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Today has shaped up to be a fairly productive day and I'm glad because yesterday I was a bit down in the dumps.

I've resolved not to fall back into the "quitter" pattern that I worked so hard to dig myself out from years ago, and am staying with my agency Type9 after all.

Why? Well this morning I woke up with a fresh perspective on my booking mishap from yesterday. I'd have to say that over 80% of the time I've worked with Type9 it's been a positive and professional experience. I really like the owners Kelly and Kevin, and I feel like they work hard which is great and quite rare in the adult industry. I can't fault them for the mistakes of others that they realistically can't monitor 24/7.

Plus Type9 models has a very well rounded selection of all types of performers and I like that. When an agency's girls all look like clones, it makes me wonder a bit.

In other news, I took out my old weave last night, washed my hair and this morning I really debated putting my new weave in. I love MY hair. Lately it's been getting really healthy and when I wash it and let it air dry and becomes so soft and fluffy. In the entertainment world, I think it's better that I have a consistant and "glam" look which the weave provides, but I think 2010 will be the year of only MY hair.

A good girl friend of mine will be moving from FL to Los Angeles AND into my building in the beginning of April. I'm pretty excited because it'll be great to have a good friend close by.

Well tomorrow morning I have a shoot with the famous Lexington Steele. I'm looking forward to it as he seems to have built a really good reputation and business for himself within the adult entertainment world - it's always exciting to meet others who are driven.

I've been keeping this blog fairly positive lately but I can't always look on the "bright side" - no one can - it's part of being human.
I have been trying very hard over the past few years not to be a quitter anymore with things I do and to stick out my situations, goals and tasks to completion. However today I reached a breaking point.
What is the job of an "agency" - hell, of ANY sort. To seek out work for their clients, book them, relay the correct and complete info of the job to their (the agency's) client they represent, and then (in the end) collect a commission for their hard earned work from their client that they supposedly WORK FOR and REPRESENT. Right?
Well apparently in the adult entertainment world that is NOT the case, at least not in my situation. My agency has booked me successfully on a few gigs, but allowed too many screw ups - not due to the owner most likely but due to a certain couple employees.
If I were a woman in porn who showed up to gigs late, or on drugs, or not at all, or bitchy, or without wardrobe, or if I didn't pay my agency their commissions even, that would be one thing, but that's not the case.
I'm professional, a decent performer, I drive myself to shoots, am on time, don't show up on drugs or high, promote myself, have the required wardrobe always, keep myself well maintained physically, etc. I suppose that's just not valuable enough to agencies though - at least not to where they'd care to give you the correct info about shoots and the correct amount of pay to expect.
So now, for the first time in my fucking life (thanks to my lack of financial savvy, my stupid move out to Los Angeles, the fucked up economy, and my fucked up ex agency leading me to believe I could expect to make a certain amount of money today when that wasn't the case) I will be late with my rent and some other bills and now have to find an alternate source of income ASAP.
Luckily I have my website and cam shows but I gotta go "hustler gangsta" now not to end up on the street.
Fuck you "J" of Type9 - and not in the good way.

Now that I've written this I feel a little better. I don't want to be a quitter when it comes to the porn industry. It's something I actually enjoy and I don't have much else. I don't know how I'll continue now but I will try.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of working with Bluebird Films again which was GREAT, I encourage everyone to join www.bluebirdfilms.com if you'd like to see the footage with myself and Mr. TeeReel :)
In the evening I stopped by RudeTV.com and was able to guesthost with the sexy Flexxx on "Ebony Nights" - view the video archive of the show right here : http://www.rude.com/tv/archive/id/77063

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Above is the flyer for the party I'll be signing at and co-hosting this Saturday - I'm totally looking forward to it!

Tonight I'll be co-hosting "Color Blind" with PowderXXX of RudeTV.com again, I'll post a link to the archive over the weekend.

Well it looks like I get to work for one of my new favorite adult video companies at the start of next week: BlueBird Films. I'm looking forward to it, however that means that I have to AIM today, which is ok but it's no fun getting your blood drawn so often - yuck.
Later in the week I get to make an appearance in X-plays next flick set to launch after Not the Cosby's XXX (which I star in) - Not Married with Children XXX - so I'm looking forwards to that as well.
I encourage many of you out there to check out www.RoyKarchProductions.com - this guy is a long time adult industry vet who continues to produce some awesome features to this day.
Also check out www.MPHvideography.com - it's one of the hottest cameramen in the industry's websites, hopefully he'll have some samples of his work up soon.

Today will be a cam show day/night, but I always enjoy chatting so it's a good thing. I acquired a new domain for my adult video theater gateway through AEBN: www.MonicaFosterVOD.com - check it out :)

Here are a couple of recent interviews with Harley of Harleyxxxtv.com

Super Hot Adult Star Monica Foster Harleys XXX TV

PT2 Adut Star Monica Foster Hott Harleys XXX TV

Though California has a tremendous amount of opportunity for anyone with a drive and a will to work hard, I'm looking forward to when I've "made my fortune" and can leave this state. Where I'll go next, I'm not sure, but most likely I will either return to the east coast or simply relocate to another country. Primarily because I'm just not one for the "land of make believe" mentality on a long term basis.

I have learned since living here I'm much more based in "reality" than I initially thought - mainly because I have an aversion to shrinking away situations that are hard, where as many people who have lived here on a long term basis seem to deem that mentality as acceptable.

Though Cali is progressive in many ways, in other ways it's not. Though we are in the year 2009, have a technically "black" president, and are well beyond the sexual revolution - I find backwards and/or hypocritical mindsets around every corner and under every stone here in Hollywood, CA - ironically especially in the MAINSTREAM entertainment industry. It is sad, the situation angers me, and overall I'm disgusted.

The adult entertainment world still needs a lot of progression, but I see the progression and needed changes being easily rectified whereas in mainstream I do not. I strongly prefer being identified as an "adult entertainer" over a "mainstream actress" and probably always will.

On a happier note, I'll be co-hosting RUDETV.com's show "ColorBlind" again on Friday and will be co-hosting and signing at an industry event at a club called CineSpace on Saturday.

I hope and pray the coming of March brings me better luck and work opportunities my way than I had in fucked up Feb.

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Through an interesting turn of events, the music video I was set to be in which I mentioned in my previous post wound up shooting last night afterall. Since it was a "night scene" for the video, I was on set from about 12am to 6:30am this morning. WHEW! Between the freezing temps, my tiny outfit wardrobe put me in, and the late hours I slept most of the day today.
Today/tonight I'm back to doing cam shows for the remainder of the weekend.
Happy Valentines Day everyone!

I haven't had the chance to blog in a while, so I figured this rainy afternoon in LA is the day to do it.
I hit up my first adult industry party this week at a club called "Blue Moon Nights" - a "fetish party" with a few friends of mine and it was great to see a lot of industry people of which I've worked with there.

Actually the more involved in the industry I get, the more I realize how much of a fan I am of certain performers. I've always thought Tommy Gunn (the blond one - and in the background of the above pic - hehe) is really hot, so it was cool meeting him in the VIP area of the party. CLICK HERE for more pics from the event.
I also auditioned for a Lil Wayne music video this week of which I was cast for which was supposed to start shooting tonight but unfortunately was canceled due to the rain :( Hopefully I'll get cast for another one because I've always wanted to be in a music video to see how one is put together.
I'll be doing cam shows most of the weekend as usual. This recession really sucks hard. If I'd entered the west coast entertainment scene a few years ago, I'd already be much better of financially, but because of ex-prez Bush, I'm not. I hope karma really bites him in the ass for what he's done.

Though primarily what may make an adult video performer is what he or she looks like, what really sets the forerunners apart from the masses is how one presents his or herself or what he/she does on the back end of the business that aids in their success. In other words, it's their mind (and drive) that makes all the difference.
I'm definitely far from being the most intelligent woman out there in the business, but (especially as of late) I've utilized a lot of my tech savvy and business know how to capitalize on what I've done so far, and I'll continue to try to expand my knowledge base to continue my current trend.
I think I set a record for myself today in designing a website for someone in the biz, actually the only thing preventing this particular site from being complete is having to wait on additional media which will be provided by the client (I hate waiting for stuff - so impatient).
Well it's another weekend of cam shows. The great thing about doing shows is that at least it's an interactive activity - well what's even better is hearing immediate feedback from my viewers, fans, and friends on what they think of my XXX scenes, camshows, website, etc.
I love my work, but I can't wait to get more into the production end of the business - that to me is where the true excitement lies.

Well yesterday was an interesting day. I received a booking with a new adult vid company called Blue Bird Films. I would say to definitely keep tabs on what they produce this year as I expect a lot of great things from them. The shoot went fairly smoothly without any issues and their staff, from the owner to the makeup/wardrobe crew to the camera crew, was very welcoming, kind and fun to work with.
I suppose my only criticism of the scene I shot with BlueBirdFilms was that it was set to where there was a lot of emphasis on the "racial element". I don't understand why when something is obviously interracial it has to be verbally expressed and at times in a way of which one race is somehow dominant to the other. Oh well...in time hopefully this will change as out society does.
When I got home I was SOOOOO tired, so after texting a few friends I pretty much hit the sack. I expect to mostly do camshows over the weekend and hopefully get some grocery shopping done :)
One of my goals for February is to make a few purchases related to getting my media business in Cali off the ground...cross your fingers.

This morning was truly a historic day. I am watching the Presidential Inauguration this morning of Barak Obama on CNN.com and I am so happy that I'm crying - I never anticipated that I would be this emotional over this, but I truly am. I completely understand today, at this moment what a historic and monumental event today is - not just for african-americans/blacks, but for all people in this country and world as a whole.
Yesterday on a local news broadcast a black woman in around her 50's was interviewed, and she stated that she didn't think in her life she'd witness a black president - well I wasn't sure that I would either and I'm 30.
I didn't think that there wouldn't be a black president ever because of racism in our country and in the world on a large scale, but on a small scale...meaning that there are simply just a few people who still harbor and promote very "old fashioned" and overall "hateful" mindsets in attempt to retain power - a power which they don't truly have to begin with.
I talk a lot on this blog about racism, in the adult industry especially (because that is the industry of which I work and it's what I'm familiar most with), and I will continue to do so - why? Because I'm going to try my best to implement changes in this industry. I feel like if Mr. Obama can make such a huge step for the country and the world, the least I can do work hard to make changes for other women like myself in an industry that counts on not being looked at too closely.
Today is my true independence day and today I am a woman in the adult industry who demands equality, equal opportunity and equal pay not just for myself, but for EVERYONE, regardless of what you look like.

I'm going to start a list of XXX studios and DVD's which I feel people should boycott due to racial issues I have PERSONALLY encountered because it's time to cut the crap.

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Though it's only Tuesday I've been incredibly busy so far this week - mostly with the work that I do from home though. Along with doing a record number (at least for me) of webcam shows for all of my awesome Monica Foster fans, I've been working on updating all of my online presences - from my websites (which is a job in reality for about 4 people), to my MySpace page (I know myspace might seem like a waste of time but in reality it's one of the best networking and promotional tools an adult performer could ask for), to editing my new photosets, to editing my first installment of my POV series, etc - the list goes on and on and on.
It's been well over around 2 years since I've aggressively updated my "image" online. A big part of the reason that I've decided to do it, is because I feel that as a performer (and overall person) I've matured, and I want my image to reflect who I am today, not who I was yesterday.


The great thing about working so hard though is that you appreciate the rewards that much more and you take for granted that much less....
In other news, the AVN/AEE awards have ended - honestly I'm a bit disappointed that certain studios and pornstars didn't win or even get a mention (and for once I'm not talking about myself). Amazing how even the porn world is so political.
Well I've been up all night so time to hit Burger King for breakfast. See you online!

I suppose a part of me DID want to go to the AEE/AVNs but in all truthfulness, I'm glad I didn't because I would have ended up spending money needlessly, and wasting valuable time. Instead by staying home and working, I've managed to:
*almost have my upcoming site launch of GettingIntoPorn.com done
*update my bio's for Monica Foster on every networking site I'm a member of
*do a bunch of cam shows
*and edit some photos.


On top of all that I had a really good workout today as well :) I have been keeping up with the AEE trade show and awards progression though via the AVN website and a few adult industry related blogs I like to read. I really hope that one of the XXX movie nominations that I'm featured in (Breast Meat & Control Freaks) wins - that would be a good thing.

Ok, well back to the grind - see you all online :)

Though this weekend, is one of the largest adult industry networking events (the AVNs / AEE and Internext), I'm obviously not attending (sorry about that to everyone who asked if I'd be there via email and myspace - I will be next year). Instead I've decided to make this a weekend of cam shows, creativity, and business planning as I expect 2009 to be a very busy year.
I'm actually incredibly excited about this week, as I'll be producing my first VOD (video on demand) POV series installment. At this very moment (as I write this) I'm taking a break from making the graphics for my new site which will host the series. I think that all of you "Monica Foster addicts" out there will really enjoy what I'm putting together for you.
Tonight I received some GREAT feedback from my show on the CamZ network, so thanks peeps :) As most of u know, I always try to make the show fun, but 2009 shows will be EXTRA fun so keep watching (hell, I have a stripper pole again so how can they NOT be fun).
Tomorrow at some point I'll be putting together a new photo set for my site. As I look back over the "Monica Foster years" it's cool to see how my look has evolved. Well just talking about my "look" would be shallow - I suppose overall I've evolved a lot as a person - and I'm glad.
Thinking back on how I made the switch from being a computer/electronic tech to working in the adult industry (first as a stripper, then a cam girl, and now a porn "star"), I almost see it as a "revenge of the nerds" experiment.
I don't know who I think I'm fooling trying to be "little miss sexpot" but I'll tell u what, it is SOOOO much damn fun. Maybe I'm not "fooling" anyone though, appearance wise I've pretty much figured out what's "appealing enough" and working in the adult industry essentially has unleashed the sexual side of my personality which I may not have ever discovered if I hadn't been brave enough to embark on this "adult industry journey". I suppose that a big draw of the adult industry for me truly was the attention though - I'll admit, when I was back in High School, I was only asked out by 2 guys - in total - neither of which I was into. The one guy I had a crush on totally dissed me. It hurt. Growing up I never felt attractive and my family certainly didn't help much in the matter (an attractive appearance wasn't overly emphasized in my household being that I come from an intellectual lot of equal rights activists - which is probably why I do embody certain traits). For me finding a bit of success in the adult world is a twisted form of validation and vindication for me - and it's OK, we all have our hang ups.
Today I read an article on how Sasha Grey (one of my favorite AV performers - it's amazing to me how deep she is for someone so young) wanted porn to be "more creative". I have to agree with her. The most "creative" I've been able to be so far in porn, has been playing "Claire" in the most recent feature I was cast in, but even that role didn't allow me to truly spread my wings (or other body parts) like I feel I'm capable of doing. Honestly, the lack of "creativity" I've been able to explore pisses me off, because getting in, I assumed (and that was my mistake), that I'd get to do movies more along the line of what Wicked, Digital Playground, and Vivid produce. Gonzo is cool, but people want to see a story, and a high quality production. Yea, sometimes guys just want to jerk off to a girl getting rammed, but I know for a fact in general people on occasion want to see something beautifully erotic to get off.
Maybe if I was a DIFFERENT TYPE OF PERSON I'd have gotten the opportunity to be in more productions like I initially envisioned myself being in, but since I can only be me, I can live with it. After these AVNs are over we'll see what's up 4 sure in regards to casting opportunities.
Actually I'm glad that my "porn career" has been as it has, because it's pushed me to see that I'm better suited to be a camera person, writer and director. I hope in 2009 some cool castings come about, but if not, I'll cast myself in whatever I can dream up and execute. I suppose that just like with most of my photos of which I've shot myself, I'm pretty certain that I can manage to produce some kick as porn that I produce and distribute myself. Why not - NERD POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually I hope that by 2011 I'll be able to open my own studio/distrubtion company. I like the idea of having "contract stars" but not with an "iron clad" contract - and definitely short term. I'll elaborate more on my views of contract vs. non-contract another day.
Oh, and one more thing, I'm almost done with GettingIntoPorn.com - I have a feeling that a few people will have a problem with the site, but I don't care - I'm over what other people think aside from my immediate family and loved ones. Plus considering how I've put the site together (lots of time and effort), I know tons of people (specifically young women) will benefit from the knowledge and experience I'm sharing. It actually amazes me that more women in the business haven't taken the initiative to help out other newbies - it's weird. Maybe it's due to a lot of women feeling the need to compete with each other rather than cooperate.

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Today I turn 30 years old - thank god I made it through my 20's! It's strange because though "30" can be seen as a monumental age, I actually have felt about 30 something for quite a while now - I think my 20's were a bit too long.
Overall I feel pretty good life wise in my new "30's". I feel like I'm on a positive career path (though it's a less traveled path for sure), I have a small group of good friends, my personal life is fairly balanced, and my family relationships are getting better by the day.
Happy Birthday and 2009 to me :)

Well it looks as though January will be a very busy month for Monica Foster! I'm very happy about that, however though a lot of opportunities are being handed my way I'm being very selective as to which opportunities I take.
When I look back upon 2008 - namely my leap into the world of adult video - I'm able to clearly see the good moves I've made - and the bad ones I've made as well. In regards to the "bad" moves and decisions, in 2009, I'm just going to do my best to avoid such "bad" circumstances and people when I'm able to do so.
For example - one thing I've noticed and simply don't understand in the world of adult video performance is the variance of the time span of which certain companies pay for a talent's performance. My favorite AV shoots of '08 were typically the shoots of which were run in the most "professional" manner and typically those shoots paid their talent the same day or within 2 weeks.
Upon looking back, the most UNPROFESSIONAL and aggravating adult video shoots, not only had half ass production systems, but they also took FOREVER to send out their talents pay check and often "forgot" to pay you in full (resulting in having to stake out the company's home/office to collect or calling every hour upon the hour).
I've decided to make it easy on myself this year by simply NOT working with anyone who had/has issues with their payroll dept. or check writing ability. In other words - no sameday pay = no Monica Foster unless you're a high end studio which regularly pays within 2 weeks.
I'm glad I'm in a position now to where I CAN be as selective as I'm being. A big thanks to my readers yet again for your consistent booking of private cam shows with me.
Most likely this week I'll have the first installment of my first Video on Demand POV series shot (of which I'm directing and editing and distributing myself). I look forward to getting my reader's feedback on it.

Hello 2009! I am SOOOOOOOO glad that I made it through 2008, and I'm even more glad that it's over. I had a pretty good New Years Eve this year again - that makes 3 fantastic New Years Eves in a row. I was invited out to a club opening (Ecco in Hollywood, CA) and then later an after party. I had a blast at both (I actually might have gotten a little too crazy but one of my resolutions this year is to relax and have more fun while I'm young enough to do so) and feel like the events of the evening were a great kick start to the new year.
Check out my New Years Eve outfit :)


I'm expecting this coming month to be very productive and busy. I have a few upcoming projects I'm set to be involved in, which I'm really looking forward too.
I'm not sure if I'll be attending the AVN's in Las Vegas this year, but I'm going to try my best to make it...something tells me it would be a good idea to go.
Well time for me to do some cam shows, so see you online and have a great 2009 :)

ATTENTION ALL WOMEN - DO NOT ORDER anything from Golden Mart Beauty Supply (www.GMBShair.com). Why? Well because on December 25th I ordered my regular supply of hair extensions and purchased the 2 to 3 day UPS delivery. Well guess what - they shipped my order GROUND and it won't get here till January 6th. UNACCEPTABLE. I needed to redo my hair by NEW YEARS EVE! If you're a woman, you understand my frustration. Hopefully I will get a refund as I don't even WANT my my order anymore. I will have to call them tomorrow and chew them out.
Fortunately I found an alternative to these assholes very close to where I live: His and Her Hair - www.HisandHer.com - their store is very close to where I live and they have BETTER prices, a better website AND a better selection of hair extensions and other products so I have my weave in time for New Years eve after all.
Tonight I'll be doing cam shows as usual, and tomorrow night I'll be attending the New Years Eve party at a club called ECCO. I'm excited and am sure I'll have a good time. My outfit I'll be wearing is totally Flashdance inspired (yep, I'm a cheesy chick) and I even made some custom legwarmers to complete the look. If I get some pics, I'll post them on the 1st.
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!!!!!

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A person's tolerance level and pain threshold can really vary depending on where they are in their life and what they've gone through in the past. It also varies tremendously from person to person - another thing that varies is how a person responds to pain/discomfort and when and how they express that "enough is enough".
My pain and tolerance level both emotionally and physically is very high - why? Well because in life I've been to hell and back a few times (that may be why I prefer to be a domme (www.MiZtressMonica.com) over being a sub). Sometimes I like to test myself in that department actually to see exactly where I am and where my level is and I'll admit, I'm pretty damn tough and strong - however I'm not made of steel. Sometimes in life I'll give someone a certain amount of "rope" when it comes to what they attempt to get away with or dish out just to see if the person hangs themself. More often than not, they do - as very few people, especially out here in California have a real sense of right, wrong and how to be a real person - basically how to do unto others as you'd want done to yourself.
Recently someone I really took a chance on and let into my life essentially hung them self. It happens and I'm really sad and disappointed, however I'm glad I figured it out over the holiday and before the new year rather than allowing the situation to continue.
This was a bit of a heavy blog I suppose, but hey - I'm heavy sometimes.
Speaking of heavy, I've gained some weight, I think that between now and '09 I want to lose about 5 to 10 pounds of fat and gain about 3 pounds of muscle. I'm hitting the gym tomorrow. I've noticed that when I'm aggravated, anxious or sad I eat - I'm determined to keep myself happy for a while.

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Thursday this week was the final day of shooting for "Not the Cosby Show XXX" - whew! I really enjoyed playing "Claire" and I learned a lot throughout the production both in front of and behind the camera. I'm very excited to see the end results of the project, but the movie's release date isn't until around May of '09 so it will be a while...
2009 should be a pretty busy year for me. Since moving out here to Cali, I've found a new sense of "self" and I'm happy about that. One of my 2009 resolutions (along with quitting smoking) is to enjoy my life more and stop worrying so much.
Today I found out that a friend of mine, actually one of the first women I met when I got into the porn business, has passed away. RIP Nina.

Yesterday was long, busy, tiring, exciting and fun. It was my first full day (from 8am to a little past midnight) on set for "Not the Cosby Show XXX". As I've written in earlier posts, this role as "Claire" has really enabled me to stretch my "acting" wings and essentially exercise a latent part of my mind - it's been nice.
Along with shooting scenes from the script, I had a chance to meet many new people from the media sect of the adult entertainment world. From a world renowned Playboy photographer who shot our promotional photos for the movie to Miss Gia Jordan - a photographer and writer for Xbiz (who is a really cool woman - I've followed her posts for a while now on the adult forums so it was great to meet her in person).
The cast and crew of this movie is really great - overall I feel the project is fated to be a success seeing that there's an undeniably positive and "special" vibe on set which has been present since the first day everyone has worked together.
I'm rarely a "fan" of anyone, but I have to say that now I'll be following the careers of many of the new people I've met who I've been working with - people of note I'd like to mention are Cassidy Clay (this girl should be in WAY more music videos), Misty Stone (2 year porn veteran with a TREMENDOUS acting talent), Tyler Knight (a quietly confident, attractive, talented, and kind performer who always delivers AND who should have either a contract with a major studio OR more popularity independently) and Jenny Hendrix (a young but sweet and very driven performer who I'm sure will go quite far).
Today was my day off from set, so I had a chance to rest and reset. I decided to go to IKEA to pick up a much needed bookshelf for my apartment and have lunch. Below is a pic of my lunch - Swedish meatballs - YUMMMMMM.

This past Tuesday pretty exciting! It was my first day on set of the upcoming feature from X-Play/All Media Play "Not the Cosby Show XXX". As most of you know by this point (being that I've written so much about it), I'm cast as "Claire". This role, and project in general is the first of it's type that I've had the chance to take part in and though it's a little difficult being that it's a new experience, I enjoy the challenge. I've discovered that I'm primarily a "method actor" - funny...

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Though it's Monday, I feel like I'm still on a continuation of last week, being that I've been busy with either a personal or collaborative projects daily starting over a week ago.
I'm glad to be busy because generally being busy leads to productivity which in turn leads to financial gain (hopefully). However lately I've been feeling really drained from being a lot more active mentally than I've been over the past few months.
Mid last week I went to visit a couple of friends of mine, Desi & Elli Foxx and I wound up doing a "spur of the moment" interview with Desi - I'll post a clip of it here later in the week, but I plan on editing the interview for my upcoming site "gettingintoporn.com" - in the interview Desi and I discuss how doing live webcam shows is a vital key in making a living as a "porn star" .
Tomorrow I'm going to tag along/assist with the costuming of one of my co-stars for my final AV role. I'm glad to have a chance to participate in this wardrobe process, I've learned a lot.
I'm looking into buying some new photography equiptment (lighting primarily) to start getting my photography business up to par. Living in Los Angeles is such a bonus when it comes to my photography business/hobby because used equiptment here is abundant and inexpensive. Also there are tons of models to work with who will work on a TFCD basis.
I have been neglecting REDTback.com - not purposefully (of course), but hopefully I'll have all the changes and updates started shortly.
Ok, well this blog is a bit short and cold and bland, but I'll post some pics and video to make up for it later. Oh and thanks for all the cool email's lately in regards to my retirement from AV after this last feature role. I love the porn world but everyone needs to try other avenues.

I recently found a really nice photo online entitled "Gilded Cage" - featuring Holly from the Playboy Mansion show "The Girls Next Door". Being a pretty girl living out here in Los Angeles it is VERY easy to fall into (and then find yourself trapped in) a "Gilded Cage" type situation - mainly because you have many older men out here who have amassed wealth somehow (whether it be via honest means or not)who feel entitled to the consist ant stream of young women who come out here to be models, actresses, etc.


Now if you're interested in a man 15+ years older than you for healthy reasons and it's mutual - GREAT, but if it's just for $$$ I suggest you do some soul searching - because the old men who are after you generally lack a soul.

Older rich men in LA who date young women really throw off the natural balance of nature, because it creates difficulty amongst the population of young men who'd normally date these women. In fact if you go back an an earlier post I wrote on "MenWem", you'll see how it causes behavioral abnormalities in many of the young men out here along with straight up bitterness towards their female counterparts.

Not all young women who live out here fall into the "Gilded Cage" trap, but it can be difficult not to when your tempted by trendy clothes, a nice car, dinners in 5 star restaurants and other things that money can buy. Hell, I almost feel into that trap but fortuntately I tend to remind myself to look at things from alternate perspectives.
Los Angeles women - don't look for old emotionally stunted rich men to make a life for you. Create one yourself - you have the power. Also you might find that dating a man in your age range who understands that a dinner in a nice restaurant is great sometimes but a hike in the mountains or a trip to a lake along with great conversation and understanding is just as fulfilling.

Check out this pic, am I intuitive in regards to choosing sides or what?



Lately I've been looking through my old photos of family, friends, places, etc - I haven't done that in a while, but I'm glad I have recently because it's nice to see how far I've come in life and where I've been - yea, there have been ups and downs but I wouldn't trade any of my experiences at all because I really love who I am now and where I am now (and you better believe many of those experiences were AMAZING - I've been to Stone Henge, the Eifel Tower, the Hollywood sign, and tons more - oh and I'm not even close to being done yet).
Last weekend I attended a "womens gathering" hosted by a good friend of mine - it was GREAT! I haven't hung out with such a diverse group of positive thinking women in a long time - I'll be hosting one sometime soon for sure.
I'm not sure exactly what I'll be doing for the Holidays yet but I'm looking forward to them - I have a feeling that the rest of this year will wrap up nicely.

Oh, enjoy this last pic - especially the nipple flash part :)

Today I had the pleasure of really getting to know the writer of the upcoming porn feature which I'm set to shoot in December along with meeting one of my co-stars. It's great to meet other adult industry professionals who not only have goals and aspirations outside of the business, but who embrace their time spent in the business and who embrace with a sense of reality and class.
Since living in Hollywood I've started to see how closely linked the mainstream entertainment arena truly is with the adult entertainment arena. I give it less than 10 years for their not to be a definable difference between the mainstream and adult worlds.
Since living here, I've ALSO begun to develop a huge preference for swing/big band music. I suppose it has to do with all of the "old time Hollywood" influence I'm surrounded by. Since I haven't really done too much decorating in my apartment since moving here, I've decided that my best route to go in is to take on an "old hollywood" theme in my decor. I'll be sure to post some pics of my place sometime once I've implemented my style choice :)
Well most of the weekend I will be doing cam shows for my "fans" (more like friends) and I'll be working on my online talkshow projects. Hopefully I'll get a chance to get out and socialize a bit, but we'll see.
Below is a photo of the wig which I'll be wearing in the upcoming feature I've been talking about - can you guess the character I've been cast as and what the feature will be?

Though a traditional education is valuable and definitely a bonus in many circumstances and arenas of our world, often times the best forms of education come in via experience, apprenticeship and basically just "tagging along".
Today was part 2 of the costuming process for the role I've been cast to play in my final porn role which is set to be shot in December of this year. I had the opportunity again to run around with the owner/director/set designer/wardrobe consultant of the studio which is producing the movie. I definitely learned a lot about wardrobe and creating and authentic "look" for the film once again - it was GREAT!
Though many people both in and outside of my life might not agree with my personal and career choices over the past few years, I am very pleased with the path that life has set me on. My ultimate goal is to work behind the scenes in some capacity in the world of entertainment (adult and/or mainstream) and as of current, every experience that I've found myself in - especially over the past few months has really been very beneficial to me getting to where I'd like to go.

There are plenty of things in this world that can lead to temporary "set backs" - recently an event which led to a set back for me was the loss of my main "everyday work" laptop. I've replaced it and most of my data was backed up, but still it is a real pain in the butt to have to reset all of my personal account passwords and such - oh well - you live and learn.
Tonight a very wise man gave me a clue as to how to be successful in this world: make sure you have your PHYSICAL, MENTAL and FINANCIAL life in check.

Over the past few days I had the opportunity to take what many would deem as a "trip of a lifetime". From staying at a top notch hotel in a desirable tropical location to seeing both the prep time and actual event of one of the most pricey, thrilling and popular boating events in the world.
Initially I'd anticipated the trip as being one that would be very smooth and without problems (as well as an opportunity to visit with my best friend), and though I and the individual I took the journey with had a pleasant time - unfortunately there were a few mishapse, misunderstandings and material losses along the way.
What I learned on this excursion however is that often when ou think you're taking a journey for one reason, in actuality the universe may be trying to show you and teach you something completely different than you could have ever imagined due to your mindset before departing on that particular journey.
I'm glad to be back in sunny Hollywood, California and I have a very fresh, optimistic and motivated mindset. I'm beinning to understand that many losses, especially material ones, may be for the reason of a deeper spiritual and psychological gain. I must say that this recent journey re-centered my soul and I feel back on a positive life track.

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Happy Halloween everyone! I think Hollywood should temporarily be called "Halloweenwood" because people here become VERY excited over Halloween - much moreso than people back in Florida.
Tonight I've been invited to 2 parties but I will most likely only make it to 1. Below is the stock photo of the costume I bought - it's supposed to be an "sexy egyptian queen" - I changed the head piece a little and will be wearing different shoes but you get the idea.


I feel as though both my mind and body are totally resetting since making the decision to retire from porn - feels good - however my bank account is not very happy about my choice :)
GettingIntoPorn.com is taking a bit longer to launch than I'd anticipated but the site will be live very soon.
I'm excited about my final adult video project that I will be shooting in December. I'd like to blog about what the project is, but for now I'll keep it under wraps.
Check out my friend's website relaunch: www.desifoxx.com - the angle is controversial but the site looks great.

I love "old hollywood glamour" - I suppose that's why I moved to where I live on the west coast - everywhere you go in the Hollywood area, there are reminders of the cinematic "golden age". Even though I've only worked in the "adult" aspect of entertainment - adult and mainstream are so closely linked that I still feel a close tie to the days of Ava Gardner and Marylin Monroe.

I'm working on a few new pictorial sets for MonicaF.com which will have an "old time Hollywood" theme. Maybe I'll play some big band music while I shoot them - hope that you all will enjoy.



Oh, and one more thing, though I'm officially retired from performing in adult movies, I have one more role coming up which I was cast for prior to my "retirement"
that I simply couldn't pass up. It's a secret for now, but you will know it when you see it :)

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Yea - made it through another week :) This week was fairly productive in regards to my website and cam shows. I don't have ANY plans for the weekend for the first time in a long time - hmmmm - I need to find SOMETHING to get into ASAP in this case... :)

I thought I was over my "home sick" phase, but I'm not - I really miss Florida - from the social scene, to my family, to my friends and just knowing what to generally expect from day to day.
Even though Los Angeles is an overpopulated and congested city, it really can be lonely. I've made a couple friends, but I find that most people here keep even their closest friends at "arms length" - or maybe it's just me.
I haven't been hired for any flicks lately - and though I need the money, I'm actually glad for the break - and this break may simply turn into my "retirement" from XXX flicks - we'll see. I need to figure out where to go from this phase of life...I hate to admit it, but my options are definitely limited.
I was asked today if since moving to California, whether or not I'm "living the dream" - well I think that I am, but like all dreams, they don't go on forever - that's typically when you wake up.

This was a long but interesting weekend - I'm so glad that it's Monday. I'm finally getting a chance to experience a bit of the cooler California sweater weather - it's refreshing - stepping outside in the evening feels a bit like eating a wintergreen tic-tac.
This week is your lucky week private webcam show connoisseurs - I'll be doing shows all week long so send me a Yahoo IM or catch me on the CamZ network - actually today at 5pm PST / 8pm EST is live one hour show for all Club Monica members.
Tonight I got invited to a really cool concert - unfortunately it was last minute and I already have 2 others obligations that I can't cancel today that OF COURSE are in the late afternoon (the concert starts in the early evening - ARG! WHY does everything in California start and end so fucking early! In FL things don't start till much later -10pm 11pm etc - the Cali time table just makes no sense to me) - SO I can't get to the concert. I'm mad. I guess I can't complain too much because there will be other cool events to attend another time.
My first obligation of the afternoon is an audition/reading. It's funny because I used to get all nervous and stuff before going into things like this, but now - it's just another day in LA.

Choices and and reactions.

One of the hardest things about living the lifestyle and career choice that I've chosen is the acceptance of the "reactions" that I receive from acquaintances, friends and/or loved ones. Sometimes the initial reaction of people in my life is "Acceptance" but then later it changes to something along the lines of "ignore the girl till she gets the hint and goes away".

Sometimes I don't know where I stand with people in my life - that hurts the most. Honesty is one of the hardest reactions to give someone in your life - the fact that I require it from people, may mean that I expect way to much...

I'm looking forward to turning 30. I feel that when you enter your 30's you are an official "adult". I know I've been an adult for years now, but in all honesty, I moved out to California a "miami girl" and have become a much more mature "woman" since living here.

Living in a new place and not knowing what to expect day to day (mainly due to the industry I've worked in) really keeps you on your toes - and if anything sharpens you up. I realized over the past few days that I needed to ACTIVELY close a few doors that I shouldn't have left open into my life - from people I've chosen to work with, to acquaintances.

Some of the doors being closed, require confrontation - which is something I HATE, but can and will deal with if needed. One of the doors, I wasn't sure if I wanted to close - primarily due to material temptation, but upon realizing that I'd become a virtual slave or pet in order to keep that door open - I slammed it shut - quick.

So all in all, I suppose realization of where I'm comfortable and happy and fulfilled in life, is what has enabled me to mature a bit.

Ironically, I was recently told that I "live in the moment" too much - I suppose everyone is entitled to their own perspective, and that phrase can actually be interpreted both positively and negatively, but overall I feel I live my life fairly broadly. For the moments at hand, the future and the past.

I'm looking forward to seeing what life is going to throw at me next - hopefully some good stuff. Here's a book I'm going to start reading today..

Love, Sex, Money. Maybe I should rephrase that: Love, Sex, Greed. The terms "money", "greed" and "power" are all a bit interchangeable, at least in this world (the world that I personally experience) they are. No matter who you are or where you live, at some point in your life, you experience the effects of love, sex and money/greed/power. Sometimes separately and sometimes all at once. All depends on what stage/phase of life your in.

Lately I've had a ton to deal with emotionally in virtually every area of my life. It's been a bit overwhelming. Luckily I'm a strong girl and have been fortunate enough to have some very special people enter my life who have helped me more than they could ever realize. However I'm not superwoman. I think that people get the impression that I'm stronger and smarter than I actually am. Inside, I'll admit, that I am scared to death, and truthfully I don't know what keeps me going - I guess I feel like I have to always go on because that's why we're here on earth, to make mistakes and learn from them.

I'll tell you one thing about Los Angeles - it's full of unjustifiably large egos. Some of the people with the egos have made more money than they probably deserve, while other giant egos are just dirt poor. It's almost comical.

Since moving out here, I've found myself in some situations that I would not have EVER imagined that I'd ever be in. The only way I'd ever tell the world about these situations would be in a work of fiction - mainly because I don't think anyone would ever believe me anyways. I guess the situations themselves don't even really matter, it's just how you deal with them and learn from them.

All in all, I wouldn't trade any of these experiences I've had throughout my life for anything, mainly because I wouldn't be who I am without them. I'm glad to have the gift of being able to see life from multiple perspectives/angles - because I've found that many people, some very successful, and some not, can not see as I do, and it's sad.

I don't know exactly what will come of this crazy California experience. I don't know what exactly I want, or exactly where I want my life to go, but what I do know is that out of the 3 (love, sex, money), love is the best thing to settle on.

Since moving out here, I've come to learn that some people will do ANYTHING to hinder your success if they've already deemed themselves a failure (or if they lost their dreams). I've had business relationships with people who have essentially steal from me, I've had people with everything material you could ever desire feel the need to tear me down needlessly for their own warped amusement, and I've had people who I've helped, turn around and stab me in the back out of insecurity.

Ugh - the past few months have been exhausting. I still have my personal goals that I'm going to continue to work towards achieving and though life is a bit rough right now, maybe it'll get better soon. I'll just maintain my faith and continue to work hard.

One lesson that I'm finally getting a grasp on, not just due to age but also to do my move from Florida to California is that not matter how hard you may try, you simply can't please everyone and you definitely can't project your will or views on anyone who's not receptive to them.
Sometimes I feel as though I'm being so rapidly bombarded with new situations that I'm almost desensitized to it, but then again - maybe not because like most people, sometimes I just gotta "break down" and allow my emotions to flow out - just usually by myself or with someone I trust - I'm lucky to have a few people in my life that I can truly trust.
On the positive side of this stage of my life - though it's difficult - I'm really learning to not only know myself, my limits, what I can take and what I can't accept, but I'm also learning how to more quickly asses and deal with the most unusual of circumstances.
Here's a video/song that illustrates a bit what I just wrote.

You never know what to expect day to day in La La land - that's the one certain thing about L.A.
Today I had a chance to meet with www.DTwrestling.com - definitely not what I'd anticipated but a very good work opportunity for sure. The director/camera man was awesome. Hopefully I'll get to work with them a bit in the future.
Thank you to everyone who's been getting cam shows regularly from me and to all my new cam show peeps :) I'll be online most of the weekend so if you've been missing your "Monica fix" now's the time to toke up :)

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One thing working in the adult entertainment industry has taught me, is that I'm a very valuable person. Everyone is a valuable person, but sometimes when your worth is shown to you in actual dollars and cents, it's easier to realize.

When I was younger, I went through a phase of low self esteem and self worth, which made me very prone to entering abusive relationships. I went through my fair share of such relationships, but fortunately I realized what was going on before it ever got to be "too late" and I left those relationships. None of my abusive relationships were ever physical (well one was but when the man tried to hit me I knocked the shit out of him - I'm pretty tough), they were psychologically/verbally abusive which can be just as bad.

Currently I know a few women in abusive relationships - 1 a family member, and 2 are friends. My nature is to want to "save" people, so believe me, I've tried my best to show these women what's happening from my perspective, but of course, none of these women want to listen. It's sad, pathetic, but it's their choice - however I've decided not to be a "shoulder to cry on" or a "support system", because what I've found is that some women thrive on the negativity that their abuser creates in their life - it's an attention thing and I want no part of such a disfunctional mindset.

Men who are or try to be psychologically abusive or dominant in an unhealthy way are very weak and insecure in my eyes. I recently realized that someone I thought I could trust out here in Los Angeles is attempting to be a little mentally abusive with me - so I've decided to distance myself from this person. Whether this dude is doing so concously or unconciously, all I have to say is this:

If you're intimate with a woman and by all definitions date her, but can't/won't call her your "girlfriend" to your friends and/or family after several months and don't bring her into your social circle/life, and only want to see her when it's conveiniant to you - then you are a selfish, self serving and just overall bad man. It shows that it's "OK" to you to treat her like she's not "good enough", an activity, a hobby or a toy - and that's a form of abuse. If you want to treat a woman as I've just described, then you should hire an escort - at least that way the woman is compensated monetarily for your shitty behavior and the terms of the relationship are clear.

Regardless of how strong a woman, or man may seem - that individual still has emotions and deserves to have their emotions and feelings respected.

Yesterday was a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGG day. The night before I didn't get much sleep due to some personal/family matters, but I managed to get just enough to function as I had a B/G scene booked. The studio I worked with was Reality Kings - I like this company. They were the 2nd studio I ever worked with (in an adult entertainment capacity) and they're very professional and cool.
The scene I shot was a parody of a scene from the movie "SuperBad" - looks like between this and "Flava of Lust" I'm the parody porn queen :) Though the setup for the scene took a while to shoot, the entire crew was a ton of fun and I had a blast.
I had to drive home like a mad woman though in order to change and make it to the premier of "Pirates 2". I wound up getting there a bit late and didn't get to have my photo taken on the red carpet but that was ok. I walked down it anyways. That event was like a circus - I saw people like I've never seen before. I didn't really know anyone there and after socializing a bit decided I was way too sleepy to sit through an entire movie, so after seeing people and hopefully being seen I made my way back to my car, back into Hollywood, and back into my super soft bed to go to sleep.
Today I hope to just relax and have some fun. I had a great week, but I'm exhausted.

Whew, what a day - I'm sooooo tired, but I figured that since I had such a good day, I should write a blog about it before going to bed.
Today I had an adult vid booking with a studio called Black Ice for an upcoming DVD called Milf Chocolate 3. Once again I gotta say that I LOVE the vibe that's on the majority of the porn sets - chill, laid back, easy going and enjoyable. Everyone from the director, to the camera man to the male talent I worked with today was great. Once again I've fallen in love with another makeup artist - I'd have to say by far that this beautiful and cool young woman, Kristy, is the BEST makeup artist I've EVER worked with! Along with making me look fantastic she turned me on to that new HBO series "true blood". Check out the show's site: http://www.hbo.com/trueblood/
Here's a pic of the me, the makeup job and the super-artist Kristy - weird angle, looks like I have a double chin (normally I don't - lol).

The shoot took a little extra time, but it went very well. After a long day of adult video work nothing hits the spot like a Jack In the Box combo. Today I had a bacon onion burger and curly fries. Yum.
Since I'm going to be hitting the red carpet at that Digital Playground Pirates 2 premiere tomorrow I figured I'd better get a nice dress to wear, so I hit the mall with my good friend Sophie (you probably know her as Sophie Perez from Teen Idol 5). First we tried BCBG - nice clothes but WAY overpriced. Also not quite flashy enough for me.
I wound up finding a really sexy, yet classy cream colored sheeth in a store called BlackJack. I gotta go back and get an Ed Hardy sweater dress from there later next week.
Well I'm beat, so g'nite peeps.

Well, it's Wednesday, this middle of the week. I swear - the time FLIES out here in Los Angeles - I feel as if time moves about 3 times faster out here than it does in back in Florida.

Earlier this week I decided to take a new photo set for my casting photos - below is one of my favorites (so far I've gotten some great props on them):



This Saturday I get to do something fun - the premier of the sequal to Digital Playground's movie "Pirates" is coming up and I get to go - that will be my first official movie premier that I get to attend. I feel like a real Californian now :)

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