Haven't written in my blog for a while - mainly because I've been solidifying things for my move to Los Angeles. I found an AWSOME apartment and I'm very excited about moving in. I'll probably IKEA it to death.
Figuring out what to bring and what not t bring on my drive to CA from FL is going to be hard. I think I'm going to wind up putting my bed and sofa on craigslist to sell, and everything else can go in storage aside from my clothes, computer stuff and a few other necessities.
What pisses me off about this drive across country is the cost of gas. I hate the gas companies and suppliers right now. they're making it hard on everyone and it's needless. I'd like for these gas company assholes and middle eastern oil well owners to live my life for a month, then maybe they'd come to their senses and stop this rise in gasoline prices.
Anyways the new neighborhood I'll be living in ROCKS! I really lucked out with the location of the apartment that I found.
The great thing about LA is that even though it's a really cool city, there's a ton of nature to get out and about in.
Well I'll post some updates durring my drive across country. I think as long as my GPS works and I can buy gas, the drive will be a lot of fun.

I think I've managed to nearly give away, or throw away everything in my apartment that I don't plan to take with me on my move across country. Still not totally done, but almost there. It's amazing how much "stuff" a person accumulates yet rarely if ever uses.
The past few weeks since I've been back in Florida have been interesting. When you announce that you're going to move, you definitely learn very quickly who your real friends are opposed to who isn't. You also see the true nature as to why certain people may have tried or will continue to try to stay in your life. Sometimes it's for a good and healthy reason, other times it's not. That's life though...
I'm still not sure exactly what area of Cali I want to settle in. I'm sure God will guide me in the right direction.
I'm about done with adult video for now as a performer. I achieved what I wanted to in that world as a performer, and the content that I have "out there" will only feed into increasing the traffic to my website and camshows which is great. Doing adult video/porn opened my eyes to what else is out there for me - in life as a whole.
As soon as I'm settled in Cali, I'm going to enroll in a beauty/makeup artistry program. I feel like that skill will go well with my photography.
I'm looking forward to working with other performers who want to gain more of an internet presence. That will be fun.
Today I bought a GPS for my upcoming travel, move, and who knows what else. I bought an earlier Garmin model. From what I could see it's pretty comparable to the later models - maybe the maps are a little out of date - who knows.
Looking around my apartment right now I'm starting to realize I have WAY too many electronics, computers and gadgets. Guess I'll always be a nerd.

A part of me will really miss Fort Lauderdale after I move to Los Angeles. What I'll miss the most is the night life - you just can't beat the social scene here. Last night me and my friend Amanda went to have some drinks downtown in the Los Olas area, I swear everytime I hang out down there and people watch, I always wind up having a great laugh.





Today I realized that I know more about the adult video biz than I initially thought (even though I still don't really know that much at all). A new friend I made while out in LA gave me a call to ask about the porn video scene down here in FL. I told her what I know and gave her the names of a few contacts I have, but told her that ultimately the real money comes from having your own site and taking control of your own image and creating your own content. This particular girl has been in the biz for approx. 2 years, so she probably has a huge and solid fan base but doesn't even know it. Hopefully she'll let me help her build a website.

That's the thing about this industry - women are the ones who hold the real power, but few realize it. I hope that in this phase of my life, I can open some women's eyes to this fact and help to shift the balance of power of the adult biz from being controlled primarily by men to it being controlled equally by women.

Thanks to a good friend of mine Avi G. - I learned today that I accomplished ALL my goals within my "adult video exploration endeavor" after all. My corny, nerdy, dorky - yet cute ass made it onto the BOXCOVER of one of the first DVD series that I ever shot for. Check it out and BUY IT (I'll set up a way you can buy it from me via my website later this week if you're a loyal Monica Foster fan).

Click here to buy the DVD - I'm the 3rd girl on the right on the cover :)

I guess due to my canceled boxcover shoots with another studio which I initially liked but now can't stand due to their "let me make false promises and string you along as long as possible just because we're idiots on power trips" tactics, I didn't think that I'd ever have a boxcover credit but it LOOKS LIKE I DID AFTER ALL! LOL.
I will be posting this up on my myspace too - yea it's just porn, but hell - I'm feeling really great about this :)
As far as I'm concerned this is another step in the right direction towards a prosperous and solid future - initially I wanted to explore adult video to learn the "behind the scenes process" - of which I have. I'm so looking forward to directing and distributing my own content.
I think this warrants a posting on xxxporntalk come to think of it.
Actually upon finishing this blog and looking at the box cover again I just realized that the boxcover labels all the women in this flick as "cougars" - how the hell am I a "cougar" being only 29 years old?!?!?! Oh well - I'll growl, roar and purr with the best of 'em.

Well it's good to be back in FL and to have a chance to rest and relax, but I'm very excited to be moving out to California towards the end of the month. I've wanted to live in California since I was a little girl and after these past few trips to LA I know that California is definitely the right place for me to be. I'm not planning on doing much more adult video out there though, if any at all - unless it's content I create, direct, edit and distribute myself (and hell, I probably won't even be in it - at least not that much). I had a blast doing a good majority of the few scenes that I was contracted for, and don't regret any of my choices, however the mentality of many individuals in the business towards performers is sickening to me, and I try not to spend time or energy with people or in situations that bring me down.
I think I want my new place in California to be a loft - that would be really cool. I also think I want to live in downtown LA, but I'm still not ruling out the valley. Unfortunately my credit sucks right now - hopefully I won't have a difficult time getting approved - ARG! - there's always an element of stress to EVERYTHING.
The great thing about this move to LA will be the opportunity to get into a lot of outdoorsy activities like hiking and biking. Also there are a lot of paranormal/spiritual locations out west that I'd like to explore.
Once I'm settled I plan on taking a drive up to WA too, to check out Kirkland which is where I was born.
:)

Well I made it back to FL from CA. What a trip - I was in CA for a total of 20 days. The trip started out a little rough but wound up being one of the best work/pleasure trips I've EVER taken.
The end of my CA trip was the best part, but being that the reason is personal in nature (yep, even I have to keep SOME parts of my life to myself), I won't go into it.
I've decided that living in CA at this point in my life is the right thing for me to do - in fact I'll go as far as to say it's what I'm meant to do, so I'm going to work hard over the next few weeks to tie up all of my "lose ends" here in FL and make my journey out to CA permanently by the last week of June. I can't wait.
It's good to be back in FL though, the weather is beautiful today. I realy missed my pets a lot.
The cool thing about traveling and living out of a suticase (or in my case suitcases) is that you learn very quickly EXACTLY what you need and don't need in order to survive, look good and hold it together.
The great thing about CA is the abundance of nature and outdoor activities readily available to participate in. In FL we have the beach, which is great, but I'm coming to find that I'm more of a land sport person, and in CA the topography is AMAZING - hills and mountains everywhere. I took the most beautiful hike while I was in CA into the hills and I feel like that's something I should be doing a few times a week - both for excercise and to recenter my spirit.
Over the next few weeks I need to get my SUV in check, and try to sell off or give away things I can't take with me on my move. It'll be a hassel but I'm up for challenge.
I'm not moving out to California for adult video...I'm moving out to California for what's in store for my life after my adult video performance phase. This last trip out to CA gave me such a clear vision as to exactly where my life is headed - it's just great.
The funny thing about this trip though, is that just how my future options and paths were revealed to me, so were many other things...I saw many people and situations for exactly who and what they are. It didn't make me angry though, I just felt pity.

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Fetish is fun, fetish is hot, and apparently the fetish market loves me because today I did another foot fetish oriented shoot. I'm not complaining - I LOVE the fetish/domme arena and the great thing about fetish shoots is the abundance of sexy shoes and accessories that are often on set. Check out these hot shoes I got to wear during my shoot today!

Today I had the opportunity to work with the really creative director/producer/distributor/all around good guy/and owner of JB Promotions. We did 2 intense yet enjoyable shoe/stocking video sets. This guy has great taste in attire and accessories. My favorite part of the shoot was the interview portion though, he made it flow really well. The studio we shot in was really cool - it was probably one of the most professional and well put together studios I've worked in as of yet - and surprisingly the owner was very modest about it.

Tomorrow I get to work with the lovely Vanessa Blue - so be sure to check back for another update soon!

The funny thing about being in the San Fernando Valley aka "Porn Valley" here in Los Angeles, is that for the most part, while the weather during the day (at least this time of year) is annoyingly consistant, the day to day life - at least as a porn performer - is very inconsistant and unpredictable.
This morning I was scheduled to work with my favorite adult video studio Vouyer Media again to do a box cover shoot, but for some reason the shoot was canceled - hopefully it will be rescheduled before I head back to Florida. In "porn world" being a box cover girl is a fairly big deal, so getting that particular shoot done would be a great thing.
Even though my morning video shoot didn't happen, I still had a busy day because I had a fetish shoot scheduled this afternoon with a company called AMA Content. This shoot consisted of 3 scenes. In the first 2 I got to play "femme domme" type roles and in one I got to use a strap on (my 2nd strap on scene now boys and girls). My male talent, a guy named "Billy" was so cute and fun to work with. The great thing about doing porn is that there's an ENDLESS supply of hot guys of all types. In the 3rd I got to play a big of a submissive role (I got spanked by a hot chick). I'm definitely not a submissive person because though the 3rd scene was fun I'm not down with having a sore ass :( I think in the future I'll stick with being the one to dish out the pain - at least untill I get bored. :P
Though I'm starting to sound like a broken typewriter, I had yet ANOTHER fantastic time on this afternoon's video shoot. The director was great, he recently put together the studio we were working in and the sets looked very authentic. It's so much easier to get into "character" when your surroundings make you feel like the character.
Tonight I pigged out on a double cheese Pizza Hut pizza and a couple ice cold Corona's. Yum.
I've still got to decide what to do at the end of June. I'm thinking my best bet is to just come out here to work for a solid 6 months - I'll sure miss the Florida humidity though because I'm going though lotion like there's no tomorrow out here.
Man I miss my dog Panda. I can't wait to go home.

Another long day...it's about 2am and I need to be awake by about 6:30am, but even though I'm tired, overall I'm feeling really alive and energized after an interesting & productive day.
Today I had a video shoot with a company called "Kick Ass" for a foot fetish oriented series. I saw a few of the photo grabs from the shoot and they look fantastic. The director/producer/owner of the company was a really great guy to work with. He made a very relaxed and humorous atmosphere which is important to maintain fr a shoot like that. The male talent I worked with today was awesome. He uses the name Lee Stone and even though at first glance he's a bit of an intimidating man, he's extremely down to earth, very professional, and has an amazing ability to combine humor and sexuality to make for a great scene. 2 thumbs up to u Mr. Stone.
The coolest part of my shoot today (aside from Mr. Stone's fantastic performance) was the "after scene" convo. It's amazing the topics that are brought up during adult video shoots sometimes, but I found today's particularly interesting because the topic brought up dealt with how the porn industry is probably the only industry in which you can be a total "flake and druggy" and if anything are almost expected to be (especially if you're female), yet still consistantly work - at least for a while. I personally think it's the attitude of mainstream america that perpetuates this mentality in the "adult world" because mainstream america WANTS the adult industry to remain completely disfunctional. What's funny about this attitude though, is that from what I've seen, the most successful performers, studio owners, and people of other functions within the adult entertainment world are generally some of the most healthy, goal oriented and ambitious people that I've ever met.
Later this afternoon 3 of my porn comrads made it back into town from driving clear across the country from South Florida - welcome back to Cali Desi, Elli and Ricci!!!!!
Tonight I had a totally hunger satisfying meal with a good friend of mine who's working on putting out a rap/hip hop album. I decided to offer to create a website for him free of cost in exchange for rights to use some of his tracks in some video projects I've working on. I love service bartering :)
I miss my dog Panda so much. I can't wait to get back to Florida just for her.
Tomorrow in the morning I get to work with Vouyer Media again. As of current they're my favorite studio to work with. From beginning to end it's always a smooth ride.
This trip out to Cali this time around seems to be winding up pretty nicely even though it started off kind of rough. I've learned a lot about myself and have been forced to look at certain flaws within myself that in the past I ignored since entering the porn world. I think I've grown a lot as a person both via inner strength and overall maturity - spiritually as well.

Today was a bit of a long day - but a fun day. It was a day of "go-see's" - in other words I and some other girls (sexy Cassandra Cruz and beautiful Maya Gates) from my agency along with our trusty agent Pete (he's such a young hottie and super sweet), had the opportunity to stop in and say "hi" to various adult video studios in the area and ask them to keep us in mind for future projects. Some people think "go-see's" are pointless but I personally like doing them because it's always interesting to meet the different types of personalities that make up the "porn community".
We hit about 7 or 8 studios today - I was really glad to see so many women in "behind the scenes" executive roles in a few of the studios. Hopefully I'll get to work with some of them.
It amazes me as to how sexy a lot of the male directors are in porn (I suppose it's mostly because many are ex-talent and know how to "work it"). One of my favorite shoots to date that I've done was with a hottie named Michael Stefano - it was a POV. I ran into him today at one of the studios during my go-sees and damn, he's fuckalicious...

Thank you to the readers of my blog for the emails of encouragement. While writing my earlier blog I was a little "depressed" - it's easy for that to happen when you're away from "home".
I think my life is "up in the air" right now, I hate uncertainty. However I'll be finishing up my bookings this week, hopefully a few more will come my way along with the ones I currently have so I can leave with a fatter bank account.
I still want to do "well" in the adult video world. It's just so damn difficult. I guess nothing good comes easily. I have to say a clip of Obama's recent speach in which is substituted for Kennedy @ a graduation kind of lifted my spirits even though it doesn't apply much to the current industry I'm working in. Mainly the part about not being afraid to push for the high paying jobs which can lead to the nice home and monetary stability.

For the first time in a very long time I feel stuck - stuck psychologically at least. I have options as far as what to do with my time/life, but as of current I'm not really crazy about any of them. I'm even more dissatisfied with my surroundings, but I'm clueless as to where to find satisfaction.
I don't think doing the adult video thing is really for me, even though I'd like it to be. If doing adult video was strictly about the "work", it would be perfect. However way too many politics and way too many ass kissers are involved for my taste. There's also way to much gossip and back stabbing (surprisingly not primarily via the women in the biz either).
I guess I thought that doing porn would be more fun - so far my "fun factor" is very low while my "stress factor" is steadily raising.
I'm happy with the work I've had the opportunity to do so far, but I don't see many more projects coming my way anytime soon that will be of the same or better quality.
I anticipated on making a bit more money so far than I have, so that's a little disappointing as well. One of the main reasons I got into this was to improve my life financially in a major way. My lack of bookings sure isn't improving much of anything.
Maybe I'm just impatient, or jumping the gun, but I don't think that I have the potential of doing as well in "porn-world" as I thought. I can still build on what I've done, and more importantly what I've learned out here, but I have to figure something else out to do with myself. I just don't know exactly what.
I suppose the few videos I've done will draw more traffic to my websites, camshows and other projects, which is a good thing. In a few months I'll be able to (hopefully) reopen my photography studio again and start shooting more glamour/adult oriented work, so I'm sure being associated with porn may help with that.
Unfortunately though, now that I've done porn, my options in "mainstream life" are substantially limited, I hate to admit it, but they are. My dating pool is limited probably even more so. I'll probably never have a family and my relationships with my family members are just about completely severed. Even worse, my potential to attract stalkers and people who want to be around me for totally the wrong reasons has probably gone up, so I have to be aware of that.
I feel more isolated in life than before, that's for sure. Maybe when I get back to Florida, I'll feel better, but out here in LA, it seems like NO ONE socializes - especially with people in adult. Boring Boring Boring. I've met a couple cool people to pass some time with, but the scene is not close to what I'm used too.
I don't see how my life even turned in this direction. Why couldn't I have been like other women my age and settled down with a decent guy and have a couple kids. Am I really this dis-functional?
I don't regret any of the choices I've made, even though I complain. I just wish at times that my choices were viewed differently and that the outcomes of my choices would have worked out differently. Maybe I was just born in the wrong reality - oops, too much sci-fi on that comment.
Now that I've written this I realize that I'm not "Stuck" - just unsure. I can see now why so many people live a "cookie cutter"/"do as your told" life - not having to think is bliss, where as having to think is hell.

It's been a stressful week, but a productive one. Today's Saturday, a memorial day weekend Saturday to be exact, in LA and I have nothing to do. Boredom to the max.....

Last night my radio interview with SportsSwami was broadcasted - check it out here: http://www.dqrm.com/shows/shots-20.mp3

The girl I was sharing a hotel room with, Eli, went home today - I'm glad for her, she had a good few weeks of solid work while she was out here and she was ready to leave, even though she's returning soon. I on the other hand, have had a moderate amount of work, and would like a lot more before I make my way back to Florida.
It's a holiday weekend so not much is happening industry wise, however not much appears to be happening socially either, which isn't too much fun for a single female out of towner.
A girl I met from the "Pornstar Karaoke" the other night, invited me to a party in the Hollywood Hills with her tonight. I'll be meeting her there so all in all the social situation will be a little akward - I hate going places where I don't know anyone - anxiety central. However I need to get out and meet people if I'm going to be working out here frequently so I'm going to buck up and just go.
California is a lot different from Florida socially - in Florida there's ALWAYS something going on so it's easy to meet people. Here, even though it's a transient area like Florida, it's a lot QUIETER. Venues close early, people stay in their homes, there don't seem to be huge entertainment megaplexes like in South Florida. I'm not sure how people go about meeting others here. It's lonely for someone like myself.
When I first arrived here I was staying in North Hills. Today since my "roommate" left town I decided to switch hotels to one a bit more central to where all the studios are here in The Valley.
I figure why stay where I will have nothing but long commutes.
The weather has dramatically changed here since I arrived last week. The first few days I was here it was very hot. Now it's cool and rainy. Still WAY to dry though for my taste.
Well I guess I'll take a nap, then do some cam shows and then go out and try to socialize a bit. Hopefully I'll have some fun tonight.

The beginning of this week went pretty well. I shot with a company called West Coast on Monday - I really enjoyed being a part of that video project because the "format" portrayed me as this "sucessful pornstar" showing off her house on a show that would be comparable to "Cribs" - lol, SOOOOOO far from the truth.

On Tuesday I had a chance to work with a company called Kick Ass, and I shot my first "fetish/dominatrix" video with them. That video shoot was also well done and a TON of fun. Actually my friend Elli Foxx came with me to the shoot - having a little moral support is always good.
I'm a little dissapointed because it seems as though I don't have any more bookings untill around the 28th :( Hopefully something else will come up because I'm in LA to work, not just sit around. I think my agency is pretty good so hopefully they will come through with something for me. I'm resourceful though, so I'm sure I will figure something out or things will work themselves out on their own.
I went to a weekly event called "pornstar karaoke" Tuesday night - that was a lot of fun. It's always good to get out and meet people and network.

I'm back to being undecided about moving here. If I knew that I'd be working consistantly I would, but right now I'm questioning how "bookable" I am, and if I'm not, I can't see myself moving out here for nothing.

Today was my 2nd day of shooting out here in sunny Los Angeles. So far even though the trip began a bit rough with the loss of my suitcase by the airline, it's been great work wise.
Yesterday I worked with a really talented, cool and laid back director/content provider/talent named Garret Smith. He was great to work with because he is incredibly down to earth and easy going. I think the stills and video that he produced yesterday are going to turn out very very well. I can't wait to see the results. I'm looking forward to working with him again in the future.
Today was fantastic, I had the opportunity to work with Vouyer Media again - such an awesome company to work with. This is my 3rd time working with them, Vince Vouyer is one of the coolest people in porn - period and he's incredibly smart, because the team he's hired to work for him is always great - from the receptionist to the makeup artists to the directors to the talents.
My male talent today was a really fun, sweet and INCREDIBLY high energy guy named Jack Napier. I was really excited to work with him because he stars in a fun but very well produced video series through Vouyer Media. He's probably one of the most endowed men in the world of porn too. The scene we shot today I think will turn out pretty well and I'm looking forward to seeing the results. The director/photographer/videographer Van Styles did a fantastic job - I worked with him once before so I was kind of familiar with his creative process, which hopefully made for a great finished product.



I hate that I'm still relatively a "newby" to porn, because I think it may show in my scenes. I have to work on maintaining a high energy level from start to finish during my scenes. I suppose it's all about stamina and pace, but I think in time, I'll improve.
It still amazes me how much drama and gossip is intertwined with the actual "work" of the porn industry. You find out that people who've never even conversed with you have something to say about you - crazy.
On a side note, I'm really happy with my new agency Type9 models - they're very professional and are getting me some really good bookings. The guy who runs the agency Kevin seems to be a real go-getter. In this business he's definitely the type of person you want on your side.
Looks like I have the weekend off, which is nice. I need the rest and relaxation. Hopefully the wi-fi connection where I'm staying will allow me to do a few cam shows for my fans.
I think I might try to get out at least 1 night this weekend to check out the real LA nightlife :) Gotta try to socialize at least a tiny bit.
Well I'm beat, gonna indulge in a pizza binge and then pass out while I listen to my favorite radio talk show Coast to Coast AM

Well, I don't know whether it's poeple wishing me enough "ill will" to where this happened, of if it's fate or just bad luck. My flight from Fort Lauderdale to LA was ok, I sat next to a relatively nice, yet mildly annoying person on the plane, but I got through it. I got off, the plane, went to the baggage area and my baggage NEVER FUCKING ARRIVED!

EVERYONE ELSE'S fucking BAGGAGE IS HERE but MINE! i EVEN HAD TO PAY $25 DOLLARS extra SINCE MY SUITCASE was OVERWEIGHT, YET the FUCKING Spirit AIrways couldn't DO THEIR DAMN JOB and get my SUITCASE which pretty much contained MY LIFE in it to Los Angeles.

That suitcase had ALL my best clothes, my makeup, some of my shoes, my toiletries, EVERYTHING. Of course the people who work for the airline are little help. I had to fill out a "Report" for them to track it down. Well fuck that. I'm NOT LEAVING THIS AIRPORT until I HAVE MY SUITCASE!!!!!!

Tomorrow I'm booked to do an adult video shoot at 12pm. Can I do it now? NO! Because my suitcase which SPIRIT AIRLINES LOST has my makeup and all my CLOTHES and HAIR STUFF and WARDROBE in it.

I guess I will be living at LAX until I get my suitcase with my life in it, because there's no point for me to check into a hotel and spend money if I can't do my video shoot tomorrow and MAKE MONEY to cover my expenses.

DO NOT fly SPIRIT AIRLINES EVER. They are horrible people who don't care about people's lives and who shrug off their mistakes.

OK, well I'm set to go back to LA this week. Hopefully it will happen because as of current I'm short on funds due to one of the company's I shot for the last time I was out, having not sent me my paycheck yet. Looks like I'm going to have to contact them. Regardless I'm getting on that plane - I think when things in life are about to go well, every evil energy out there tries to get in the way of you succeeding. I guess that sounds paranoid, but oh well, I am a bit paranoid - life can do that to u.
I've cut yet more users and losers out of my life and I feel great about it. When you have nothing else, but the ability to move forward, that's what you do.

I missed the plane to the funeral I was supposed to attend with my dad. I've never missed a plane in my life, but that morning it was as if everything in the universe was stopping me from getting to the airport. Crazy. I feel horrible about it, when I have the funds I think I will try to do something really special for my dad.

In other news, I love my new jet black hair. Trivial - yes, but I can't help but write about it because it's something about this new look that really makes me feel like a new person. Everyone should revamp their look from time to time - puts a person in a new frame of mind.





Overall I think I've seen myself more of an observer rather than a participator. It's silly because I most certainly participate in more things than most people ever would or could. I'm going to try changing my mindset and be a bit more "present".

Well , my hair project was a SUCCESS! Took a LONG time but it was worth it. I straightened and dyed my hair jet black last night and it looks GREAT - I definitely made the right decision to do it. I will have to do a new set of casting photos for my new look :)
Today I head up to NY for a family furneral - will be a quick trip - all in one day. Then when I get back in town I'll just be online doing cam shows and working on my website (as usual - I'm boring).
Today I read in an adult entertainment related periodical about 2 new women who were signed as "Contract" girls to Wicked Pictures. I'm starting to believe that the "contract performer" route is the right one to take in the adult video world. Even if it means less money annually than you would make independently, I think that just the idea of having a contract would make life so much less stressful. I hate the uncertainty of not knowing whether or not I'll have a good amount of bookings on my trips to LA - and it's not just that, it's about the quality of the people that you're working with along with the quality of the finished product as well.
I've decided to start taking nutritional supplements - mainly vitamins. Trying to stay healthy :)

This week isn't going as planned, but it's cool, gotta maintain my "adaptability". I'd anticipated doing a ton of cam shows for my site monicaF.com , but between me accidently downloading a worm/tojan horse on my main video editing computer over the weekend and me having to fly up to NY for a funeral on Thursday, the cam shows aren't happening. Oh well.
I was looking back at some of my photos from some previous photoshoots and I realized that my hair and weave look really busted. Well, maybe not totally horrible, but not great - so I made a decision today. I'm losing the highlights and streaks - I'm over that stage. Tonight I'm dying my hair jet-black. I haven't had totally monochromatic hair in a LONG time and I love the look of shiney blue-black hair so I'm giving that a try. Hopefully it'll look good when it's done - I do my own hair, so no one else is to blame but me if it doesn't work out. I'll post a photo of the end result.
I've been thinking a lot about my next trip out to L.A. - I really don't know what to expect this time around, especially being that I'm with a new agency. Yea, it's just "porn", but the world of porn is more nerve-racking than most people would think. I just hope I make a lot of money and that everything goes well.

In life, you truly never know what to expect - this week is already starting off at a rather fast and unexpected pace - and in many ways it's a good thing.
On the good side, my AIM test results are already in and EVERYTHING is negative which indicates that I am clean as a whistle and clear to work in the AV industry. I'll be heading out to Los Angeles for work next week, already bought my ticket - Yeah!!! This will be my 3rd trip out specificly for AV work. This trip should be fairly different from the last 2 being that I'm with a new agency - Type9models. I have a feeling the trip will be great, I'm looking forward to it. I hope I manage to get out a bit socially to meet some more people out there - I like the vibe of the California nightlife.
This week however I'll probably heading to a funeral, for a recent death in my extended family. Death always reminds me of my mortatlity and that I need to do everything that I want to do when I can - other wise I'll regret it later. Morbid - but a realistic outlook.
I'm back on my RedBull kick. I'm not sure exactly how unhealthy that energy drink is - I've never researched it, and frankly, I don't care. It's one of the world's best beverages. I'm someone who NEEDS the extra caffine kick in my pants to get going.

This week has been my "party week" - lots of goofing off and going out but I needed it after Los Angeles. I managed to get a lot of rest this week too and I needed it. Even though tomorrow is Saturday, it's back to the grind - cam shows, and website photo and video updates as usual.
Tonight I went out with my friend Fibi Love of www.fibilove.com for drinks at a place called Blue Martini in Fort Lauderdale. Really nice club but a TOTAL meat market. I met a couple cool guys, but I'm not to quick to put myself totally out there when meeting someon new anymore. Mainly because my lifestyle isn't for everyone and I don't want the drama from the mainstream world that a mainstream guy might create. I had a good time though... nowdays I don't get out to much, so it was good to socialize.
My friend unfortunately drank a bit too much, but I managed to get her home safe. Afterwards I was going to make a pit stop at another friend's house but through some weird events, that didn't happen - there's a reason for everything though. Some old friends are too full of drama or are too high maintanance. People like that are all getting cut out of my life nowdays.

I figured out what prevents women from ruling the world - menstruation. I hate when it's my time of the month. It throws everything out of wack - from my emotions, to my energy level to my motivation. My entire life my time of the month has been my downfall - oh well - I guess that's what being a woman is all about.
Since returning to Florida, though I've gotten a lot of rest, I'm been pretty busy. From editing video and photos on my website, to working on the launch of a couple of new websites, I'm proud to say that I've been very productive.
It hasn't been all work though, I always put aside som time to play - I and my friend Amazon Amanda (www.amazonamanda.com) managed to get out for a couple of margaritas the other night and I and another incredible guitarist friend of mine, who likes to remain anonymous, had some fun and musical chill time together (though I almost passed out - yep just found out I'm hypoglycimic - it's always something).
Last night I put out another broadcast of RedTback (Real Exotic Dancers Talk Back) with my good friend and co-host Harmony - I'll post the video reply later - for now you can enjoy the audio replay below:

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Well yesterday/tonight was very productive. I did my weekly live cam show for the members of www.MonicaF.com's Club Monica on the camz network, I did quite a few private camshows for my fans, I shot a new photo pictorial of myself (below is a shot from it) for my website called "Futuristic Funk", and I made another "behind the scenes" video of this shoot to post on YouTube. A busy bee - yes I am...
I already miss Los Angeles a little bit, but I sure don't miss the lack of humidity - dry climates are great for breathing but are really bad for my skin. Out there I go through a bottle of lotion a week.
I have a ton of video I've got to get around to editing this weekend. Hopefully I'll find the time to develop the splash pages for a couple of my new sites that I'm planning on developing over the next few months.

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I decided to rewrite this blog entry being that the last entry I wrote was a bit emotional, irrational, trivial and judgemental.
This 2nd trip out to LA for my "adult video" ventures was totally different from the last. The last trip was all "shiney and sparkly and new" - this trip was full of transitions (which are always difficult). Many doors were opened, some were closed - but overall the trip has been very educational. I've learned even more about the "porn world" than I'd initially cared to know - but I'm glad that I now know. I also learned that I'm not invincible and I'm definitely not always right.
I had some cool opportunities while I was out here this time around. I was forunate enough to be called in to a meeting with Wicked Pictures (thanks Jim!), I also found some work independently through One Model Place - one of my favorite, oldest and best online modeling networks (yep, I'm vintage - #125). I worked with some really creative directors/talent this time in L.A. and hopefully made some more new friends.
I'm up to about scene 12 now.
I'm leaving a few days earlier than I'd anticipated and I really can't wait to get home, however I am looking forward to planning my 3rd trip out here.
I've changed agencies, hopefully the new one I've signed with will be good for me. I've also found that taking care of my own transportation and accomodations is definitely the way to go.
When I get back to Florida, I will be researching everything that I need to, in order to create my own video production/distribution label. I think I'm about 50% of the way there, I just need to get all my business/legal ducks in a row to make it happen.

Money over Principal - Business logic over rational thought ..... I don't think you can really pit any of those concepts against each other in "real life" - then again is working in adult video really "real life"? Maybe, maybe not.
Yesterday I had a gig which took the turn for the worse - if the reason that it did was justifiable (which I'll find out around 2pm today) then that's one thing, but most likely it wasn't justifiable - however everything does happen for a reason and I have to hold onto that belief to be able to continue going forward.
I think in life there really are just a set number (be it a very large number) of certain types of people, and sometimes of those types - regardless of the situation you simply WILL NOT get along with them. That's ok though, but when it effects the "business" side of my life, that's a definite problem.
Other than yesterday since I've returned to LA, it's been good. I've had the opportunity to work on some really cool projects, and I anticipate more work coming from the results of my performance in those projects.
When I get home I can't wait to get back into my photography again. Another photographer I met out here who I let see my work, felt it was good, so that gives me additional confidence to persue the goal of reopening my photography studio.

The tone of this trip to LA is completely different from my first, not necessarily in a negative way or positive way - just a completely different way.
The adult video work itself is something that I really can get into on all levels, however the external influences that the industry tends to attract are psychologically draining. I'm doing my best to not let any of the "drama" effect me or the choices I make.
A huge part of me can't wait to get back to FL, however another part of me is excited to see what I can make happen out here in LA. Regardless, I'm having a really good time out here.

I love L.A. - It's my second night back and all's going well, and I'm looking forward to my trip continuing to go well. I want this journey to be as productive and lucrative as possible.
Today as a cool day, I was cast by Adam and Eve video in their new "porn spinoff" of Flavor of Love - their version will be called Flavor of Lust. It was shot totally in your typical "reality show" format. The set was beautiful, the crew on set was fun and very hospitable, and the girls and guys I worked with were GREAT. The guy who played the "Flavor Flave" type character is a rapper/musician who goes by the name "Cave" - really nice guy and very talented.
The group of girls from my agency that I'm staying with on this trip are much more my speed than last time, though the girls from my trip last time were nice too.
Tomorrow I have 2 scenes to shoot, so it'll be a busy day. This weekend I think I will rent a car and get to know LA a bit more on my own.

In a few days I'll be back in Los Angeles, I'm excited - but even between now and then I have a TON of things that I need to get done.

First though, I promised that I'd give a bit of an "in depth" review of what my trip was like, so here we go:

Day 1 - Jam packed with "go sees" to various studios in the area. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, a "go see" is when your manager/agent introduces you to the heads of various studios who may want to hire you.

Day 2 - my first adult video shoot in Los Angeles - my director was a guy named Marco Pallotti - really high energy guy from England who has a company called Eleven Entertainment - I really enjoyed working with him - his assistant was cool too.

Day 3 - my second adult video shoot in L.A. - and lucky me got to work with adult video superstar Erik Everhard! Yum, this guy is a TOTAL fantasy come true! What's great about this guy is not only is he hot, he's a FANTASTIC male talent in the performance dept. AND he is also a photographer like me. To top it all off, he had a great personality as well. I REALLY want to work with Erik again.

Day 4 - my 3rd video shoot almost didn't happen - it was for Vouyer Productions - fortunately the owner of the company Vince saved the day and through a video piece together for me to perform in spur of the moment. My male talent was a guy named Sasha Byazarov - he was hot - had lots of tattoos and reminded me of the characters from the movie Blade.

Day 5 - a friend of mine gave me a ride to meet an awsome photographer named Holly Randall - she shoots for Hustler so that was definitely someone worth meeting. She has a great personality as well.

Day 6 - Another video shoot with Vouyer productions. However this one didn't go as smoothly as my other shoots during the week. My first male talent that I worked with - initials M.A. - on this day was just a complete ASS and walked off the set because he felt I wasn't "into him" - well excuse me for not being into someone who gets to a shoot high and who is cock-eyed. I was professional and tried my best to deal with this fool but he went off into a rant about how he's been "a professional" in the biz for 6 or 7 years and doesn't "need this shit". Yea, real professional to act like a 2 year old and storm off. I'm glad that it happened though because my replacement male talent was a sexy latin lover guy named Marco - yummmmmm. Too sexy - I felt like I was getting it on with Enrique Iglesias.

Day 7 - This was a fun "skit" type shoot that I got to perform with another adult video superstar who uses the name ChristianXXX - at first I felt he was a little combative upon first getting to know him, but then after a while I really started to dig him. Sometimes a little verbal agression can be good when meeting a guy - ads to the sexual chemistry :) He reminded me of a younger and sexier Mr. Clean. This guy is GREAT on camera and fantastic to work with. I can't wait to work with him again.

Day 8 - This was my last shoot of my trip - it was for a company called Silver Cash - my director was a guy named Rick Davis - he was really cool and awsome to work with. My male talent was a guy named John John - pretty hot and a good personality - he was interesting because he was also a dancer. This shoot was cool because I got to watch a 3 girl scene right before I did my boy/girl scene - that was interesting.

While I was in Los Angeles I really got to know some really cool people. One of the girls I was staying with Sophie Perez and I got to be pretty good friends. A couple other girls, Vanessa Lee and Mia were great to hang with as well.

I don't think when I visit L.A. that I will be dating any men - from what I've seen and experienced so far they're even flakier out there than here in FL.

What sucks is that about half of my shoots were "pay roll" which means I have to wait for my checks to arrive. I was counting on some of that money to book my hotel for my next trip out, so this next trip will be a TIGHT squeeze. I swear, I always feel broke but I don't even have any major expenses right now - just always waiting to get paid.

The earnings I hope to make in the next few months are going to go toward my education. I've made the decision to go back to school for marketing. I like my life now, but I want a better one.

Well, I'm back from Los Angeles and my trip out was great. As of current, I feel that getting into the adult video world was a great move on my part - yes it was a big step, but it takes big steps in life to create a substantial change.
I had the opportunity to work with some amazing people both from a talent and behind the scenes perspective. I also met a few really cool individuals who I hope will become life long friends.
I'll write a more extensive blog on my trip over the next few days as I'm tired as hell - however I can't wait for my next trip out to the city of dreams :)

Well, still in Los Angeles and still surviving. After today, I'll have a total of 6 video shoots under my belt, but I hope to have many many more in the future - so far this is definitely this industry for me.
It's funny, from the beginning a lot of people tried to talk me out of it - I suppose because they didn't think I could handle it. This trip hasn't been 100% smooth by far, BUT thanks to my past occupations and life experiences, I have the skill set to deal with the adult video/porn world.
Yesterday a really good friend that I initially met in Fort Lauderdale years ago, helped me out a lot in regards to getting me to a "go-see" that I really needed to attend - goes to show that TRUE friends will always be there for you when you need them.
I'm excited to see what else happens on this trip, but at the same time I can't wait to get back home and see my dog and just hang out solo in my apt.

Ok, it's technically Day 5 in LA - so far my trip has been about 90% fantastic! The 10% that wasn't so fantastic I'll touch on when I get home. However thank god for one of my roommates Sophie Perez - she's a new up and comer in the industry too - she's awsome.
Over the past few days I've worked with some fairly well known people in the industry. Marco Pilate, Eric Everhard and today Vince Voyuer. Overall the trip has been a success - still have a few more go - see's to attend but am booked solid the remainder of the week - I'm a lucky girl.

Day 2 in Los Angeles - today my agent took myself and some other girls who are managed by his agency on "go see's" . In my opinion they went well on my part and I expect quite a few video shoots as a result - however I got wind today of the "contract girl" option and I think that is a route I may want to explore. Probably not on this trip but the following trip to L.A.
Tomorrow in the morning I meet the peeps from Hustler magazine and in the afternoon I will be doing my first L.A. adult video shoot. I'm not really nervous but at the same time don't know what to expect. We'll see what happens, regardless I'll just try to have fun.

Day 1 in LA (technically night 1).

My flight was LONG - fortunately I was tired as hell and slept almost the entire time in the air due to my staying up practically the entire night prior packing.

Felt good to land in LA, my agent out here seems very on point and tomorrow will be filled with "go sees" at various studios. We'll see how that goes - should be interesting, funny and nerve racking all rolled into one.

My "roommies" fortunately are all pretty nice girls. Later I'll take a group photo and post it. Going to bed now - am exhausted - stay tuned :)

The past few weeks have been hard, fast and incredibly productive. I shot my second adult video scene - and it went really well. 2 under my belt now :)
Next week I'll be in L.A. this will be my 3rd time visiting the west coast and hopefully the 3rd time's the charm. I have a few bookings lined up via the agency I'm currently working with so hopefully they will all go well.
I've already had a taste today of the under-handed tactics of the L.A. adult entertainment industry without having even arrived yet. Apparently through a "miscommunication" another fairly large agency who ignored me initially, suddenly gained interest in me, but now (considering the final email communication with them) "regret having extended an offer". Interesting. I really hope that because of this incident I'm not labeled as a "hard ass" or "bitch" or "not good to work with". Sometimes people with power try to black list those they can't have, which just ain't cool...
I think GiirzInc will be a great agency to work with currently. I get good vibes from the agents and generally I trust my intuition. They seem to care about their talent that they manage, and that's what's important. For me my comfort level and feeling of safety and security takes priority over everything.

Shot my second adult video scene today - it went even better than the first shoot, and I'm excited to see what's next...

Life is funny, very funny. I'm being presented right now with many options and choices - all of which can lead to a successful future - however some of these options are being presented by those with seriously self serving agendas, while others are from a more "fair" source.

Lots of people from my past are resurfacing in my life now - that's how I know I'm doing well - people always want to attach themselves to someone on the rise.

Other people who claimed that they were there for me, have shown me their true colors as of late, and I'm glad - helps me thin out the heard.

The next few weeks will be crazy, and life defining - but I'm ready - mainly because I am done with the concept of "regret".

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DO NOT tell me what I can't do.
DO NOT tell me what I won't be successful doing.
DO NOT tell me I will fail.

Since I've made my leap into adult video, I've received a lot of negativity from people who not only don't know me (but for whatever reason think they do), but who have had nothing to do with ANY part of ANY thing successful that I've managed to create or do in my life up to this point. I've been told (mainly by people who's motives to "get a piece" of me have come to be very transparent as of late), that I will get used, abused and ultimately fail in the adult video world.

Here's a piece of an email sent to me today:

"Jenna Jameson as your idol shows that it can be done, but she is the exception, definitely NOT the rule! She is also white and blonde. I can't think of any other adult star who gets regular invites to mainstream events (Mary carey?-rehab)
The most successful women of color are Heather Hunter and Dee and they're both high yellow--Dee claims to be Puerto Rican and all she gets are a few soft core "Passion Cove" episodes where she actually gets to act.
I may be wrong because I don't know you as a person, but I think this new venture presented itself and you're gonna give it a shot to "see what happens" and try to make it grow. i live in the Valley and all the studios are out here and I just don't see anyone breaking out. My friend Jia is trying to now with youtube blogs but she knows that if she does get mainstream success, it's something she will always have to explain. Hell, Vanessa Williams can't do an interview to THIS DAY without having to relive her pics in Penthouse and she's sold millions of records, been in huge movies and TV shows!
I say all this to say that I hope it's something you've given alot of thought to and have a clear plan. It's just so easy for the industry to cast black girls aside and try to minimize them. There are a couple of 'studios' out here that hire black women for the sole purpose of trying to humiliate them out of the business--they don't tell you this until you're in the middle of shooting, whereas you can quit and leave the money and the footage they've already shot or stay for the remainder of your cash and get spit on, or dick choked or double ass-penetrated. You WILL have to do a gang-bang scene at some point, and girls who don't do anal don't make much money."

Well guess what, I will not get used, abused or fail. It's not as if I'm some girl fresh off the plane thinking I'm going to be a "star" - I've worked in other areas of the adult industry since I was 22 - I'm 29 now - I'm no expert, but I'm also not an idiot.
And WHY is everyone focusing on the fact that since I'm BLACK I can't do well in the adult industry? Just maybe I'll do ok (may I dare say WELL) simply because I'm kinda smart and kinda nice looking. No matter WHAT industry I go into I will ALWAYS be BLACK and last time I checked, in every industry there are some BLACK people who have made it and who have MADE THE WAY for others. Why can't I be THAT TYPE of black person? Actually I might just BE that type of BLACK person, so SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I don't want to BE Jenna Jameson, I just want to be me, and I want to get to other places I want to go in life, and this is a great venue to do it being that I've already built a pretty damn good platform to jump off of.
I guess some people, who are pretty much losers, who have failed in their own lives and who are going NOWHERE, always anticipate others will be just like them - when I last looked in the mirror and reviewed my life's events I noticed something...I'm not like many other people out there. I've already pretty much been through hell and back and survived, so this trip back into hell won't be that much of a surprise and I sure as fuck welcome a challenge.
I will always only do what I can live with, and I can live with A LOT. I will never be ashamed of anything that I've done, nor will I have a problem explaining it because it's all gone into making me exactly who I am. I'm proud of being me and that will NEVER change because I don't try to be someone or something that I'm not.
What I do and the weight of what I do is only my business and God's business - anyone who chooses to sit back and watch may do just that - WATCH - not JUDGE.



Actually now that I've written all this I've come to realize, maybe Vanessa Williams would have gone farther if she HADN'T tried to brush the nude photo thing under the rug, she looked great, is sexy and when she tries to downplay her beauty/sex appeal for a more "serious" look, for some reason it just doesn't come off as honest.
Currently the only people I will allow close to me are people who are supportive, positive, fair, intelligent, hardworking and who are forward thinkers. If that isn't you don't bother me.

Well I figured that I needed to post a follow up to my last Myspace blog considering all the messages I received - didn't really think anyone read my blog much here but apparently I was wrong to assume ANYTHING yet again...
My first adult video shoot...I personally think I did a pretty good job - why? Well, I didn't have a panic attack, I didn't faint, I didn't freak out (at least not too much) and I didn't run away. For me, that's an accomplishment.
I couldn't have asked for a better guy to work with - check out his website: www.davepounder.com - REALLY nice, REALLY professional, VERY unusual and interesting person - I think I might be a fan...I've always had a thing for cerebral guys - nice....
I'm afraid to see the actual scene - I have a feeling that I look like a total crack head idiot or retard. Up untill today, I thought I had the "act of sex" down to a science - I don't though, but I'm not ashamed to admit it - HOWEVER being the perfectionist that I am, I am going to do all that I can to improve on my faults, because yes, I hope to get another "adult gig" soon. I liked the events of today a lot.
I enjoyed everything about this first experience actually - except for the hair and makeup - in the future I will do it myself because I know how I should look and unfortunately God graced me with an overdose of vanity.
I hate not having immidiate feedback on my performance - I'm such a fucking control freak and doing this adult scene has allowed for a loss of "complete control" which is something I haven't experienced for quite a while - maybe it'll be good for me - like a life lesson in personal growth.
I'm not gonna lie - the pay was great. I'm going to buy my mom a gift with the funds and earlier tonight I took one of my best friends out to a nice dinner - she's pregnant so she chowed down like there was no tomorrow :) I even sprung for a desert.
Though I choose to do unconventional things in life, I'm still pretty conventional when it comes to what I ultimately want...which is happiness.
Right now, at this moment, in this place, in my room, and on this website - I feel happy.

Today I think I had a bit of a nervous breakdown and began crying for almost no reason at all - I hate when that happens - but I think it needed to happen, maybe it was a sort of cleansing process that I needed.
I'm entering a new phase of my life with my decision to do adult movies - and I hope I'm strong enough to be able to handle it. So far I've received a lot of negativity over it along with a lot of "gloom and doom" warnings, however I know this is a step I need to take. I'm scared yet excited and optimistic.
I recently took on a part time job, but I walked out on it today - something in my gut told me that the establishment isn't a place I needed to be. My co-workers were a great bunch for the most part - very nice people - however all in all I don't think that it would have been a good idea to continue considering the path I'm about to take.
Well, let me get a good night's sleep, because tomorrow is a big and defining day - I want to do well.

Last week was hectic, but I was able to get everything done that I needed to get done. Go me! This week should be a bit closer to my normal pace of life, but it will still be busy as I will most likely be venturing into a new arena - but as long as the upcoming week is productive, I will be happy :)
Sex is such a funny thing...it's a vital part of life, I wouldn't even exist if it weren't for it, but sex can take on SO many attributes. It can bring joy and happiness or heartache and pain. It can be used as a reward or a weapon. It can cause you to lose or gain material wealth. It can be an addiction or something a person doesn't deal with all together and hates. It can be emotional or just physical - or maybe both. It can cause men and women alike to become psychotic stalkers or totally reclusive. All and all, many people get confused when it comes to sex.
In my personal life, I've found that most men seem to have trouble understanding the concept of "the sexual door being closed" after a romantic relationship is over. To define, for some reason, many men seem to be under the impression that once they've had sex with a woman, that door is ALWAYS open to them, even if the romantic relationship has fizzled / turned into a friendship. To the men who think along such lines out there, at least in my case, you are wrong and just plain stupid.
It's that sort of mentality, that most likely made me and girls like me not want to spend time with you anymore to begin with - so once again - get it together peeps, before I and the other chicks out there like me have to turn 100% lesbo - hell I'm already bi.

The past few days have been a roller coaster...my life is in a major transition yet again and it's exciting, thrilling, a little scary but necessary for the achievement of the dreams and future goals I've set for myself.
Sometimes without you even trying or making an effort, life cuts things you don't need out of your life and ties up lose ends when you need them tied. :)
More so than ever I'm able to see exactly how certain events in the past had to happen to prepare me for current and future dealings - also to make me aware of things going on "behind the scenes" that might not be so obvious to others.
I guess the one new lesson I've learned over the past few days, has been to be careful of who you tell "good news" to. Mainly because what may be good news to you, may lead to jealousy in others.

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As of today (well even before today but considering the recent chain of events, I feel like I have proof) I really do believe that everyone IS put on earth to do SOMETHING. I have found my purpose and am able to CLEARLY see exactly (down to every step) what I'm meant to do with my life at this point in time. It's not what I ever thought it would be, but I guess that's part of how this whole "figuring things out" process of life works.
If you're a reader/fan/friend of this blog, member of my website and you would like to invest in an interesting business project that I'm about to embark on, please contact me. I'll have a decent proposal put together by tomorrow evening and will be glad to email it to you.
The venture I'm about to embark on has been done literally millions of times and has been proven to be very lucrative in just about every case so I'm very excited about it.

Complete "work mode" - that is the mode I've finally settled in for the remainder of this year, and probably next year too.
There are so many goals I have, and so many things I want - and I've recently come to realize, that as of current, I may have to put a few of my current endeavors and dreams on hold in order to get closer to my long term ambitions a bit faster.
A lesson I'm glad to have learned last year, and actually a little into this year, was the lesson of not giving up my resources, emotion and/or time to people who don't give back and who don't deserve me being in their life.
The hardest thing for me to have dealt with throughout my life has been the consistant influx of users and takers - from family, to mates, to friends. I have a very giving soul and a lot of energy, so I've come to realize that's why I attract people like this (after all opposites DO attract). People like this have done nothing but hurt and hinder my life, development and soul so I'm actively putting a stop to it all right now.

What a morning. I'd planned on shooting a couple long over-due promo videos for my project participation on thexprofiles.com , but unfortunately due to my little dog suddenly getting infested with fleas (it's that time of year) I had to take about 4 hours out to de-flea her and my apartment. Ugh.
I'm glad it's just about the end of the month. This year is going by so quickly already.
I really hope I can get to where I want to with my photography and design biz to where I can really "retire" Monica Foster / MiZtress Monica for good as planned. I'm glad I created the concept when I did, but I'm starting to reach a point where though I'm grateful for the positive attention and income that Monica's attractd, I'm also beginning to attract some really negative and hateful attention as well.
Fortunately throughout my life I've kept my social circles fairly limited, so it's pretty easy to narrow down the few individuals I've known who'd actually take the time and effort to continually create new screen names/aliases to send me threatening emails through the few networks I'm on. I'm glad these networks are co-operating with me in tracking down the sender's IP addresses/info to where if needed I can forward them to law enforcement.
It's amazing how even when you try to keep to yourself, not bother anyone and just do your own thing there are those out there with nothing better to do than try to annoy you.
Anyways tonight will be another installment of Real Exotic Dancers Talk back on www.redtback.com - I'll try to put together an interesting show.

Well, I'd planned on having a quiet "work only" weekend, but I wound up having just the opposite, actually I had a really great weekend :)
Friday night I had a "girls night out" with a some friends I hadn't hung out with in quite a while - I'll post a mini video clip of the night out later on.
Saturday I had one of the best "dates" I've had in a VERY long time.
And today, I just rested, but am going to do some website and webcam work the remainder of the night.
Overall I think the themes of the weekend was "out with the old and in with the new".

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There's nothing like a REALLY good product/invention. Certain brain farts from the geniuses of the planet truly do make the world go-round and allow progress to continue.
I found an AWSOME new webcam program today that allows for overlays and special effects over your live stream via a multitude of applications. Took me a while to find a program like this that works seamlessly with my system/network and that's customizable (hell I didn't even think one existed). This program will make such a difference in my cam shows - I'm excited!
Over the past few months I've found a ton of useful software online. I remember back to the days when they only decent software portal was c-net (which is now download.com) - god has the internet changed. I love it.
Change - it's amazing how not only the world external of us changes, but how our inner perspectives of things do as well.
Later today I'll be redesigning the Real Exotic Dancers Talk Back website www.redtback.com - check out the new intro for the show and last week's show highlights :)

1pm and I've gotten a TON done today! Alright! I think I need a nap - check out this clip from yesterday - it's me interviewing Fibi Love of www.fibilove.com - this edit is for my show "Real Exotic Dancers Talk Back" (www.redtback.com) - I'll post "The X-profiles" (www.thexprofiles.com edit later once Kamary has it done.

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Well I'm taking a break from redoing my hair to write this blog. I'll post a pic of my new hair "look" later tonight.
It's Feb. 13th, the day before Valentines day, and I'm feeling pretty good. I actually didn't realize that tomorrow is Valentines day until early this afternoon. I wonder if I'll get anything from romantic interest(s) in my life? If not it's cool, because the main guy in my life, my Dad, already sent me something :)
My co-host from www.TheXProfiles.com wrote a pretty cute song for me (and as a promo for the show we're doing) - check it out here.
Tomorrow I have an interview with an upcomming talent for both The X profiles and RED T-Back so that should be fun.

"Out with the old to make room for the new." I'm applying this saying to both my personal life and my closet - yes - tonight I started cleaning my closet. Tossing out a ton of clothes that I used to love (most of which are covered with sparkles and crap), but are not the "current me" anymore.
I want to "class it up" a bit in regards to my look. No, I don't want to be a boring conservative girl, but I do want to tone it down a little bit in regards to the sparkly glittery stuff and start ushering in some real designer digs :)
I think if I let go of some of the things I no longer use/wear I'll be more motivated to work harder to get some new things that I want.

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Sometimes you have to take a step back and really be grateful for what you have. Living in South-East Florida that can be very very hard. It's even harder when some of your friends and a person you date live in an incredible highrise right on the ocean and drive great cars and you don't (in the building even the valet people are snooty) It's even HARDER when you try to make money via regular channels and regardless of what you do, can't seem to get ahead.
This is why so many bitches in south east florida have sugardaddies. I've tried, but I just don't have the mentality to constantly have to pander to someone. Yea, I'd love to have Coach and Gucci and Bebe and all those name brand digs like other women I see, but somehow I don't think it's really worth it unless I can buy it myself.
I've gotta stop and talk about this "Beach Club" building in Hallandale a bit. I have a love hate relationship with it. I love it because it's a dream to live there but I hate it because i don't know if I'll ever be able to afford it. When I go there I feel inadequate. You can't self park - you have to valet, and I feel like the valet people and other people look down on me because I don't have a nice car. Also a lot of people there seem to have a serious stick up their ass if they know you don't live there. I think people who live there maybe should only associate amoungst themselves.
Truthfully I think I should just be able to date someone who has a little more than me who enjoys taking me out and paying for my half, but that's even hard to find, guys where i live have real attitudes which is why I think I will stop dating all together. Even if a guy does front the $ when he takes you out here a lot of times he's kinda condescending.
It's true about the middle class dwindling away. People soon are either just going to be rich or poor. I'd like to just be ok.
When I feel like this though to get myself back on track, I just watch this video:

I think I just need to move out of South East Florida - I can't keep up and I'm sick of feeling bad about it.
In other news, here's intro for the new online show The X-profiles that I'm doing - still very excited about it. Goes to show that even if something you're doing isn't immidiately making you money it still can be worth it.