Well it's the last day of 2007. Wow, what a roller coaster of a year it's been. I'll tell you this though, my year has ended on a big fat positive rather than a negative so I'm psyched about 2008.
My New Year's Eve plans came together afterall. I know where I'll be and who I'll be hanging with AND I know what I'll be wearing (my outfit is super cute) - so I'm glad. I'll be bringing in the year sexy, sassy, and single - and I see that as a good thing.
2007 enabled me to get all the negative and toxic people out of my life, but it also opened some doors to let some really great new positive people in. I was able to mend some torn relationships with my family this year as well, which was more important than anything.
This year I will be running on fast forward all the way through. Lots and lots to do.

Well I'm all set for New Years Eve. I still don't have definite plans but I DO have a kick ass outfit and a little cash to buy myself some drinks. That's all you really need. I was hoping to have a date, but anyone I was thinking of asking either is out of town (valid excuse), or already has plans (not a valid excuse as they COULD include me) or are broke (not a valid excuse because it shows total irresponsiblity).
The assholes who already have plans or are broke had better not bother me for the rest of the year - you gotta give to get and I'm not about chumps in '08 at all.

I will be working most of this weekend, but I might venture out either tonight or tomorrow just to socialize, listen to some music and get a few drinks. We'll see. I finally cleaned my car, hopefully in '08 I can get a convertible. :)

I'm looking forward to New Year's Eve - I don't know exactly what I'll be doing that night or where I'll be going, but I have an idea, and I am sure I'll have a great time. So far I have 3 friends to party with, so that's all that really matters anyways.
I've been checking out the prices of most of the local New Years Eve events and it's fucking out of control. I don't think I can afford to hit a club this year. Hell, I want a nice outfit/dress to wear and if I have to buy that, there's no way I can blow $200 on a party/club entry. People are on crack.
That reminds me, this weekend I'll hit the dreaded mall to try to find one. I want something very sparkly.

Merry Christmas everyone! Check out the video below (even though I've posted it before) in honor of the holiday and what it's all really about.

It's Christmas Eve folks and believe it or not, I'm actually feeling a little "Merry". I managed to get all my shopping and shipping done on time, so I can just relax - well actually I never relax, as usual I'm working.
Though I don't want to because of a few issues and circumstances, I'm going to spend part of X-mas eve and X-mas with my family because I feel in my heart it's the "right thing" to do. It's funny how you never would imagine as a child how much your relationships with various family members can change so much - both for the better and for the worse but I guess that's just a part of life.
In other news my computer network is working BEAUTIFULLY - since I've up an independent video editing system I've been so productive and I think it will really reflect through all the additions to my websites over the next week.
Between my site updates and continued work on a few other projects, I'm going to roll into 2008 blazing, so don't stick aorund if you can't handle the heat :)

I finished all my Christmas shopping today and walked away from the experience with a new outlook on my country. I've come to realize, that electing another President, Vice President, or even continuing with our form of government overall is just yet another mistake in America's current and seemingly endless disfunctional cycle. Instead, IKEA needs to rise to power and take over America's government.
Thank God for IKEA. IKEA saved me this Christmas. IKEA truly is heaven on earth. Bright, clean, orderly, products that are simple and straight forward though designed to be rearrangable and even altered to your own specifications, friendly employees, prices I can afford, a do-it yourself enviroment....(I could go on and on).
Some conspiracy peeps say IKEA is our governament's way to introduce Americans to a more communist type system. Well if that's the case, then just call me the Hitler of furniture and other household items.
You just CAN'T BEAT IKEA. Period. If I ever have a child, I might name it IKEA (or maybe Malm). That is how impressed I cam with that company. Yes, I am a nerd.
I'll tell you what though - Sawgrass Mall can go straight to hell...and then a few levels below that as well. Sawgrass Mall is actually the current state of America. Way too big, way to many people who don't speak english, way to much useless and overpriced poor quality crap and junk and a ton of scam artists. I should have known better than to even ATTEMPT that mall but the Christmas Shopping Fever got the best of me. I'll tell u what though, I couldn't deal with that mall for any longer than an hour. Ye
I'm a green little Grinch this Christmas. I don't want to even deal with the damn holiday this year - I just want this year to be OVER because I'm ready to move on to '08.

Well, only a few days till Christmas and I still haven't done any shopping for my family or friends - just great... and I really can't handle the thought of hitting a shopping center/mall around this time of year - I live with a high level of anxiety so I do my best to avoid situations that may set me off.
Since almost everywhere is going to be busy since we're only a few days away from Chrstimas I'm going to hit probably the ONLY store that I can deal with - IKEA, so that where I will be early afternoon later today. I'm not going to totally stress, I'm just going to buy what I afford this year for close family and friends and let that be it.
I'm not making any ''New Year's" resolutions, I'm just staying on the same track I'm currently on - my main priorities as of current are to move into a nicer place, get a nicer car, open my photography studio (hopefully) , improve my wardrobe and do some traveling.

I haven't posted in a while, but mainly because I have been VERY BUSY - which is great! Along with being busy though, I'm taking more time to relax and really enjoy my life - especially over now since the holidays are coming and most likely I'll be spending it solo.
I'll be uploading my photo set next week so check it out! Also this weekend hopefully I'll get some video work done too.

Sometimes it's not until you've had a great steak from Albertson's cooked on your little George Foreman Grill, a bottle and a half of Hornsby's Amber draft, and a Marlboro Light, while watching an episode of Sex in the City while sitting on your patio that you realize that being single at 28, almost 29 really ain’t to shabby.
I think part of my problem is that sometimes I'm so consumed with finding "the one" that I don't take time to "smell the roses" and realize that my life overall is pretty damn good.
Where else in the world can I enjoy a nice winters evening on the weekend on my patio in relative summer/spring conditions while listening to some mellow
spanish music wafting on the evening breeze from my latin american neighbors apartment one over and one up from mine.
Where else in the world could I "go to work" from my bedroom at home in my lingerie and make an ok living?
Maybe somewhere, but I don't know where.
I love steak. Usually steak and shrimp, especially at a nice restaurant, but the beauty of grocery stores and their abundance of spices, sauces, and other edible supplies is that the average girl can at least attempt to do it herself. I’m thinking about taking some cooking classes for the hell of it to become a better chef. Dating a chef really isn’t a good solution because you can become dependant upon them cooking for you, and if you grow to hate who you’re dating to contemplate whether or not to break up because of the food. I think that mere situation is why many people stay together…
One thing about being single, is that you really learn how to crack yourself up (ya start to make yourself laugh).
I’m not sure I’m really even single since I have pets. My dog is great, totally my buddy and a diversion from taking myself too seriously, but the real roommate around here is my bird. This bird I have is 14 years old. Amazing. My bird has seen a lot. Luckily he can’t talk, if he could I don’t think I’d want to know what he has to say…
Last night I and my friend Amanda had a really cool "im-promptu" evening in downtown Fort Lauderdale. Just 2 friends, checking out the scene, having some drinks, flirting with some guys and then parting ways. Very cool if I say so myself.
I don't know what I'm doing for the Christmas holiday yet. As of current I don't have anything planned. A part of me wants to spend it with my family but I truly don't know if I'm ready to be the "single odd one out" in my age range amongst my family. A part of me wants to try to do a "single girls" holiday somewhere remote and exciting from my norm. Like Las Vegas....
We'll see what happens, maybe I'll just volunteer somewhere.
Monday my new computer which I will use only for video editing arrives.
I’m happy about that.

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Tonight while doing cam shows, I listened to one of the most interesting broadcasts of Coast to Coast AM that i've heard in a long time - you can check it out here: http://www.coasttocoastam.com/shows/2007/12/01.html

The show covered the topic of "human-robot relationships in the future" in regards to love and sex with robots that look totally human. I wish I'd listened to the show live to where I could have called in because in a sense, as a cam girl - to a lot of a guys I am a bit of a "virtual girlfriend". I think my insight as to the show's topic would have been a bit different than some of the other callers.

On one hand, I think a realistic "sex robot" could be good for people who are incapable of maintaining relationships with real people, but on the other hand, it could cripple a person from TRYING to maintain a real relationship with a person.

At this point in my life, I personally wouldn't mind have a realistic "male" sex/relationship robot. Hell, it would be fun and in a way emotionally fulfilling. Of course it wouldn't be able to take the place of a real person, but for now it would work.

Actually that company "Real Doll" (www.realdoll.com) really pisses me off, because they have a HUGE assortment of dolls for men but only one model for women - what they hell is that about?

I think more women buy sex toys than men, so why wouldn't they have more male models of a real doll than female? I just don't get it.

Yesterday was an ultra productive day. Cam shows in the morning, my first fetish shoot as a photographer for "Amazon Amanda" in the afternoon, and a little photo editing in the evening (after a good long soak in a hot tub).
This weekend I'm planning I'm being totally busy with cam shows as MiZtressMonica.com has begin to take off very rapidly, but next week after I finish editing the photos from yesterday's shoot, I'm going to revamp my www.id-cdproductions.com website. I have so many new portfolio shots I need to post, and I think my overall format of the site needs to be redone anyways.
I have a feeling I'll be having a very busy Decemeber.
Enjoy this group photo from the end of the shoot yesterday (the little monster front and center is me in photographer mode rather than model mode for once) and the other photo is my favorite frame from the shoot.

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Yesterday was a great day, but a long day. I worked from about 5am to 1am solid. I feel like I'm really reaching some personal goals with my online ventures, but man it's simply amazing how when you start to really do well, the "haters" (a.k.a. jealous individuals) creep out in full force!
I just see it as being comical though, because anyone who shows that kind of attitude towards someone trying to build something positive is simply weak to begin with.
In other news, tomorrow I will be shooting a new photo pictorial, that I hope embodies a more "fine tuned" Monica Foster / Miztress Monica image. Stay tuned :)

Yesterday I had my "official belated Thanksgiving" dinner with my friend Amanda over at one of my all time favorite restaurants J. Alexanders. Steak Maui - yum. Cabernet - yum. Carrot cake with icing - yum.
As far as my hair is concerned I decided to go with the red streaks in the front. It's not exactly "real world" hair, but when I pull it back in a pony tail it's not TOO noticable. Looks GREAT on camera though. I'll post a couple pics of ma "do" later on.
Well today I'll be doing cam shows all day and same for the remainder of the week.
MiztressMonica.com is really taking off QUICK. Funny how life works.

Well today is "hair day". Redoing my extensions and trying to decide whether to put in blond highlights or bright red. I'd like to do the red, because I think that they would look awsome in some of the new photos sets I want to do and durring my cam shows. However I have a casting to go to on Tuesday and I'm thinking the red might look a little to "ghetto" or "in your face" - but then again maybe looking extreme will get me noticed in the casting. We'll see....maybe just a few pieces of red in the front.
Anyways, though some people said I shouldn't get implants (and I value their opinions), I'm going to try my best to save up and get them. In the field of entertainment that look will get me further - multiple people I've talked to who actually work in the field that my look is right for have verified this so fuck it - why not - only young once.
My priorities as of current are boob job, teeth whitening, new car, and to move.
I can't wait to get the fuck out of Florida.
I want to be kind of reinvent myself. Now that my ties are cut from many people from my past, it's time to be someone all of my own.

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone and I'm glad.
The night prior to Thanksgiving I was invited out by a new friend of mine. We had a BLAST - a bit of drama entered towards the middle of the night, but I still had fun.
Anyways this weekend I will be working non-stop again, but I'm happy and "thankful" to be able to work.
Next week, I might be attending a reality show casting. That should be interesting if I decide to go.

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I'm no longer allowing "anonymous" commenting on my blog - if you want to commment, identify yourself fuckers.

Anyways today i've begun the 2nd stage of MiztressMonica.com - should be complete soon. I'm glad that it's almost the end of the month. In fact I really want to just get into next year at this point. Too bad I can't just fast-forward through the holidays.

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What the hell is up with this current flood of mimbos (male bimbos) and pretty boys? I swear, lately whenever I go out these types of men (at least in south florida) make up at least 50% of the male dating pool. It's sad and totally not appealing neither to myself or most other women I know. Overall it's disgusting, and just affirms that most men out there truly are bitches.
I think a lot of men for whatever reason think that it's "ok" nowdays to arch their eyebrows, partake in various beauty treatments, and wear "very high end and fashionable" clothing, but to be honest with you, it just makes you look gay.
Now if you're are gay, go with it, but if you're not don't dress the part.
I'm also sick of guys past 25 who try to act "boyish" as if it's cute or who try to act younger than they are. I also think men who lie about their age are retarded as well because I can always tell.
A wannabe model I know lies about his age, I didn't really think about it until a friend of mine pointed out to me how old he looks in the face. Consequently this weirdo also tries to be a mimbo.
So in conclusion, act you age and your sex - otherwise it's just pathetic.

Today was a fun day. Had lunch/dinner and a few drinks with a good friend. Came home, took a nap and overslept, then woke up and found this video on YouTube (it will crack you up.

Ok, well today I finally got some much needed website updates taken care of to MonicaF.com - I have an hourlong camshow replay up in the member section and slowly but surely will have more added soon.
Here's a clip from November 4th's show.



Tomorrow I'll be doing another installment of RED T-back. Gotta figure out what to discuss. I still want to go to that fetish party this weekend - gotta find someone to go with.

Well, tonight I finally figured out how to properly import the video files from my new camera into my computer and edit them without losing quality. The entire problem has to do with the damn default video encoding that Sony saves movies to on the camera's harddrive. Fucking Mpeg2 and a seperate Modd file for the audio. Arg.
If I'd initially edited with Windows Movie maker I wouldn't have ad any problems at all but stupid me wanted to use Studio 9. Oh well. Screw you studio 9. I still need to find if that have a patch/plug in to be able to use mpeg2 / modd files as the source files. I'll save that search for another day though.
Well the weekend is about half over but it's been productive.

Young, old, straight, gay, male, female, black, white, yellow, or red - ANYONE can stick their foot in their mouth and come off as a total retard when they're feeling insecure.
It's funny.

Well, it feels as though the remainder of this year should wrap up pretty nicely:

Finances: good
Family: good
Friendships: great
Health: fantastic
Career: developing faster than I'd ever thought
Romantic life: options are open :)
Creativity: off the charts

I just feel good, well more than good - great - especially with my workouts and cut down on unhealthy habbits. I see how all the negativity this year HAD to happen, if it hadn't all this new good stuff and people in my life wouldn't have had an entry point.
When they say you "can't go home again" , it's not just in regards to the house you grew up in ir your family - it also applies to your ex friends, careers, or anything that you've moved past.
Some people I used to think were so exciting and cool, now I see as so hum-drum, blah, fearful and boring.
I guess as an experiement I threw out some "feelers" to some old friends/aquaintances of mine just to see where they're at now. Well, all I'll say is that I ended that experiement ASAP. I'll just keep moving forward.

I woke up this morning feeling GREAT! I mean really great - I would like to write about as to why, but I'm still testing out a new part of my health regimin, so until I have concrete proof that what I'm doing really is beneficial, anyone reading this will simply have to wait to find out why I feel so good.

This morning I did another broadcast of my online talk show RED T-BACK and it turned out to be a really good installment. I covered some really good points - especially in relation to maintaining mental and physical health while working as a dancer. Then my friend "Fetus" called in along with a really cool girl who's a Coyote in a Coyote Bar down in Texas. The conversations were cool.

I was contacted by a photographer earlier this week to be in a calendar, the booking isn't finalized yet, but hopefully it will be.

I hope not the only person who thinks or has noticed this, but why is it that when guys hit around 27 or 28, they suddenly have a really fat head and face. I think that's so gross. I'm going to have to become a "cougar" because I haven't seen any men over 30 in a while without a fat ass head. Maybe I just have a preference for thinner men with high cheek bones.

Well, I'll be working non-stop online from this afternoon till Monday evening, hopefully my "work binge" will be profitable.
I'm shooting for 11/7/07 as the launch date of my miztressmonica.com website - I want it to be fetish, but also fun.
I found a really cool online contest called "Reality Manga"- check it out. I think Anime/Manga/Japanimation is so damn cool. I wouldn't mind dating a guy who looked like a hot Manga character.
Actually come to think of it, the "reality manga" characters, look about how 1st or 2nd generation "gray type" alien/human hybrids would look.
I used to think that I "loved" or was "into" the paranormal. I don't think I really am, I think I'm just looking for some answers. I've been acused of being immature, crazy, nuts, overly imaginative, etc, because of my "seeking answers" . Well I really hope that I am just all of those things. I hate being so weird. Even when I try to be normal I'm weird.
My interest in the concept of aliens comes and goes and I was hoping that as I got older, the interest would die down, but it hasn't. If anything it's increased. I think nows the time that I simply explore the subject as much as possible.

What do I hate about myself most? That I can't manage money.
I think I will always be poor. It sounds depressing and it probably is, but it's something I'm learning to deal with. The fact that I'm creative in my opinion counters that flaw and makes me feel better about my life.
The video below sums up how I feel at this moment:

Yea, I'm in a "post a video" blog phase at this point in my life.

Well yesterday was interesting. I had an unexpected house guest, a good friend who travels the world who I haven't seen in a very long time, so that was fun. It's cool when you have friends that you see every once in a while, adds a bit to life. We tried to go Lion Country Safari , but they closed at 4, we didn't get there till 4:30, so that didn't happen. We still had a lot of fun talking and catching up on events that are going on in our lives.
I'll post some video later of our drive.

Well, I've decided that along with giving up smoking I'm also giving up drinking. I don't think it will be hard, because right now all I drink is wine. I'm not saying that I'm giving up drinking FOREVER, but since I want to take my look more into the fitness arena, I need to get into really good shape.
I came up with an awsome idea for a friend of mine in regards to me producing a fitness video series of him. I think this will go over very well. I am also thinking of putting together a fitness video of myself. I won't start on that though untill I have the miztress monica project off the ground.

Sometimes I think I may be too much of a nocturnal person, but then again I've always liked the night. Feels more natural to me.
I've been reading about and looking at sports bikes a lot lately. I think that next year I will get one. I've always been a bit of an adrinaline junky needing some sort of excitement or high at all times, so since I'm not partying like I used to, I might as well try being a speed demon for a while.
I'm going to wait till I move into a new place next year though because I'll need a garage.

My nephews 1st birthday was this week - wow what it must be like to be brand new in today's world. While I was shopping in Target for his gifts, I was checking out some of the new toys out for kids. Some are really cool, but in my opinion the problem with a lot of the toys out now, is that they do the playing FOR the kids - it's like the kids don't have to use their imagination to much anymore. Some of the toys that were my favorites from when I was kid, you can't even find anymore.
Anyways, my neighbor who lives above me must be depressed or going through something because she keeps playing the same fucking song OVER AND OVER again at max volume. If she does it again tomorrow, I'm going to have to talk to her about lowering the volume. Luckily her taste in music really isn't that bad - check out the video below of the song she keeps playing - it's Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis.
I really like the way the stylist put her look together and the video itself is very glam.

Well I'll be doing cam shows all weekend along with some new photo and video sets. This morning I'm going to do a set of headshots.
I wanted to try to get to the beach , but looks like it'll be rainy most of the weekend. I hate the rain - I hate humidity - I think I hate moisture in general - that's why living in the desert is so appealing to me.

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Well yesterday was productive. I shot another photo pictorial for my website entitled "Mod Mirrors" - check out this photo from it.
I still need to edit some of the photos, but it should be up by the end of today.
I also need to get by home depot at some point today. I'd LIKE to go by IKEA, but that probably won't be till later in the week.

Today was a longer day than I'd thought it would be, but it was a really good day in regards to hanging out with my family. Check out this clip below - very appropriate to life in general:
lifehouse everything skit

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I missed my scheduled "Miztress Monica" show but that's cool - doing it at 2am tonight.
I've decided to re-enroll in school next year for a degree in both Photography and Business. I'm very excited. After that I'm strongly considering going into the field of law.

Tonight I finally made it to IKEA - well before I get to that part of my day, let me write about some other stuff first.
I love my new camcorder - I will be using it with my website in conjunction with my online talk show RED TBack, my cam shows and video pictorials all weekend, so that should be fun - I actually made a "test intro" to my website - you can check it out at the end of this post - it's not great, the editing sux but overall it's cute.

I received the photos from the photoshoot I did last week- they look nice - not really my typical flashy glamour style, but they're nice - hopefully they'll get me some positive feedback and website traffic from a larger audience.
Ok - now on to IKEA. My first experience with the newly opened South Florida IKEA probably was a bit tainted by the MAD MASSES OF PEOPLE who had the same idea as me tonight - to go shopping for amazingly inexpensive cool, fun and funky furniture, knic-knacks and other stuff I probably don't really need but that really does make my apartment a "happy place".
I have a theory about IKEA - IKEA has managed through their products and store layout to allow you to have the chance to "take home the dream". Their products are specifclly designed to trick shoppers into thinking that they can fill that empty saddness that so many of us embody by purchasing the entire Malm series. I love it and I'm going to buy into it though I secretly know better.
The IKEA parking lot was totally filled to capacity, so I had to park about a mile away at the Bank Atlantic stadium (overflow IKEA lot).
Now IKEA does currently have a trolly running between the overflow Bank Atlantic stadium parking and the store, which is nice, but it was a pain in the ass because I couldn't buy the actual furniture pieces I wanted to buy tonight due to the inability to transport them myself from the store, to the trolly and then to my car .
They had some sort of a delivery discount available but screw that - I'll just wait for next week when the store isn't crazy busy, which should be Monday during the morning/afternoon.
I did buy a few cool items I felt needed. A throw rug for my bedroom, a really cool pendant lamp for my living room, some very modern looking circular mirrors which I've already made into a design on my living room wall, a bathmat for my bathroom, a can opener, a utinsil set and a spatula.
I was shocked as to the quality of some of the furniture. It looks better than I'd anticipated it looking in "person" being that I've been obsessing on the website for years now.
I am going to become an IKEA addict. Whenever I feel sad, angry, bored, alone, or psychotic I'm going to go to IKEA. I am going to replace my past smoking addiction with an IKEA addiction. My shitty apartment will soon look incredible!!!!! And at the end of my lease when I move into a larger place - preferably a townhouse, it will be IKEA'd out as well.
Welcome to Ikiaism.

Well today I was pretty busy working on my MiztressMonica.com site - I haven't uploaded anything to the site yet, but I'm working on the actual content (photos, graphics, etc).
Today I received a FANTASTIC gift - a Sony harddrive camcorder! I am so excited to start using it - my camshows are going to be KILLER now and there will be MANY videos on my websites by the end of the weeked :)
I picked up a friend of mine from the airport yesterday. I love going to the airport - even just driving by it - mainly because it reminds me of how much I love to travel and the excitement of traveling.
Tomorrow I'm finally going to IKEA!!!! I wanted to get there earlier this week for their grand opening, but unfortunately I was busy. With help of IKEA my apartment will soon by TRICKED OUT!!! I purposely haven't bought much of anything (furniture wise) for my place because I felt like it would be a waste of money when you compare the prices of a regular furniture store to Ikea. I will take some video of my trip out there and post it on YouTube.
Yesterday I had a really good conversation with my mom - it's funny because ever since I was "outed" for having my Monica website, my mom and I have grown much closer. It's nice.

While working tonight I was thinking that over the past few years I've made many unwise decisions, hung out with many dangerous, manipulative, selfish and destructive people, and have put myself in many situations that I should have been be many levels above.
Well, that's all ok, because I've learned many lessons from the experiences and am trying to be a happier, better, stronger, healthier and more productive person. Most importantly though, I've learned how to recognize and identify certain qualities in people, places and situations that aren't good or right for me, much faster than before, and then make the good decision of keeping those people, places and situations FAR away from myself and life.
I feel good about that.
Due to my bad decisions in the past, some not so great consequences have manifested. The most painful consequences that I'm dealing with have to do with my father no longer communicating with me. I understand their points of view. It hurts but I'll live with it - at least my mother talks to me.
I've gone 24 hours without a cigarette. Last time I tried to quit I was committed to it. This time I am. Last time I went about 3 weeks without smoking which was a good run but this time rather than thinking in terms of "weeks" - I'm thinking in terms of years. Tonight I pulled all the wardrobe I need for the photos and video for my miztressmonica.com site.
I think the photos are gonna look great! This week I'll be receiving video camera I've been wanting. I can't wait FINALLY to do the video projects I've been mentally outlining and visualizing for the past few months.

I had a pretty good weekend. Just stayed home and worked, and ate and drank but it was good for me. Sometimes you need to force yourself to have some alone time to work through personal feelings and issues.
Well I'm going to try AGAIN to quit smoking. Last night was my last night with that and I feel good about my fresh start with quitting today. I can do it!

Well it's been a productive week overall. Did a photoshoot, tons of cam shows, and begain formulating some new ideas for my website. This weekend however I will be very busy.

I'm very serious about taking Monica Foster more into the fetish scene. Today I bought the domain http://www.miztressmonica.com/ for the gateway of the launch of the "fetish side" of Monica.

Last night after I hit the chinese food buffet (one of my favorite lowcost places to get my "grub on" - that's where I am in the photo) with a friend of mine I stopped by Fetish Factory and picked up my first "official" piece of fetish wear which I'll be using for my Miztress Monica cam shows and photos for my fetish/dom miztressmonica site. I'm very excited about exploring my "darker side". Somehow the fetish world feels very comfortable to me.

I broadcasted my Friday installment of RED T-back (http://www.redtback.com/) earlier today because I'd anticipated going out on an actual "date" tonight. Well ONCE AGAIN I've encountered yet another man-flake. Supposedly the guy both text messaged and emailed me that he had to cancel (I didn't get these supposed texts or emails). So sure, so out of ALL the Texts and Emails I get daily his MYSTERIOUSLY didn't get through. A real man calls to cancel.

I'm glad that I didn't have to actually go out with this dude to realize have to realize the flake-factor though :) There's a bottle of wine and block of cheese with my name on it in the fridge and tons of guys for me to chat with durring my cam shows tonight - so somehow I think I'll be ok :) I'll go out with my girlfriends tomorrow.

I'm very excited about October 17th. Why? Because the Sunrise, Florida IKEA store is FINALLY OPENING!!!! I have been waiting for this day for 2 years. Now I can make my apartment my DREAM apartment!!!!!! I can't FUCKING WAIT!

Well, it's been a good weekend and I anticipate having a great week. On Tuesday I have a shoot in Miami for a show that's on the Playboy TV cable channel so that should be pretty interesting.
I've been going back in forth mentally as to whether or not to leave South Florida at the end of my lease. I've been saying for a couple years now that I should head west, but rather than leaving what's familiar to me, I think I will embrace what's life to me right here. Actually I'm thinking about living further South in South Miami Beach.
The only reason I've been wanting to leave has been because of a few fools that I've had the misfortune to know. Well the only reason I got to know them or allowed myself to know them was because of my mindset at that time, so since I'm working on being the best person I can be, I have a feeling that I'll attract a different and more positive sect of people anyways, regardless of where I live.
Considering where I want to take myself and life professionally South East Florida is where it's at.
I'm having a lot of fun delving into the "fetish" world with Monica Foster. It's proving to be psychologically rewarding as well , as playing a "dom" (well I won't even say playing as it's proving to be natural for me) is allowing me to get out a LOT of my aggressions.
The great thing about being a cam girl is that I get to have all types of conversations with all types of people. Tonight I had a really cool conversation with someone who helped me put something I'd already realized, but hadn't admitted to myself, a bit more into the forfront of my thoughts.
That "something" is : Sometime's even though someone else may technically be to blame for our problems - you can only blame yourself for allowing the problem to continue. And the sometimes, that "problem" really isn't a problem after all.

I spent today looking at some supposedly authentic alien interrogation/interview footage on YouTube. Interesting. If anyone reading this wants the link just shoot me a message/email.
Whether it's real or not isn't the issue - the real issue with anything pertaining as to whether or not the govt. is covering up "alien contact" or "paranormal phenomenon" or anything else conspiracy related all stems down to people's perception of the govt. having to much control over the people.
I used to feel as if I didn't have enough "freedom" or "free stuff" but lately, I've been thinking the opposite.
Yea, maybe energy should be free, but hell, it's still pretty cheap with the exception of gasoline. Also for god's sake - look at the gift of the internet. I don't HAVE to pay for a reg.phone/cellphone anymore with VOIP - and even if I do pay for VOIP it's just PENNY's it didn't use to be like this.
The internet is like a giant free bookstore/library - people just don't know how to use it right and overall don't use it enough. I do though :)

"Everything right now and right away" - when it comes to things and people I want in my life, that's how I think. Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way which usually doesn't leave me too happy.
I need to stick with my original plan of staying single for the duration of this year. At this point it's impossible for any ONE guy to totally satisfy me, and the last few men who have entered my life couldn't cut it in the most important and intimate departments at all. Sad.
I need to the beach more for my work outs. I love being in nature. Spent this afternoon watching old baywatch reruns - the show inspired me :) I can relate to the character CJ very well.

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Well this weekend was BUSY, but unfortunately I didn't get around to doing any cam shows, so this week I'll be online every day playing a little bit of "catch up".
I saw my beautiful nephew this weekend, it's amazing as to how quickly children grow. I kind of think just the presence of children in your life somehow causes time and life to go into a state of "fast-forward".
It's so true when they say "you can never go home again" - in regards to when you move out. I'm very happy to have been living on my own all these years, but sometimes I miss the days of living with my mom. You don't realize how comfortable family life is untill it's past.
Options....right now my life is presenting me with MANY options and it's exciting. However it's also scary because I don't want to make any more bad decisions in my life. Well I guess you can't totally avoid bad decisions, but I want to make well thought out decisions, yet I also want to continue to pay attention of my "intuition".
I want to buy a new carpet for my living room today and possibly re-arrange my bedroom. Little by little I'm making my apartment a "home". I love having my own place again. I know eventually I'll find someone to have a real and healthy relationship again, which usually leads to living with that person, but I can't even imagine living with someone again as I really cherish my privacy and personal space.
It's so weird being 28. I'm officially beyond the current "MTV" age range, but I'm not old enough for the "Sex in the City" crowd. Makes me feel kind of odd as to how I should dress, act, be etc. Don't get me wrong, I don't define myself by the media's standards, but it's hard to figure out where you are in your life and where you should be at my age. I'll probably be more comfortable in my 30's. late 20's are undefinable as a single 28 year old woman.
Actually maybe that's the key"single at 28". I don't HAVE to be single right now, I'm fortunate enough never to be without a guy to date if that's what I want, but life has put me on a path to where I've somehow made it through a few long term relationships without having become a mom along the way.
In some ways it's great, in other ways it isolates you from your peers. Most women I know around me age are either in a long term relationship, married or a single mom.

I've finally regained communication with everyone in my life who's most important to me - my mom, dad and sister - so I'm really happy. You really don't realize how much your family means to you until they're not immediately in your life. I'm not going to let that breakdown of communication happen again, regardless of how weird I'm viewed as being :)

Speaking of being viewed as "weird" - it's amazing how what you do for a living truly is how you're defined as a person in our little "western world" society and mentality.
Lately I've acused (much more frequently now than just a few months ago) that I try to justify my work as "art", "a project", "a career" or "an endeavor" in order to make myself feel better about "just doing porn". Sorry but if that's how you see what I've created and built for myself - then your mind is small, and could probably be shattered at any moment. Before you twist, turn and fold up my actions into a neat little box, consider this:

The truth is that nothing can REALLY be totally defined. Why? Because everyone has a totally different perspective and experience in this universe.

I've been thinking lately that I need to put together a required reading and/or viewing list of books and movies that a person should have to go through before they are allowed to get to know me. On that list would be:
The Guru
The Girl Next Door
Flashdance
Contact
The Way of the Shaman
Highlander (the entire televsion series)

In other news, I'm going to put more effort into RED TBack again (www.redtback.com), even if it's just sticking to my 10pm Tuesday and Friday broadcasting schedule. I managed to do a broadcast this past Friday, and it actually turned out pretty well. I and my co-host harmony had a good convo on the air about maintaining control of your website and if you're planning on getting into working as a cam girl/guy.
I think I'm going to take my cam girl persona into the "fetish" scene - not int a major hardcore way, but hell, I think it'll be fun to try being a "cyber/webcam dom" for a while. I'm already naturally bossy so it's not too much of a stretch. Plus my friend Amanda has given me some positive encouragement to at least try this angle :)
I discovered a new clothing trend this morning that I didn't know about before: Cyberwear - check out this link:
http://www.kinkyangel.co.uk and click on the "cyberwear" subcategory - really cool stuff. I think I'm going to implement this style into my look for a while.
Later today I think I'm going to cut my hair into that Jenna Jameson/Posh Spice cut. Gotta stay current - ya know?
Well I'm still smoke free and I'm feeling great. Next week I will start a regular workout schedule.

This is a very personal posting but what the fuck, I'm drunk and I doubt anyone important or noteworthy reads this so who cares.
I'm a nicotine junkie. I'm still free of the drug but tonight after drinking some wine I got desperate and actually rummaged through all my trash to try to find a cigerette. I didn't and coudln't find one so I'm still smoke free and I'm happy for that, yet I'm depressed.
I'm so alone. Sometimes I feel like killing myself. My parents are so ashamed of me cause I'm naked online, even though it's how I earn a living. My sister doesn't really speak to me anymore. I know she's busy with her kid but she could call but she doesn't.Sometimes I just want to die. No one loves me. No one ever has.
I don't feel sorry for myself. just very alone.
anyways i'm going to try my best to just keep going with my personal projects as trivial and insiginificant as they may be.

Though I'm only a social / occasional smoker, I've decided to quit and am sticking to it. Unfortunately it really is difficult. In the past I had a max of 5 cigerettes a day (usually my max would be on the weekend if I was out at a bar or club with friends) and a minimum of 1, maybe even 0 cigerettes a day (usually I'd just light up after a really good meal). I'm quitting though because I I hate being dependent on anyone or anything and in the future if I have children I don't want their mom to be a smoker. Also I want to start a more rigorous workout routine so I need the extra energy and stamina that smoking takes away.
As light of a smoker as I was, the withdrawel symptoms have hit. I guess my lungs are beginning to totally clear and heal because I really do feel like I have a cold. Lots of coughing, sore dry throat, runny nose. Ugh. It sucks. I can deal with the cravings - whenever I want to smoke I just drink a lot of water. I know I'm getting much more oxygen than I did in the past due to some slight dizziness.
Quitting smoking takes some serious will power, but I can do it.
Anyways in other news I have a few modeling gigs coming up so that's good. I can't waitto buy that new video camera I want. Just about a week away from doing so.

I am so happy that things in my life are finally beginning to come together as they should financially and on a personal emotional level. Though there are a lot of people both unfamiliar and familiar to me which may not agree as to how I've gone about things in my life, I know I've taken the path that I needed to in order to become the woman I am today (and that woman really ain't that shabby).
As I'm going through the process of really shaping my adult life, I'm starting to realize that there are certain other areas of my life that need to be fixed so I am going to make sure that I set myself, and life up to where these fixes both can and will take place.
I'm going to be very proactive in regards to the areas of my life that I want repaired, so anyone or anything that plans on attempting to stand in my way, may want to think twice because I will not be slowing down or stopping for yellow or red lights.

I'm hoping that by the end of the month I'll be able to purchase the video camera I've had my eye on for a while now. Mostly because I'm aching to get started on a few video projects I've had in mind for quite a while now.
This weekend I'm going to start some sort of a detox program. Between now and Christmas I want to improve my diet and exercise routine.
Here's a warning for anyone who reads this: DO NOT TAKE TYLENOL PM. I took 2 caplets the other night and had a VERY bad reaction to it. I did some research online and found a forum dedicated pretty much to the dangers of the over the counter drug. Goes to show that even if it's legal it can be harmful.

Saki and cellphones DO NOT mix! That was the ending lesson of this past weekend.
This past weekend was both productive and lucrative actually so no real complaints. Saturday I had a photoshoot with Dave Parks Photography again. I'm really looking forward to seeing the pictorial sets from the shoot. From the previews of the raw images I've seen, the shots look really great.
I did cam shows during the day on Sunday and Sunday night I went out to eat to Hiro's (a sushi joint) in North Miami with a friend of mine where we downed about 3 karafs of Saki between us. Needless to say we were LIT UP upon leaving.
Luckily I got home safely - unluckily I made a few phone calls I don't entirely remember to some people - oops.
Next time I go out and drink, I think I'll turn my phone off or leave it home all together.

Last night was a ton of fun. I finally had a successful "girls night out" with my friend Amanda. We hit the outside bar over at Nikki Marina across from the diplomat hotel - honestly the scene sucked. NO ONE was there and the few people that WERE there were incredibly annoying. We had one drink and split.
After that, we hit downtown Hollywood and stopped by my old work Coyote Bar. It was ok, but again , the scene sucked guy wise.
I've come to the conclusion that because of the war, all the GOOD guys are overseas and only the cowards without enough balls to join the army are still around. Yuck. No 6 packs I guess untill Bush is out of office. Someone PLEASE bring the troops home! We need men with GOOD bodies back!
I actually got another installment of RED TBACK done yesterda. It's only about 15 mins long but it rocked.
Anyways I didn't drink too much for once and I'm glad. I actually woke up feeling ok today.
Well I better get dressed because I have that photo shoot today. Later people!

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Well today so far has been a busy but happy day. Woke up kind of early, did some work on line and then decided I'd better get that head light changed so I found a local automotive place that did the job pretty cheap, and they were really nice. I might take my car back there later to try to get my AC and air intake fixed later on in the month.
I take back what I wrote a few days ago about not allowing my dad and sister in my life. I guess I just need time to heal after the "release of information" myself. I'm still figuring out life I suppose and in all honesty, I need all the love around me from family that I can manage to have.
My dad sent me a card today. It made my day. I'll be happy for quite a while now.
I have a photo shoot today with Dave Parker photography. I am so used to photographing myself via my "interval timer method", that I'm not sure how I'll do getting back into the studio solely as a model, but we'll see.
Tonight hopefully I can do a "do over" with Amanda. By the end of the day today I will really need a Mango Margarita.
People who don't drink are missing out - I feel that way at least for this stage of my life.

Well today was a mixture of good times, cool people, irritating situations and stupid people.
I wish I had never worked with Sheer Elegance. Not only was it a waste of time, but it exposed me to a world of total users and basket cases and pettiness. I learned from the experience - yes, but via the worst possible method. I hope that company stays in business for a long time so that it and it's owner can continue to wallow in the present state of misery they currently exist in.
Anyways in other news the past couple of days I've had lunch with a really cool guy that I hope to get to learn more about in the near future. This persona understands the concept of how fun it is to go out to eat . Yea, it's a luxury in a way but a simple one. More people should have margaritas at noon. The world would be a better place.
Tonight I had sushi with my new friend Amanda. That was SO much fun. I was still buzzed from the margaritas earlier. It's always great to have a girls night out with someonen who's life is similiar to my own. It's that common ground thing in friendships that makes a friendship worth while.
On the way home I got a ticket for one of my headlights being out. Ugh. If I could have changed the thing myself I would have but the fucking Ford motor company makes changing a head light a freaking process which is something I don't know how to do. That cop didn't HAVE to give me the ticket but whatever. that's life.
To conclude this blog, I just want to put out a notice to women in south florida to beware of men with good bodies. They are all male sluts who use their looks for services and goods. The only thing that can stop them is what stops us all...time.

It's been a very busy weekend for me so far - very creatively productive. However not financially productive - but oh well, I'm convinced that I will never get ahead when it comes to money and never be remotely rich - primarily because I'm a giver and not a taker - I think most artists are, and unfortunately that's what leads to serious depression within most artistic people.
I recently met a male model who I think will go very far in his career. Why? Well looks wise, he's absolutely gorgeous, but along with the looks he has serious drive. A lot of times it's more of the drive than the God given gift that makes someone a success.
I miss my sister and my dad a lot. I miss them but at this point I dislike them both due to their hypocracy, selfishness, and the saddness that they've envoked within me. I've decided I will not allow either of them back into my life, even if they were to ask. A part of me is glad everything's happened as it has because I guess this shows me how people in life that you love, really can be and are.
I'm lacking joy in life, and that lack of joy and making my will and deminish. I need something - ANYTHING - really great and special to happen in my life sometime soon.

Today was a VERY busy day. Busy but productive so I'm quite happy.
I'm making some steps in the positive direction in regards to opening a photography studio again. I'm thinking that by the end of the year, if not sooner, I should have that accomplished.
The chef I was supposed to go out with last night acknowledged that he was in the wrong in regards to his late cancellation - that was pretty big of him, but I can't give another chance to a person who has so many preconceived assumptions about me and to someone that insecure from the start. I've already been down that road.
Late today after I had all of my personal work done, I had a chance to photograph an up and coming model who's signed with the Elite agency. I haven't come across someone so focused and driven in a long time. It was refreshing. I think the young man will go far.
I didn't want the time to come, that I would be able to completely let go of my attachment to my sister and father. Unfortunately the time came and went without me realizing it due to their choice of discontinuing contact with me. It actually makes life much simpler this way. I'm glad my mom and I still talk. My mom and other people in my life make my life full enough :)

Well, the chef I was supposed to go out with tonight was a complete loser and flake.
I should post a link to this loser's myspace so that people reading this can see who this person is.
I was so looking forward to going out with him tonight, he seemed really cool and like a quality person. Wrong. This asshole has the nerve to wait until around 9pm tonight to call me and say that he's "shakey" on whether or not to take me out because he doesn't get paid till Friday. Um, if I was looking to just date him for monetary purposes I wouldn't have agreed to go out with him to begin with.
I am so sick and tired of people asumming that because I'm attractive that I'm only looking for a guy with a ton of $$. Maybe that's what I SHOULD look for since that's what's expected.
I 'm also sick of men thinking that I don't have any damn feelings and that it's ok to be as inconsiderate as to wait till the last minute to cancel a date with me.
Does this asshole not have any social skills? I cleared my whole damn night for this fool.
Guys like him are what make women like me into bitches. I just expect too much from people who aren't really worth my time.
I called the guy back and left him a message that he's an idiot and to grow up and that I won't be rescheduling with him. If he's too damn dumb to take his shot with me when he had the chance then let him date average to ugly chicks with kids who are on wellfair like he's probably used too.

Next.

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There's no better treat, than going out to eat. Period!
If there's one thing about my life that I wouldn't trade for anything, it's the fact that I probably have the opportunity to go out to incredible restaurants more so than most. I love it. Why? Because I love the sensations of "taste" and "flavor".
Last night I had the chance to hang with my new friends Amanda and Tree - 2 awsome young women by the way - of whome invited me out to dinner at the Diplomat Country Club. Now I've never been there before but it was QUITE the experience. Anyways the events of the night paled in comparison to the FOOD. I had the filet mignon. It was DIVINE!!!!! If I could have that meal for dinner for the rest of my life I'd be so happy. It was just fantastic.
Recently I've connected with someone new via the interenet - don't roll your eyes just yet, hopefully we'll meet up on Wednesday and I'm looking forward to it. He's a chef, which is perfect for me.
Though I'm happy being single again I really miss having a solid and steady boyfriend. I didn't used to be someone who craved physical affection, but lately I've been that girl. In other words I'm horny. But not just for sex, I can get that anywhere and it's not fullfilling. I want a hot guy who can and wants to really make love to me.
Maybe that's why I've been so into food lately, eating a good meal is close to the sensation of having great sex.
My dreams at night lately have not been helping either.

Finally it's a new month - welcome September of '07. I have a feeling that this month will be great.
Friday night in celebration of getting all my monthly bills paid on time, my friend Erica and I met up, along with her current boyfriend and his friend, Ted, to go out.
First we hit up a local strip club in Fort Lauderdale - after about 2 Jack Daniels and Cokes, we left there to hit up the Hard Rock. Once at the hard rock we had SOOOOO much fun, unfrotunately Erica's boyfriend and Ted didn't realize that they couldn't get into certain clubs due to the fact they were wearing "sneakers" (which is a stupid rule), but that was ok, because we hung out at Murphy's and the center bar where once again I got to chill with my favorite bartender AJ.
At the center bar, a stupid fat mulatto girl got a little agressive with me in a conversation having to do with race. I think she really just wastrying to get with Ted (he was hot, but not my type), and she was afraid I was "preventing that from happening" when in reality the only thing holding her back was her fat self.
All in all, I had a really great time out on Friday.
One thing I realized though, is that african american males have to display a LOT of restraint in public - why? because I hate to say it but many white and non-black males really do try to agrevate confrontations with black guys to try to "prove themselves". It's sad. I noticed that Ted has to put up with a lot of that crap. The experience an African American woman has in our society is completely different from the experience of an african american man, but the one common factor that both sexes deal with in relation to white men is the theme of "conquest".
Not all, but many, white men in america still have a fucking chip on their shoulder when it comes to african-americans. The males, they want to still try to dominate or lock up due to feelings of physical and sexual inferiority and the women they still want to sleep with to try to prove that they can "step up" to the ranks of the myth of "black sexuality". Dumb, but true.
I think more people need to realize this.
I don't think I will be dating any more white men for a while, well I take that back. I just won't be dating any american white men.

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of pain - both physical and emotional. If the saying of "God only dishes out to you what you can take" is true, then I must be an incredible bad ass.
The one thing I've realized about pain though, is that eventually, it dulls and then finally you get some relief. The relief is the best part.
I can't wait until next summer. I've made up my mind to make the move to Las Vegas no matter what, and I'm very excited. Though I'm lonely at times, it's great to know that I no longer have ties to south florida anymore.

So tonight I got to meet Dennis Rodman in person while he was on his way to the bathroom at Voodoo Lounge in Fort Lauderdale. That make's a total of 2 major NBA players (Dennis and Shaq) that I've been able to come across in a social setting - how funny.
Tonight was yet another fun night out with my friend Erica. After resting up this afternoon and doing cam shows all night tonight I felt the urge to go out - maybe it was the full moon.
I called up my girl Erica and since she was down to go out (and this was around 2am) we decided to get dressed and hit some clubs. Initially we were going to go to Oxygen down in Coconut Grove, but due to lack of funds for gas, we decided that Downtown Fort Lauderdale would be our best bet.
Voodoo Lounge has a drag queen show on Sundays so stopped by and wound up staying till closing. The show was GREAT and the crowd was awsome. You don't have to be gay to party there at all - it's just a really good and positive vibe with awsome DJ's and great music. I wound up meeting a really cool male model and his boyfriend who hopefully me and Erica will get to hang with sometime soon (but that's for another night of partying).
After Voodoo and Dennis Rodman, Erica and I needed to wind down so we hit the hard rock center bar for a couple drinks and cigerettes. That was chill. The Hardrock will always be the best after party wind down scene.
Well it's about 6am, so back to the cam shows and other projects.

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Last night was "ladies night" to the extreme.


I called up my friend Erica and we decided to hit a club called Pangea over at the Hard Rock casino. Ladies were supposed to drink free till 12am. Well Pangea's ladie's night SUCKS - why? Because the only "free drink" that ladies could have was a mixer with vodka. I HATE vodka - but I was already there so I suffered through 3 vodka cranberries.
A networking event was going on at the club that night, so I managed to get a few business cards passed out, which was cool - met an actor and a supposed "music video director" who was interested in having my friend Erica dance in the video - I told her to be careful but I hope the opportunity works out for her.
At around 12:30am we left Pangea and hit the "center bar" in the casino - my favorite bartender AJ was there, and he hooked us up with 2 more vodka cranberries - at this point in the night, the vodka really wasn't so bad.
Around 1am I called up a local boy I know (and supposed pro. gambler), "Jesse James", who I fucked once in the past - I figured I'd try to get a party crew together before Erica and I hit downtown Fort Lauderdale - what a mistake.

We stopped by Jesse James' place around 1am - over the phone he said he had more vodka at his place - but he didn't of course. However he had Jagermeister and Red bull so I made Erica and I a couple jagerbombs to keep our buzz going.
Now when I drink I tend to talk A LOT and I get very analytical, blunt and honest. At some point in the hour or so I was at Jesse James' crib I think I dissed him in some way, I'm not sure, but I'll tell you this:
Before Erica and I left, he and I started to mess around , and in the middle of the actual sexual act, he proclaims "your body won't let me fuck you".
Ok, guys, maybe it's just me, but if a girl is on your bed, naked, legs spread, excited and is saying "fuck me" HOW IN THE HELL is her body not letting you fuck her?
I think Jesse James has some sexual issues that he needs to address. Impotence - maybe. Insecurity issues - definitely (he wouldn't turn on the light in his room). Used to paying for it rather than having it given to him - most likely (he hangs in strip clubs and goes to vegas frequently so you know what's up with him and the hookers).
This dude also asked me, "how many guys have lied to you and told you that you're good in bed". Well - considering that I'm incredibly hot, sexy and smart to boot, I could just lay there and I'm still incredible in bed :) Some people just don't know when to drop to their knees and thank god...
Oh, by the way, Jesse James' roommate is HOT - I didn't realize how hot he was before when I met him. Erica gave him her number. She and I should take him out sometime.
Anyways because I was so toasted at that point the incident didn't phase me. Erica and I left and hit downtown fort lauderdale's Art Bar where there were yet more free drinks. They have a kick ass ladies night!!! Oh, AND they have a stripper pole too - yea!!!!!
We had a blast. So all and all Thursday night was great.

Today I've been thinking about where I'm going professionally. First and foremost I'm so tired of being poor and broke so I have to figure out how to turn that around quick. At the same time though, I don't want to compromise who I am and what I'm okay with .
I need to find out who hires girls like Bobbi Billard and Christine Dolce - that's my niche.

Once again I'm entering a cycle in which sleep isn't coming easily. That's ok though because I feel like I'm always playing catch up financially. It seems as if no matter what I do, I can't ever get ahead with my bank account. Today my network card in my main computer decided to die - arg - yet another expense. At least I am tech savvy enough to know the least expensive venue of repairing the problem.
Today I picked up the "partnership" contracts from the assistant of the person I'm going into business with for the www.sheereleganceusa.com website - I was under the impression it would be a true 50/50 partnership but the contract has the partnership as 49/51 (not in my favor). I don't like that. Yes, my partner has deep discounts in regards to the merchandise supply, BUT he'd be earning 50% of the profits and I'm essentially doing all the work (photography of products programming of the site, design or the site, marketing of the site, etc). Life isn't fair but in business I want a fair shake - other wise why even bother?
Last night I did another broadcast of REDTback - the broadcast was full of nothing but tech problems. ARG!
I've decided to start selling off my Monica Foster wardrobe/costumes on my site - wonder if anyone will buy the stuff. I kind of hope not, as I'm attached to most of it. Clothes go through life with you and hold lots of memories - at least for me they do.

Well, it's been a busy week socially - and as of late I've made some pretty good new connections which I hope will turn into some positive and healthy friendships.
Last night I went out with a new female friend of mine and we had a BLAST. I'm glad too, because I want to work the entire weekend so I probably won't be going out again untill next week.
I'm feeling so good about being single again. It's nice being totally free to do what I want when I want.
I finally figured out a coffee table solution. I've never been one for conventional furniture, so finding a coffee table that's the right price and look to suit my style has been hard, but I wound up coming across some really awsome side tables that you can put together in groups to form a coffee table. They look great.
I can't really have a lot of furniture because most of my apartment is set up for photography. Hopefully next year I'll be able to move into a larger place where I can have a designated room specifically set up as a photography studio.

I'm not sure why I thought it was a given that people over the age of 35 were beyond playing mind games and having alterior motives when it comes to matters of business, dating and sex. At least after this weekend I now have yet an even clearer picture than before - which is a good thing have for future events.
Well I'm done with ALL the programming of the SheerEleganceUSA.com site. YEA!!!!! All I have to do now is upload the final lingerie products into the system and that's it. In time I need to get more swimwear products (one pieces, coverups, etc) but as of now, I'm done - hopefully people will buy from the site.
This week I'm going to do some more pictorials for my monica site.
I bought a vacuum cleaner today. I've been meaning to do so starting about a month back, but hey, at least I accomplished something on my "to do " list today.
I want to meet a man like Keanu Reeves. I'm going to stick with being idealistic when it comes to men, even though some people have recently told me that I need to compromise. Compromising is no fun and in this day and age, I need to make sure I have as much fun as humanly possible.

Today I shot the first samples of swimwear for my online catalog sheereleganceusa.com and the photos look great. I will edit them while I do cam shows tonight and hopefully have the site up and running by Saturday evening.
I hope that this lingerie/swimwear catalog is successful. I really could use the extra income, either way though, the whole thing has been a great learning experience for me in respect to the world of business.
One of the models I shot today photographed SOOOOO well. Both girls I shot were attractive but this girl, Carrie, had a very unique quality. She had a good personality as well. It's great to meet other women who are attractive but self assured - very rare.
It is so freakin hot down here in South Florida. I wouldn't mind taking a vacation to somewhere a bit cooler.
I'm going to forget about trying to find a "bootycall" because apparently the powers that be, are preventing that from happening anyways. It's probably for the best - II don't need to be promiscuous - I'm too pretty for that :)

Well, I'm finally done messing with the lower end local talent in regards to South Florida men. I think that men from South Florida in my age range for the most part really are emotionally and mentally impared. I called up not just 1 but 2 men to try to arrange a quickie for myself last night, and neither one got back to me. Either it's something wrong with me, or it's them, and since I'm close to perfection - it's definitely them. Funny - as soon as my sex drive finally kicks up, I can't find a decent dick anywhere.

Anyways tonight I'm going to Rachel's up in west palm for dinner and drinks. That'll be fun. Amazing how my outer life revolves around glamour, sensuality and sex but my yet personal life lacks those qualities ealmost completely.

Well, this week should be fairly busy. I really want to work as much as possible towards the completion of the sheereleganceusa.com online catalog. I also want to add some much needed new features to my monicaf.com website.
I'm hoping by the end of the week I can afford the new computer I so desperately need. We'll see :)
Early this afternoon I have to make the dreaded drive to South Beach. Ugh, I hate going there. It's so freaking pretentious, but hey, I have to follow the money.
By the end of the month I need to have enrolled in a gym. I've gotta get in tip top shape. I want to get my breast implants by th end of the year, so I want to be in top knotch condition for that.
Later today I also want to start my website Monica Memorabilia auctions and I need to find out about a high end printer for my erotic art.
I've had 2 excellent job offers over the past 2 days. Unfortunately they were both for high end porn projects. I'm definitely not moving into the direction of porn, so I Had to turn both proejcts down. Maybe oneday a good mainstream gig will come my way. Staying positive and optimistic :)
This Thursday I'll probably be going out with my new friend Erika - that'll be a ton of fun, I'll be sure to take some pics to add to my blog :)

Reasons...some people say things just are - well that's possible - I believe anything and everything is possible but I personally feel that there are concrete reasons for everything. A reason for why we are who we are, why we do what we do , why we say what we say, etc.
I'm going to pull the Martin Luther King card and say "I had a dream". I actually had a very very very vivid dream last night about something personal, that I probably shouldn't be aware of but am - and if the dream is accurate, then I can see very clearly why my life has been and is as it is, where I'm going and the reason as to why.
God - I believe in God and I believe that we all have a definite purpose set for us, whether it's a purpose that we agree with and want or not. Now do we have choices and free will? Of course - it's a really intricate pattern as to how it's all interlaced, but choice, free will and pre-destination all work together.
I think God/the powers that be decided to show me a part of my reason for being because I was about to give up.
To conclude this blog, my advice to anyone reading this is to not give up on your dreams, because your dreams put you on a course to find out why you're really here in this world. I questioned my exhistance for a long time, now I know part of the reason "why".
It will be interesting to see when the reason why finds me and how.

What a week. I've been very productive lately as far as my creativity is concerned but I'm still not seeing much of a financial return. I'm so tired of being broke. I got all my bills paid last month so I'm proud of myself but I have no extra. Hell, I want some new clothes and a dining room and bedroom set.
It's so funny, yesterday I went to the beach with a friend of mine and his friend. My friend was telling me about how he's tired of supporting girls he's in relationships with and his friend said the same. Hell - WHO are these girls and HOW are they able to get these guys to do this? Not once have a dated a guy who's wanted to support me. Then again maybe I exude too much strength. And actually when I think about it some more, I'd rather get by on my own anyways than having to pander to some guy.
I guess what I really want is for a guy to not support me, but to spoil me with gifts, trips, etc. Hell if he wanted to pay off a few of my bills that would be nice too. I don't need total support but some help would be nice.
Last night I went off durring my RED Tback broadcast. Yet another guest didn't call in as scheduled and I blew up. I initially created the show to be a sounding board for women in the industry but due to lack of interest and support from my intended audience, now the show will cater more toward the male clientel base of gentlemen's clubs.
I've gotta get MFexclusive going.
I'm getting a little sick of trying to get this Sheerelegance project together. I don't feel like I'm getting enough input/support from the company itself. We'll see what happens.
This weekend I'm not leaving my apartment. I'm just going to make as much money off my cam shows as possible. Plus I'm PMSing like crazy.
I was contacted via myspace by a new artist who has a song out called Pole Position . It's a cool song, I would like to have the artist as a guest on RED Tback.
So to close this blog, I know I'm having a hard time now but things will get better. Hell, I'm hot and I'm creative so I'm bound to achive some level of success. I'm just going to keep working on letting go of the past (hypocritical family, ex's, past friends, etc). I'm gonna use Halle Berry as an inspiration. At one time she was homeless and look at how far she's gone. That's amazing to think about. I'll tell you this, I bet all the assholes she dated in the past who did her wrong feel like complete idiots now. They are complete idiots. Go Halle.

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I find myself working so hard every day but I'm really not seeing many results. Sometimes, especially as of late, I feel like just throwing in the towel and giving up. I'm broke, my family doesn't communicate with me and I feel like 99% of the people out there have completely the wrong idea about who I am and what I'm about.
I can't give up though, Monica Foster, ID-CD Productions, Red T-Back and my new venture with Sheer Elegance is all I have and I'm not about to start over again. I just have to butch up, buck up and keep moving forward.
Lately there have been a few new people who have entered my life who believe in me. It's these few new people that are helping me keep faith in myself. I don't have a problem with working hard - I never have - I just need to start seeing some results.
I shot a new pictorial yesterday. I think it looks great. Though I don't have the proper equipment, I'm going to start my video work with what I've got to work with. Hopefully by the end of the month I'll have everything I need technical wise.
Though I get depressed sometimes, I'm excited about my future. I can see the direction I'm headed in and it's good. I guess sometimes in life you have to give up and let go of things and people you love who can't see your full potential - especially when you know what you are creating and want will come to fruition with time.

Well last night, I was the final guest on Bobbi Billard's NowLive show for her "Best of the Net calendar contest" and hell, I don't have to win the contest at all, it was just really cool to be able to talk with someone who's as successful in the "online model" arena as she is. I truly wish that girl the best.
Click here for the sound bite/interview from the show.
Well I am PSYCHED about getting sheereleganceusa.com together. Swimwear and lingerie, my 2 favorite areas of clothing. How much of a lucky duck am I to have this opportunity. I took some of the first photos for the site today at my biz partner's place and the photos ROCK! Unfortunately I need to get on a diet, my ass is getting fat :(
I want implants and I want them now. I think I'd look and feel so much better. By the end of the year I will have them.
This week I think will be a long week, lots to in regards the websites I have and I want to rack up some major fundage from my cam shows.
Last weekend was odd - I felt like it was "The past 2 years, revisted" weekend - I ran into a lot of people and heard from a lot of people that I could stand to not ever have enter my life again.
I guess it's all about life coming full circle though - I can deal.
Anyways