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It takes a lot to really push me over the edge, but this morning when checking my "Monica mail" I decided that enough was enough in regards to a certain psychotic "fan" aka "email stalker" who's decided to fixate on me.

This idiot who likes to call himself "Darius Rucker" via his email name (and I'm certain that it's not the dude from Hootie and the blowfish), at least once every few weeks likes to read my blog and then send me insulting emails as to what a loser/screw up/fuck up I am. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I've decided to start posting this idiot's emails to me along with the person's email address so that you, the reader can respond personally to what HE (or possibly SHE) thinks about me.


What is the topic? Fan Mail
What is your email? overheight1@yahoo.com
What is your name?
What is your message? Initially when I came into the business I wanted to be a contract girl for a studio like Vivid, Wicked, Digital Playground or Adam and Eve - well the only reason that didn't happen is because of 1 thing (and it's not my age, or my looks or my fucking and sucking ability): I'm a dark skinned black girl.

"They won't let me in because I'm black"
"I really want Tracy Bingham's role in Baywatch"

Monica,I've been an entrprenuer. So are you. If there is money to be made doing something, it could be having monkey jumping out of your ass, someone will find a way to do it and sell it. It's called simple demand side economics.
you're just fucked up dear. Sadly, you may be talented in other areas. But you are truly a fuck up. but your thoughts are interesting to follow.
I await your latest diatribe.

As an update to this posting, for those of u out there who aren't aware, there's such a thing as an "IP address" lookup - it's a really cool thing to do on the internet when you want to figure out who is sending you junkmail, stalker mail, psychotic cracked out email - etc.

As I initially suspected, the weirdo who sent me the above email, and many others in the past (and who ironically in a previous email stated that they wouldn't contact me anymore even though apparently they still ARE considering that the above posting is from this morning) is someone who I've had verbal contact with.

The IP address lookup pointed me to the Baltimore, MD location which again narrows down my list of suspects (Yes, I'm a good detective - tech savvy baby - BBS days). Now upon checking my email again later tonight, I received yet ANOTHER psychotic email from this fool which I may post if they continue - mainly so that there's a record of this person in case anything weird happens to me.

All in all, this person and people in general who actually take the time to write negatively to someone they don't know are pathetic. Not only am I mis-quoted by this person, but I'm also overly fixated upon. Scary. This person I think may even have problems reading and comprehending things properly (which is even more sad) because points they made about my bio didn't even make sense - in the latest email the person wrote something about me being a psychologist - um, I don't even have a degree and I admit to be a drop out. Ridiculous. Oh well, when u have "haters" at least you know you're doing well. I'll write about my shoot I did today tomorrow. It rocked!

If you'd like to see who I worked with just click here for Mahlia Millian. Very pretty and nice young lady.

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Today was a busy, productive and unexpected day. A couple days ago I called Caveman, star of "Flava of Lust" (the last XXX porn title that I'm featured in) to let him know that the title is in the stores - since I hadn't seen him in a while we decided to meet up today to discuss some ideas I have for his self marketing plan (so of course I brought my video camera).

We wound up having a cool afternoon - grabbed some lunch and then hit Caveman's lab aka music studio so that I could check out his tracks, freestylin and to record a quick "Monica Foster eXclusive" interview.

I'm not done editing the entire interview but here's something I threw together for those of you who just can't get enough of my world :)

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Well it's Wednesday and my week's gotten off to a great start. All my bills are paid, and my creative juices are flowing overtime. Today I need to edit the photos from the last pictorial of myself that I shot. I'll post a sample pic on this blog entry later - I'm getting damn good with lighting :)
Today I'm planning on re-shooting and editing the intro video for my website. I'm excited to get some feedback as to some of the changes I'm making to my website.

Wow, I thought Miami was a city full of hustlers - wrong. The amount of scammers in Miami is not at all CLOSE to how many low-life , yet surprisingly sophisticated hustlers there are out here in the Hollywood/Los Angeles area - it's absolutely amazing. Here, you have to be VERY careful (of which I am) about who you share ANY ideas with, because a lot of people are DESPERATE to do ANYTHING or step on ANYONE to make it.
I'm really grateful for the fans that I've earned along this "Monica Foster" journey. Why? Well, mainly because they know what I'm really about and the real me. Lately I've had a flood of interest and new fans due to my xxx porn video releases, which is great, but what I find so odd is that many of them really can't believe that it really has been me who's taken some of my own best photos (via my interval timer attached to my camera) and me who's maintained my website.
I guess it's just hard to believe that someone really can be attractive and have a bit of a brain.
Yesterday was very productive. Did some cam shows, cleaned my bathroom, worked on my website, bathed my dog, then did some more cam shows.
Tomorrow here's what's on the "To Do" list: stop by my agency to pick up my pay check, stop by the bank , grocery shop, buy a vacuum cleaner, do cam shows, work on my website more, re-shoot and edit the video intro for my website, re-work the layout for the front page of my site.

Later in the week I will FINALLY be able to upload the new media to Club Monica.

I can't believe we're already entering September - I'm glad though because I love the fall, and the great thing about California opposed to Florida is that you actually experience some "seasons". I can already feel the weather getting cooler and I'm hoping that by November I can bust out my leather pants :)

I haven't met that many people in the area just yet, but it AMAZES me as to how many people feel the need to over-exagerate how successful they are and just out-right lie about what their intentions are. I'm definitely grateful that I've made the few legit friends that I have, because I'm going to be very selective in creating any additional friendships at this point.

One thing I love about the area of California I live in though, is how many women wear DRESSES in their everyday lives. I've always been more of a pants/shorts type of girl, but as of late - I've been tapping a bit more into my femininity and have been busting out with the dresses :) It's a nice change.

Today I took some time to really reflect on my work as an adult entertainer, adult video star and porn star - some people may say those 3 terms are interchangable but from my perspective, they are not at all.

This September www.GettingIntoPorn.com and www.GettingOutofPorn.com will be launched and I'm very excited about it. I feel capable of launching both sites because well, even though I only have about 22 scenes under my belt I successfully "got into porn" and though I'm not officially "retired" any other porn videos I star in most likely will be videos that I direct, shoot and produce under my own company. I don't feel like making anyone else any more money.

One thing that I want the 2 sites to really do though, is to educate the public about what it really takes to survive in the porn world - psychologically and physically. It amazes me as to how infatuated the world is with the adult and porn biz, but how it's so condemned. Well, I take that back, I'm not "amazed" by this - I just think it's funny to hear a man say how much he LOVES Jenna Jameson or Heather Hunter but then in the same breath how "horrible and dangerous" it is to do porn due to it being "unprotected sex". Oh, and most likely that SAME guy will call up an escort agency and fuck the escort with a condom but require "un-covered" head, because it's not "that un-safe".

Oh how the high and mighty continue to fall.

Well it's the end of yet another lovely Califonia week. This week wasn't overly productive being that I was ill, but it's ok, I'll just work extra hard this weekend on some things I need to get done.
Read in the news this morning that McCains running mate will be the Alaskan governor, that's interesting considering that she's a woman - I suppose he figured he had to add some flavor of some sort to his campaign considering how dry and vanilla McCain already is. This will be a very interesting election.

Thank goodness for antibiotics. Today is the first day since about last Thursday or Friday that I feel back to "normal". I don't know where that cold/flu came from or why it chose me to attack but the antibiotics have (at least from what I can tell) pretty much defeated it. Yea!!!
Today/tonight I'm probably going to a shoot another new pictorial for my website. Maybe oneday I'll actually get these pictorials uploaded.
I've been approached recently with a business proposal which would most likely give me the type of adult industry career that I've been wanting, but would require me to relinquish control of my "image" (as in how I wear my hair, my wardrobe on set, how I'm marketed, etc) - well that's all fine with me because I'm exhausted from doing everything myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of what I've built in regards to "Monica Foster", which isn't that much, but I'm ready to turn Monica over the some "experts".
I may try to do my show on camz tonight as well.
Just as I love the "fan mail" I get through my site, I also find the hate mail equally entertaining. Here's a hatemail I received this afternoon:
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wow!! Are you overfull of yourself!!
Geeeezz!! Monica, I've been following you since the spring. I was even a
member of your site for 2 mos or so.
You are attractive. Yes!! Smokin?? Umm, I don't so. Nice body. Smokin????
ummmmmm I don't think so. You are really full of yourself. Too much so!!
You get treated like you are because of the business you are in dear. It
ain't hard to figure out. You say that you aren't whorin around.
You're having sex for money!! What do you call that?? Look, I don't give
a fuck if you're selling pussy in church. Doesn't bother me. I state
this only as an observation.

You've obviously made some mistakes in your life. That's cool. Who
hasn't?? And you're still young. But you should study those and be
moving to make right decisions. You have absolutely no chance of making the
transition to mainstream movies. NONE!! I've seen your movies. Look Good??
yes. Act?? Absolutely fucking terrible. Laughable!! Monica, nobody can
argue that you are a dumb bunny. But you have a pattern of making horrendous
decisions. And as long as you refuse to recognize that, those decisions will
continue. Get off the "attractive or hot" deal and USE YOUR FUCKING
MIND! Leave the other shit for lagniappe.
Good Luck
----------------------
For someone who is so passionate about what a horrible performer I am and who's so on top of the bad decisions they perceive me as have making, they certainly aren't too confident, because of course, it was sent ANONYMOUSLY.

Look, if you're going to diss me, at least sign the email with your full name. Be proud of your opinions on me if you care to share them - otherwise it just makes you yet another coward. This email doesn't even make sense, because if I'm a girl who's so misguided how in the world do I manage to maintain my website, cam shows, av career, photography biz, website biz and overall life?

It's easy to go off on someone that you THINK you know, anonymously or not, but really a person has NO right to do so unless they're putting themselves out there publicly in the same capacity. I've taken a risk in life and I can accept the criticism that comes along with it, but I'm not made of stone - I deal with it but it DOES hurt on a certain level, so whoever sent me this shit is in the wrong. I'd actually like to take a good long look at the person and life of the person who sent this.

ANyways who cares, maybe I am full of myself - I gotta be - and if I'm not so hot, why else would anyone bother viewing my website :)

I've finally come to terms with the fact that very few if any people will agree with the lifestyle I lead, and that's cool, because the only people the really matter to me are my family a few friends and myself. Afterall, myself is all I really have anyways.

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Last week was hectic but worth it. I think I ran myself so ragged that I didn't eat enough so unfortunately I suffered healthwise over the weekend - caught the cold from hell. I haven't had a cold like that in YEARS. It's just about over now, but I'll tell you what, when you're sick you REALLY realize who truly cares about your health and well being and who doesn't...
Friday night I was called in to do an interview for the show "Color Blind" on Rude TV (www.rudetv.com). It was a ton of fun, the host and co-host of the show (Powder and Maya Masaon) were really nice. We got into a fairly deep convo about the lack of ethnic "contract girls" in the biz and the racial stigmas which are still very present in the adult biz. The interview was great, when I find it online I'll post it to my blog, unfortunately due to the my seasonal cold settling in I sounded very nasal.
Sunday I just relaxed and started to feel a little better.
Today's monday and I feel even more back to normal but not quite. I might try to get a prescription for some antibiotics just to knock the rest of this sickness out of my system but we'll see. Since I was busy over the weekend, Monday (today) is chore day and I started it off by answering some fan mail. I love my fans and since my adult DVD's have come out, I have even more - however every once in a while I get assholes who try to email me who then act surprised when I tell them to go to hell. Here's an example:
------
What a knockout you are. We have never met before butfor some reason we might have a mutual friend in the strip club business inMiami. I think their intention was to maybe hook us up to meet. Never seeing apicture of you until today...needless to say opportunity lost !!Back to business. You should contact my dear friend friend ***.com he might be very useful to you in one of your newventures. Besides glamour he shooting a lot of adult content.I will be in LA end of September to visit him.Good luck and if you would like me to call him on your behalf it would be mypleasure.Gary
------
I get a lot of these emails - either someone from my past or some dude who knew of me but didn't think I was someone they'd want to date will suddenly see my site or dvd's or whatever and figure they'd try to "do me a favor" now or reconnect in some way. Wrong. I replied to this guy that I don't need anyone to call anyone on my behalf and that I'm not interested. Here's what the douche bag wrote back:
-------
Hi Monica...never claimed to know you. My friend Alex was the manager at the club next to Treasure Island in Hialeah..it is now A Booby Trap, don't remember the old name (Mirage ?). He probably wanted me to meet you....that does not mean you ever knew about it !! Not everybody has an angle !! If I wanted to meet you all I would really have to do is hire you.
--------
Um, no. First off I doubt this guy runs a studio so how would he "hire me" unless he's inferring that I escort, which he probably was, and since I don't he's even more of an ass in my eyes.

Though there are many downfalls to having chosen the career and lifestyle which I have, it's also very rewarding. What people don't realize is that by having worked within the adult field and by putting out my "look" and "image" as a "sex symbol" of sorts, I'm changing the standard of beauty for african american women. It used to be that an african american woman, especially one with a dark complexion such as mine, wouldn't EVER be cast in high end adult videos. Well, I feel like I'm opening a few damned doors and changing the face of what and attractive black woman can be.

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Today was a very productive and "decisive" day. Woke up early, edited my newest self portraiture photo set which I sent to my agency as my new casting photos - this is actually the first photo set that I've taken in my new California pad - here's one of my favorites:

Though I really want to give mainstream acting a shot, I've decided that doing the independent film that I mentioned in previous posts isn't the way to go - mainly because I didn't feel the right "chemistry" with my co-stars and film crew. I know that may sound a bit "out there" but trust me, it's better not to do something when you don't feel right about it.
I had an unexpected visitor this afternoon (a film student who I recently met) who I've decided to start a new project with, which will have the working title "American Madame" -I'll keep you all posted on that project :)
I've decided to take down that post from a couple days ago, which detailed my bad experience with a reality show - mainly because negativity gets you no where.
Hopefully I'll go out this weekend, I really feel the need to socialize. I'm glad I've made a couple really cool friends out here in California, but with 1 "friend" in particular, I'm not sure where I stand, I'm going to have to just be patient, sit back and relax to find out.

Well it's another day. I feel a little less depressed than I did last night - woke up - had some wine and a couple cigs - breakfast of champions.
The apartment maintanance people repairing the water lines in my bathroom hopefully are about half way done. I want to do my cam shows today so they need to hurry the fuck up and get the fuck out.
I'm thinking about going to AIM to retest today as I've come to the conclusion that all I can really do now and be halfway successful at is adult video - like it or not. I think I need to just embrace that I've made certain choices in life and live up to being the best "Monica Foster" I can be. Gave my agent a shout, hopefully he'll find me some work.
Still doing that independent film, but there's SO much drama in-circling that project that I'm thinking that I might not want to bother.

I've recently been cast in an independent film which is a bit of a crime drama. I can't say too much about it yet, but as I can reveal more details as to what the project is about and it's progression, I will post them. I'm very excited about this film because it will be my first widely distributed "mainstream" movie role. Go me :)
Today I met a really interesting fairly established actor. It's interesting to really sit and talk to someone who's in such a personally creative field. Gave me another perspective as to what it takes to really make it in entertainment.
I'm finally going to send over my new casting photos to my agency tomorrow. As most of you guys who read my blog know, I'm only going to be taking a very select few AV bookings, so enjoy me while you can. Most likely January of '09 Monica Foster will not be working in AV anymore.
Tonight I had a chance to check out that Sasha Grey interview with Tyra Banks. I feel like that show threw the girl under the bus. Sasha Grey is a much more hardcore and established "porn star" than I am (she's also WAY younger), but I can relate to where she is in her life and I think the Tyra show was just trying to gain ratings as being a "show for moral america". Recently I referred Elli and Desi Foxx to the show, but now I'm thinking that I shouldn't have considering how aggressively against porn Tyra Banks IRONICALLY is.
I'm back to regularly doing my webcam shows. It's been a lot of fun and don't forget to check out my weekly free show for all the CAMZ network members.
I am sooo sore - I've been working out at the gym relatively heavily. I love the results but I hate the muscle strain as the muscle is rebuilding.
Oh and talk about pain, my guitar progress is really coming along but DAMN do my fingers HURT.
Starting next week this blog will be going 80% video and 20% text. Why? Because I feel like doing that. Ta ta for now boys and girlz.

Not too much is new in my world. This week I read for an upcoming independent film, the next reading of the script is this weekend so I'm looking forward to that - amazingly this is for a mainstream film which may be picked up via a cable channel.
Thanks again to all my fans, friends, and random cam show viewers who continue to get shows from me - you guys keep the dream alive!
I've been getting a lot better on my guitar - playing a musical instrument really alters your perspective of the world.
Today I'm on the quest for double sided adhesive backing to hang up some decorative IKEA mirrors I brought here from FL. Off to Target I go.

Well, it's been an interesting past few days. I worked for Naughty America again earlier this week. I'll say it once again, they are now my favorite AV company to work with. Very professional, nice, and easy going group of people. This was my first B/G/G scene and may just be my only - don't wanna oversaturate the market now :) I had a god time doing it but will most likely not be doing many other adult scenes unless it's content developed under my own name/company.
In other news, my business cards still haven't arrived - for my freelance photography and web design. Gonna have to call the company I ordered them from tomorrow - it's amazing how the things you need most, always take the most patience.
I had a great weekend - just really relaxed. One thing I'll mention for other's out there who have moved or are moving to Hollywood, CA - MAKE SURE you get to know people in the "Valley" because living in urban Southern California is an incredibly FAST PACED and loud enviroment. Getting out to the valley and the suburbs get's you back to you (slows you down a bit).
Just a tip.

Sometimes you really just do things in life for the money. I hate being in that "mode" of thinking, but when you're single and can only depend really on yourself, sometimes being in that mode of thinking has strictly to do with self preservation and overall survival.
I'm really enjoying playing my new guitar - it's very relaxing and it forces your mind to work in a different way.

I'm an official "Californian" now - I've survived my first "earthquake. Yep - a 5'8" hit the LA area yesterday - luckily I didn't feel much of anything. Living in Hollywood is crazy enough - last thing I need is for the ground to open up and swallow me :) Though the event was rather "uneventful" for me, it did prompt me to get my "earthquake kit" together in case something crazy DOES happen (bottled water, un-perishable food, flashlight, etc).
One of the best things that I've done for myself since moving here has been to join a gym and hire a personal trainer. I see SUCH A FUCKING DIFFERENCE in my body - it's incredible. Everyone should hire a trainer at some point in their life (unless they're a trainer themselves), because they really teach you how to work out properly for your body type. Today I had the chance to learn a little MMA - if someone messes with me now they better watch out :)
My apartment is finally starting to feel like "home" and it's nice.Funny how it can really take a few weeks to get "settled" into a new enviroment.
Well I'm back to doing my reg cam shows, and this weekend will probably be doing some video editing in a major way. Next week I'll start up RED T-Back again - hopefully with some cool guests.
Still waiting on my new business cards that I ordered to arrive - I'd better all the company... I really want to do a lot more web design and photography while I'm living out here. I'm in the process of "pimpin out" a friend of mine's page in exchange for guitar lessons. That's been fun.

Well, I googled my guise "Monica Foster" recently and found something that initially made me angry, later sad, but now just disappointed that the world is still full of people who think as the assholes who post on this forum do:

http://www.asiafinest.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=149068&st=160

This discussion's topic is about "black women in the media who are deemed as cute" by these member's of "Asia's Finest" (somehow I doubt most of these members of the forum are even asian).

If you read that page, you'll find where one forum member, linked to one of my photos and said he thought I was cute. Well keep reading because apparently not only did others disagree with him but they WENT on to say that I am "ape like" and "cross eyed" and "look like a transsexual".

"cross eyed" - I'll let that one go because sometimes my focus is a little off center and having very almond shaped eyes can give this illusion too (You'd think that "asia's finest" would know this being that MANY asian people at first glance in photos look crosseyed even when they are not).

"ape like" - Fuck you Asia's Finest forum posters. I do not look anything like an ape. I'd like to see what you jerk offs look like.

"transsexual" - well that's just stupid. If you want to see whether I'm a real woman or not just check out one of my porn videos.

This forum just goes to show WHY the world is difficult for black women in ANY industry - because you have people running around who think of black women in such negative terms on a consistant basis. Sick.

Ok, I have a new favorite porn studio - Naughty America. I think Naughty America will wind up being the Playboy Enterprise for the new generation of porn viewers. Yes, they plug and promote themselves, but they ALSO plug and promote the external projects of the women they feature. Love it.

Check out this article that their writers over on thenaughtyamerican.com wrote on me after my live webcam show with their studio for the site live.naughtyamerica.com:

http://www.thenaughtyamerican.com/index.php/articles/art_page/2266/ex_stripper_gives_back_to_the_community

Very well written article. My only criticism is that they didn't put an actual link to www.REDTback.com but oh well - at least there's a link to my official site www.monicaf.com :)

Moving to California has been full of pros and cons. The pros being a more active lifestyle (I walk more places, eat healthier, joined a gym), have met some really cool creative people and have much more work opportunity especially when it comes to freelance photography. The cons however are starting to take their toll - it's very expensive to live here and lots of NON-creative leacherous people are out to take advantage of you at EVERY FUCKING TURN.
I really wanted to try to do well, at least for a while, in the adult video world. However today was the last straw when it comes to the agency I switched too. Is it really so hard to give your client all the details of a shoot that you're sending them to? Apparently it is which is why I've lost faith in allowing other people to have a part in helping to develop ANYTHING I try to do in life professionally.
Today I did a live webcam show with a company called Naughty Amercia. The pay sucked BUT at least I got to plug my website and self promote which is something that you really can't put a price on. The people who I worked with were really cool and the atmosphere was chill. I'd like to work with them again in one of their series, but in all honesty, I don't think I have the right "look" for them.
Come to think of it, I don't seem to have the right "look" for anyone on camera wise. It's kind of depressing but being that I'm almost 30 years old now, I really don't care anymore which is why I'm going to make sure my photography business really pans out by the end of this year, even if it kills me.
Fucking stress, this is why I can't quit smoking.

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Almost done getting everything in my apartment as it should be before I really go full force with my webcam shows. I made my final trip to IKEA for quite a while today to pick up a chest of drawers of which I'm about to assemble after I'm done with this blog.
One of my MonicaF.com members emailed me today about another porn DVD I'm featured in: "Black Bottom Girls 5" - by Vouyer Media. I look great in the preview - which can be seen here: http://press.vouyermedia.com - however I'm not very excited about this particular DVD release and I'm very disappointed in this studio.
Why? Well prior to me shooting my scene in this video with Jack Napier, both I AND my agents were told that if I did the scene I would be on the BOXCOVER. Obviously I am not. In fact, the boxcover shoot never happened - it was canceled not once but TWICE, and on top of that I was never given a "kill fee" for the canceled shoots. My agency didn't even KNOW the shoot was canceled the second time because the studio head canceled it via TEXT MESSAGE to my CELL PHONE. Oh yes - oh so professional...
I find this business practice of making a false promise to a performer and her agency in order to get a performer to do a scene VERY un-ethical (even though it is in "porn world") and it surprises me that the head of Vouyer Media, an ex-performer himself, would see this as an "OK" thing to do to a current performer. Turns out it's not the first time this particular studio head has done this either, as I've heard through word of mouth that he used this same ploy to get another performer (who shall remain nameless) to do her first anal scene with his studio.
This situation COULD still be rectified by this studio, and I hope it will be. Next time I talk to my agency I think I'll ask about it.
In other news, I joined a gym today! I'll be living here in Cali for at least a year so I might as well get in the best shape of my life. I mainly just want to tone up and gain some stamina.
I still can't get over all of these feminine yet straight Los Angeles men - so until I can wrap my mind around it (and I doubt I'll ever be able to) I've come up with a new way to classify them: I see this group of men as a "3rd sex" and I dub them "Menwem".

My definition of a Menwem: An incredibly attractive "model-esqe" type of man who is not homosexual, yet embodies many "feminine" qualities. A step beyond the typical metrosexual. They occasionally will date women, however women should beware of the Menwem as they will often project unwarranted and unprovoked hostility toward women as they see women as a form of "competition" and often harbor much jealousy towards the pervieved "advantages" in life women have which the Menwem envy.
Most Menwem are essentially "Man-Children" and are often confirmed lifelong bachelors - though they do not engage in homosexual activity they prefer the company of other Menwem to women which is why you will see most Menwem running in packs. Menwem are found in vast numbers in Hollywood, Ca and tend to gravitate towards the arts and entertainment industries. Though the Menwem do find strength in "numbers" within these packs they are easy to break down and defeat if attacked individually.

:) Yes, my mind is warped.

Well my move to Los Angeles is officially complete. My car was delivered yesterday along with the rest of my packed up belongings, so tonight will be spent getting everything unpacked and the rest of my furniture assembled.
Today I contacted Chris Connor, the host of LAST CALL on dqrm today to try to get on the show to give their audience an update as to how I've switched agencies over to Type9models along with some other interesting happenings since deciding to move to Los Angeles. Hopefully he'll have me on soon.
I decided to google my alter-ego "Monica Foster" today and found that my adult dvd's now come up in the search. That's a good thing because having the "porn star" status associated with Monica Foster SHOULD drive more traffic to my official website and cam shows :)
Oh, I almost forgot to add that I shot another AV scene over the weekend - for West Coast Productions. The name of the series the scene will be in is "Office Freaks 3". The director, Bishop, was great on this shoot - I actually had a good amount of loosely dialog for once(which was a little nerve-racking but I got through it). I don't plan on doing many more AV scenes, just a few select projects for studios with good attitudes who actually make good porn.
I really liked working with West Coast from the start a few months ago when I shot for "Booty Talk". Though they produce "black porn", the scenes for the DVD's of theirs I've shot have not been degrading black porn - if anything it's been fairly "high end" - now that's progressive.
One thing I've noticed about Los Angeles, is that there are a hell of a lot of "pretty" yet supposedly straight men. This bothers me a bit. Since when did men start to dote on and groom themselves so much? I've never seen so many men with manicures and incredibly gelled up hair in my life. I think there's a higher percentage of men here in the general populace of LA dolled up than women. It's strange.
I've heard that the the west coast is where many social trends start. I hope this "prettier than the women" trend going on here with men isn't one of those trends. What's even more disturbing is that the prissiness in many "straight" men here doesn't end on the outside...lots of internal "bitchiness" is present within males here too, maybe because many of these pretty boys are failed entertainers and their bitter. Who knows. Regardless, butch it up boys - quick.

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Well sometime later tonight I say goodbye to Florida for good. As long as some of my family resides here, I'm sure I'll visit from time to time - however I will never come back to Florida to live. I've had some good times here and have made some good friends, aquaintances and contacts - however unfortunately my negative experiences in Florida outweigh the positive (and it's not just my perspective), so sticking around here would be a HUGE mistake and wouldn't help me progress in life.
The timing of my move to California I think is good in some ways (better work/employment opportunities, a more positive and creative enviroment, etc), but the move itself is breaking me financially. I didn't factor out how much it would cost gasoline wise until the last minute which was my main mistake - hopefully I will be ok. I've never been good with money - I don't blame myself for my lack of funds for gas though - I blame the idiots who currently are running our government.
Sometimes in life you just KNOW that you need to do a certain task or follow a certain path. This move to California for me is something that I simply KNOW I have to do - WHY I don't entirely know - however I know deep in my core that at this point in my life, it's where I need to be.
It's interesting how when you start to take steps in life to really better yourself, assholes from your past feel the need to resurface in your life (ex's, past friends or even extended family who hasn't really spoken to you in years). I think it's funny. I suppose it's just human nature for the weak to try to latch on to the strong - fortunately I'm strong enough to shake the weaklings off before they get a hold of me :)
The great thing about moving to Cali, is that it's a fresh start. I'm excited to start re-building my photography and graphics business and to explore other opportunities available to me in both mainstream and adult entertainment - both in front of and behind the camera.
The drive and move will be hard and weird but well worth it. I've had to downsize quite a bit. I don't really have that many belongings to begin with, but considering that I'm only moving with what will fit in my car I have had to give away and throw away many items - some items of which I actually had attachment to. It's a little depressing for me, but I guess you can't welcome new things without letting go of old things.

Haven't written in my blog for a while - mainly because I've been solidifying things for my move to Los Angeles. I found an AWSOME apartment and I'm very excited about moving in. I'll probably IKEA it to death.
Figuring out what to bring and what not t bring on my drive to CA from FL is going to be hard. I think I'm going to wind up putting my bed and sofa on craigslist to sell, and everything else can go in storage aside from my clothes, computer stuff and a few other necessities.
What pisses me off about this drive across country is the cost of gas. I hate the gas companies and suppliers right now. they're making it hard on everyone and it's needless. I'd like for these gas company assholes and middle eastern oil well owners to live my life for a month, then maybe they'd come to their senses and stop this rise in gasoline prices.
Anyways the new neighborhood I'll be living in ROCKS! I really lucked out with the location of the apartment that I found.
The great thing about LA is that even though it's a really cool city, there's a ton of nature to get out and about in.
Well I'll post some updates durring my drive across country. I think as long as my GPS works and I can buy gas, the drive will be a lot of fun.

I think I've managed to nearly give away, or throw away everything in my apartment that I don't plan to take with me on my move across country. Still not totally done, but almost there. It's amazing how much "stuff" a person accumulates yet rarely if ever uses.
The past few weeks since I've been back in Florida have been interesting. When you announce that you're going to move, you definitely learn very quickly who your real friends are opposed to who isn't. You also see the true nature as to why certain people may have tried or will continue to try to stay in your life. Sometimes it's for a good and healthy reason, other times it's not. That's life though...
I'm still not sure exactly what area of Cali I want to settle in. I'm sure God will guide me in the right direction.
I'm about done with adult video for now as a performer. I achieved what I wanted to in that world as a performer, and the content that I have "out there" will only feed into increasing the traffic to my website and camshows which is great. Doing adult video/porn opened my eyes to what else is out there for me - in life as a whole.
As soon as I'm settled in Cali, I'm going to enroll in a beauty/makeup artistry program. I feel like that skill will go well with my photography.
I'm looking forward to working with other performers who want to gain more of an internet presence. That will be fun.
Today I bought a GPS for my upcoming travel, move, and who knows what else. I bought an earlier Garmin model. From what I could see it's pretty comparable to the later models - maybe the maps are a little out of date - who knows.
Looking around my apartment right now I'm starting to realize I have WAY too many electronics, computers and gadgets. Guess I'll always be a nerd.

A part of me will really miss Fort Lauderdale after I move to Los Angeles. What I'll miss the most is the night life - you just can't beat the social scene here. Last night me and my friend Amanda went to have some drinks downtown in the Los Olas area, I swear everytime I hang out down there and people watch, I always wind up having a great laugh.





Today I realized that I know more about the adult video biz than I initially thought (even though I still don't really know that much at all). A new friend I made while out in LA gave me a call to ask about the porn video scene down here in FL. I told her what I know and gave her the names of a few contacts I have, but told her that ultimately the real money comes from having your own site and taking control of your own image and creating your own content. This particular girl has been in the biz for approx. 2 years, so she probably has a huge and solid fan base but doesn't even know it. Hopefully she'll let me help her build a website.

That's the thing about this industry - women are the ones who hold the real power, but few realize it. I hope that in this phase of my life, I can open some women's eyes to this fact and help to shift the balance of power of the adult biz from being controlled primarily by men to it being controlled equally by women.

Thanks to a good friend of mine Avi G. - I learned today that I accomplished ALL my goals within my "adult video exploration endeavor" after all. My corny, nerdy, dorky - yet cute ass made it onto the BOXCOVER of one of the first DVD series that I ever shot for. Check it out and BUY IT (I'll set up a way you can buy it from me via my website later this week if you're a loyal Monica Foster fan).

Click here to buy the DVD - I'm the 3rd girl on the right on the cover :)

I guess due to my canceled boxcover shoots with another studio which I initially liked but now can't stand due to their "let me make false promises and string you along as long as possible just because we're idiots on power trips" tactics, I didn't think that I'd ever have a boxcover credit but it LOOKS LIKE I DID AFTER ALL! LOL.
I will be posting this up on my myspace too - yea it's just porn, but hell - I'm feeling really great about this :)
As far as I'm concerned this is another step in the right direction towards a prosperous and solid future - initially I wanted to explore adult video to learn the "behind the scenes process" - of which I have. I'm so looking forward to directing and distributing my own content.
I think this warrants a posting on xxxporntalk come to think of it.
Actually upon finishing this blog and looking at the box cover again I just realized that the boxcover labels all the women in this flick as "cougars" - how the hell am I a "cougar" being only 29 years old?!?!?! Oh well - I'll growl, roar and purr with the best of 'em.

Well it's good to be back in FL and to have a chance to rest and relax, but I'm very excited to be moving out to California towards the end of the month. I've wanted to live in California since I was a little girl and after these past few trips to LA I know that California is definitely the right place for me to be. I'm not planning on doing much more adult video out there though, if any at all - unless it's content I create, direct, edit and distribute myself (and hell, I probably won't even be in it - at least not that much). I had a blast doing a good majority of the few scenes that I was contracted for, and don't regret any of my choices, however the mentality of many individuals in the business towards performers is sickening to me, and I try not to spend time or energy with people or in situations that bring me down.
I think I want my new place in California to be a loft - that would be really cool. I also think I want to live in downtown LA, but I'm still not ruling out the valley. Unfortunately my credit sucks right now - hopefully I won't have a difficult time getting approved - ARG! - there's always an element of stress to EVERYTHING.
The great thing about this move to LA will be the opportunity to get into a lot of outdoorsy activities like hiking and biking. Also there are a lot of paranormal/spiritual locations out west that I'd like to explore.
Once I'm settled I plan on taking a drive up to WA too, to check out Kirkland which is where I was born.
:)

Well I made it back to FL from CA. What a trip - I was in CA for a total of 20 days. The trip started out a little rough but wound up being one of the best work/pleasure trips I've EVER taken.
The end of my CA trip was the best part, but being that the reason is personal in nature (yep, even I have to keep SOME parts of my life to myself), I won't go into it.
I've decided that living in CA at this point in my life is the right thing for me to do - in fact I'll go as far as to say it's what I'm meant to do, so I'm going to work hard over the next few weeks to tie up all of my "lose ends" here in FL and make my journey out to CA permanently by the last week of June. I can't wait.
It's good to be back in FL though, the weather is beautiful today. I realy missed my pets a lot.
The cool thing about traveling and living out of a suticase (or in my case suitcases) is that you learn very quickly EXACTLY what you need and don't need in order to survive, look good and hold it together.
The great thing about CA is the abundance of nature and outdoor activities readily available to participate in. In FL we have the beach, which is great, but I'm coming to find that I'm more of a land sport person, and in CA the topography is AMAZING - hills and mountains everywhere. I took the most beautiful hike while I was in CA into the hills and I feel like that's something I should be doing a few times a week - both for excercise and to recenter my spirit.
Over the next few weeks I need to get my SUV in check, and try to sell off or give away things I can't take with me on my move. It'll be a hassel but I'm up for challenge.
I'm not moving out to California for adult video...I'm moving out to California for what's in store for my life after my adult video performance phase. This last trip out to CA gave me such a clear vision as to exactly where my life is headed - it's just great.
The funny thing about this trip though, is that just how my future options and paths were revealed to me, so were many other things...I saw many people and situations for exactly who and what they are. It didn't make me angry though, I just felt pity.

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Fetish is fun, fetish is hot, and apparently the fetish market loves me because today I did another foot fetish oriented shoot. I'm not complaining - I LOVE the fetish/domme arena and the great thing about fetish shoots is the abundance of sexy shoes and accessories that are often on set. Check out these hot shoes I got to wear during my shoot today!

Today I had the opportunity to work with the really creative director/producer/distributor/all around good guy/and owner of JB Promotions. We did 2 intense yet enjoyable shoe/stocking video sets. This guy has great taste in attire and accessories. My favorite part of the shoot was the interview portion though, he made it flow really well. The studio we shot in was really cool - it was probably one of the most professional and well put together studios I've worked in as of yet - and surprisingly the owner was very modest about it.

Tomorrow I get to work with the lovely Vanessa Blue - so be sure to check back for another update soon!

The funny thing about being in the San Fernando Valley aka "Porn Valley" here in Los Angeles, is that for the most part, while the weather during the day (at least this time of year) is annoyingly consistant, the day to day life - at least as a porn performer - is very inconsistant and unpredictable.
This morning I was scheduled to work with my favorite adult video studio Vouyer Media again to do a box cover shoot, but for some reason the shoot was canceled - hopefully it will be rescheduled before I head back to Florida. In "porn world" being a box cover girl is a fairly big deal, so getting that particular shoot done would be a great thing.
Even though my morning video shoot didn't happen, I still had a busy day because I had a fetish shoot scheduled this afternoon with a company called AMA Content. This shoot consisted of 3 scenes. In the first 2 I got to play "femme domme" type roles and in one I got to use a strap on (my 2nd strap on scene now boys and girls). My male talent, a guy named "Billy" was so cute and fun to work with. The great thing about doing porn is that there's an ENDLESS supply of hot guys of all types. In the 3rd I got to play a big of a submissive role (I got spanked by a hot chick). I'm definitely not a submissive person because though the 3rd scene was fun I'm not down with having a sore ass :( I think in the future I'll stick with being the one to dish out the pain - at least untill I get bored. :P
Though I'm starting to sound like a broken typewriter, I had yet ANOTHER fantastic time on this afternoon's video shoot. The director was great, he recently put together the studio we were working in and the sets looked very authentic. It's so much easier to get into "character" when your surroundings make you feel like the character.
Tonight I pigged out on a double cheese Pizza Hut pizza and a couple ice cold Corona's. Yum.
I've still got to decide what to do at the end of June. I'm thinking my best bet is to just come out here to work for a solid 6 months - I'll sure miss the Florida humidity though because I'm going though lotion like there's no tomorrow out here.
Man I miss my dog Panda. I can't wait to go home.

Another long day...it's about 2am and I need to be awake by about 6:30am, but even though I'm tired, overall I'm feeling really alive and energized after an interesting & productive day.
Today I had a video shoot with a company called "Kick Ass" for a foot fetish oriented series. I saw a few of the photo grabs from the shoot and they look fantastic. The director/producer/owner of the company was a really great guy to work with. He made a very relaxed and humorous atmosphere which is important to maintain fr a shoot like that. The male talent I worked with today was awesome. He uses the name Lee Stone and even though at first glance he's a bit of an intimidating man, he's extremely down to earth, very professional, and has an amazing ability to combine humor and sexuality to make for a great scene. 2 thumbs up to u Mr. Stone.
The coolest part of my shoot today (aside from Mr. Stone's fantastic performance) was the "after scene" convo. It's amazing the topics that are brought up during adult video shoots sometimes, but I found today's particularly interesting because the topic brought up dealt with how the porn industry is probably the only industry in which you can be a total "flake and druggy" and if anything are almost expected to be (especially if you're female), yet still consistantly work - at least for a while. I personally think it's the attitude of mainstream america that perpetuates this mentality in the "adult world" because mainstream america WANTS the adult industry to remain completely disfunctional. What's funny about this attitude though, is that from what I've seen, the most successful performers, studio owners, and people of other functions within the adult entertainment world are generally some of the most healthy, goal oriented and ambitious people that I've ever met.
Later this afternoon 3 of my porn comrads made it back into town from driving clear across the country from South Florida - welcome back to Cali Desi, Elli and Ricci!!!!!
Tonight I had a totally hunger satisfying meal with a good friend of mine who's working on putting out a rap/hip hop album. I decided to offer to create a website for him free of cost in exchange for rights to use some of his tracks in some video projects I've working on. I love service bartering :)
I miss my dog Panda so much. I can't wait to get back to Florida just for her.
Tomorrow in the morning I get to work with Vouyer Media again. As of current they're my favorite studio to work with. From beginning to end it's always a smooth ride.
This trip out to Cali this time around seems to be winding up pretty nicely even though it started off kind of rough. I've learned a lot about myself and have been forced to look at certain flaws within myself that in the past I ignored since entering the porn world. I think I've grown a lot as a person both via inner strength and overall maturity - spiritually as well.

Today was a bit of a long day - but a fun day. It was a day of "go-see's" - in other words I and some other girls (sexy Cassandra Cruz and beautiful Maya Gates) from my agency along with our trusty agent Pete (he's such a young hottie and super sweet), had the opportunity to stop in and say "hi" to various adult video studios in the area and ask them to keep us in mind for future projects. Some people think "go-see's" are pointless but I personally like doing them because it's always interesting to meet the different types of personalities that make up the "porn community".
We hit about 7 or 8 studios today - I was really glad to see so many women in "behind the scenes" executive roles in a few of the studios. Hopefully I'll get to work with some of them.
It amazes me as to how sexy a lot of the male directors are in porn (I suppose it's mostly because many are ex-talent and know how to "work it"). One of my favorite shoots to date that I've done was with a hottie named Michael Stefano - it was a POV. I ran into him today at one of the studios during my go-sees and damn, he's fuckalicious...

Thank you to the readers of my blog for the emails of encouragement. While writing my earlier blog I was a little "depressed" - it's easy for that to happen when you're away from "home".
I think my life is "up in the air" right now, I hate uncertainty. However I'll be finishing up my bookings this week, hopefully a few more will come my way along with the ones I currently have so I can leave with a fatter bank account.
I still want to do "well" in the adult video world. It's just so damn difficult. I guess nothing good comes easily. I have to say a clip of Obama's recent speach in which is substituted for Kennedy @ a graduation kind of lifted my spirits even though it doesn't apply much to the current industry I'm working in. Mainly the part about not being afraid to push for the high paying jobs which can lead to the nice home and monetary stability.

For the first time in a very long time I feel stuck - stuck psychologically at least. I have options as far as what to do with my time/life, but as of current I'm not really crazy about any of them. I'm even more dissatisfied with my surroundings, but I'm clueless as to where to find satisfaction.
I don't think doing the adult video thing is really for me, even though I'd like it to be. If doing adult video was strictly about the "work", it would be perfect. However way too many politics and way too many ass kissers are involved for my taste. There's also way to much gossip and back stabbing (surprisingly not primarily via the women in the biz either).
I guess I thought that doing porn would be more fun - so far my "fun factor" is very low while my "stress factor" is steadily raising.
I'm happy with the work I've had the opportunity to do so far, but I don't see many more projects coming my way anytime soon that will be of the same or better quality.
I anticipated on making a bit more money so far than I have, so that's a little disappointing as well. One of the main reasons I got into this was to improve my life financially in a major way. My lack of bookings sure isn't improving much of anything.
Maybe I'm just impatient, or jumping the gun, but I don't think that I have the potential of doing as well in "porn-world" as I thought. I can still build on what I've done, and more importantly what I've learned out here, but I have to figure something else out to do with myself. I just don't know exactly what.
I suppose the few videos I've done will draw more traffic to my websites, camshows and other projects, which is a good thing. In a few months I'll be able to (hopefully) reopen my photography studio again and start shooting more glamour/adult oriented work, so I'm sure being associated with porn may help with that.
Unfortunately though, now that I've done porn, my options in "mainstream life" are substantially limited, I hate to admit it, but they are. My dating pool is limited probably even more so. I'll probably never have a family and my relationships with my family members are just about completely severed. Even worse, my potential to attract stalkers and people who want to be around me for totally the wrong reasons has probably gone up, so I have to be aware of that.
I feel more isolated in life than before, that's for sure. Maybe when I get back to Florida, I'll feel better, but out here in LA, it seems like NO ONE socializes - especially with people in adult. Boring Boring Boring. I've met a couple cool people to pass some time with, but the scene is not close to what I'm used too.
I don't see how my life even turned in this direction. Why couldn't I have been like other women my age and settled down with a decent guy and have a couple kids. Am I really this dis-functional?
I don't regret any of the choices I've made, even though I complain. I just wish at times that my choices were viewed differently and that the outcomes of my choices would have worked out differently. Maybe I was just born in the wrong reality - oops, too much sci-fi on that comment.
Now that I've written this I realize that I'm not "Stuck" - just unsure. I can see now why so many people live a "cookie cutter"/"do as your told" life - not having to think is bliss, where as having to think is hell.

It's been a stressful week, but a productive one. Today's Saturday, a memorial day weekend Saturday to be exact, in LA and I have nothing to do. Boredom to the max.....

Last night my radio interview with SportsSwami was broadcasted - check it out here: http://www.dqrm.com/shows/shots-20.mp3

The girl I was sharing a hotel room with, Eli, went home today - I'm glad for her, she had a good few weeks of solid work while she was out here and she was ready to leave, even though she's returning soon. I on the other hand, have had a moderate amount of work, and would like a lot more before I make my way back to Florida.
It's a holiday weekend so not much is happening industry wise, however not much appears to be happening socially either, which isn't too much fun for a single female out of towner.
A girl I met from the "Pornstar Karaoke" the other night, invited me to a party in the Hollywood Hills with her tonight. I'll be meeting her there so all in all the social situation will be a little akward - I hate going places where I don't know anyone - anxiety central. However I need to get out and meet people if I'm going to be working out here frequently so I'm going to buck up and just go.
California is a lot different from Florida socially - in Florida there's ALWAYS something going on so it's easy to meet people. Here, even though it's a transient area like Florida, it's a lot QUIETER. Venues close early, people stay in their homes, there don't seem to be huge entertainment megaplexes like in South Florida. I'm not sure how people go about meeting others here. It's lonely for someone like myself.
When I first arrived here I was staying in North Hills. Today since my "roommate" left town I decided to switch hotels to one a bit more central to where all the studios are here in The Valley.
I figure why stay where I will have nothing but long commutes.
The weather has dramatically changed here since I arrived last week. The first few days I was here it was very hot. Now it's cool and rainy. Still WAY to dry though for my taste.
Well I guess I'll take a nap, then do some cam shows and then go out and try to socialize a bit. Hopefully I'll have some fun tonight.