a minute let alone "hours" just in attempt to get into my pants. If I'm so fucking annoying WHY even bother with me? There are far more attractive women than myself with vagina's just like mine that men like him (over the hill short pricks with receding hairlines who think that TIGHT ripped jeans are still somehow cool) can date and attempt to fuck.

As of late, I've found that nearly every person I've gotten to know in Los Angeles has simply used me, tried to use me, or has most likely laughed at me behind my back.

Lately the jerks coming out of the woodwork in attempt to pimp me is out of control. If I want to be pimped jackasses, I will PIMP MY SELF.

Realizing what I fool I've been, in conjunction with just about everyone who I care about and who I thought cared about me (not just friends, but family too) exiting my life, I've decided that it's time to shut EVERYONE out all together. I've had WAY more hurt and betrayal in the past few months than some probably ever experience in a lifetime. It's a bit depressing, but I suppose it's a sign that it's about time for me to move on - emotionally and physically - so I've made the firm decision to move ASAP (I've noted on this blog before that I'm relocating, but the need to do so now is about 10 times more urgent - it's not a life or death type situation or anything - I've just had enough or Los Angeles for now).

To those of you who are reading this, please make sure you get as many webcam shows with me as possible, because I really need to rack up some moving dollars!

Yea, this blog was kind of negative, but hey, this is where my life is at as of current. Let this be a record for any young woman who decides to try porn, regular acting or just about anything out here in Los Angeles as to how tough this city and situation is.

Thanks and see you online soon.

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Today was a rather introspective broadcast of Monica @ Home on www.MonicaAtHome.com - I will post a few pieces of it to my youtube account for the website at some point.

One thing I'd like to clear up is the following: No, I do not have HIV / AIDS.

Someone in the chat room today of my show decided to question and/or assume that as to the reason why I'm not doing scenes currently. All you have to do is read my blog to figure out that the reasons I stopped shooting, with the primary reason being that I needed a break to really take some time to figure a few things out.

As many of you who read my blog are aware of, I'm currently going through a major bout of self reassessment, reevaluation and discovery. I have the potential, ability and opportunity to take my life in quite a few directions right now, and as my views on what really matter (to me) shift, I'm coming to some conclusions as to what I most likely will decide to do with myself, which would actually have scared, the past, less evolved "version" of the woman who created "Monica Foster".

The woman I was, wasn't scared of many things, but she did fear one person in particular extensively. The woman who looked back at her in the mirror.

I had a thought recently that subsided, soothed and eliminated that fear. It was a bit spiritual in nature, but then again - what ISN'T spiritual to a degree.

I thought:

Maybe God and all those of God (good) aren't really on a spiritual battle field fighting Lucifer (evil). Maybe God isn't even the embodiment of "good". Maybe God is actually the battlefield itself, the sky above the field, the platform itself all the activity is occurring on.

That thought was my most recent breakthrough.



I've accused many of being sociopaths. I know the definition and traits of such a person very well, mainly because quite a few of those traits are elements I've struggled to suppress for years. I'm not saying I'm a sociopath myself...sociopaths tend to lie (which I no longer waste the time and energy doing) and are unable to feel and I DO feel (but a bit differently than most do). Plus, if I was a textbook sociopath, I most likely wouldn't be writing this blog - and I definitely wouldn't have enough of a conscience to have tried to correct behavior that I'd been taught was "wrong".

I remember as a child watching a kid on the playground fall off a slide and crack his head open. I laughed. When I think back on this I still laugh because the way in which the kid fell was VERY funny to me. My teacher saw me do this and I remember getting in trouble.

There were quite a few natural reactions I displayed as a child that got me in trouble. Many around me in my youth put in a tremendous amount of time and effort to alter my way of being. Eventually my true nature was successfully suppressed.

I haven't been my true self since I was around 7 years old, and I certainly haven't been happy.

I've decided to go back to being my true self.

Why am I being so open about all of this? Well, because I don't care if anyone likes me or not anymore, and I don't care to try to embody any shred of "normalcy" anymore. I'm also putting it "out there" to certain people, that they may want to think twice before attempting to cross me from this day forth.

ps: I received an email recently questioning whether I'm bipolar or if I have a personality disorder. I don't - I've just held back my true nature for a little too long.

My show Monica @ Home (www.MonicaAtHome.com) will be back tomorrow. I've needed to skip it the past couple of days due to needing a bit of time to myself.

I've actually gotten a lot of work done over the past few days and am returning back to my productive and creative self - actually a better version of my past self due to my recent emotionally challenging event which has allowed me to grow, mature and open doors to my true inner being which I was initially aware of, but allowed to remain closed due to fears.

I read a cool blog by Miss Julie Meadows in regards to another blog about the difference between a "mindless bimbo" who does porn because she feels she has no other choice versus an educated woman who chooses to enter porn knowingly (though she may be more naive about the realities of the porn industry than she's aware of).

When it comes to choosing to do porn, or choosing to do anything in life - even when you make a conscious "choice" to do it, often times you're a victim of circumstance that brought you to making a choice between doing one thing, or another thing to begin with.

I definitely wasn't a super broke crack whore when I "chose" to enter the porn industry, but I definitely wasn't wealthy when it comes to what my levels of self esteem or self worth were. Porn definitely hasn't made me rich monetarily in the end, but it HAS granted me great wealth in the 2 areas I initially lacked (self esteem and a sense of self worth), via the people I've met, the circumstances I've found myself in and path it's put me on in really taking a good hard look at exactly who and what I am (even the parts I never wanted to and was AFRAID to look at before).

I feel very good right now. Great in fact. I've wasted a lot of time waiting for things, situations and people that never existed. I'm moving forward now with my life and creative projects with the strength of "vengeance".

Goes to show once again, when you get knocked down, all you gotta do is collect yourself, stand up, dust yourself off, and take a step in a better direction.

Well it's a bright and sun shiny Monday afternoon and I feel as though I'm getting my mind back on track and have a good picture as to what I want to do over the next 2 months (which is to save as much $ as possible), and where I want to be at the end of that time frame (a good distance away from California - I may come back in a few years, but definitely not to Los Angeles).

Last week was a difficult week emotionally, but it ended on a good note. I worked for DTWrestling.com 2 days in a row, which was a LOT of fun. I'm starting to think that I should have wound up in professional female wrestling rather than porn. I'm more of an action hero type of girl.

Sunday I checked in with all of you, my Monica Foster peeps, for my 1 hour weekly webcam show. A big thanks to everyone who stopped in to say hello.

I'm over the guy who chose to date for the past year and a half. I'm just not into being lied to, being deceived, being left in the dark, or manipulative mind games any longer. There were good times in the beginning yes, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm simply not willing to deal with a someone who stays in close contact with ex's - especially when it is for monetary reasons (or otherwise for that matter). It's just too weird for me to imagine why a MAN would need to borrow money from a WOMAN, when he's able bodied and capable enough to EARN it himself (even though it might take time).

I suppose due to money being such an element of control in my youth, it's not an issue I want to deal with in relationships in my adult years. It took about 4 bottles of wine to work through my pain, followed by a solid day of puking my guts out to cleanse my spirit of that man, but it's over and done with now and I feel better.

Actually on my vomiting/hangover day I read the book The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships - that book gave me specific definition to what my personal issues with many of my past relationships have stemmed from and granted me a major degree of enlightenment.

This link: http://www.angriesout.com/family1.htm also gave me a fresh perspective and will help me to not do a repeat of the past ever again.

At 31 years of age, I'm finding myself entering a new chapter of life, and a new era of simply "being". I've finally come to terms with the fact that I really do have the power to shape my life and surroundings to be whatever I want them to be (this "Monica Foster" endeavor is a pretty good example), however I don't have the power to shape other people to be what I want them to be - and to even try is a waste of time and energy.

I'm done with trying to be anyone other than exactly who I am (and who I truly am, is MANY things on MANY levels) - and I'm over allowing anyone else to try to mold me into who they want me to be rather than who I am. I suppose I could sum all of this up, by saying that my tolerance level for BS has lowered completely to 0.

In quite a few instances prior to moving to Los Angeles, and post moving to Los Angeles, I've only allowed myself to see what I wanted to see - and not what truly was or is. I have a feeling that many of us in this life have that problem at times, but what makes that such a dangerous problem to have, is when people around you are AWARE that you're only seeing what you want to see, because often in such a situation such people will exploit you for what you don't see. Such people are sick and usually sociopathic. Unfortunately Los Angeles is infested which such types of people, but hey wouldn't it be? People with such traits would gravitate toward this place being that the entertainment industry is where such people can thrive. I didn't know or see before, but now I do.

I'm not completely dissapointed with Los Angeles. I needed to come here I believe in order to open the door to learn more about exactly who I am and what I want and what I'm meant to do with my time here on earth. Los Angeles right now isn't a healthy place for me to be, I need to be somewhere I can be more in touch with nature and more able to help others who aren't sure what path in life to take.

Here's a few movie recommendations for those of you with a Netflix account: The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc , He's on My Mind , Confessions of an Action Hero.

Well, that's about all I have to write about today. I will be on webcam all day today and tonight and the rest of the week. Hope to see you online soon :)

Today I got into it with adult movie superstar Jada Fire...over at DT Wrestling!

As some of you know, along with being a webcam girl, adult star, photographer, writer and online media developer I also am a female wrestler.

Today I had a match with the hot, sexy and extremely cool miss Jada Fire - if you're someone who hasn't had the chance to see to sexy black women try to beat each other's asses in quite some time, you will NOT want to pass up watching this match.

Check it out in a week or so when it's posted on DTwrestling.com - and if you want to see me wrestle any of the other lovely ladies who are on the site, make sure you order a custom match!

Below are a couple of photos from when Akira Lane and I were in the ring:

Well, I'm officially single again and I'm GLAD. 2010 should wind up being a fun, exciting and productive year being that I foresee myself bouncing back from this most recent relationship very quickly.

Last night was the last straw with my now, ex-boyfriend. I suppose this ending has been in the works for quite some time. I had as much patience with this man as humanly possible being that he has a severe aversion to commitment, has substance abuse problems, is a bit too close for comfort in my eyes with his ex-girlfriend (a VERY famous petite pornstar ironically of whom he had a relationship with for a few years), and is overall a whiney, self centered little bitch of a man (at 40 something years old) who tends to prefer women who are FAR too young for him (which is probably why he is a regular cameraman for a "Barely Legal" type series - how appropriate...).

I suppose I believed that with enough patience, understanding, and forgiveness eventually he'd have a breakthrough and realize "wow, this is a real person who actually loves me. Let me stop being a douche bag".

Wrong.

I should have known better after being cheated on, lied to multiple times, and just overall being treated like shit. I figured he'd never had a real relationship before so I wanted to give him a chance. A part of the reason I stopped shooting content with other adult studios was because I wanted to be 100% monogamous with him. I actually find it comical now that he thought it was better that I stopped performing being that all he's evidently attracted to are pornstars (funnily this douche bag told me the last time we almost broke up that he wanted to try dating someone totally outside of the adult industry who'd never worked porn - LOLOLOLOLOL - unless he totally lies to the woman - or girl in his case considering he can't deal with anyone over the age of 31 - there's no fucking way ANY woman outside of porn on this PLANET would have ANYTHING to do with his ass). I loved this man, but I will never date a person like this again.

So last night I find out that my ex-bf is apparently much closer to his ex-gf (the mega famous petite porn star that I mentioned earlier) than I initially was aware of - so close that they most likely are in bed together quite often, because apparently this girl is willing to lend this fool $20K to qualify for a home loan.

Anyways finding out that my ex-bf IS that fucking close to his ex-gf to feel comfortable enough to ask for a loan of that magnitude was enough of a kick in the gut to finally open my eyes enough to realize that I don't need to be with that man. Money is evidently more important to him than real relationships.

I essentially am worth less than $20K to this person and I as his current girlfriend, meant less to him than his ex-gf who is just a "good friend". Amazing to find all that out after over a year and a half.

I suppose a guy such as my ex-bf, a man who always takes the easiest road in life and has no problems using people as much as possible, especially women (being that he see's women totally as sex objects - I suppose being a porn cameraman for over 15 years will do that to you), is much better off only surrounding himself with people who are as superficial and shallow as himself - and that's certainly not me.

I think my ex-bf should get back with his ex-gf. Evidently they're both dirty and nasty people who are totally into themselves and who will do or fuck anyone or anything for money and/or to get ahead in life. Sad.

I now understand how men without much money feel when they lose their girlfriend to a guy who's more financially secure. I didn't have enough money for my ex's taste.

I'm glad that now I know the truth and I'm glad that I can now move forward in life.

MonicaAtHome.com is officially in full swing so for those of you who need a dose of Monica Foster, adult industry news and gossip, adult industry online technology happenings along with bits and pieces of whatever else is on my mind then tune in each weekday at 6pm PST and 9pm PST daily on www.MonicaAtHome.com or www.BlogTV.com/People/MonicaFoster

03-11-2010 part 1

03-11-2010 part 2

03-11-2010 part 3



Archives from the show can be found on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/MonicaAtHome

www.MightyAfrodite.com will DEFINITELY be launched later this month now that my other projects are running smoothly so get ready for something different :)