ATTENTION ALL WOMEN - DO NOT ORDER anything from Golden Mart Beauty Supply (www.GMBShair.com). Why? Well because on December 25th I ordered my regular supply of hair extensions and purchased the 2 to 3 day UPS delivery. Well guess what - they shipped my order GROUND and it won't get here till January 6th. UNACCEPTABLE. I needed to redo my hair by NEW YEARS EVE! If you're a woman, you understand my frustration. Hopefully I will get a refund as I don't even WANT my my order anymore. I will have to call them tomorrow and chew them out.
Fortunately I found an alternative to these assholes very close to where I live: His and Her Hair - www.HisandHer.com - their store is very close to where I live and they have BETTER prices, a better website AND a better selection of hair extensions and other products so I have my weave in time for New Years eve after all.
Tonight I'll be doing cam shows as usual, and tomorrow night I'll be attending the New Years Eve party at a club called ECCO. I'm excited and am sure I'll have a good time. My outfit I'll be wearing is totally Flashdance inspired (yep, I'm a cheesy chick) and I even made some custom legwarmers to complete the look. If I get some pics, I'll post them on the 1st.
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!!!!!

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A person's tolerance level and pain threshold can really vary depending on where they are in their life and what they've gone through in the past. It also varies tremendously from person to person - another thing that varies is how a person responds to pain/discomfort and when and how they express that "enough is enough".
My pain and tolerance level both emotionally and physically is very high - why? Well because in life I've been to hell and back a few times (that may be why I prefer to be a domme (www.MiZtressMonica.com) over being a sub). Sometimes I like to test myself in that department actually to see exactly where I am and where my level is and I'll admit, I'm pretty damn tough and strong - however I'm not made of steel. Sometimes in life I'll give someone a certain amount of "rope" when it comes to what they attempt to get away with or dish out just to see if the person hangs themself. More often than not, they do - as very few people, especially out here in California have a real sense of right, wrong and how to be a real person - basically how to do unto others as you'd want done to yourself.
Recently someone I really took a chance on and let into my life essentially hung them self. It happens and I'm really sad and disappointed, however I'm glad I figured it out over the holiday and before the new year rather than allowing the situation to continue.
This was a bit of a heavy blog I suppose, but hey - I'm heavy sometimes.
Speaking of heavy, I've gained some weight, I think that between now and '09 I want to lose about 5 to 10 pounds of fat and gain about 3 pounds of muscle. I'm hitting the gym tomorrow. I've noticed that when I'm aggravated, anxious or sad I eat - I'm determined to keep myself happy for a while.

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Thursday this week was the final day of shooting for "Not the Cosby Show XXX" - whew! I really enjoyed playing "Claire" and I learned a lot throughout the production both in front of and behind the camera. I'm very excited to see the end results of the project, but the movie's release date isn't until around May of '09 so it will be a while...
2009 should be a pretty busy year for me. Since moving out here to Cali, I've found a new sense of "self" and I'm happy about that. One of my 2009 resolutions (along with quitting smoking) is to enjoy my life more and stop worrying so much.
Today I found out that a friend of mine, actually one of the first women I met when I got into the porn business, has passed away. RIP Nina.

Yesterday was long, busy, tiring, exciting and fun. It was my first full day (from 8am to a little past midnight) on set for "Not the Cosby Show XXX". As I've written in earlier posts, this role as "Claire" has really enabled me to stretch my "acting" wings and essentially exercise a latent part of my mind - it's been nice.
Along with shooting scenes from the script, I had a chance to meet many new people from the media sect of the adult entertainment world. From a world renowned Playboy photographer who shot our promotional photos for the movie to Miss Gia Jordan - a photographer and writer for Xbiz (who is a really cool woman - I've followed her posts for a while now on the adult forums so it was great to meet her in person).
The cast and crew of this movie is really great - overall I feel the project is fated to be a success seeing that there's an undeniably positive and "special" vibe on set which has been present since the first day everyone has worked together.
I'm rarely a "fan" of anyone, but I have to say that now I'll be following the careers of many of the new people I've met who I've been working with - people of note I'd like to mention are Cassidy Clay (this girl should be in WAY more music videos), Misty Stone (2 year porn veteran with a TREMENDOUS acting talent), Tyler Knight (a quietly confident, attractive, talented, and kind performer who always delivers AND who should have either a contract with a major studio OR more popularity independently) and Jenny Hendrix (a young but sweet and very driven performer who I'm sure will go quite far).
Today was my day off from set, so I had a chance to rest and reset. I decided to go to IKEA to pick up a much needed bookshelf for my apartment and have lunch. Below is a pic of my lunch - Swedish meatballs - YUMMMMMM.

This past Tuesday pretty exciting! It was my first day on set of the upcoming feature from X-Play/All Media Play "Not the Cosby Show XXX". As most of you know by this point (being that I've written so much about it), I'm cast as "Claire". This role, and project in general is the first of it's type that I've had the chance to take part in and though it's a little difficult being that it's a new experience, I enjoy the challenge. I've discovered that I'm primarily a "method actor" - funny...

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Though it's Monday, I feel like I'm still on a continuation of last week, being that I've been busy with either a personal or collaborative projects daily starting over a week ago.
I'm glad to be busy because generally being busy leads to productivity which in turn leads to financial gain (hopefully). However lately I've been feeling really drained from being a lot more active mentally than I've been over the past few months.
Mid last week I went to visit a couple of friends of mine, Desi & Elli Foxx and I wound up doing a "spur of the moment" interview with Desi - I'll post a clip of it here later in the week, but I plan on editing the interview for my upcoming site "gettingintoporn.com" - in the interview Desi and I discuss how doing live webcam shows is a vital key in making a living as a "porn star" .
Tomorrow I'm going to tag along/assist with the costuming of one of my co-stars for my final AV role. I'm glad to have a chance to participate in this wardrobe process, I've learned a lot.
I'm looking into buying some new photography equiptment (lighting primarily) to start getting my photography business up to par. Living in Los Angeles is such a bonus when it comes to my photography business/hobby because used equiptment here is abundant and inexpensive. Also there are tons of models to work with who will work on a TFCD basis.
I have been neglecting REDTback.com - not purposefully (of course), but hopefully I'll have all the changes and updates started shortly.
Ok, well this blog is a bit short and cold and bland, but I'll post some pics and video to make up for it later. Oh and thanks for all the cool email's lately in regards to my retirement from AV after this last feature role. I love the porn world but everyone needs to try other avenues.

I recently found a really nice photo online entitled "Gilded Cage" - featuring Holly from the Playboy Mansion show "The Girls Next Door". Being a pretty girl living out here in Los Angeles it is VERY easy to fall into (and then find yourself trapped in) a "Gilded Cage" type situation - mainly because you have many older men out here who have amassed wealth somehow (whether it be via honest means or not)who feel entitled to the consist ant stream of young women who come out here to be models, actresses, etc.


Now if you're interested in a man 15+ years older than you for healthy reasons and it's mutual - GREAT, but if it's just for $$$ I suggest you do some soul searching - because the old men who are after you generally lack a soul.

Older rich men in LA who date young women really throw off the natural balance of nature, because it creates difficulty amongst the population of young men who'd normally date these women. In fact if you go back an an earlier post I wrote on "MenWem", you'll see how it causes behavioral abnormalities in many of the young men out here along with straight up bitterness towards their female counterparts.

Not all young women who live out here fall into the "Gilded Cage" trap, but it can be difficult not to when your tempted by trendy clothes, a nice car, dinners in 5 star restaurants and other things that money can buy. Hell, I almost feel into that trap but fortuntately I tend to remind myself to look at things from alternate perspectives.
Los Angeles women - don't look for old emotionally stunted rich men to make a life for you. Create one yourself - you have the power. Also you might find that dating a man in your age range who understands that a dinner in a nice restaurant is great sometimes but a hike in the mountains or a trip to a lake along with great conversation and understanding is just as fulfilling.

Check out this pic, am I intuitive in regards to choosing sides or what?



Lately I've been looking through my old photos of family, friends, places, etc - I haven't done that in a while, but I'm glad I have recently because it's nice to see how far I've come in life and where I've been - yea, there have been ups and downs but I wouldn't trade any of my experiences at all because I really love who I am now and where I am now (and you better believe many of those experiences were AMAZING - I've been to Stone Henge, the Eifel Tower, the Hollywood sign, and tons more - oh and I'm not even close to being done yet).
Last weekend I attended a "womens gathering" hosted by a good friend of mine - it was GREAT! I haven't hung out with such a diverse group of positive thinking women in a long time - I'll be hosting one sometime soon for sure.
I'm not sure exactly what I'll be doing for the Holidays yet but I'm looking forward to them - I have a feeling that the rest of this year will wrap up nicely.

Oh, enjoy this last pic - especially the nipple flash part :)

Today I had the pleasure of really getting to know the writer of the upcoming porn feature which I'm set to shoot in December along with meeting one of my co-stars. It's great to meet other adult industry professionals who not only have goals and aspirations outside of the business, but who embrace their time spent in the business and who embrace with a sense of reality and class.
Since living in Hollywood I've started to see how closely linked the mainstream entertainment arena truly is with the adult entertainment arena. I give it less than 10 years for their not to be a definable difference between the mainstream and adult worlds.
Since living here, I've ALSO begun to develop a huge preference for swing/big band music. I suppose it has to do with all of the "old time Hollywood" influence I'm surrounded by. Since I haven't really done too much decorating in my apartment since moving here, I've decided that my best route to go in is to take on an "old hollywood" theme in my decor. I'll be sure to post some pics of my place sometime once I've implemented my style choice :)
Well most of the weekend I will be doing cam shows for my "fans" (more like friends) and I'll be working on my online talkshow projects. Hopefully I'll get a chance to get out and socialize a bit, but we'll see.
Below is a photo of the wig which I'll be wearing in the upcoming feature I've been talking about - can you guess the character I've been cast as and what the feature will be?

Though a traditional education is valuable and definitely a bonus in many circumstances and arenas of our world, often times the best forms of education come in via experience, apprenticeship and basically just "tagging along".
Today was part 2 of the costuming process for the role I've been cast to play in my final porn role which is set to be shot in December of this year. I had the opportunity again to run around with the owner/director/set designer/wardrobe consultant of the studio which is producing the movie. I definitely learned a lot about wardrobe and creating and authentic "look" for the film once again - it was GREAT!
Though many people both in and outside of my life might not agree with my personal and career choices over the past few years, I am very pleased with the path that life has set me on. My ultimate goal is to work behind the scenes in some capacity in the world of entertainment (adult and/or mainstream) and as of current, every experience that I've found myself in - especially over the past few months has really been very beneficial to me getting to where I'd like to go.

There are plenty of things in this world that can lead to temporary "set backs" - recently an event which led to a set back for me was the loss of my main "everyday work" laptop. I've replaced it and most of my data was backed up, but still it is a real pain in the butt to have to reset all of my personal account passwords and such - oh well - you live and learn.
Tonight a very wise man gave me a clue as to how to be successful in this world: make sure you have your PHYSICAL, MENTAL and FINANCIAL life in check.

Over the past few days I had the opportunity to take what many would deem as a "trip of a lifetime". From staying at a top notch hotel in a desirable tropical location to seeing both the prep time and actual event of one of the most pricey, thrilling and popular boating events in the world.
Initially I'd anticipated the trip as being one that would be very smooth and without problems (as well as an opportunity to visit with my best friend), and though I and the individual I took the journey with had a pleasant time - unfortunately there were a few mishapse, misunderstandings and material losses along the way.
What I learned on this excursion however is that often when ou think you're taking a journey for one reason, in actuality the universe may be trying to show you and teach you something completely different than you could have ever imagined due to your mindset before departing on that particular journey.
I'm glad to be back in sunny Hollywood, California and I have a very fresh, optimistic and motivated mindset. I'm beinning to understand that many losses, especially material ones, may be for the reason of a deeper spiritual and psychological gain. I must say that this recent journey re-centered my soul and I feel back on a positive life track.

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Happy Halloween everyone! I think Hollywood should temporarily be called "Halloweenwood" because people here become VERY excited over Halloween - much moreso than people back in Florida.
Tonight I've been invited to 2 parties but I will most likely only make it to 1. Below is the stock photo of the costume I bought - it's supposed to be an "sexy egyptian queen" - I changed the head piece a little and will be wearing different shoes but you get the idea.


I feel as though both my mind and body are totally resetting since making the decision to retire from porn - feels good - however my bank account is not very happy about my choice :)
GettingIntoPorn.com is taking a bit longer to launch than I'd anticipated but the site will be live very soon.
I'm excited about my final adult video project that I will be shooting in December. I'd like to blog about what the project is, but for now I'll keep it under wraps.
Check out my friend's website relaunch: www.desifoxx.com - the angle is controversial but the site looks great.

I love "old hollywood glamour" - I suppose that's why I moved to where I live on the west coast - everywhere you go in the Hollywood area, there are reminders of the cinematic "golden age". Even though I've only worked in the "adult" aspect of entertainment - adult and mainstream are so closely linked that I still feel a close tie to the days of Ava Gardner and Marylin Monroe.

I'm working on a few new pictorial sets for MonicaF.com which will have an "old time Hollywood" theme. Maybe I'll play some big band music while I shoot them - hope that you all will enjoy.



Oh, and one more thing, though I'm officially retired from performing in adult movies, I have one more role coming up which I was cast for prior to my "retirement"
that I simply couldn't pass up. It's a secret for now, but you will know it when you see it :)

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Yea - made it through another week :) This week was fairly productive in regards to my website and cam shows. I don't have ANY plans for the weekend for the first time in a long time - hmmmm - I need to find SOMETHING to get into ASAP in this case... :)

I thought I was over my "home sick" phase, but I'm not - I really miss Florida - from the social scene, to my family, to my friends and just knowing what to generally expect from day to day.
Even though Los Angeles is an overpopulated and congested city, it really can be lonely. I've made a couple friends, but I find that most people here keep even their closest friends at "arms length" - or maybe it's just me.
I haven't been hired for any flicks lately - and though I need the money, I'm actually glad for the break - and this break may simply turn into my "retirement" from XXX flicks - we'll see. I need to figure out where to go from this phase of life...I hate to admit it, but my options are definitely limited.
I was asked today if since moving to California, whether or not I'm "living the dream" - well I think that I am, but like all dreams, they don't go on forever - that's typically when you wake up.

This was a long but interesting weekend - I'm so glad that it's Monday. I'm finally getting a chance to experience a bit of the cooler California sweater weather - it's refreshing - stepping outside in the evening feels a bit like eating a wintergreen tic-tac.
This week is your lucky week private webcam show connoisseurs - I'll be doing shows all week long so send me a Yahoo IM or catch me on the CamZ network - actually today at 5pm PST / 8pm EST is live one hour show for all Club Monica members.
Tonight I got invited to a really cool concert - unfortunately it was last minute and I already have 2 others obligations that I can't cancel today that OF COURSE are in the late afternoon (the concert starts in the early evening - ARG! WHY does everything in California start and end so fucking early! In FL things don't start till much later -10pm 11pm etc - the Cali time table just makes no sense to me) - SO I can't get to the concert. I'm mad. I guess I can't complain too much because there will be other cool events to attend another time.
My first obligation of the afternoon is an audition/reading. It's funny because I used to get all nervous and stuff before going into things like this, but now - it's just another day in LA.

Choices and and reactions.

One of the hardest things about living the lifestyle and career choice that I've chosen is the acceptance of the "reactions" that I receive from acquaintances, friends and/or loved ones. Sometimes the initial reaction of people in my life is "Acceptance" but then later it changes to something along the lines of "ignore the girl till she gets the hint and goes away".

Sometimes I don't know where I stand with people in my life - that hurts the most. Honesty is one of the hardest reactions to give someone in your life - the fact that I require it from people, may mean that I expect way to much...

I'm looking forward to turning 30. I feel that when you enter your 30's you are an official "adult". I know I've been an adult for years now, but in all honesty, I moved out to California a "miami girl" and have become a much more mature "woman" since living here.

Living in a new place and not knowing what to expect day to day (mainly due to the industry I've worked in) really keeps you on your toes - and if anything sharpens you up. I realized over the past few days that I needed to ACTIVELY close a few doors that I shouldn't have left open into my life - from people I've chosen to work with, to acquaintances.

Some of the doors being closed, require confrontation - which is something I HATE, but can and will deal with if needed. One of the doors, I wasn't sure if I wanted to close - primarily due to material temptation, but upon realizing that I'd become a virtual slave or pet in order to keep that door open - I slammed it shut - quick.

So all in all, I suppose realization of where I'm comfortable and happy and fulfilled in life, is what has enabled me to mature a bit.

Ironically, I was recently told that I "live in the moment" too much - I suppose everyone is entitled to their own perspective, and that phrase can actually be interpreted both positively and negatively, but overall I feel I live my life fairly broadly. For the moments at hand, the future and the past.

I'm looking forward to seeing what life is going to throw at me next - hopefully some good stuff. Here's a book I'm going to start reading today..

Love, Sex, Money. Maybe I should rephrase that: Love, Sex, Greed. The terms "money", "greed" and "power" are all a bit interchangeable, at least in this world (the world that I personally experience) they are. No matter who you are or where you live, at some point in your life, you experience the effects of love, sex and money/greed/power. Sometimes separately and sometimes all at once. All depends on what stage/phase of life your in.

Lately I've had a ton to deal with emotionally in virtually every area of my life. It's been a bit overwhelming. Luckily I'm a strong girl and have been fortunate enough to have some very special people enter my life who have helped me more than they could ever realize. However I'm not superwoman. I think that people get the impression that I'm stronger and smarter than I actually am. Inside, I'll admit, that I am scared to death, and truthfully I don't know what keeps me going - I guess I feel like I have to always go on because that's why we're here on earth, to make mistakes and learn from them.

I'll tell you one thing about Los Angeles - it's full of unjustifiably large egos. Some of the people with the egos have made more money than they probably deserve, while other giant egos are just dirt poor. It's almost comical.

Since moving out here, I've found myself in some situations that I would not have EVER imagined that I'd ever be in. The only way I'd ever tell the world about these situations would be in a work of fiction - mainly because I don't think anyone would ever believe me anyways. I guess the situations themselves don't even really matter, it's just how you deal with them and learn from them.

All in all, I wouldn't trade any of these experiences I've had throughout my life for anything, mainly because I wouldn't be who I am without them. I'm glad to have the gift of being able to see life from multiple perspectives/angles - because I've found that many people, some very successful, and some not, can not see as I do, and it's sad.

I don't know exactly what will come of this crazy California experience. I don't know what exactly I want, or exactly where I want my life to go, but what I do know is that out of the 3 (love, sex, money), love is the best thing to settle on.

Since moving out here, I've come to learn that some people will do ANYTHING to hinder your success if they've already deemed themselves a failure (or if they lost their dreams). I've had business relationships with people who have essentially steal from me, I've had people with everything material you could ever desire feel the need to tear me down needlessly for their own warped amusement, and I've had people who I've helped, turn around and stab me in the back out of insecurity.

Ugh - the past few months have been exhausting. I still have my personal goals that I'm going to continue to work towards achieving and though life is a bit rough right now, maybe it'll get better soon. I'll just maintain my faith and continue to work hard.

One lesson that I'm finally getting a grasp on, not just due to age but also to do my move from Florida to California is that not matter how hard you may try, you simply can't please everyone and you definitely can't project your will or views on anyone who's not receptive to them.
Sometimes I feel as though I'm being so rapidly bombarded with new situations that I'm almost desensitized to it, but then again - maybe not because like most people, sometimes I just gotta "break down" and allow my emotions to flow out - just usually by myself or with someone I trust - I'm lucky to have a few people in my life that I can truly trust.
On the positive side of this stage of my life - though it's difficult - I'm really learning to not only know myself, my limits, what I can take and what I can't accept, but I'm also learning how to more quickly asses and deal with the most unusual of circumstances.
Here's a video/song that illustrates a bit what I just wrote.

You never know what to expect day to day in La La land - that's the one certain thing about L.A.
Today I had a chance to meet with www.DTwrestling.com - definitely not what I'd anticipated but a very good work opportunity for sure. The director/camera man was awesome. Hopefully I'll get to work with them a bit in the future.
Thank you to everyone who's been getting cam shows regularly from me and to all my new cam show peeps :) I'll be online most of the weekend so if you've been missing your "Monica fix" now's the time to toke up :)

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One thing working in the adult entertainment industry has taught me, is that I'm a very valuable person. Everyone is a valuable person, but sometimes when your worth is shown to you in actual dollars and cents, it's easier to realize.

When I was younger, I went through a phase of low self esteem and self worth, which made me very prone to entering abusive relationships. I went through my fair share of such relationships, but fortunately I realized what was going on before it ever got to be "too late" and I left those relationships. None of my abusive relationships were ever physical (well one was but when the man tried to hit me I knocked the shit out of him - I'm pretty tough), they were psychologically/verbally abusive which can be just as bad.

Currently I know a few women in abusive relationships - 1 a family member, and 2 are friends. My nature is to want to "save" people, so believe me, I've tried my best to show these women what's happening from my perspective, but of course, none of these women want to listen. It's sad, pathetic, but it's their choice - however I've decided not to be a "shoulder to cry on" or a "support system", because what I've found is that some women thrive on the negativity that their abuser creates in their life - it's an attention thing and I want no part of such a disfunctional mindset.

Men who are or try to be psychologically abusive or dominant in an unhealthy way are very weak and insecure in my eyes. I recently realized that someone I thought I could trust out here in Los Angeles is attempting to be a little mentally abusive with me - so I've decided to distance myself from this person. Whether this dude is doing so concously or unconciously, all I have to say is this:

If you're intimate with a woman and by all definitions date her, but can't/won't call her your "girlfriend" to your friends and/or family after several months and don't bring her into your social circle/life, and only want to see her when it's conveiniant to you - then you are a selfish, self serving and just overall bad man. It shows that it's "OK" to you to treat her like she's not "good enough", an activity, a hobby or a toy - and that's a form of abuse. If you want to treat a woman as I've just described, then you should hire an escort - at least that way the woman is compensated monetarily for your shitty behavior and the terms of the relationship are clear.

Regardless of how strong a woman, or man may seem - that individual still has emotions and deserves to have their emotions and feelings respected.

Yesterday was a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGG day. The night before I didn't get much sleep due to some personal/family matters, but I managed to get just enough to function as I had a B/G scene booked. The studio I worked with was Reality Kings - I like this company. They were the 2nd studio I ever worked with (in an adult entertainment capacity) and they're very professional and cool.
The scene I shot was a parody of a scene from the movie "SuperBad" - looks like between this and "Flava of Lust" I'm the parody porn queen :) Though the setup for the scene took a while to shoot, the entire crew was a ton of fun and I had a blast.
I had to drive home like a mad woman though in order to change and make it to the premier of "Pirates 2". I wound up getting there a bit late and didn't get to have my photo taken on the red carpet but that was ok. I walked down it anyways. That event was like a circus - I saw people like I've never seen before. I didn't really know anyone there and after socializing a bit decided I was way too sleepy to sit through an entire movie, so after seeing people and hopefully being seen I made my way back to my car, back into Hollywood, and back into my super soft bed to go to sleep.
Today I hope to just relax and have some fun. I had a great week, but I'm exhausted.

Whew, what a day - I'm sooooo tired, but I figured that since I had such a good day, I should write a blog about it before going to bed.
Today I had an adult vid booking with a studio called Black Ice for an upcoming DVD called Milf Chocolate 3. Once again I gotta say that I LOVE the vibe that's on the majority of the porn sets - chill, laid back, easy going and enjoyable. Everyone from the director, to the camera man to the male talent I worked with today was great. Once again I've fallen in love with another makeup artist - I'd have to say by far that this beautiful and cool young woman, Kristy, is the BEST makeup artist I've EVER worked with! Along with making me look fantastic she turned me on to that new HBO series "true blood". Check out the show's site: http://www.hbo.com/trueblood/
Here's a pic of the me, the makeup job and the super-artist Kristy - weird angle, looks like I have a double chin (normally I don't - lol).

The shoot took a little extra time, but it went very well. After a long day of adult video work nothing hits the spot like a Jack In the Box combo. Today I had a bacon onion burger and curly fries. Yum.
Since I'm going to be hitting the red carpet at that Digital Playground Pirates 2 premiere tomorrow I figured I'd better get a nice dress to wear, so I hit the mall with my good friend Sophie (you probably know her as Sophie Perez from Teen Idol 5). First we tried BCBG - nice clothes but WAY overpriced. Also not quite flashy enough for me.
I wound up finding a really sexy, yet classy cream colored sheeth in a store called BlackJack. I gotta go back and get an Ed Hardy sweater dress from there later next week.
Well I'm beat, so g'nite peeps.

Well, it's Wednesday, this middle of the week. I swear - the time FLIES out here in Los Angeles - I feel as if time moves about 3 times faster out here than it does in back in Florida.

Earlier this week I decided to take a new photo set for my casting photos - below is one of my favorites (so far I've gotten some great props on them):



This Saturday I get to do something fun - the premier of the sequal to Digital Playground's movie "Pirates" is coming up and I get to go - that will be my first official movie premier that I get to attend. I feel like a real Californian now :)

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It takes a lot to really push me over the edge, but this morning when checking my "Monica mail" I decided that enough was enough in regards to a certain psychotic "fan" aka "email stalker" who's decided to fixate on me.

This idiot who likes to call himself "Darius Rucker" via his email name (and I'm certain that it's not the dude from Hootie and the blowfish), at least once every few weeks likes to read my blog and then send me insulting emails as to what a loser/screw up/fuck up I am. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I've decided to start posting this idiot's emails to me along with the person's email address so that you, the reader can respond personally to what HE (or possibly SHE) thinks about me.


What is the topic? Fan Mail
What is your email? overheight1@yahoo.com
What is your name?
What is your message? Initially when I came into the business I wanted to be a contract girl for a studio like Vivid, Wicked, Digital Playground or Adam and Eve - well the only reason that didn't happen is because of 1 thing (and it's not my age, or my looks or my fucking and sucking ability): I'm a dark skinned black girl.

"They won't let me in because I'm black"
"I really want Tracy Bingham's role in Baywatch"

Monica,I've been an entrprenuer. So are you. If there is money to be made doing something, it could be having monkey jumping out of your ass, someone will find a way to do it and sell it. It's called simple demand side economics.
you're just fucked up dear. Sadly, you may be talented in other areas. But you are truly a fuck up. but your thoughts are interesting to follow.
I await your latest diatribe.

As an update to this posting, for those of u out there who aren't aware, there's such a thing as an "IP address" lookup - it's a really cool thing to do on the internet when you want to figure out who is sending you junkmail, stalker mail, psychotic cracked out email - etc.

As I initially suspected, the weirdo who sent me the above email, and many others in the past (and who ironically in a previous email stated that they wouldn't contact me anymore even though apparently they still ARE considering that the above posting is from this morning) is someone who I've had verbal contact with.

The IP address lookup pointed me to the Baltimore, MD location which again narrows down my list of suspects (Yes, I'm a good detective - tech savvy baby - BBS days). Now upon checking my email again later tonight, I received yet ANOTHER psychotic email from this fool which I may post if they continue - mainly so that there's a record of this person in case anything weird happens to me.

All in all, this person and people in general who actually take the time to write negatively to someone they don't know are pathetic. Not only am I mis-quoted by this person, but I'm also overly fixated upon. Scary. This person I think may even have problems reading and comprehending things properly (which is even more sad) because points they made about my bio didn't even make sense - in the latest email the person wrote something about me being a psychologist - um, I don't even have a degree and I admit to be a drop out. Ridiculous. Oh well, when u have "haters" at least you know you're doing well. I'll write about my shoot I did today tomorrow. It rocked!

If you'd like to see who I worked with just click here for Mahlia Millian. Very pretty and nice young lady.

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Today was a busy, productive and unexpected day. A couple days ago I called Caveman, star of "Flava of Lust" (the last XXX porn title that I'm featured in) to let him know that the title is in the stores - since I hadn't seen him in a while we decided to meet up today to discuss some ideas I have for his self marketing plan (so of course I brought my video camera).

We wound up having a cool afternoon - grabbed some lunch and then hit Caveman's lab aka music studio so that I could check out his tracks, freestylin and to record a quick "Monica Foster eXclusive" interview.

I'm not done editing the entire interview but here's something I threw together for those of you who just can't get enough of my world :)

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Well it's Wednesday and my week's gotten off to a great start. All my bills are paid, and my creative juices are flowing overtime. Today I need to edit the photos from the last pictorial of myself that I shot. I'll post a sample pic on this blog entry later - I'm getting damn good with lighting :)
Today I'm planning on re-shooting and editing the intro video for my website. I'm excited to get some feedback as to some of the changes I'm making to my website.

Wow, I thought Miami was a city full of hustlers - wrong. The amount of scammers in Miami is not at all CLOSE to how many low-life , yet surprisingly sophisticated hustlers there are out here in the Hollywood/Los Angeles area - it's absolutely amazing. Here, you have to be VERY careful (of which I am) about who you share ANY ideas with, because a lot of people are DESPERATE to do ANYTHING or step on ANYONE to make it.
I'm really grateful for the fans that I've earned along this "Monica Foster" journey. Why? Well, mainly because they know what I'm really about and the real me. Lately I've had a flood of interest and new fans due to my xxx porn video releases, which is great, but what I find so odd is that many of them really can't believe that it really has been me who's taken some of my own best photos (via my interval timer attached to my camera) and me who's maintained my website.
I guess it's just hard to believe that someone really can be attractive and have a bit of a brain.
Yesterday was very productive. Did some cam shows, cleaned my bathroom, worked on my website, bathed my dog, then did some more cam shows.
Tomorrow here's what's on the "To Do" list: stop by my agency to pick up my pay check, stop by the bank , grocery shop, buy a vacuum cleaner, do cam shows, work on my website more, re-shoot and edit the video intro for my website, re-work the layout for the front page of my site.

Later in the week I will FINALLY be able to upload the new media to Club Monica.

I can't believe we're already entering September - I'm glad though because I love the fall, and the great thing about California opposed to Florida is that you actually experience some "seasons". I can already feel the weather getting cooler and I'm hoping that by November I can bust out my leather pants :)

I haven't met that many people in the area just yet, but it AMAZES me as to how many people feel the need to over-exagerate how successful they are and just out-right lie about what their intentions are. I'm definitely grateful that I've made the few legit friends that I have, because I'm going to be very selective in creating any additional friendships at this point.

One thing I love about the area of California I live in though, is how many women wear DRESSES in their everyday lives. I've always been more of a pants/shorts type of girl, but as of late - I've been tapping a bit more into my femininity and have been busting out with the dresses :) It's a nice change.

Today I took some time to really reflect on my work as an adult entertainer, adult video star and porn star - some people may say those 3 terms are interchangable but from my perspective, they are not at all.

This September www.GettingIntoPorn.com and www.GettingOutofPorn.com will be launched and I'm very excited about it. I feel capable of launching both sites because well, even though I only have about 22 scenes under my belt I successfully "got into porn" and though I'm not officially "retired" any other porn videos I star in most likely will be videos that I direct, shoot and produce under my own company. I don't feel like making anyone else any more money.

One thing that I want the 2 sites to really do though, is to educate the public about what it really takes to survive in the porn world - psychologically and physically. It amazes me as to how infatuated the world is with the adult and porn biz, but how it's so condemned. Well, I take that back, I'm not "amazed" by this - I just think it's funny to hear a man say how much he LOVES Jenna Jameson or Heather Hunter but then in the same breath how "horrible and dangerous" it is to do porn due to it being "unprotected sex". Oh, and most likely that SAME guy will call up an escort agency and fuck the escort with a condom but require "un-covered" head, because it's not "that un-safe".

Oh how the high and mighty continue to fall.

Well it's the end of yet another lovely Califonia week. This week wasn't overly productive being that I was ill, but it's ok, I'll just work extra hard this weekend on some things I need to get done.
Read in the news this morning that McCains running mate will be the Alaskan governor, that's interesting considering that she's a woman - I suppose he figured he had to add some flavor of some sort to his campaign considering how dry and vanilla McCain already is. This will be a very interesting election.

Thank goodness for antibiotics. Today is the first day since about last Thursday or Friday that I feel back to "normal". I don't know where that cold/flu came from or why it chose me to attack but the antibiotics have (at least from what I can tell) pretty much defeated it. Yea!!!
Today/tonight I'm probably going to a shoot another new pictorial for my website. Maybe oneday I'll actually get these pictorials uploaded.
I've been approached recently with a business proposal which would most likely give me the type of adult industry career that I've been wanting, but would require me to relinquish control of my "image" (as in how I wear my hair, my wardrobe on set, how I'm marketed, etc) - well that's all fine with me because I'm exhausted from doing everything myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of what I've built in regards to "Monica Foster", which isn't that much, but I'm ready to turn Monica over the some "experts".
I may try to do my show on camz tonight as well.
Just as I love the "fan mail" I get through my site, I also find the hate mail equally entertaining. Here's a hatemail I received this afternoon:
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wow!! Are you overfull of yourself!!
Geeeezz!! Monica, I've been following you since the spring. I was even a
member of your site for 2 mos or so.
You are attractive. Yes!! Smokin?? Umm, I don't so. Nice body. Smokin????
ummmmmm I don't think so. You are really full of yourself. Too much so!!
You get treated like you are because of the business you are in dear. It
ain't hard to figure out. You say that you aren't whorin around.
You're having sex for money!! What do you call that?? Look, I don't give
a fuck if you're selling pussy in church. Doesn't bother me. I state
this only as an observation.

You've obviously made some mistakes in your life. That's cool. Who
hasn't?? And you're still young. But you should study those and be
moving to make right decisions. You have absolutely no chance of making the
transition to mainstream movies. NONE!! I've seen your movies. Look Good??
yes. Act?? Absolutely fucking terrible. Laughable!! Monica, nobody can
argue that you are a dumb bunny. But you have a pattern of making horrendous
decisions. And as long as you refuse to recognize that, those decisions will
continue. Get off the "attractive or hot" deal and USE YOUR FUCKING
MIND! Leave the other shit for lagniappe.
Good Luck
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For someone who is so passionate about what a horrible performer I am and who's so on top of the bad decisions they perceive me as have making, they certainly aren't too confident, because of course, it was sent ANONYMOUSLY.

Look, if you're going to diss me, at least sign the email with your full name. Be proud of your opinions on me if you care to share them - otherwise it just makes you yet another coward. This email doesn't even make sense, because if I'm a girl who's so misguided how in the world do I manage to maintain my website, cam shows, av career, photography biz, website biz and overall life?

It's easy to go off on someone that you THINK you know, anonymously or not, but really a person has NO right to do so unless they're putting themselves out there publicly in the same capacity. I've taken a risk in life and I can accept the criticism that comes along with it, but I'm not made of stone - I deal with it but it DOES hurt on a certain level, so whoever sent me this shit is in the wrong. I'd actually like to take a good long look at the person and life of the person who sent this.

ANyways who cares, maybe I am full of myself - I gotta be - and if I'm not so hot, why else would anyone bother viewing my website :)

I've finally come to terms with the fact that very few if any people will agree with the lifestyle I lead, and that's cool, because the only people the really matter to me are my family a few friends and myself. Afterall, myself is all I really have anyways.

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Last week was hectic but worth it. I think I ran myself so ragged that I didn't eat enough so unfortunately I suffered healthwise over the weekend - caught the cold from hell. I haven't had a cold like that in YEARS. It's just about over now, but I'll tell you what, when you're sick you REALLY realize who truly cares about your health and well being and who doesn't...
Friday night I was called in to do an interview for the show "Color Blind" on Rude TV (www.rudetv.com). It was a ton of fun, the host and co-host of the show (Powder and Maya Masaon) were really nice. We got into a fairly deep convo about the lack of ethnic "contract girls" in the biz and the racial stigmas which are still very present in the adult biz. The interview was great, when I find it online I'll post it to my blog, unfortunately due to the my seasonal cold settling in I sounded very nasal.
Sunday I just relaxed and started to feel a little better.
Today's monday and I feel even more back to normal but not quite. I might try to get a prescription for some antibiotics just to knock the rest of this sickness out of my system but we'll see. Since I was busy over the weekend, Monday (today) is chore day and I started it off by answering some fan mail. I love my fans and since my adult DVD's have come out, I have even more - however every once in a while I get assholes who try to email me who then act surprised when I tell them to go to hell. Here's an example:
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What a knockout you are. We have never met before butfor some reason we might have a mutual friend in the strip club business inMiami. I think their intention was to maybe hook us up to meet. Never seeing apicture of you until today...needless to say opportunity lost !!Back to business. You should contact my dear friend friend ***.com he might be very useful to you in one of your newventures. Besides glamour he shooting a lot of adult content.I will be in LA end of September to visit him.Good luck and if you would like me to call him on your behalf it would be mypleasure.Gary
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I get a lot of these emails - either someone from my past or some dude who knew of me but didn't think I was someone they'd want to date will suddenly see my site or dvd's or whatever and figure they'd try to "do me a favor" now or reconnect in some way. Wrong. I replied to this guy that I don't need anyone to call anyone on my behalf and that I'm not interested. Here's what the douche bag wrote back:
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Hi Monica...never claimed to know you. My friend Alex was the manager at the club next to Treasure Island in Hialeah..it is now A Booby Trap, don't remember the old name (Mirage ?). He probably wanted me to meet you....that does not mean you ever knew about it !! Not everybody has an angle !! If I wanted to meet you all I would really have to do is hire you.
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Um, no. First off I doubt this guy runs a studio so how would he "hire me" unless he's inferring that I escort, which he probably was, and since I don't he's even more of an ass in my eyes.

Though there are many downfalls to having chosen the career and lifestyle which I have, it's also very rewarding. What people don't realize is that by having worked within the adult field and by putting out my "look" and "image" as a "sex symbol" of sorts, I'm changing the standard of beauty for african american women. It used to be that an african american woman, especially one with a dark complexion such as mine, wouldn't EVER be cast in high end adult videos. Well, I feel like I'm opening a few damned doors and changing the face of what and attractive black woman can be.